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BS: Horrible Music Joke
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Subject: Horrible Music Joke From: Steve Latimer Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:39 PM Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'Three European Actors are considering doing a movie about the great composers. They are discussing who they would like to portray. Hugh Grant says 'Mozart was a real hero of mine, I'd love to play him.' Mel Gibson says "Beethoven was my man and I think I could do heim well.' So he is given the role. They then turn to Arnold and ask who he'd like to play. He replies "I'll be Bach"
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:40 PM *groan* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:40 PM Oh, all right. What's brown and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven's last movement! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Bagpuss Date: 12 Jul 00 - 04:08 PM Lets not get started on jokes about "decomposing". Please. bagpuss |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 12 Jul 00 - 04:56 PM Horrible music jokes? Ahsley Mcissac, the pedophile! John Bonjovi! Yoko Ono! The Bay City Rollers! The Bee Gees!!!!! LOL!!!! {~` |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: MMario Date: 12 Jul 00 - 04:59 PM |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Rick Fielding Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:07 PM Mario, I've never known you to be at a loss for words. Please folks (and especially Steve) don't tell the one about the 10 inch pianist. Rick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Steve Latimer Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:21 PM ...Or the oneabout making love to bagpipes Clinton, you forgot Madonna and Bryan Adams |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:23 PM Yer right Steve, I did!! LOL!!! {~` |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Amergin Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:28 PM And don't forget Boy George... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Jeremiah McCaw Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:39 PM Say, Rick, that one wouldn't have anything to do with pianist envy, would it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Jul 00 - 07:42 PM Don't know, but as soon as I get its pyjamas off....... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Mbo Date: 12 Jul 00 - 08:11 PM You folks don't know your Back from your Buxtehude. --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Homeless Date: 12 Jul 00 - 09:03 PM Door is Baroque. Please wiggle Handel. If I wiggle Haendel, will it wiggle Bach? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Mbo Date: 12 Jul 00 - 09:15 PM Sure, Homeless, but if doesn't wiggle, Telemann, and maybe he'll Fux it. --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Jul 00 - 04:05 AM All these musical jokes are just Sheidt. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: katlaughing Date: 13 Jul 00 - 07:08 AM Then go Bach(mann), Turn Over and Drive |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 13 Jul 00 - 09:44 AM What's Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na! (to the tune of the opening of the 5th, of course). And I had forgotten about the 10-inch pianist, thanks for the memory! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,JohnB Date: 13 Jul 00 - 10:37 AM Definition of "Acoustic" What a Scottish Farmer uses to move the herd along. JohnB |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Mbo Date: 13 Jul 00 - 10:49 AM A favorite a Finnish fancy restaurants: Flaming Jean Sibelius. --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GutBucketeer Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:09 AM This horrible joke came through on the old-time music list some time ago. WARNING! This may be offensive to some folks!
New multi-purpose instrument wax!
Amazing new spray-on coating is organically extracted from foreskins and when evenly applied, is BARELY noticable. After allowing the new skin to dry, gently stroke your instrument and it will ENLARGE YOUR VIOLIN!!!
Eight more strokes and you are well on your way to a cello.
Some shrinkage may occur in cold weather, check your local weather report before concerts. Some instruments will go flat during performance. Product not guaranteed against misuse or mishandling. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:38 AM Geeziz........A whole thread of decaying, bad, jokes about composers...........We need to call them COMPOSTS> Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: sledge Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:41 AM This is getting Verdi silly |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: katlaughing Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:16 PM Frankly I thought it was mulch ado about nothin', Spaw... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Bill D Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:22 PM sign on music store window.. "Gone to lunch, usually Bach by 1....Offenbach earlier" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: BlueJay Date: 13 Jul 00 - 01:27 PM Where'd Mbo go? Is he Hayden? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Whistle Stop Date: 13 Jul 00 - 02:45 PM Why did Bach have so many children? There were no stops on his organ! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: The Walrus at work Date: 13 Jul 00 - 02:58 PM Why don't we just call this Orff ? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Wolfgang Date: 13 Jul 00 - 03:22 PM just to give you more ideas: here's a short part of the German lyrics to 'Opern Boogie' from Georg Kreisler, the Austrian equivalent to Tom Lehrer: "Na, ist das nicht besser als Liszt und Puccini, Chopin, Schostakowitsch, Ravel, Paganini, Gounod, Debussy oder Leoncavallo und Smetana, Schubert, Suppé und De Falla, Menotti, Rossini, Rachmaninoff, Händel, Vivaldi und Weber, Scarlatti und Mendelssohn, Gluck, Donizetti, Glinka und Delius, Bruckner, Respighi, Tschaikowsky, Sibelius?" kind of resembling Tom Lehrer's The Elements, just with composers' names instead of elements. Wolfgang |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: SINSULL Date: 13 Jul 00 - 03:28 PM i HATE TO ADMIT THIS BUT i DO NOT KNOW THE ONE ABOUT THE 10" PIANIST. pLEASE? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: sophocleese Date: 13 Jul 00 - 05:36 PM You're all a bunch of name droppers. Could you please pick them up after you've dropped them though? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayer......) Date: 13 Jul 00 - 05:53 PM How do you know a singer is at your door? You don't.....She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in anyway! Rich |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,doest@hotmail.com Date: 14 Jul 00 - 03:28 PM So, do you folks know the difference between an inept flutist and a seamstress? Answer: The seamstress tucks up her frills! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Homeless Date: 14 Jul 00 - 03:33 PM A harp is nothing more than a piano after taxes. A bodrhan is something that you give to the children of someone you don't like. Flute - that's what the pilot did to the plane.
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: DADGBE Date: 14 Jul 00 - 05:56 PM It was dress rehearsal night just before the gala first concert of the orchestra's world tour. The conductor raised his baton, fell over in a dead faint and was rushed away to the hospital. As the stunned musicians sat there, the manager said, "Unless one of you can conduct tomorrow, we're ruined and will have to cancel the tour." The first violist said, "I studied conducting in school if that will help." He took over the rehearsal and went on to conduct the gala concert to the aclaim of the critics and audience. The orchestra left on its tour and received rave reviews where ever it went. Six weeks later, the conductor had recouperated and rejoined the orchestra. His first act was to stand on the podium and ask the entire orchestra to applaud the violist who had saved the day. He then asked the violist to take his original chair. As the violist sat down, the second violist next to him turned and said, "Where the hell have you been?!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Lanfranc Date: 14 Jul 00 - 06:23 PM What's the difference between a new pair of trainers and a bhodran? A new pair of trainers bucks up your feet and ..... (For US listeners Trainers = Tennis shoes) OK, OK, the old ones are not necessarily the best, but what the hell. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Mrrzy Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:05 PM Someone tell poor Sinsull the 10" pianist joke, please! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: JamesJim Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:28 PM How can you tell whether or not a stage is level? If tobacco juice is coming out of both sides of the banjo player's mouth, it's level.
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: GUEST,shilo Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:41 PM Ok, I don't know the 10 inch pianist one either so someone please tell it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: JennieG Date: 15 Jul 00 - 12:11 AM Did you know that Carl Orff called his two sons Johannes and Nikolas - Hans Orff and Nick Orff for short - JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: katlaughing Date: 15 Jul 00 - 01:02 AM Okay, here it is... I think it is also buried in a thread from a while back.... This guy walks into a bar and sits down in front of the bartender. He orders a drink. While waiting for the drink, he reaches into one pocket and pulls out a 7 inch piano. He reaches into another pocket and pulls out a 10 inch man. The 10 inch man goes up to the piano and promptly starts playing. Beautiful music fills the bar. The bartender goes up to the guy and asks where he got the musician. The guy replied that there was a genie just down the block who would grant just one wish. The bartender went outside and down the block. There was a huge crowd around the genie. The bartender waited a really long time. Finally, it was his turn. The genie greeted him, "Hello, I am a genie and I will grant you one wish." The bartender said, "I want a million bucks." All of a sudden, there were a million ducks! They were quacking and following the bartender. The bartender tried to scatter the ducks, but they all came right back. The bartender went back to the bar, went up the the guy with the miniture piano player, and said, "What a lousy genie. I asked for a million bucks and got a million ducks!" The guy at the bar looked at the bartender and said, "You don't really believe that I asked for a 10 inch *pianist*, do you?!"
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Subject: RE: BS: Horrible Music Joke From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 Jul 00 - 03:28 AM DADGBE - loved it!!! as a soloist in the choir, I quite often had to join in thier parts as well, just to get them going when they weren't watching.... ROTFLMAO!! Mind you, I had to sing the tenor part to one piece - the bass lead in, the tenor came 2nd and the soprano 3rd - poor old tenor just could NOT get the timing.... (if you're interested, it was the 3 angels parts from Haydn's 'The Heavens are telling' from 'Creation'...) LTS
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