Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:14 AM OK, Challenge!rs -- Wipe those breads crumbs off your faces and let's go dancing! This Challenge! idea comes from our own Bert, and I guess we'll all know now what he does when he's not slaving over a hot keyboard ;-) AND could our own McGrath of Harlow be moonlighting under another name? Ah, the possibilities of this Challenge! abound *BG*. Note: I expect all entries from you wonderful Challenge!rs to remain tasteful(!) and above board -- So, here we go: But I Want To Get To Know You... -- (Hove, East Sussex, England) A lapdancing club has applied to the local council for a variance to its licence to allow blind patrons to touch performers. The Pussycats Club in Hove complained that the strict no touching clause in its current licence discriminates against the blind. Kenneth McGrath, director of the club, took up the issue with Brighton and Hove council after two blind men visited Pussycats with a stag party of sighted friends. They wanted to touch the girls, explaining that, if they could, it would give them a better idea of what the exotic dancers looked like. The club's licence forbids any physical contact between dancers and guests except when customers feel the need to place banknotes in the dancer's garters. Mr McGrath said: "Both men said they very much enjoyed the dances and sensed highly the proximity of the dancers and, in particular, enjoyed the smell of their perfume. Given their disability, they felt controlled touching ought to be permitted for registered blind persons only and with the dancer's consent (and) that touching should be voluntary and restricted to the breasts and only when the dancer is wearing a bra and not topless. The dancer would retain full control, taking one hand of the blind customer and placing it on her breasts while dancing for an agreed time." A council spokesman said: "We would consider any application for a variance of the lapdancing licence once we receive it." Go for it, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: katlaughing Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:27 AM I'm blind, you see He said to me White cane in his hand.
A line of men
They'd heard, you know
Whole town gone blind
Return to breast
Arrggghhhh, Aine, it has been too long...I look forward to reading the entries of those who can really do this! It will be a fun one! luvyakat |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:34 AM Dear mehitabel -- What a wunnerful first entry! It almost undulated off the screen ;-) I love it - thanks for being the first to jump up on stage and strut your stuff!! *LOL* -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: mousethief Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM LOL! Lardy, where do you find these things?
Touch
I've been blind -- a long time
Buncha guys, -- me an' my buds
They got some -- stupid law "Keep to yourself -- both your paws"
Discrimina -- tion's not fair ©2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved. ------- Definitely looking forward to this one!
Alex |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: MMario Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM Hands On Entertainment*
I'm a red blooded male *somewhat to the tune of "Five dollar fine for whineing" |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: SINSULL Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:29 AM And I thought Bert was wearing those dark glasses because of cataract surgery..... Very strange - you can't touch in a strip club but it's open season on breasts every day on the subway. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: GUEST,Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM
Curvaceous Wimmin
(Tune: Honky Tonk Angels)
I couldn't tell your form when you wuz dancing
An' I couldn't read yer number, for the phone
But there's somethin' I jes' gots to tell you
So I wrote it in the words of this song
Cho:
Ah diddn' know Gawd made curvaceous wimmin
Ah been blinder'n a bat since I was new
Praise the Lord that they now allow touching!
Cuz it let me use my Braille techniques on you!
I was drawn inter yore club by all the music
And the laughing and the smells seemed pretty fine
And it weren't no darker than whut Ah was used to,
An' as I sat there I had one thing on my mind
(Cho)
Well, I heard the City Council got enlightened
An' took pity on the poor folks who is blind
So Ah called out for the pretty dancer, Sookie
Cuz that one thing sure was heavy on my mind!
(Cho)
Now Miss Sookie she was glad to be obligin'
An' she came up close an' whispered sweet an' more;
But when I set to learn some more about her,
Well, I nearly dropped poor Sookie on the floor! 'Cuz…
(Cho)
Now, Ah'm getting used to this great revelation!
An' I think I like the new perspective more.
Cuz there's something but them gentle curves pneumatic
Which will always call me back, dear, to your door!
(Cho)
An' Miss Sookie, well she says that she adores me,
Jes' as long as I will shout her one now an' then.
An' she says she thinks my Braille investigations
Are much better than she gets from other men!
(Cho)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: MMario Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:47 AM *applause* |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Dharmabum Date: 03 Oct 00 - 12:36 PM Tastefull AND above board ? Oh the PRESSURE !!!!!! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 12:37 PM Wow!! What a great start to Challenge! 41 -- I must say I am impressed ;-) Here's the first Silver B.L.O.B.s of the day, and well deserved, too -- To kat for:
Return to breast To mousethief for:
They got some -- stupid law To MMario (you bad boy *BG*) for:
I'm a red blooded male And to Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler, (plus a big welcome, welcome, welcome for yourself and your fantastic first time ever Challenge! entry) for:
Now Miss Sookie she was glad to be obligin' Well done, folks! Can't wait to see what the other usual suspects come up with! -- Áine
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 03 Oct 00 - 02:03 PM The blind man declared whats the fuss This new club is just right for us We're just thrilled to bits By a feel of her tits But actually, I came on the bus |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Bradypus Date: 03 Oct 00 - 06:47 PM Blind John In old Hove town they do lap dancing Pussycats' club's the place to go I love to go there for a party Do I see much? The answer's no O No, John, No John, No John, No The reason I can't see the dancers If you really want to know I've been blind since I was born So these sights I must forgo O No, John, No John, No John, No I can hear the music playing Bold and brassy, soft and slow I can swell sweet perfume wafting I can sense the girls' warm glow O No, John, No John, No John, No Hove Town Council has a ruling Men can look, but must not touch I can't see, it's so frustrating A quick feel would mean so much O No, John, No John, No John, No Sir, you know, I have a garter On my thigh it's tied around That you are allowed to touch sir To deposit twenty pound Else No, John, No John, No John, No ! Madam, bless you for your garter Tied somewhere above your knee If my hand should miss the garter Would you think it amiss of me ? O No, John, No John, No John, No So with banknote in my hand, I Stretched and had a grope around Felt her bosom, felt her body Felt her all for twenty pound! O No, John, No John, No John, No All my friends with indignation Have another point of view Try to claim discrimination - They would like to feel her too O No, John, No John, No John, No
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 03 Oct 00 - 06:55 PM ROTFLMAO, Bradypus BRILL!!!! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:08 PM Bradypus strokes, uh, I mean strikes again! I'm down on the floor with Micca about this one! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B., Dear Mr. B., for:
So with banknote in my hand, I And Micca, my darlin', it's been awhile since we traded verses; so, if I write another, will you add one to it, and so on, until we come up with a grand collaboration? Here's my first offer:
But sir, said Sue on the Swing, Now it's your turn, Micca... ;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:19 PM The music and perfume-like soap are filling my heart full of hope but the miserable gits That in the town hall sits won't relax and let me have a grope line breaks fixed by a mud elf
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:30 PM OOOPS!!!! forgot the line breaks The music and perfume-like soap are filling my heart full of hope but the miserable gits That in the town hall sits won't relax and let me have a grope |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:33 PM Hee hee hee -- this is gonna be gooood...
Alas, said a tall buxom lass, -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:50 PM as upwards her knickers upwards did sail he was running his hands o'er her tail he said oh my dear the spots on your rear spell dirty old man here in Braille |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Dharmabum Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:01 PM THE BALLAD OF SAL THE BLIND MANS PAL
Sit down and a tale I will tell you, line breaks added by a mud elf who's still shakkkkking... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:09 PM Said the Blonde as she bared her behind A thought has just crossed my mind We've a problem I fear With the Pussy in here And his seeing eye dog for the blind
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:16 PM Right back at ya, darlin' --
Oh Micca, you dirty ol' man, -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Tinker Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:18 PM I'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES I've got what it takes, and it breaks my heart that blind men can't see It's in demand and it's something that's commanding a fee I've been saving it up for a mighty long time To miss your sweet way would be more than a crime I'll take your hand, You feel my nibs And all of your small change shall I get If you can look in my bankbook, I'll never let you feel my purse Daddy, take your hands away, I believe in blindmen first Now you want my honey and it's my plan To save it all for a real blind man I've got what it takes and it breaks my heart that blindmen can't see With apologies to Virginia Liston and Clarence Williams |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:21 PM C'mon Micca, give me a chance here...
'But the Pussy has had all its shots,' (So there!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:48 PM Quite another branch of the family. Probably a benighted Scotsman, with a name like Kenneth. And in Hove! Brighton you could understand, but in Hove they are said to be highly respectable. Perhaps a new version of the Quartermaster's Stores? O- or as the DT calls it QUARTERMASTER CORPS. Anyway the chorus goes well - "My eyes are dim, I cannot see, I have not brought my specs with me, I have not brought my specs with me."
There were girls there,
There was one chap
And she said see,
That's a shame miss, but if that's the way it is to be sure, be demure, but it's not much to cop a little touch and it makes me more secure. My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
So she says "See, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: MMario Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:10 PM fantastic! this topic did bring out some talent! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Amos Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:31 PM Gee, Miz Aine, Ah aint nivver had no reee-ward before! Only other time I got a silver blob was the time I wuz riggin' oil-lines down from Fairbanks, an' dropped in to an Eskimo lap-dancin' place! Or maybe it was a Lapp Eskimo dancin place. Anyway I hed one of them there blobs when I woke up, but I like yer 'n better cuz of how I know how I came to get it, and that weren't true the other time.... Wiv best regards alwayzzz, Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:59 PM Ah, c'mon there, Wailin' Joe, like I couldn't tell who you really wuz from yer formattin'! *BG* And here's some more Silver B.L.O.B.s for you well deserving Challenge!rs: To Dharmabum for:
Now Sal was a girl of compassion, To Tinker for:
If you can look in my bankbook, I'll never let you feel my purse And to McGrath of Harlow (or his 'beknighted' cousin, Kenneth) for:
And she said see, Simply BRILLIANT, every one of you!! And MMario, I quite agree, this one has brought out the talent! -- Aine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: GUEST,Bardford Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:57 PM My seeing eye cat was at the computer giggling, so I had to see what the fuss was about. Gee whiskers, I must say I am impressed with the quality and expedititity of the creativity here in these threads. Being short on original ideas myself, I unabashadly plagiarized a song about a blind pinball player, who, coincidentally, might quite possibly have lived near, or heard of, Hove, if he was indeed an actual historical figure.My deepest and sincerest apologies to Peter Townsend, whose work deserves better. Ever since I was a young boy I've watched strippers short and tall From Soho down to Brighton I must have seen them all But I ain't seen nothin like it In any burlesque hall That Hove, East Sussex blind guy Sure gets to have a ball He sits down at the table The dancers do the rest They take his lucky hands And hold them to their breasts The sighted ones among us Get no such treat at all That Hove, East Sussex blind guy Sure gets to have a ball He's a smiling blind man It's just a little much We can only look But he's allowed to touch Why does he get to do that? (I don't know) What makes him so good? An act of legislation Signed in Hove Council Hall Allows unsighted persons To experience it all Their retinal cells malfunction So the fingers get the call That Hove, East Sussex blind guy Sure gets to have a ball The dancer is not threatened Nay, she's happily alive When he puts a hundred in her garter Thinking its a five Now all of the fellows Are having their eyes checked The local ophthalmologists Are professionally perplexed Not a patient read the eyechart With any success at all Now all the men in Hove Sure get to have a ball So we're smiling blind men It's just a little much Looking is so dreary When you're allowed to touch |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Mbo Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:05 AM Bardford, that was EXCELLENT!!! Unabashedly plagiarized? NEVER! It's called a parody, my friend, and you are a master! --Matt (who loves classic rock & classic rock Song Challenge! parodies) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:28 AM Dear Bardford, I agree with Mbo -- You've written a classic Challenge! parody there! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:
Now all of the fellows Congrats! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM Well, from the 'heights' of Hove, we're gonna take a little trip to a local spot here in Texas that just happens to have the same name . . .
Uncle Charlie's Big Night Out |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 04 Oct 00 - 02:03 AM When I walked in the room I could smell her perfume And the odor it cut like a knife And though I couldn't be sure When I put my hands to her She felt like my best friend's ex-wife
Chorus: She felt like my best friend's ex-wife
I said "this can't be real Cho:
It's been years since I touched her, but Cho: |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: GUEST,micca at work Date: 04 Oct 00 - 04:58 AM If we are going to be properly correct it is called "Hove, actually" according to a friend who lives in Brighton (of which Hove is a sort of Posh suburb). It arises from (and he believed it was the correct name ofr the area for a long time, its use was so wide spread) if you asked someone if they were from Brighton they replied "Hove ,actually" |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: GUEST,micca at work Date: 04 Oct 00 - 04:58 AM If we are going to be properly correct it is called "Hove, actually" according to a friend who lives in Brighton (of which Hove is a sort of Posh suburb). It arises from (and he believed it was the correct name ofr the area for a long time, its use was so wide spread) if you asked someone if they were from Brighton they replied "Hove ,actually" |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Dharmabum Date: 04 Oct 00 - 07:09 AM It must be something in the fresh autum air. You guys just keep getting better & better! Ron. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 04 Oct 00 - 09:52 AM Ah, LEJ, a very interesting twist on the tale! Well done, sir. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:
I said "this can't be real And Micca -- you owe me a verse there, bubba! ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 05 Oct 00 - 08:16 AM Well, have we all handled this topic enough? Shall we go on to another, or take a few days off for the weekend? It's been good for me, how was it for you? ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Dharmabum Date: 05 Oct 00 - 09:11 AM But will you still respect me in the morning? Bring on the next challange. Ron. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Lox Date: 05 Oct 00 - 11:09 AM All I wanna do is see you don't you know that it's true actually erm..... lox |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: mousethief Date: 05 Oct 00 - 11:18 AM There's something about you that I like, but I just can't put my finger on it. I say let's wait a bit. One song challenge a week is as much as I can .. um .. handle. Now where did I put those dark glasses?
Alex |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 05 Oct 00 - 01:12 PM Aine, just for you... The old boy was getting quite wistful while fondling the young lady's Bristol "This fine piece of treasure has raised my blood pressure I'm as hot as a two dollar pistol" |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 05 Oct 00 - 01:51 PM Dearest Micca, All good songs (and collaborations) must come to an end -- However, if you feel the need to add one more verse after this one, go for it!
"My dear man," said the lady from Bristol, -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Micca Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:09 PM Ah!! Aine, thank you NB the Britishisms in this are fairly obvious, but I can post a glossary if needed "But the time I was having was wicked And now I just feel I've been tricked" The copper said man "Just get in the van Your collars been felt and your nicked" |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: MMario Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:20 PM Two songbook contenders from MudCat Swapped lyric and verse at a dropped-hat When the rest read their rhyme They had a far better time Then if at home they had all sat |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: GUEST,Bardford Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:24 PM Forgive me. It's like an addiction, this Challenge! stuff. I hope you will all pardon me While I touch on my epiphany But by keeping abreast Of this thread, I suggest, I was blind but now I see. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: MMario Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:32 PM Bradford! if those puns were intended you are deadly! congratulations! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:56 PM They say it makes you blind anyway... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 05 Oct 00 - 06:46 PM Well, I have to admit that I tried to come up with another verse to the great collaboration; but, Bardford, I just couldn't improve on your own. Here it is, all put together so you all can see what we did. Now, everyone close your eyes, put your hands on the screen and feel the magic...
The Blonde From Bristol |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: GUEST,Ephemera Globula Date: 05 Oct 00 - 07:05 PM The blind man declared "If she's stacked I'll Resort to perception by tactile! Though responsemay get brisk It is well worth the risk To discover the Globula Lactile!"
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41 From: Áine Date: 06 Oct 00 - 08:22 AM I have to say that you all made it soooo easy to give out the Golden Cow Chips this time. Cudos, Congrats and Thanks to all you wonderful Challenge!rs! And thanks to Bert for sending in this great Challenge! ideas. So, here we go:
Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest: And keep your eyes peeled for the next Challenge! -- if you're a conspiracy buff, you'll like this one (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). -- Áine |
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