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BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard
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Subject: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:31 AM I duuno' what it is about pickles that I find funny, but after posting the glowing pickle thing awhile back for which Amos wrote his wonderful song, once again, pickles are in the news!!!! As a society, I gotta' wonder, "What the hell is the matter with us?" See, it goes like this............. Some ignoramus in Knoxville, Tennessee is suing McDonalds. Yes, poor ol' Ronnie the Clown is under attack again. Remember the bimbo who scored half a million bucks through our terminally strange court system by suing because her coffee was too hot? Well............The Knox Nerd is suing because she got a "Hot Pickle." Yeah........her pickle was hot and it burned her lip. She feels this has caused her $125,000 in damages. I figure that to be a couple of bucks for some Carmex or Blistex and $124,998 to cover her psychiatric treatment because she cannot even look at relish without trembling and a Dill slice sends her into spastic fits. Geeziz...........Gimmee peace.................... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Joe Offer Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:50 AM Be gentle, Spaw. This is a rather sensitive issue with me. A couple of years ago, I bought a bunch of shares of Vlasic Pickles at almost $17 a share. Now, the stock is valued at $1.125 a share, so it's more-or-less a "penny stock." Still, the pickles taste very good, and their Swanson Pot Pies are really quite good. But it's the biggest loss I've ever taken on an investment. Eat pickles and pop pies, and make me happy. -Joe Pennystock- |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: harpgirl Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:51 AM ...Crikey!!!!(purloined expression) I consider it a good week when I don't get a subpoena in the mail demanding my records on some poor soul, from an insurance company's barrister!!! I'm going to the NYCFTS to get away from the insurance lawyers!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 09 Oct 00 - 07:56 AM There's a special tiple-kankle therapy for pickle sufferers and victims of rosewood kazoo sensitivity and we can undercut $125,000 by a few cents, eh, 'Spaw? RtS |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Little Neophyte Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:04 AM Do you remember that guy who sued Starbucks because the toilet seat pinched his pickle while he was reaching over to the toilet paper roll? Now if we are going to have law suits over 'hot pickles', lets at least be creative about it. Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Oct 00 - 09:17 AM Joe, I'm really sorry to hear the pickles made you pucker up. I'm sure you didn't relish the situation; Vlasic was probably just gerkin you around. Sounds like you took a real dilly of a brine bath on that one. You sure all this was Kosher? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: GUEST,guest still Date: 09 Oct 00 - 09:59 AM 'Spaw, your great! And Pennystock Joe, don't feel too bad, it looks like a lot of 'blue chippers' will be keeping you company real soon if the stocks don't stop nosediving. Wahhhhhh, I bought Cisco at $102.00 It happens to the best of us. Let's all sing together now, "Once I built a railroad,---la, la, la. la. |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: paddymac Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:04 AM Our local rag carried the story also, and I recall that the lady's husband is also suing - $15k - for loss of consortium. Now that's a different pickle, or maybe just a different hand on a different pickle. :>) |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:05 AM Or, "guest still", better yet: "Once I lived the life of a millionaire...nobody wants you when you're down and out" RtS |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:38 AM Mickey D. is now microwaving, so I suppose the stuff is off a bit now.....I know it tastes bad enough. I mean like the only time I have a Big Mac Attack is about 20 minutes AFTER I eat one. But ain't it just stupid? I can hardly wait for the new warning signs on the burger wrappers. Or maybe they'll put up some general sign on the menu: Most of our food is served HOT. If you'd like it COLD, Please Ask. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: wysiwyg Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:39 AM Well, but how did Ronald's pickle get so hot, and if it doesn't glow in the dark, what good is it? "Oh Ronald, your pickle burns my lips." "Here baby, have a Coke with that, it'll cool us both down." "There, is that better, Ronald?" "I think you should swallow the ice first, honey!" "I always swallow, you clown! :-) Oh Ronald, the drive through speaker isn't working right, do you hear that buzz?" "I hoped that was you, humming, darling!" Now I know what Clinton's next job will be. Flipping burgers hopefully in a clown suit. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: GUEST,Luther Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:38 PM riiiiiight.... Those wacky juries... Apparently the jurors in the "coffee spill" case felt that serving liquids in flimsy styrofoam cups through a drive-thru window at a temperature such that: a 79-year old woman, while trying to add cream to her coffee in a stationary car, received third-degree burns over 6% of her body, requiring skin grafts and eight days of hospitalisation, one of 700 similar cases documented by McDonalds itself, who persisted in a policy of serving coffee at 185 degrees, known (to both medicine and McDonalds) to cause third-degree burns within two to seven seconds of contact with skin, because, in their defense, it tasted better! Apparently the jurors, those wacky bleeding-heart do-gooders, thought McDonalds was negligent. Not that it mattered much, the award was never paid -- the plaintiff ended up settling out of court in a secret settlement, presumably for considerably less than $640,000. Of course, that's not how it played on TV. But who in the hell watches that shit and believes it, anyway? That's a rhetorical question...
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Amos Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:13 PM Vote of thanks to Luther for adding the critical data that was omitted by most of the bleeding heart Republican papers. Isn't it curious how leaving out important information distorts reality? |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:14 PM Well I guess I'll have to let my heart bleed for the terminally stupid instead. And I'd heard the settlement was LESS than $500,000, but I could be wrong. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: mousethief Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:17 PM I can't tell which of you guys are being sarcastic and which are in earnest. Could you put footnotes or something in your posts?
Alex |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Mbo Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:55 PM I'm listening to Seamus Kennedy's live CD (THANKS SEAMUS!) and he says "If you look up a Scotsman's kilt and you see a quarter-pounder, then he's a MacDonald!" ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Little Neophyte Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:16 PM Alex, I am serious. The guy sued Starbucks because his penis got pinched by the toilet seat. That is like suing Levis because your public hairs got caught in the zipper. Mind you I think you would lose the case if you were not wearing underwear. Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:17 PM Darn right they're a health hazard! I knew a couple who tried using pickles as a marital aid, and it soured their whole relationship, and caused the woman to pucker up so badly that she couldn't even...well...I think I'd better stop right here. Try gherkins...and join the ranks of the terminally screwed. |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: mousethief Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:19 PM Yes, Li'l Neo, I remember hearing about that one. I can't imagine what combination of toilet seat and penis -um- configuration it would take to have that happen to one. I was really more referring to Luther, Amos, and Spaw, who either were playing off each other, or having a serious disagreement, but I couldn't tell which!
Alex |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Mark Clark Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:21 PM I don't want a pickle, I just want to ride on my moror-sickle...
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:41 PM A hard one to take sides on.
On the one hand anybody who goes patronises McDonalds deserves anything they get.
On the other, anybody who sues McDonalds deserves to win.
And that goes for Starbucks too.
What I want is a proper cup of coffee
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:47 PM The song is OK Mac, but why would I take an opinion on coffee from someone who eats that yeast goo? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:35 PM Now be sure to spread it on good and thick... |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: reggie miles Date: 10 Oct 00 - 05:01 AM Hey I wonder if I can score a good law suit for just plain bad pickles. I bought a jar of dills the other day with the hope of enjoying some with a sandwich I made. But when I took a bite of the first little cuke I had to spit it out, it almost made me puke. The taste was not at all apetizin' and almost got my stomach to risin'. I thought, this was probably the only one in the jar and tried another just to be sure. Well sir, sure enough, the second tasted just as bad as the first. My money was wasted. Then later I thought well maybe it's just me and took a nibble on pickle number three. You'd think by now I would've learned my lesson, pickle three was bad, I am confessin'. Now if you ever get a hankering to save a couple o' nickles and try to buy some cheap discount pickles. Don't do it. Put 'em back on the shelf. Think of your poor tiny taste buds health. Go for broke. Spend the extra nickle. Cuz there ain't nothin worse than a bad dill pickle. This has been a Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction Production. |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Callie Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:29 AM Is this an urban myth? I heard that the only reason McDonalds have pickles in their burgers is to stop the authorities labelling their food (and I use the term "food" widely) "confectionery". Callie |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:32 AM Damn Reggie!!! That's great!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Little Neophyte Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:33 AM Catspaw, what kind of 'yeast goo' are you taking about that McGrath eat? Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: Crazy Eddie Date: 10 Oct 00 - 10:06 AM Little Neo, Check the "Vegemite & other Aussie Dangers" thread. 'Spaw was not enamoured with the idea of Marmite & Vegemite (apparently they're made from the excess yeast in a vat of beer). BUT he has promised to try some & report back. (If it doesn't kill him) Eddie |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Oct 00 - 10:08 AM Thanks Eddie. Helen is sending me some Vegemite from Oz and I hope to report back soon! I keep looking in the places around here, but haven't found it yet. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BEWARE:Pickle Alert--Health Hazard From: reggie miles Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:33 AM Aw gosh Spaw. I bet you say that to all them bad pickle pickers. |
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