BS: Rewind Button for Life

Subject: Rewind Button for Life
From: Wavestar
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 12:21 PM

Do you ever wish life had a rewind button? I just did something very stupid, that I knew I shouldn't have done the moment I did it. Now I'm facing the shit that hit the fan, and all the while wishing desperately I could undo what I did.

Everyone must have felt like this...

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Allan C.
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 12:48 PM

Yes, of course! We have wanted to do that for both good and bad moments.

See:

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?ThreadID=14883

and

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=26882&messages=21

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Morticia
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:36 PM

Wavestar, I don't know what you did but I guess you've hit that moment we all hit several, if not many times in our lives.Only thing you can do is own up, apologise and move on......hopefully having learned not to do it again......but don't count on it :).

Subject: Rewind Button? HA!
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:44 PM

That's half the fun of being alive... The rollercoaster ride... the ups... the downs...

But ya... it does kinda suck when we're dumb enough to do it to ourselves...

{~`

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 03:16 PM

Yeah, there's the "open mouth,insert foot" variety and then there's the times you find you have a truly ugly, mean side to you. And there is nothing to do but say "I'm sorry" and accept the consequences. Keep in mind thatyou are the same person who woke up the morning before you screwed up, maybe just a little wiser and a little kinder.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 03:46 PM

Sorry, there is no rewind button on the VCR of life, only Fast Forward and Stop.

I think it was Robert Bloch who wrote a story called "The Hell Bound Train". This down and outer is given a magic watch (in exchange for his soul, of course) by the conducter of the Hell Bound Train. He's told to pull out the stem whenever he arrives at a place or time where he's completely happy, and he'll stay at that spot forever. 1st thing the guy dows is get a good & drunk, but still realizes that this isn't where he want to pull the stem. He pulls himself up, makes something of himself, successful businessman, family, friends etc. Several times during his climb, he's tempted to pull the stem, but he wants to keep going, see what's ahead. When finally he dies, the conductor of the Hell Bound Train comes for him and he asks the conductor if anyone ever pulls out the stem, and the conductor laughs "Of course not!". He gets on the train and sees the rest of the folks on the train laughing, joking and having a good time, ignoring where they are bound for. He then takes the watch and pulls the stem, much to the chagrin of Mr Scratch. He learned that the joy in in the journey, not the destination.

It's the imperfections of life that make it worth living.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try all over again!

Wincing Devil   >;-( That which is learned without pleasure is forgotten without regret

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 04:09 PM

We've all "Been there, Done that" and you generally survive and sometimes you learn. Sometimes you don't by the way........its all a part of it, the life thing. Own up, take responsibility for ALL your actions and don't rationalize things away to feel better. Responsibility is the name of the game, but it doesn't mean we won't screw up the same way again. The good parts are always worth the bad, although it may not seem so at the time.

Take the medicine, but don't beat yourself up forever.....you're human. Welcome to the Race.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Allan C.
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 06:42 PM

I used to tell each of my new employees the following:
A wise old fisherman once said, "If you're not catchin' snags, you're not fishin' where the fish are."
It was my way of giving them permission to screw up once in awhile. Sure, they did just that from time to time; but usually neither they nor I wasted a whole lot of time thrashing around about it.

If, however, one of them couldn't seem to "shake it off", I would ask them either or both of two questions, depending upon the situation:
What do you think you can do to fix it?
What do you plan to do next?

My daughter, Kelly, can tell you that I have asked her the same questions when she found that she had made a mistake.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Pene Azul
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 06:59 PM

Be happy for your "play" button.

Jeff

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 07:05 PM

why, no....I'm perfect. I never do a careless thing! I am always polite, thoughtful, organized, altrustic and NEVER guess wrong about what to do....

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken....

*ducking for cover as I try to explain that it's a JOKE*

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 07:08 PM

The eery thought occurs to me that life may be a big rewind button -- not in the sense of time's flow of images, but in the oddly re-running patterns of our days where we seem to repeatedly encounter signatures of what we already knew had been left behind.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Matt_R
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 07:09 PM

Yep Jess, I know how it feels alright...not much you can do about it except to do your best to make up...or try to erase it from your mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 10:08 PM

Clinton - now I know what I missed in the recent "What to tell to an 18 year old..." thread: "Life is fun - although it kind of sucks if you're dumb enough to do it yourself." :-D

(I was just considering to change that to "... if it happens to you", but - no...)

I think I also know something applicable: There is some "relation of uncertainty" here. If you can recognize your mistake before somebody else can see that you were wrong and you apologize before they can only recognize that they have to be hurt, and if you even explain them what was wrong before they understand it themselves their respect will only grow.

There is a rewind button, but it tries to escape you, you have to be fast to catch it. Unfortunately - if we always knew that we are wrong that quickly we wouldn't do it. But if it has happened, there is still a chance. So if you are sorry never hesitate to tell it. Remember that if you fail with it you might just have been too slow.

Joerg

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Troll
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 10:22 PM

Did you harm someone? Make amends if at all possible! Did you just embarrase the hell out of yourself? Accept the lesson.
How do you avoid mistakes?
Experience.
How do you gain experience?
Make mistakes.

troll..remember, not everyone is perfect like Bill D!

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 11:01 PM

Well sometimes the error is so great that the only sensible thing to do is go to someone you trust who was not involved, and get them to egg you on to brag about it. Take complete, grandiose pride in having screwed up SO BIG that [list bizarre consequences] is sure to happen, immediately, if it is not already occurring. Bragging over them is the surest way I know to release the tension of waiting for the punishment you feel you deserve. That tension is bad. It makes you start to be overly careful and quite boring, besides not being yourself. It's a pendulum effect. After awhile recklessness underlying the fear bursts out in another exuberant no-no. Cuz it just has to!

Look at it from this viewpoint, and try to convince a good friend of it for fun and laffs: "I woke up this morning and planned my day and I decided to do the absolute dumbest [or most hurtful, dangerous, humiliating, mean, whatever] thing I possibly could. Yes, I did. I examined all my options carefully and decided to [here, insert the bad thing] so that I could make sure to [insert the awful and certain consequence for you and the others involved]. I considered a lot of alternatives but decided that the time had come to do my best. So I then planned to do it at precisely [insert the time it happened]. When the time came, I consulted my clipboard to confirm all details, and then I implemented my plan. It worked brilliantly too!" [Then describe all the outcomes and feelings you are having.]

If you do this technique consceintiuously, with a partner who can laff real loud too, you will be much the better for the whole event. You will learn the lesson free of the fear in which it is all locked up.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Wavestar
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 11:26 PM

Thanks everyone!

I don't think this has quite blown over yet, but it's working on it. I confessed my sins to those involved, (I'm not proud of it, but I'm not going to lie!) apologised for the pain caused, and now I'm lying low until they decide whether or not evert to speak to me again. I've done what I could, and I won't do what I did again (though I'll be sure the screw again in a different way soon!)

On a brighter note, I just finished cooking a feast for 35 people - there were supposed to be more, but they didn't come, so there was more food for all. These feasts are usually much fun, but the food is terrible, so I was very proud that every single course we sent out of the kitchen came back with rave reviews, and people stuffed themselves so fully they couldn't even eat the seven pumpkin pies! Honey Roast Carrots and Parsnips with Orange, Swedish Meatballs, Stuffed Peppers, and Applesauce with Cream, then Honey Butter with bread and Cucumbers with Cinnamon, Beef Stew, and Gingerbread, and the last remove was Fruit with Cheese, Roast Chickens, Spanikopita, and Pumpkin Pie. I'm proud, and feeling satisfied and elated.

Also, the people I upset were there tonight, and caused no incident. They may do later, but I think I pacified them for the evening with really good food!

-Jessica

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 12:21 AM

Jessica,
From what I heard they plan to improve the quality of the food at the getaway next year. Maybe you could serve penance by catering the affair - just a thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Wavestar
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 07:23 AM

*grin* Are you asking, SINSULL?

I don't know if cooking could be a penance - I love cooking, and the reactions I get. I don't know if I could do it as a punishment.

On the other hand, to be honest, I don't thin what I did was bad enough for all that, either. It made some people angry, and it was stupid, but not truly destructive, cruel, or even dishonest. I just did it to people who don't take well to being upset.

*sigh* -J

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 08:23 PM

If so, Jessica - try to forget it as soon as you can. Don't accuse yourself for having run into an edge of somebody with edges. You have your own right for having edges.

Hey, your first posting sounded as if you had done something WRONG.

Joerg

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 10:48 PM

I rarely use this expression. But it seems to apply. If you ahev nothing to a[pologize for then "Fuck 'Em". either they accept you as you are or move on. of course, I have lost a number of friends that way...but gained better ones too. And if you love to cook, maybe you can advise.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: CamiSu
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 09:08 AM

Hey sweetheart,

Thee probably knows how often I've wished for a rewind button, or at least guessed, but since there isn't one, here. *HUG*! (Can thee cook Christmas dinner?)

Mum

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Midchuck
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 09:31 AM

Sometimes when I screw up more badly than usual, I go and say to my wife:

"Oof! Oof! Oof! Oof! Oof!

Yipe! Yipe! Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!"

That is, of course, the sound track of someone f***ing the puppy again!

Peter

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: JTT
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 11:05 AM

Well, last week I spoke to a young teenager I know, and explained gently to him that he was now at an age where anger management is learned. (He's in a new school and had been sparking off when teased, and getting himself in trouble.)

Next day I came across a really, really patronising, nasty person in the course of my work. I was patient, friendly, presented the kind of glossy interface I'd lectured the teenager on.

The day after that I remembered what the patronising type had said and rang someone else up and screamed about him for fifteen minutes, suggesting that reprisal killings really weren't such a bad idea, etc, etc.

Rewind button would do me no good whatsoever. What I need is a hang-loose-trust-the-flow-man button.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Wavestar
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 07:59 PM

Heya - it looks like it's passing. One of them is talking to me again, at least. Joerg, Sinsull, mother, et al - thanks. I did feel at the time like I'd done something wrong, but I over react and beat up on myself. I'm working on the "fuck 'em" concept.

They want me to attend a meeting tomorrow night to discuss what I did and how much it upset them. I asked if I couldn't just send a dummy to be shot in my place, and said no.

I would explain, but it has to be with petty politics in groups of little to no importance to anyone outside tham and many inside them, including me. Why is it the small things people worry about most? No one bitches at me for not saving the lives of starving children in Africa.

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: bbelle
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 08:10 PM

My educated statement about this is that everything happens for a reason. Even the bad things happen for good reasons. You may not know it for a while, but one day the light will turn on and you'll say "Aha." I say "educated statement" because I've seen it borne out with every good and bad thing that has ever happened to me. A lot of people don't believe that, which is fine. I only believe in the things that have personally happened to me.

But, you still can't treat these things lightly, 'cause I suspect one only gets one chance at the above with every occurrence.

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 08:24 PM

Yes, I have made so many mistakes and done so many things that I am not proud of that I wish I had a rewind button. Having said that, if I could reverse one thing, I would reverse my descision to turn to Christianity in 1987 as that event seemed to spark of more dissasters than I would have believed possible and certainly life has never been the same since.

This may sound mad but having turned that way, I see no way out of it and I am stuck with my beliefs and I can't simply tell myself to change my faith as I then am fighting what I believe, for exapmle that he is the son of god... just wish I'd never gone there in the first place.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 10:50 PM

I'm a little worried about how the understanding of this problem is again developing to a discussion of extremes while I see real problem in finding the right way which may SEEM something in the middle. (Again poor words for what I mean but there isn't more time for me to consider, so I can only hope that you also spend some effort to understand.)

May I work with some metaphers to illustrate my thoughts:

If somebody spreads his elbows to appear bigger he will always spread them even wider if he never hits some limit with them. If he hits your face he's far beyond the limits of how far elbows may be spread. You have at least the right (if not some kind of duty) of spreading your own elbows at least wide enough that he can't hit your face any more. You do not have the right of hitting his face in return. This would only result in there being two a**h***s where there was just one before. Touch each other with your elbows gently so you can feel that the other one is there while not causing any pain and ensuring that your face is well protected.

Sometimes it might become necessary to hurt, but be sure that only an elbow is hurt by an elbow, never point at faces. Even when your own face was hit. That might seem weak in the short term, but you'll win in the middle term. In the long term we're all dead.

I hope that with this explanations it is possible to say that I can not support that other metapher "fuck'em concept" without offending somebody. That's the last thing I want to do.

Jessica - as far as I know this is the only way to get through meetings like that you mentioned in dignity. Claim your own rights. Show them where the limits are. But show them fair limits, even if you seem to loose the discussion. They will not admit but they will also be unable to neglect that you are fair and they are not (and deep inside they are all calling themselves fair). If you join their "eat or be eaten" philosophy they will think themselves to be right with it (=fair) and just feel stronger than you (=better), where they are only unfair.

Jon - you turned to christianity? I guess it's very, very easy to hurt you and I don't want to. Just one of my thoughts: I think that in general there are three different things: Belief, religion and church (the latter may be called different in different religions). Only confusing one of those three things with another one of them is very likely to destroy the whole peace that all of them are promising.

Love

Joerg

Subject: RE: BS: Rewind Button for Life
From: Troll
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 12:09 AM

You will find that for those who have let their hobby become their lives, a breach of protocol or tradition or failure to address someone by his or her title is enough to start a small war.
I have gotten involved in a couple of these -once as a peacemaker!- and have nearly been handed my head. Petty power politics is the worst kind, especially on the bottom levels.