BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:21 AM

I sing, and sing LOUD while I'm in the shower! My bathroom has superb acoustics.

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:17 AM

Aw really 'Gin? At least rip a few and blow your nose man!!!!

The showering together can be dangerous too. Embarassing Tale---Karen and I had a small rental house when we first moved here with a tub shower combo and one day while "foolin' around" a bit I put my ass through the wall. It was that cheap tile over wallboard, ya' know? The "ambience" was broken because we both laughed for 20 minutes.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:12 AM

Hmm my showers are decidedly boring I guess.....turn on the water, get wet....scrub body, rinse, get out...done within five minutes.....my showers used to be a little shorter....

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:09 AM

Hail, mon. Is that all? I would have thought you could at least catch a LearJet! Maybe even a 747 on its way to Scotland.........

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:03 AM

Geeziz...picky bunch............

Cute Sorch. No, I gave up on the fly casting when a backcast caught on low flying Cessna.

#2 is the reverse of #18.....Go TO bathroom with robe, cover up if you see hubby......that thing.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:01 AM

and Sock Doughnuts!!

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: GUEST,Vern
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:01 AM

(Apologies for the thread creep. Didn't want to start a new separate thread for this. Figured as long we're all smiling....)

Life Reflections by George Carlin

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".

15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Melani
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:53 PM

Spaw, you forgot #23 on the man's list--"Get thrown out of house by wife, who has finally had it with wet towels on the bed, water on the floor, etc.!"

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:50 PM

(Ah do buleeve himself iz ignorin mah fishing commint.....speechless, huh?)

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:46 PM

Where's the #2 for the womens list?

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:34 PM

WOO-WOO

Actually, I'd love to meet the person who wrote it. It may not be perfect, but they certainly have a lot of the details right.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:31 PM

Brilliant stuff, Spaw. There's more truth there than one can shake a weiner at!

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:26 PM

You "fly fishing", there, spaw?

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:25 PM

Ah my poor deflated and diminuitive friend khandu......A nice try, but its a known fact that the length of a 'tool' is in inverse to proportion to the length of the name of the state where you were born.

Why just the other day I took a whiz off a high bridge over the Hocking River and I accidently let my whang smash into the ice. That wouldn't have been so bad, but it broke through the 2 foot of ice and the water was real cold.... and deep too. Plus the mud on the bottom was about 3 foot deep. Turned out the ratchet pawl had let go on my "Wind-A-Tool" and I had to buy another one. This new one is the 'Super Whang' Model and has a drag adjustment, so hopefully that won't happen again.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Matt_R
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:21 PM

Hey, there are other things to "do" in the shower too!!

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 11:02 PM

Whee Ha! I am with Jeri on this one!! My sides hurt!! I have to take a shower soon, anyway, because MMario really deserves clean feet if he is going to worship at them. (Hee hee hee.........500+ pages thru the copier......hee hee hee, I told him I would trim my toenails, too!)

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 09:28 PM

SCREEEEEEMING laughter!!!!!!!!!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 09:14 PM

I do not wag my weiner and say "woo woo". I wag my stick of baloney and she says "OOO-WEE"!

I'm sorry for you, my poor not-so-well-hung Spaw.

Guess that's what separates the Ohio boys from the Mississippi men!

Your manly friend, khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: harpgirl
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 09:07 PM

...you're supposed to do the Tilex spray first, then scrub the shower stall, then the other stuff, so you don't smell like clorox!

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: kendall
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 09:03 PM

Spaw thats me except for the Mohawk! Jeri, that was priceless..

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 09:01 PM

Oh by the way, Jeri that was hysterical.

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 08:58 PM

Where are the guidelines for how a woman should take a shower with a man and visa versa?
That would be an interesting instruction sheet.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 08:51 PM

Inadequate, Spaw, and what was number 2 in the Woman one?

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A SINGLE WOMAN WHO ISN'T CONCERNED WITH STEREOTYPES OR IS JUST A SLOB, NOT THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT MYSELF HERE, MIND YOU:
1. Take off clothing and put it neatly on the pile already on the bathroom floor.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Lift boobs up to check whether or not you still have a waist.
4. Get in the shower. Screw around with the hot and cold taps until you get the temperature perfect.
5. Wash your hair with cheap shampoo with built-in conditioner.
6. Wonder why the water isn't draining and pick out a wad of tub-hair. Wonder if that's where the Star Trek guys got the idea for tribbles.
7. Consider using the expensive, fancy crap to wash your face after you get out of the shower, then give up and use the soap.
8. Shave armpits and realise you were going to replace the razor a couple of months ago.
9 Consider shaving legs, but remember you don't have any Drano.
10. Consider shaving bikini area. Laugh hysterically at the thought of wearing a bikini.
11. Turn off shower.
12. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap towel so the water drips out the end onto the floor.
13. Consider looking at ass in mirror and decide you've had enough punishment.
14. Leave bathroom wearing ratty but warm dressing gown and towel on head.
15. Go get another cup of coffee and think about getting dressed.

Subject: RE: BS: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 08:48 PM

Of course the burning question of the hour is, which way do you do it?

Subject: Let's All Take A Shower!!!!!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 01 - 08:22 PM

Okay....So I got this e-mail from another 'Catter and it wouldn't be funny if it didn't have truth in it. Personally, I wonder who wrote the thing, because I want to know.............

WHO THE HELL HAS BEEN WATCHING ME TAKE A SHOWER?????

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avacado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the"woo-woo" sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Cracked me up!!!!!

Spaw