How can I establish a good relations?

Subject: Good relation with music collegues?
From: GUEST,STEVEN
Date: 10 Feb 01 - 09:00 AM

How can I establish a good relation with my MUSIC collegues and Music teachers? The only thing they know to do is talking to my boss about me and complaining for example why "I asked them what qualifications they have". I am new in the environment of the music school and eveyone sees me very strange. My boss wants me to sit with them and drink coffee with them but it seems so difficult to establish relations with people that are so busy and with people who are unwilling to do that. My music collegues gathered for voting and they did not invite me and when I mentioned that they found excuses that they did not have my phone number and it was during Chrismas holidays and so on.

Subject: DON'T TRY TO FORCE IT!
From: Bernard
Date: 10 Feb 01 - 09:19 AM

They will come round in their own good time. Don't try to force the issue, or it will only get worse.

People who are 'set in their ways' don't like intruders! That's how they see you.

Although it will be hard at first - conflicts of interests, etc. - just get on with your job and let them come to you... a bit like courting, really...

Good luck!

Subject: RE: How can I establish a good relations?
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Feb 01 - 09:34 AM

Not to be insensitive, but Bernard's point is quite right. If you're going around trying to open conversations by asking their qualifications, you have probably already screwed the pooch. Back off, do your job, and hope like hell they haven't already assumed you're a jerk.

Try to find some ways they can help you, whether you need it or not. People love to help and it gives them a warm-fuzzy to believe they're teaching you......maintains their status/position in their mind. then give it some time and maybe you'll start gaining their respect.

Spaw

Subject: RE: How can I establish a good relations?
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Feb 01 - 11:15 AM

I think there are one or two clues in what you have already told us.....if you will forgive me for stating what might seem obvious....sitting with your colleagues for coffee is an easy way to get to know them if you listen rather than talk....not to do so when you are new may seem stand-offish.Asking people their qualifications may also be read as you trying to compare if yours are better than theirs or even, questioning their right to be there. You mention that people think you are strange, how do you know that or why do you think that? Where have you been new before and how did you fit in there?

Subject: RE: How can I establish a good relations?
From: Lox
Date: 10 Feb 01 - 11:25 AM

Before I say anything premature, what is your job?

Are you a music student?

What is your official relationship with your colleagues?

lox

Subject: RE: How can I establish a good relations?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Feb 01 - 11:44 AM

Congratulations for taking responsibility by asking what YOU can do, since whether these people behaved well or badly, all you can control is your own end of this.

This would be one approach:

Go to each one privately (or take an opportunity that presents itself one on one), and let them know this is all new and somewhat confusing for you, but that you'd like to have a good relationship and learn from them as much as you can. Acknowledge that you feel you may have gotten off on the wrong foot and repeat that you would like to have a good relationship with them. Then listen carefully and acceptingly to what they say, thank them for talking with you, and spend some time reflecting. After you have thought it over, incorporate your best sense of what needs to happen, in your interactions with them. The ones worth being mentored by will respond positively to this. The others may not, but you will have acted honorably by taking responsibility for your end of this interaction.

If this feels like the wrong way for you to proceed, then ask yourself how you would like someone to handle a similar situation with you-- if you were the more expert person involved and they were the newcomer-- and try that.

~S~