Prize if you can guess what happened to

Subject: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 03:41 AM

Eric the Viking and I left the Jug last night at about the usual time, we dropped off Jason about the usual time, but we didn't get home at the usual time. If anyone can guess what happened to delay our journey - there will be a pint at the Jug for you.
clue 1 - I got muddy
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:08 AM

You were abducted by Aliens from the planet Mud.

And it's no good denying it - that will only prove that it is true....:-)

Did they probe both you AND Eric???

Dave the Gnome

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:10 AM

You rolled around in the street?

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:22 AM

Apart from being abducted by aliens from the planet mud - a common occurance after a pint or two.......no something quite strange happened.
Clue 2 It also involved chains
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:24 AM

You were playing splash in the puddles and didn't know the manhole (er, person-hole) cover had been removed.
OR the sheep fought back
OR you stoped to help a stalled motorist push his car and got behind the rear wheel..
Cheques to the Mudcat please, I tick the X for no publicity
RtS (Phone a friend? Who has friends after 50 years of telling the same jokes?)

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:29 AM

Eric chained your body up and dragged you through the yard?

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:36 AM

Oooeeer - Patrish in chains, rolling in the mud.... I've come over all faint!

DtG

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: gnu
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:39 AM

The clasp on your neck/wrist/ankle/belly/whatever chain let go and you had to search for it in the muddy roil. Wait, you said chainSSS. OK. You and Eric got your neck/wrist/ankle/belly/whatever chains entangled... ah... er.... oh yeah, because you had had a few pints too many at the Jug and were lending each other physical support. Alas, the conjugation proved too encumbersume and balance was lost, tumbling you both to the muddy roil ( I like "muddy roil" ).

How many guesses do we get ? I figure I am entitled to at least one more because you didn't set any rules yet.

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 04:55 AM

Perhaps I should allow just one question each - one that can be answered with a Y or N.
The chains had nothing to do with jewellery
Patrish

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 05:00 AM

Were they tyre chains?

DtG

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 05:10 AM

DtG No

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Bugsy
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 05:14 AM

I know, you met our "Mutual Acquaintance" and this time you DID throw him in the harbour!

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 05:15 AM

Bugsy How I wish I had!

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Bugsy
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 05:20 AM

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:30 AM

The chain came off the tandem?

Kris

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:33 AM

Funnily enough Kris, Eric is the proud owner of a tandem, but no the chain - (clue 3) was attached to something else
Patrish

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Noreen
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:43 AM

Chains *
My baby's got me tied up in chains
And they ain't the kind
That you can see-ee-ee-ee....

No, that isn't my guess, I was going to suggest a sudden snowdrift and tyre chains but Gnomish Dave got there first. Hmmm....

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:45 AM

Clue 4: the police said we were very public spirited

Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: sledge
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:46 AM

Maybe you were playing on a child swing and the chain gave way.

Just to may the chain picture a little more juicy, couldn't you say there was some leather and jello involved as well, just for me, please.

:)

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Les from Hull
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:51 AM

You tried to mend something or close a farm gate that had swung open gate and you slipped in the mud. Oh I've fallen and I can't get up! Slip, slip.

Les

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:53 AM

Sledge : For Jello substitute mud and for leather substitue the fleeces Eric and I were wearing. There was no childs swing
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:55 AM

Les: No farm gates were involved and I didn't slip in the mud (clue 5)I was pulled
Patrish

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Noreen
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:56 AM

Pulled by the chain?

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:58 AM

Yes Noreen, but theres more...........
Patrish

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Frug
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 07:00 AM

On the way home you spied a cow/horse sheep /pig floundering in a ditch. the animal (of whatever genre) well aware of the Foot and Mouth outbreak and it's possible implications for livestock, had made the big break for freedom and fallen into a ditch. Armed with the chains which you only use usually for emergencies such as this, or for personal gratification when you have the time You hitched the beast to you car and pulled it to safety getting muddy in the process. The animal was relieved to have been rescued however now has to develop another cunning plan to avoid the current threat of a cull !!!!!

Close?

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 07:04 AM

warm
Patrish

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Frug
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 07:08 AM

A car with stranded people pulled from the ditch. After attaching the chains you didn't stand clear and got spattered as the cars wheels spun in the mud?????

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 07:13 AM

Frug: No, (Clue 6)I did not attach the chains
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Frug
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 07:24 AM

Animal (cow,bull?)escapes form field, enclosure or the like wanders on to road. Public spiritedly you try to return it to safety. Taking hold of the chains which had originally held it you endeavour to pull it out of harms way. It being stronger then you pulls you over into the mud..........Job done you call the constabulary who congratulate you and they then call in the army to conduct the said beast to the nearest trench. On hearing of how you interfered with the escape of an endangered species you are now on the most wanted list of the animal rights group?????????

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:07 AM

"I can explain, Officer, there was this goat..."
Their case comes up next week.
RtS

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:32 AM

Bullocks. Bullocks with chains through their nose-rings. Punk bullocks. Punk bullocks with attitude. Punk bullocks that fundamentally disagree with you as to direction in which to proceed. Punk bullocks that are stronger than the both of you put together. Oh - never mind the bullocks - here's the cops. Offer them a nip from the hipflask - there's public spirit for you.

Kris

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:45 AM

There were two animals, one was a girl and one was a very "big" boy!
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:50 AM

...and a couple of dogs threw a bucket of water over you...
RtS

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Frug
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:51 AM

Godditt!!!!!!! Two inebriated folkies driving home nearly crash into a bovine bondage orgy...........????????

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Micca
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:56 AM

Patrish , you were helping Eric with the therapy( we all know about his Ovine fixation from Llanstock) by wearing a sheepskin and chains..( his motto" sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chanis excite me")and something broke and you fell in the mud and the clanking of the chains alerted the local constabulary to the escaping sheep...and they commended you for your public spirit..

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Frug
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 08:57 AM

..............And they'd got stuck so needed all hands to the chains ? OR was it something to do with an animal giving birth.......Come on gi's a clue I've got work to do and I need to know.

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 09:03 AM

You were attacked by a pit-bull who had broken his chain and was running madly through the streets (with a kitten in its mouth), got hung up on (fill in the blank), and you saved both. But the kitten was muddy and it got on you.

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 09:06 AM

No, no, NO!

They were singing as they left and along came someone else who began to sing and by the time they were done they had formed a human song chain all around the world (don't you love holding hands?) and had gotten every last one of the people invovled m joined up at Mudcat.

Since this saved the world, of course in the usual understatement fashion, it was said they were public spirited.

I hear a tip jar was passed along the chain as well and Max now has all the equipement he can think of for the foreseeable future. However this may not hold him for long, so get ready to replicate this in your area.

Or, they ran into Aretha Franklin.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Frug
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 09:13 AM

.............were they trying to find 100th use for duct tape but ran our so used chains ????????????

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 09:49 AM

I don't know whether to tell you all or wait until Eric comes online
decisions............. decisions..........
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 09:57 AM

Come on Patrish - you know you want to tell us.
You'll feel better if you unburden yourself - you know you will.
Kris

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 11:49 AM

Eric And I left the Jug dropped Jason off and proceeded towards the motorway. Completely out of the blue, there were two horses in the middle of the road. They looked liked gypsy horses the one you see staked in fields. Eric brought the car to a halt; I rang the police to tell them (a real hazard if a car came along driving fast) so we sat with flashing lights to warn other motorists. The horses came fairly close to the car, and as I said earlier one was a girl and one was a boy……………….. and they started doing what comes naturally. I looked elsewhere, but Eric in his elegant fashioned said something like "They are having shag" (screw) It was difficult to hold much of a conversation after that!! Eric rang the police again, as about 30 mins had gone by
They moved about a bit had another shag and then wandered off towards the railway line. Although were quite big beasts, we thought we had better make an attempt to catch them in case they caused an accident on the line, so intrepid adventurers (me and eric) went after the huge beasts. They were dragging their chains behind them -it could have been something out of a ghost story – apart from the shagging. I managed to get hold of one of the chains and using every bit of strength I owned – brought the giant beast to a standstill. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek (get away eric I said)
Then the police arrived and couldn't do knots so Eric tied them up on some security fencing by some nice grass. We were thanked and went home a bit muddier, but enriched for the experience.
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 11:53 AM

LOL!
So no-one gets the prize.
Is that a rollover to next week?
RtS

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 11:56 AM

Does that mean I have to have another bizarre experience?
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 11:58 AM

This is the only time you could have said "Look at them f!"£ing horses" and not been using a profanity! Hope you took the opportunity.

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Naemanson
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 12:00 PM

Very good, very civic minded, congratulations.

Now let's talk about your obvious embarrassment at seeing two animals engaging in natural physical activities....

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: UB Ed
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 12:05 PM

Hey Clinton, Maybe the horses were depressed...

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 12:10 PM

Wrong.

The word "f!"*king" is not a profanity. It is either lewd or vulgar, (maybe both) but not profane.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Noreen
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 12:31 PM

Gosh, Pat, isn't life exciting when Eric's around!!

Song Challenge, anyone?

Noreen

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 12:38 PM

gOOD THING kAT WASN'T ALONG. sHE WOULD HAVE ASSUMED THEY WERE LOST, NEEDED A GOOD HOME AND A WARM BED, AND TAKEN THEM HOME TO PROVIDE BOTH. Damn Capslock! No pitbull????

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 01:36 PM

Blimey! Super-hero horse-saviours.
Well done!
Damned good thing they weren't sheep though.....
Kris

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 01:53 PM

AND don't you bloody lot start-I didn't shag the horse-there wasn't a biscuit tin around to stand on!!! However one of the horses would have made you weep or run away (except certain people-******) from envy or fear. The funny thing is- both Pat and I smoked during AND after the shagging. Never done that before!!!

Song challenge to be taken up yet- And Pat told you before I got home tonight. However,the Police thought we were public spirited-they could have got onto the railway line or caused an accident. It cost us about and hour all told on the journey and as I said to one officer-try telling that to the wife!!

Iv'e got to go- get back later.

look out for your livestock.

Bye.

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 01:59 PM

It sounds like a fairly standard day at the Jug.
May I suggest that anyone intending to attend the Yorkshire Gathering of the Mudcat based at the Jug take note, and come prepared with whips, chains and penknives with those little gadgets for removing boy scouts from horses' hooves.
Quack
GtD

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Morticia
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 02:01 PM

I like Gnu's version better so I'm going to believe that one.

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 03:35 PM

Well I've heard some excuses...............

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 03:36 PM

Never see that one on the Kellogs ad do you!!

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 03:43 PM

LMAO!! You're right, Sins, I would have!

Good for you Patrish and Eric. As a person driving right behind an ex-brother-in-law when his car and a horse met head on, with the horse's hooves going through the windscreen/shield and having to be put down, I commend you on behalf of all of the motorists and horses whose lives you saved that night.

Now, video available, XXX-rated pix? Come on, we want proof!!! "Shagging Horses Do It Dirty In The Mud! Real Live Action, uncensored, uncut!!! See the stunned faces of unsuspecting motorists cum voyeuers! Is this what they mean by a roll in the hay?!!"

katlaughingherarseoff!

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:37 PM

I do have to say that the police were not pleased that I tied them up in knots-they couldn't get back into their cars!!! Pat meant that I tied the horses up-I have to do that with women, sheep and young boys as they run away otherwise!!!!!!!!-seems like I've started on horses..

Oh well at least I'm going up in the world, perhaps I'd be better going down....................

One last thing, Pat, you didn't say "get away Eric". You said,"Piss off you dirty old sod, if I won't let the old man near me, what makes you think you've got a chance and anyway,Iv'e just seen that horse and you're not chaining me up!!".

Pat will read this tomorrow-Hi Pat. Dawn thought it was really funny, and I told my son this evening, he just killed himself laughing and said he'd tell his mates.

Bye...........All

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Ickle Dorrit
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 06:45 PM

Not so much Jiggy Jiggy more Juggy Juggy!

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Cobble
Date: 05 Apr 01 - 07:12 PM

Well Bill if that is what Eric and Pat like to get up to, do you think we had better pack carrots and sugar lumps befor we set of with them to the German gathering.

Or would a set of skeleton keys to unlock their chains be of more use !!!!

And I thought she was such a nice LADY.

*BG*

Cobble

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 06 Apr 01 - 04:36 AM

Damn, I had a good answeer. First a bit of explanation, then the story. The shooting started in our war for Indeendence when a Boston Silversmith named Paul Revere rode his horse through a few Massachusetts hamlets Yelling, "To Arms, To Arms, The BRitish are coming." There's more to this story but that's enough to set the stage.
And, Here's what happened to you lot.
Two guys wearing "burnoos'" chained together and riding a camel, who had been trained to stop on Red Lighs nd go on Green, came charging down Tottenham Court Road yelling, "TO ARMS, TO ARMS, THE YIDDISH ARE COMING" They arrived at the traffic light, in front of which you were standing, when the light turned red. The dutiful camel came to a screechjing halt., You yelled out, "Look at the two Assholes on the Camel." They got down to look, you were standing in front of the camel and the light turned green

Do you also pay the air fare in addition to the beer?

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 Apr 01 - 04:46 AM

Alright, alright, DaveO! The point was not whether the f word was a profanity, a vulgarity or a Bolivian unicyclists jock-strap. The point was that in this situation you could genuinely use the term as an adverb. Is that better?

Apologies if I have offended anyones sensibilities by not using the English language correctly. I hope no-one will mind if I begin to point out all the other poorly constructed and badly spelt messages.

Dave the Gnome

PS - I am not sure if this is irony or sarcasm but I am sure someone will put me right.....

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 06 Apr 01 - 04:53 AM

Hey Kendall, is this what you mean by "Brief"? also, if the Mare had been named "Witt" The other guy would have been at his Witt's End"
Y' Know, I think you Britts have a thing about, "Worrying the Animals"
And, speaking of horses. A fellow Air Traffic Controller at RAF Lakenheath, a guy named "Brown" Who was on my shift, lived in Ely and had to drive through the 'Fenns" to get to work. One night he came on duty a half hour late./ He'd never been late before. His explanation was that Harewood,"The Wake" rode his horse across the road in front of him. He was also leading another horse by a chain. They came to a red light Harewood smiled, doffed his visor. so Brown started to drive through the intersection, when the light turned green.

Hey Kendall, I find that the word, Brevity is not in my data base, so once I get started it's like the light just turned green.

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 06 Apr 01 - 06:40 AM

Eric, you must remember in future to carry a biscuit tin in the back of the car for emergencies
Patrish x

Subject: RE: Prize if you can guess what happened to
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 06 Apr 01 - 06:45 AM

Did you hear about Fido the Amazing Talking Dog who got done for sheep worrying? He used to lean over the fence and shout:"Mint sauce."
RtS