Lyr Req: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish etc)

Subject: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: pavane
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 03:15 AM

Some years ago, I came across some soldiers on the train singing a bawdy song they knew as the Lobster song. This was a version of a very old song usually called the Crabfish, but with this chorus added:
Singing hi diddly hi (ore something like that)
Diddle if you must
Never let you b*ll*cks dangle in the dust.
Does anyone know the full lobester version?

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish etc
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 04:21 AM

Well, Crayfish is here (click) and Crabfish is here and Sea-crab is here and Shecrab is here, but no lobster yet.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: Pene Azul
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 04:26 AM

It's here (?)

Jeff

Subject: Lyr Add: THE LOBSTER SONG
From: Pene Azul
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 04:28 AM

THE LOBSTER SONG

This can be sung to the tune of "I Feel So Lonely" by Elvis.

Oh mister fisherman
home from the sea
have you got a lobster
you can sell to me?

Chorus - either
(Elvis)
I feel so lonely baby,
I feel so lonely baby,
I feel so lonely I could die

…or…
Singing oh-tiddly oh,
Shit or bust,
Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust

Oh yes sir, yes sir
I have three
and the biggest of the bastards
I shall sell to thee

Chorus

So I took the lobster home
and I couldn't find a dish
so I put it in the place
where the missus has a piss

Chorus

And half way through the night
as you well know,
up gets the missus
to let the waters flow

Chorus

Well first I heard a groan
and then I heard a grunt
and there was the lobster
hanging from her cunt

Chorus

So the missus grabs the poker
and I grabbed the broom
and we chased the fucking lobster
around and round the room

Chorus

Well we hit it on the head
and we beat it on the side
and we hit the fucking lobster
until the bastard died

Chorus

There's a moral to this story
the moral is this,
Always have a shuftie
before you have a piss

Chorus

That's the end of the story
there is no more,
there's an apple up my arse
and you can have the core

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 08:19 AM

Yes, that looks about it.I am sure I have seen a reference that dates the crabfish back to a prose version in the 15th centuary! Thanks

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 08:26 AM

Most versions seem to miss what appeared to be the original point. The crab grabbed the lady by the c**t, and when her husband investgated, it grabbed his nose, thereby joining the couple in this compromising position. (I also came across it under the name of Mr Razzledum, but I haven't checked the database for t hat)

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: GUEST,X
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 08:37 AM

15th century is pure bullshit. It's the 1st song in Ed Cray's 'The Erotic Muse' 2nd ed., 1992. He says earliest song version is of 1620 (more likely c 1625-35 = Percy Folio MS), and prose form, 1610.

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: GUEST,X
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 09:14 AM

It's #149 in Steve Roud's folksong index, where more than 50 versions are noted.

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 09:25 AM

1620 is old enough for me! Thanks everyone

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 10:23 AM

The way my uncle used to sing it, one of the middle verses ran:

The old woman hollared as she lept in the air,:
Shalla-who, shalla-who!
The old woman hollared as she lept in the air,
"There's a devil in the pisspot who's grabbed me by the hair,"
Singing ring-a-long, ring-a-long, rue!

Thanks for the memory!;-)

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 12:20 PM

This is one of the MOST thoroughly 'processed' songs in folkdom! People hear it, forget the exact words, but remember the general concept,,,,and re-write it with locale changes, chorus changes, etc...they expurgate it for mixed audiences, they spice it up for late night, they make it fit 'their' culture..and this has been going on for several hundred years!

It's a riot to start this in a group where several people know different version, and watch the steam rise as folks say to themselves.."THAT'S not how it goes!"...*grin*

Subject: Lyr Add: THE LOBSTER
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 09:39 PM

Well, here is some more processing. I learned this version at St Andrews University (Scotland) in 1959, except for the stanzas in brackets, which I adapted from another version, thinking them too good to miss:



THE LOBSTER

"Good morning, Mr Fisherman!" "Good morning, sir!" said he.
"Have you a lobster for my tea?"

CHORUS: Singing aye, aye, aye, shit or bust,
Never let your ballocks dangle in the dust.

"Oh yes, I have a lobster, indeed I have two:
One for me and the other for you,"

Well, I took the lobster home, but I couldn't find a dish,
So I put it in the pot where you're used to take a piss,

Well, early in the morning, as everyone should know,
A woman must get up to let the water flow,

The lobster looked up with a smile on its kisser,
And he took a grab at my old lady's pisser,

Well, the lady gave a scream and the lobster gave a grunt,
And she jumped from the pot with the lobster on her cunt,

[Well, I ran to take a look, not putting on my clothes;
He up with his claw and grabbed me by the nose,

"We must ride to the doctor," my wife she did declare,
"To get your nose out of my affair,"]

Well, I grabbed a shovel and my wife she grabbed a broom,
And we chased the fucking lobster around the fucking room,

We hit it on the arse and we hit it on the head
And we beat the fucking lobster till it was fucking dead,

The moral of the story is plain as it can be:
Take a look into the pisspot before you take a pee,

That's the end of the story; there isn't any more:
There's an apple up my arsehole, and you can have the core,

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead. :||

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 10:08 PM

Very nice, Joe!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: Gurney
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 01:42 AM

'Aye-tiddly-aye, shit or bust....' in the version i've heard.
Mike Harding sang a slightly cleaned-up version on BBC.

Subject: RE: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish et
From: Compton
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 07:36 PM

...(Gurney) Also on Mike Harding Record "Mike Harding's Back"..Rubber Records RUB 022..(When he were good!)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lobster song (aka crabfish, crayfish etc)
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 06:23 PM

In response to a request on another thread, here is the tune to The Lobster as I heard it at St Andrews (in solfa: scale is DRMFSLTdrmfslt; dots mean continuation for a 16th note):

ss.mm.mm.mm.mm.dd.dd.....
L..d.dS..d..T..r..r..
m.rd..d..d.....Ld....S.....
s.ss.ss..f..m.dr.td....