Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects

Subject: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 12:02 PM

Hi, I'm really getting worried about Timothy, and would like some free advice (and moral support). He's 6, the twin with the prematurity issues, so he is frustrated by life a lot more than other kids that age (poor fine motor control and poor impulse control are probably his worst issues). BUT lately he has been getting into what are called sharps - he sneaks steak knives and cuts his sheets up, or sneaks really sharp tools and stabs holes in the wall of his room, very systematically cut, cut, cut across, or stab, stab, stab, across. All of this happens at my X2B's, Tim doesn't do it when he's with me, but over the summer he spends a lot less time at my house than during the school year. I hear about it from William usually, not from X2B (far be it), and Timothy does not deny it when asked, he just says he wanted to. He has never (YET) cut skin, although once he came back home with a very very sharp tool in his pocket which had cut his pants up, but not his leg, but I got the definite impression that he wouldn't have cared if he had gotten cut, or even that he kinda wished he had. But he has threatened me with a knife when I was thwarting some desire or other, dessert before food or something normal like that, not exceptional discipline, just enforcing the house rules that have been in effect for years.

Yes, we are all in therapy, before you ask, and the therapist says that Timmie is working on the issue, brings it up himself without being prompted. But what can I do? In the summer, they spend 4 days with me and 4 with my X2B, but of the days they're with me, 5 out of 7 they're in summer camp because I'm at work, so I'm not seeing a whole lot of them, actually, other than getupandgotoschool and comehomehavedinnertubanditsbedtime, unless it happens to be a weekend... Whereas with my X2B, those 4 days are usually completely off days, so they are actually together the whole time. During the school year, they are with me during the week and only go to my X2B's IF it's a non-school day AND it's one of the 4 days off, plus I leave work early so they aren't in after school care, and I get all afternoons with them, even if the weekends are away. During the school year Timothy wasn't doing this stuff.

So, any advice? I know a lot of you have done social work... thanks!

PS Timothy is the one who is so musical, does that make this an OK thread?

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Jacob B
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 01:01 PM

Of course it's an okay thread (that is, its okay by me, as long as you don't mind it being publicly available years from now.)

What result does he get from doing this? What reaction does he get from your X2B?

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: mg
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 01:19 PM

It is serious behavior and it's good you are dealing with it. One thing I would recommend if y ou are within a short drive of your X2B's is to see if you can take the boys to MacDonald's or somewhere fun one of the nights your husband has them, and then vise versa for him. That way the time between seeing you is diminished. Also, I would recommend a family walk in the evening, no TV at all except on weekends, and simplifying everything else to spend as much time as possible with him, reading, etc....time alone with you is also important for him, and his brother. When X2B has both boys, again, maybe you can take one for a couple of hours; then do likewise for him. A divorce, starting school, custody arrangements and possibly battles, being half of a twin, are probably just creating too much stress for him. Also, what does he eat? Lots of protein, lots of vegetables, good fats like olive oil and butter, (no margarine), a good meal at 3 or 4 p.m. and a lighter one later.....mg

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: DancingMom
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 02:03 PM

Stress or boredom that he himself might not be able to articulate, maybe? Was it the other twin who recently had surgery? Does he perhaps perceive that William got more attention during this time? Sometimes a kid might resent a sibling with a health problem, but then they feel guilty about these feelings and act out. You are on the right track with therapy and keeping their schedules regular, and Mary's dietary suggestions are helpful. Mostly show them that although you and their father are divorcing, you won't EVER divorce them. Hang in there. Sharon

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 02:07 PM

From the experience we had with my nephew, who at 18 is just now getting hsi life straightened around, after much grief with the authorities, I would say Tim must have a lot of anger.

My nephew did a lot of the same stuff and it didn't stop, even with lots of counselling, with my sister and without. His dad died when he was young and he was just incredibly angry at the world, even as young as your Tim.

From what you've said, it may have to do specifically with your X2B, or just the whole general situation, as Mary pointed out, there's a lot to deal with.

I would urge you to talk with your therapist and insist on anger management therapy. My nephew finally received that specific treatment, this past year, and he is a very changed young man whom we are proud of. For a long time it didn't look like that was a possibility at all.

Of course, anger comes from fear, too, so there may be some issues there to look at, too.

Good luck, you are doing the right thing in being aware and wanting to deal with it. Please let us know how things go. I would consider this very serious and not waste any time in working on it.

kat

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 02:32 PM

First Im not a therapist and do not pretend to be, but I would read up on Borderline Personality Disorder, (not that this is necessarily the case here but it is quite common especially with individuals who have lost a parent (either from death or separation)

The individual often has low self esteem, and anger that comes from fear of abandonment (real or imagined) Also the above comments sound helpful. All the best.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 02:51 PM

Our son, Luke was like that too. He and a friend stabbed an exercise trampoline "to death", had a "play" knife fight in the yard with real knives, (no one was hurt) etc. He never, ever cut himself or another living thing, but, yes, he was full of anger.

When he was 6 he was diagnosed with ADHD. We did the Ritalin thing until he was an 8th grader, and he said NO MORE. Ritalin did help him, (I understand it doesn't help everyone) but he refused to take any more medication.

It was a long, long struggle to get him graduated from High School, and took a year longer than it should have, but he did it.

He has always had an anger management problem, and is only now, at 22, getting a handle on it. He still loves Sharpe Pointie Things and has a large collection including a pair of (blunt) Samauri swords.

As I say, he NEVER cut himself on purpose, but he cut up a lot of things, set a dumpster on fire when he was 6, and has several scars (truly from accidents) that he is quite proud of. His method of releasing anger was to smack things with his fist--trees, lockers, car doors, etc. He now has one knuckle permanantly enlarged from hitting a brick wall at school one day.

He is doing much, much better lately, and I believe he will be all right. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 07:19 PM

It might be worth considering the possibility that he is suffering from depression. The mental health profession is beginning to recognize that depression can begin at a much younger age than was previously believed, and the symptoms are often very different than those found in adults. In fact, they are often very much like what you have described in your son.

It might be difficult to find a mental health professional who can evaluate him adequately for depression because not all mental health professonals are in agreement yet about this. But it might be worth having a look around, or maybe read up on some of the more recent literature yourself. Sounds like something you want to take very seriously, though.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 08:13 PM

Depression is almost always anger turned inward. Anger that can't/won't come out. The child has reasons for both anger and depression, doesn't he, Mrzz?

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 09:22 PM

Big time anger, and I don't blame him. And familial tendencies to both -and yes, I think he has elements of depression, and indeed, many MANY elements of not-so-borderline personality disorder; the tendency towards the first is mine, and towards the second, his other parent's (which is basically why we aren't still together)... the trick is not to let him grow up like that. Unfortunately, there is really no possibility of taking small bits of time during the other parent's larger segment of time, X2B would never put up with it, and it's not the way the agreement was written... which is also part of the problem. And I don't know what X2B's reaction is when these things are discovered, but if history is any clue, it's anger and withdrawal, which is really not what Timothy needs.

The therapist might not be calling it that, but is doing anger management, since it's one of our big issues.

We do TRY to eat well but Timothy is also on this huge sweets/carbos things (can you say depression) and we get into huge anger things when I won't cave, and I won't - which has been especially hard lately with William going through vats of Edy's Grand French Vanilla... but all this has been going on for months (well, the sharps; the anger has been going on for years), and I made so many efforts to not overburden Tim that he has been really helpful and not worse at all with Willie getting all the attention, I've been very proud of him.

The one thing that my X2B and I keep saying we're going to do, then not doing for various logistical reasons mostly because it's almost impossible, is get each boy to ourselves for a night or so every once in a while, where only one goes and one stays, then next time it can be the other one. Like for instance of the 4 days my X2B isn't working, Willie could go out days 123 and Tim 234, then they'd have some 2-boy time and each would have some one-boy time. When I have to take him back to court, as I'm sure I eventually will, I might try to get that into the custody arrangement (not all the time, but some of the time). I might also (on my therapist's advice) want to lobby for sole custody of Tim since he's so psychologically unstable with my X2B andnot with me. Then use that as evidence to get sole custody of William too. Then at least I wouldn't need any bloody letters I don't get when I want to go traveling!

Oh, I forgot to say Thanks, y'all, keep'm coming. Any songs about juvenile delinquents with any humor in them?

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Gary T
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 11:16 PM

This paragraph:
We do TRY to eat well but Timothy is also on this huge sweets/carbos things (can you say depression) and we get into huge anger things when I won't cave, and I won't - which has been especially hard lately with William going through vats of Edy's Grand French Vanilla... but all this has been going on for months (well, the sharps; the anger has been going on for years), and I made so many efforts to not overburden Tim that he has been really helpful and not worse at all with Willie getting all the attention, I've been very proud of him.
gives the impression that William gets extra attention AND all the ice cream he can stand, while Tim gets largely contention. I doubt that's an accurate impression, but I couldn't help but wonder if some changes in this area might be helpful.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: mg
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 12:37 AM

Sweet/carb cravings...suspect hypoglycemia and perhaps a tendency to diabetes. The ice cream is probably one of the better things he could eat for sweets. I am confused about why one twin gets ice cream and one sounds like he doesn't or gets less. I presume there is a medical situation here, but that is hard for a 6 year old to understand.

I would definitely suspect a blood sugar problem, which can of course lead to behavior and emotional problems. The treatment is quite simple, and involves more frequent meals, protein and fats and fiber carbohydrates every 2-3 hours (smaller servings) and never carbohydrate (fruit juice, grapes even) given alone. Carbohydrate could be unlimited green vegetables, and whole grains like oats, smallish servings of brown rice. I would give whole milk and regular butter. Fish several times a week...some ethnic groups absolutely must have fish for their brains to develop normally and can't metabolize a fatty acid that other groups can (Irish, Scandinavian, Native American, probably others) This will help stabilize the blood sugar. Cut back to almost zero of anything made with white flour, such as bread, cake, spagetti, etc. A smallish serving of ice cream after a protein/vegetable dinner should be o.k. Just try this and see if it works. There is a web site called Weston Price something..a google search will put you there. It goes on about various dietary suggestions, including the necessity of fats for development of young brains. It has writings of Dr. Mary Enig, fat researcher. It has some very good recommendations, which are contrary to a lot of what you hear. Good luck. This could very well help you a lot. mg

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 03:47 AM

Dr. .g is ready to help.

There appears to a genetic problem. "All in therapy" is the key element to this diagnoises.

Research the "Darwin Awards" follow their standards and make sincere efforts to bring your genetic strains to the Award Commitee's attention for this coming year's acclamation.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: mooman
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 04:23 AM

Dear Mrrzy,

I have some similar experience and tend to agree with CarolC and Sorcha concerning the anger and depression angle. It seems that you are aware of this and you and Timothy are adressing it with the therapist. I don't know whether blood sugar problems exist as Mary suspects but this is easy enough to diagnose by blood test. Certainly, her advice on diet appears good.

I would find it very hard to give practical advice on this as in the case I am familiar with and in your situation, the root causes of this possible depression and anger are quite different. It sounds like you have the problem foremost in your mind though and this is important. Don't be afraid to ask for additional medical opinion though and don't forget your own need of support through this. It is already good you are sharing this problem with friends here (don't forget the PM possibility if needed) and I am sure many have parallel experiences and can offer support.

Very best wishes

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: M.Ted
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 11:27 AM

Mrzzy,

I have read through all your posts, and, obsessive compulsive that I am, tried to figure out exactly what your schedule is--I'll be damned if I can--which is about the way it works in your situation--I have been in your situation, in fact spent many years there, and I know that most of the time,it takes all your efforts just keep things together--

The first question I have is about the competence of the therapist--I would expect a professional to be way more concerned than he/she seems to be--spontaneously acting out with sharp objects is a very dangerous behaviour, and fits into the "danger to themselves or others" catagory, both professional ethics and the law require that steps be taken in situations like this, and if the therapist hasn't sat down with you to discuss what the options and available resources are, it is time to find another therapist--There are professionals who have worked out ways to handle problems like this--your therapist should be making the connections for you--you shouldn't have to figure out how to deal with this all by yourself--

Second, it sounds like your kids schedule may be so restrictive that it doesn't allow him a lot of opportunity to vent the anger and negative energy in other ways--I was never a big sports person, but we found that swimming, three afternoons a week, helped a lot--If he has a thing for sharp objects, there is always archery, which could channel that need to poke and puncture and teach him to discipline it and control it at the same time--

The first step is to seriously re-evaluate the therapy you are getting, because it seems very much like the therapist is not dealing with the situation--

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 12:27 PM

Gary T, William just had his tonsils out. So that is an unusual situation which will go away on its own. Sorry am frantic at work and will take the time to read all later this pm. Appreciate all advice, still! And comfort, am getting lots of that, thanks!

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: mg
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 12:47 PM

I thought of something else. This 4 days with one parent, 4 days with the other....puts the children, and the parents, on a constantly shifting schedule. I think it would be much easier for them if they knew Saturday we are at mom's, then Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday morning we are at dad's, then we switch...or however the week was split. But I would look at taking a 7 day schedule and splitting it somehow..even if it was not exactly 50/50. Especially when school starts up. I couldn't keep track of a rotating schedule. I think it would really stress out a kid.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 01:16 PM

Good point, Mary. My friend has joint custody of her son and daughter, has had for the past five years. They do it by the week, switching on Fridays after school, so that for an entire school week they are at the same house. It is flexible as long as both parents agree, as they both have to travel, sometimes. It has worked out to be a pretty good and stable solution for all involved.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: M.Ted
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 02:53 PM

I lived with a court-imposed half-week here, half-week there schedule until my daughter literally went beserk--the stress is unbelievable on the kids, and they have no sense of home--if their is any tension in your relationship with the other parent, the children carry it back and forth-which is more than any kid should be expected to do--

The people who work with broken families, lawyers, therapists, judges, social workers, etc, are tending to move away from this split custody situation , and, more and more, try to make an arrangement that gives the kids a stable, home base--They encourage parents to put their needs and desires aside and put the kids needs first--even if it means that they spend less time with the kids--

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 02:57 PM

At one point my friend and her ex considered having a separate home which would be where the children always were and the parents did the rotation, taking turns staying with the kids. Expensive, but in some cases could be the best solution for the children. Both parents would have to really get along well and stick to rules about keeping the place cleaned, etc. so one wasn't doing all of the upkeep.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 03:44 PM

OK, have read all. Some details: the 8-day week is imposed by my X2B's work, which is 4 on 4 off. During the school year the boys are with me for all school days, and only with my X2B if a) they aren't in school and b) it's an off day for the X2B. Which ends up meaning that one month I might have them all the time, and next month I don't have any weekends with them, and it rotates around. But that is A LOT of time with me (on school days I leave work at 2 so I can be home when they come off the school bus. In the summer, since they're only in care for a few days a week, I've been working regular hours, so when I do see them, it's mostly gotobed or getupforschool, not a whole lot of random, play, time. Before the court order, the boys spent the middle 2 off days with my X2B, so they were gone 2 days out of 8 and the days rotated through the week, which was great for me - sometimes I'd have a weekend sans kids, sometimes a weekday I could work late. And I could work my schedule around so they would be with me when they were with me, if that makes sense. Then the court said what it did for the school year, but assumed that school was year round, which it isn't. So summer is officially "not school days" so they go to my X2B's for all the off days, which is 4 on 4 off. And that is not confusing, they know where they'll be when, it's just TOO MUCH TIME with a bad/neglectful parent. ALL Timothy's issues are getting worse this summer - the sharps are just the scariest. But (he is the preemie one, even though they are twins) he's also losing fine motor control and other stuff that he was doing better with. BUT summer is almost over, there is only one more 4-days with my X2B, then the boys and I go on vacation, and when we come back school starts and we're back to them being with me most of the time.

And my father-in-law was diabetic, I hadn't even thought of the blood sugar issues with that...

So,yes, I am concerned about the quality of therapy, and also think the custody/visitation thing needs to be revamped to include that in the summer they don't go there for so much time... so that next summer we don't get into all this, assuming I manage to get us out of it during the school year...

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 04:03 PM

Phew, Mrrzy, take a deep breath and blow it out, darlin'. Sorry if any of our postings made you feel pressured about explaining so much. You sound frazzled and no wonder. I hope you have a wonderful vacation and can get some rest and relief. These things are so tough on everyone. I will be thinking about you and the boys and giving thanks that everything works out for the best.

kat

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 04:43 PM

I'm not really frazzled, I just wanted to get some background out... was I running on and on? It's not that bad, but I'm at work right now! Ah, yes, nothing like a day on the river (or under it sometimes...) -

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 04:51 PM

No, you weren't running on.:-) I, for one, appreciate the added info, just didn't want you to feel pressured by any of us.

Roll on Columbia, roll on....

luvyakat

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: M.Ted
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 09:29 PM

Just shows you how in touch with reality the court is--they didn't know there was no school in the summer--and one presumes that this is a family court, which deals exclusively with this stuff---

It is completely bizarre to do 4 on 4 off, because there is no stability at all, every week has a different change off day--have you discussed this with your lawyer? Go back to court and get it changed--explain the problem to the judge--if he/she won't change it, ask that they appoint a expert to evaluate and monitor and report back to the judge regularly. After a while, the point will get across. Your job, which you are doing a good job at, is to try to create stability in these kids lives--everyone else is off gathering wool, and it doesn't look like anyone on the same page at all--

Just keep banging away until they give you a break--they will eventually figure out what is going on, but you have to keep telling them over and over til they get the message--

Also, avoid describing you X2B as bad or neglectful to anyone in the process--it makes you look like you are vindicative, combative,etc and gives them an excuse to put the case on a back burner--better to just lay the facts out and let them conclude what they will--

I have been through this all before, and I have great sympathy for anyone who has to deal with the break-up of a family and its repercussions, and the system that is allegedly there to "help"--

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 11:24 AM

4 on 4 off DOES have stability and predictablity, it just isn't the same weekdays all the time, and that works better for me anyway, so that sometimes it's workdays and sometimes it's weekends. The boys are OK with it as they have a lot of prep - each time I tell them when they'll be picked up and brought back, and as long as they know it, it's OK with them, predictable, and so on. The issue is that 4 days with X2B is too long for them to be so neglected. Especially Timothy. And I'm a lot nicer about the X2B when not among family and friends, indeed! But the issue right now is about to be mooted since summer is almost over... and this week, I told Tim to call me if he had trouble, and he did, and that helped, so I'll remind him again before next week. THEN we'll get into the school year, and if he stops doing the sharps stuff once he's with me for more time, I'll take THAT to a judge and try to change the summer stuff so that it's at most 3 days, with luck the 2 he gets during the school year. We shall see.

And the system would be a lot more helpful if I'd stayed till the abuse turned physical; my leaving in fear of the way it was escalating got me out before the system is geared to kick in, I've been told. And while it is the case that the battered need extra support, there OUGHT to be something there for those trying to avoid it, rather than recover from it!

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 11:49 AM

I find this subject to be wholly inappropriate for a website discussion forum about music. The original poster is disclosing personal information about children in a way I find to be indefensible as a parent.

There are therapy support discussion forums all over the Internet. If the therapist one is working with isn't able to deal with the problems, the onus is upon a person to change therapists, not drag this type of personal information about children into public discussion forums which are not for this purpose.

If I were the original poster's "X2B" and I found out what information was being put onto the Internet about my children, I'd have this parent's ass in court to have custody terminated so fast, they wouldn't know what hit them.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: M.Ted
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 12:35 PM

GUEST,

Some of us find posting as "GUEST" to be wholly inappropriate, but there isn't much we can do about it--as to discussing our children and their problems, it has been a long standing and accepted subject at MUDCAT, where have you been?

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 01:19 PM

Besides, I'd like to get all of this in front of a judge anyway... and I'm not worried about upsetting the Mudcat members, frankly, they can click Back or add in some music, like My Boy Likes To Cut Things, whadda think about that? Or something. I'd like to see a parent lose custody because they asked their friends for advice! But, BTW, thanks, MTed.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 01:38 PM

Posting in public Internet forums isn't "asking friends for advice" it is broadcasting.

This is a public forum, just like a radio station, a newspaper, etc. Posting extremely private information about minor children on the Internet, without informed consent of the other parent, is reckless endangerment of said children.

If someone wants "advice from friends" about difficult parenting issues involved in a divorce, public discussion forums are NOT the place to get the advice. It is completely IRRESPONSIBLE. That can be done via PM, in appropriate forums on the Internet designed for these types of discussions (which includes some security measure for protecting the privacy of the parties involved--in this case MINOR children.

Anybody who would engage in this sort of behavior on-line isn't much of a parent, and I don't care how often for how long people have been doing it here. It is wrong. Grievously wrong.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Amergin
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 01:44 PM

Guest, Shithead, stuff a bloody sock in it.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 03:19 PM

Amergin,

I see in another thread that you, Mousethief, and Mrrzy are planning a gathering, likely in a town specified in another thread, on a date which is easily identifiable through the link provided for the gig the three of you are considering attending during said gathering. And that Mrrzy is planning on having the children being discussed in this thread present. So, I've been able to discern the possible location of these children on a particular day and time. I know they are twins, so it presumably would be simple to identify them in this public place, without ever revealing myself.

This is information I was able to glean just from reading a couple of threads in one discussion forum, which took only a matter of minutes to do. I could easily track Mrrzy's web trail and gather much more information if I chose to do so, including their home address, place of employment, etc. and no one would ever know. Any person could use that information maliciously, or could use that information to track these minor children to a public destination where they could do them harm.

Likely? Maybe not. But I would never risk MY kid's safety, or compromise their medical right to privacy regarding mental health problems/treatment as this parent has done here--not in a million years!

Anyone genuinely interested in their child's well being would NEVER discuss their child's emotional and mental health problems in public discussion forums on the Internet, nor reveal so much private information about them that their children could easily be identified and threatened/harmed by someone with malicious intent. Never.

Period.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 04:39 PM

Guest, you've made your point, I believe.

Back to the thread, shall we?

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 04:43 PM

Although now that I reread, I have actually just had my children threatened, by Guest. I believe that is a crime in all 50 states, and overseas. Should I worry? Is this Guest a lunatic, or just someone actually attempting to be helpful? Because if being helpful, I'd tone down the threats. I actually don't disagree with many of the points being made. Meanwhile, nobody is safe from stalkers, and we can't live our lives as if we were...

OK, NOW we can go back to the thread, if anybody still has any helpful advice to deliver in nonthreatening tones.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Don Firth
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 05:06 PM

I'm no therapist, so this is just a passing thought: a youngster can feel pretty powerless, especially in the situation that Timothy finds himself in. Possession of a sharp object, especially if it can do damage, may give him a feeling of power. Now, if there were some way of letting him feel empowered that isn't dangerous. . . .

One possibility: M Ted's suggestion about sports sounds like it could have some merit. Timothy is a bit young for something like fencing, but-- The weapons look sharp, although they aren't, and properly supervised, it's a safe and engaging sport. Good sport for working out anger and aggression. Worked pretty well for me when I was a teenager.

Just milling around, here. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 09:31 AM

Another thing I've thought of is gardening. Yesterday he took my trowel and just dug the ^#&%#*) out of some dirt, really getting into it, looking for "evidence" (his word) of war, so that he could stop wars. His words, again. I have hopes - he can get really methodically slashy that way, and have something to show for it later! Besides, he's not in serious trouble if his play goal is to reduce violence...

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: mg
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:55 PM

maybe play therapy would help...mg

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: ponytrax
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 03:40 AM

Oh golly gosh. deja vu all over again. My creds: (1) Step mother of small boys who are now 21 & 23, pretty happy pretty up-front men. (2) Mother of a 12 yo girl, 3 years post-divorce

The boys were 3 and 5 when I came on board. Mom& Dad had had a civil divorce (no name calling, no high-stress stuff like not enough money to go around) and even so JEEZ were these kids mad, without a way to express it or integrate it.

My boy and anger advice is that boys need a way to express their emotions physically that is appropriate, and where possible, constructive. Things like chopping wood (not with axes, a maul and a splitter). We threw dirt clods at trees. We have a small non-chain grocery store--we went to there with a baseball bat and reduced the recyclable corregated boxes to pulp (all the grocery guys came out and helped, howling with laughter--it's a guy thing. We took turns having "temper tantrums" when things were pretty much under control--(you lie on the floor, drum your feet & hands, and complain)--and see how long you can go without laughing out loud.

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: ponytrax
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 03:50 AM

Oh, they are 6, and the schedule deal. Well, what about a 4 and 3 schedule for a while? Yes, it screws up weekendsbut it is more predictable. Also when they get into school life will be better, because more organized.

So you are having 4 custody exchanges per month. I would STRONGLY recommend if you and your children's father can do this with good heart, to do at least one custody exchange that involves a family meal. We did: after church brunch, which worked very well, then we did, before school breakfast (at a local diner, our waitress was practically our therapist) and we have done the after-school-before-sports-better-eat-another-sandwich-didja-bring-smore-napkins meal.

YOu are probably on the way to do back-to-school shopping. To hell with the budget, buy two of everything, one for one house, one for the other. This schlepping stuff is hard on kids!

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:52 AM

We do some "together" transfers, and we (X2B and I) tend to be OK, but then I get days and days of When are you getting back together. And luckily since we both have households, I buy for the CHILDREN, rather than for the HOUSE, and whatever they have wherever they go is theirs. That is they have fully equipped homes wherever they are, no need to pack a toothbrush or anything. They've never had to shlep anything with the sole exception of school lunchboxes/knapsacks, since if one parent sends them to school and the other picks up, then if we each had one they'd both end up in one place. That is the only thing (besides the favorite stuffed animals, their choice) that travels with them, if necessary. But I agree that they (well, one of them anyway) needs something to BASH. I *LOVE* the idea of the temper tantrum, will try that tonight!

Subject: RE: Help: NonMusic: Small boys and sharp objects
From: ponytrax
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 10:03 PM

Hi Mrrzy, it's Friday night and I'm just wondering how the weekend is shaping for you and the boys. This single parent/mom-of-small-boys/aieee-twins! stuff isn't easy. Anyway, if you'd like to e-mail off the list you can reach me at [e-mail]. I had a group of women friends who were really supportive in the turbulence around the divorce, and I'd like to pass on the help & support.