BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!

Subject: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 09:01 PM

A visibly upset William Shatner addressed the press at 8:40 pm, Eastern Standard Time, to say that he concedes victory in today's vote to Catspaw49, aka Spaw, who took an early lead and held it to win by a possum's ass, and then some.

Here is the text of Shatner's speech:

"So. You want my comments on your silly election do you? I'll give you my comments. This Spaw character is some kind of crank on some pathetic Internet forum for old fogies (yells of "folkies!" from the crowd), and some other crank named Little Hawk decided to have him run against me on the sexiness platform.

I hear he kisses his possum's ass on a regular basis. Well, he can kiss mine too. Do you really think I am worried by any of this? I'm a star. A big one. I'm a very successful man. I've got a life. I seriously doubt that the morons who have been parading my name around on the Net, foremost of whom is this Little Hawk asshole, have one.

Now will you go away? I hope so. I could have more fun sucking on an old shoe than I've had dealing with you people."

Shatner then flashed his famous Romulan double middle finger (using both hands) gesture at the audience, and stalked off in a flurry of flashing cameras, toupee intact.

Well, that about wraps it up. We're in for 4 more years of Spaw's BS, Pa, Cletus, Cleigh, and all the rest.

No more Shatner. None whatsoever. A Shatner-less desert the Mudcat will be henceforth. Hunker down and enjoy it.

This has been Leslie Fernwinkel for WSSBS. Good night.

---

Previous Shatner Threads (click) (please do not refresh them)

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 09:16 PM

YAY!!!!!!!!! No more Shatner!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 09:36 PM

Little Hawk, all this is so boring and stupid. Who really cares anyway? Knock it off, OK?

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: sophocleese
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 09:50 PM

Hey Sorcha if you go up to a little box in the corner of the page you can find the option that allows you to send a personal message to someone. Why not give it a try instead of prolonging a thread you don't like. Otherwise try a self application of the words boring and stupid.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 10:26 PM

Yea, soph, I know perfectly well how PM's work........but since when is it against the rules to express a personal opinion on this site?

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: khandu
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 10:31 PM

I am bereft. Tearful even. But,I will support Swap. He won,therefore he is my sexiest one.

Congrats! Serve us well, Dear One.

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Aug 01 - 11:27 PM

February in August?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 01 - 06:54 AM

Sure sounds like something Bill would say. I recall seeing him on TV once, I think it was on "Saturday Night Live" (you know - that show produced by another famous Canuck) and he was addressing a Trekkie convention. He said something like.... come on people, it was a television show we did for a lark for a couple of years. Get a life !

LH... good banter on the threads... LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 01 - 10:05 AM

Sorchas -- be patient -- he's in the concluding chapter!!

LH -- sorry about the defeat butr gracefully handled, I', surer you did everything a campaogn manager could possibly do.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 25 Aug 01 - 05:11 PM

**THREAD CREEP***

Amos, when do the casts come off your fingers? :>)

Lin

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 01 - 07:51 PM

As months go, I prefer August...at least in Canada, anyway. If it was New Zealand, I would probably prefer February. I get cold too easily.

It's over, folks. Complain, celebrate or pontificate if you will, but it's over. Finito. Kaput. No more you-know-who with the toupee.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Lee Shore
Date: 26 Aug 01 - 06:40 PM

I'm going to miss this if it actually goes away. I've never thought much about Shatner one way or the other, but I've now taken a liking to him for his ability to stir up so much shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 01 - 07:28 PM

Well, I'm glad someone's going to miss it....

You can thank me for stirring up all that shit, actually, but S**tner was a handy vehicle for the purpose, that's for sure, and without him I would never have thought of it in the first place.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Lee Shore
Date: 26 Aug 01 - 10:16 PM

Well alright, then, Little Hawk. I don't mind the Shatner hooha being shut down as long as you're still around to stir the next thing up. That was a wondrous piece of shit disturbin you conjured up there.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 08:00 PM

I always liked Spock better.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Lox
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 10:11 PM

Oh no!!!!!!

Look what I just stepped in!!!!!!

Shat...

lox

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 10:51 PM

Most people liked Spock better. In fact, Spock was what really made that show. This doesn't change the fact that S**tner got to play numero uno and seduced more females than anyone else on the show. And...he pioneered a whole new speaking manner which no one else has quite succeeded in imitating (except, of course, Jim Carey, who used to do hilarious Kirk imitations before he became a big Hollywood star).

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 11:15 PM

Sh*tner talked with his butt??

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 11:53 PM

**Thread creep!!!**

Hey LH! Guess what book showed up in my mailbox a couple of days ago...

'SCTV Behind the Scenes' by Dave Thomas!

flattop thinks it will improve my writing skills. Maybe he's right. It's a fun book.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 11:52 AM

Well now, let's not be hasty. Let's take a moment to make sure the count was accurate. How many hanging chads have you confirmed? Has the recount been confirmed? Have you contacted the US Supreme Court?

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 12:21 PM

That's worth considering, Naemanson. But what the hell is a "chad"? I have been trying to find that out for some time, and no one seems willing (or able) to explain it.

- LH

Jack - No, S**tner did NOT talk with his butt, and neither did Jim Carey before Hollywood got hold of him. I saw him in the early 80's in Toronto, and he was VERY funny, doing a comedy routine onstage at Harbourfront. He did some Star Trek impressions and a ton of other impersonations...all superb.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 06:32 PM

What??? *No* more Shatner??? As in, at all?? Well, hell. :(

I didn't realize he'd go away altogether if he lost. I might have voted for him, just so there'd still be fodder, er, I mean so he'd stick around.

And on why he was Captain on the show, and why he got to seduce all the green alien women (this is a no-brainer); He might not have been a decent actor, but back then? He *was* one of the sexiest things on TV (for women). If I got TV at all, I might watch him with the sound down even now.

Watch Spock for the intelligence and decent acting, watch Kirk to see how fast he can get his shirt ripped.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 07:05 PM

Wise words, Celtic Soul. You have summed it up nicely. As for S**tner never showing his face around here again...well, I think it might be sort of like Dick Nixon and the "Checkers" speech...remember that?

My feeling is that a guy like Bill cannot be driven away forever. After a good sulk, he will probably return, hopefully with a new album of cover tunes by people like Dylan and David Bowie.

Hang in there, and fortify yourself by playing old Star Trek videos with the sound turned down.

- LH

p.s. What does "chad" mean?

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 09:32 PM

LOL! Little Hawk, if he *does* make another cover album, I'll play that with the sound down too! ;D

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Gloredhel
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 07:17 PM

Good riddance! Spock was soooo much better. For those of you who are still curious, a "chad" is that little round piece of paper left over from the use of a hole-punch gadget.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 07:28 PM

Seriously??? That's what a "chad" is? Obviously I did not spend enough time watching CNN investigate the friggin Florida election results!

Matter of fact, I spent no time doing so. If I had a TV I would ritually disembowel it and turn it into a fish tank or something genuinely useful.

Gloredhel, Bill has you down on his hate list too. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Gloredhel
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 07:51 PM

Believe me, I didn't watch CNN either. I read in my local newspaper that, apparently, some guy from my hometown invented something to do with that system of voting, and he was being blamed for all sorts of problems, etc. If he still lived here, I'm sure he wouldn't ever be able to invent anything again...some friends of mine would see to that.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 08:31 PM

Ah...I see. It's my opinion that our present system of two-or-more party political campaigns is a grotesquely bad way of governing a society. Not to say that it isn't preferable to a one-party dictatorship, but it's still a very bad system, because it divides the public against one another and perpetuates the division generation after generation, while building huge money driven power blocks to strive against one another and delude the hapless public with false promises.

The only reason people think it's normal and okay to do this is because they are used to it, and haven't seen something better. Be assured, there is something much better, but I expect I will not see it in this incarnation.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 10:11 PM

I thought that a "chad" is a fish... or the name of a friend of mine. But I could be wrong about the fish.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 10:29 PM

I accept...Are we done yet?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 12:17 AM

Say, before we leave ol' Bill, I was wondering if he had a part in the movie "Songcatcher?"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 01:22 AM

No, but he does have a handy way of Killing Threads....

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 05:55 PM

And about bloody time this one died, too!

Oh, shit...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 06:02 PM

If a thread dies on the forum, and no-one notices, does it still make a death-rattle?

If Shatner dies in his sleep tonight and no-one told Little Hawk, would anybody care?

But soft -- history has a way of fooling us all. Imagine in 2070, a revival of archaic film-faddery, people laughing themselves sick over the primitive but somehow impassioned myths of ancient Terra and arguing over whether or not "Friends" ever appeared on cable or was it black and white? Following which a cult following builds up, and eventually as the young culties of 2070 grow to power, finally in the middle of the biggest city on Luna, right in the intersection of Dome 1 and Dome 2, a giant statue is erected memorializing the gargantuan, overblown memory of the very first Captain of a star ship. Well, a Terran star ship.

So, LH, let the thread die in peace and silence. But never give up hope!!

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 06:11 PM

Thank you, Amos...those are comforting thoughts. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 07:19 PM

OK, the next person to refresh this thread has to sleep in a pup tent with Spaw and a can of Vegemite!

Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 09:38 PM

Okay....No problem. Who's next?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: khandu
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 10:13 PM

I still think William is sexier that Swap!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 11:00 AM

Well, obviously! The problem is that the people on this forum are severely prejudiced, plus there was voting fraud on a massive scale from the so-called staff of the NYCFTTS. I happen to know that their entire staff consists of an incontinent old crank, a disaffected possum, a little pissant, and several imaginary companions. If the WSSBA had behaved in a similarly dishonest fashion, Bill would have won by a landslide!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 02:37 PM

He didn't "win" ? Gee, I thought just by "creating" this thread, he was worth his bank account. I know I wish I had those kind of "numbers" in my account. Who gives a darn about sexy when you can buy anything you want. Always remember, money buys you happiness and love... and sexy, in a way. And Bill's got lots... of money.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 03:06 PM

And Horses!!!

Don't for...get The horses.

Nice horses.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 03:12 PM

Ere dey Black 'orses, Jack ? How's ye keepin, me ol trout ?

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 03:29 PM

I'll check back later if all stays reasonable, Jack, to read your reply. Unfortunately, I'm in charge of the BBQ, and must prepare the smelts - jack smelts, BTW, fresh froze from the Northumberland Straight some months ago and kept special for the Labour Day weekend bash and seesion, along with birch and spruce partridge, moose, deer, cod tongues, scallops, lobster.... lard dyin geeziz, I wish ye was ere... twould be shockin good !!! Anyway, I suppose yer celebratin the long weekend in the States with some such similar fare... possums or somethin. Enjoy, bye.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 04:52 PM

I went fishing and I caught a smelt
Threw him in the pan and the fire he felt
Of all the smelts I ever smelt
I never smelt a smelt like that smelt smelt.
.........from a Groucho Marx rendition of "Peasie Weasie"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 08:01 PM

Star trek fans - come join us!

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Gloredhel
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 08:18 PM

What kind of a fish is a smelt?

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 08:29 PM

SMELT

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: khandu
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 08:33 PM

Very tasty! Smelts in your mouth, not in your hand!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: Gloredhel
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 08:37 PM

Thanks Spaw! Learn something new every day--or if your me, seven or eight new things. I'm too far west to see wild smelt. khandu--that's just bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner Concedes!!!!
From: AliUK
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 10:23 PM

refresh

---hehehehehehe-----

Shatner rules. "spaw just likes blowin'up a possum's ass.