The things Kids say

Subject: The things Kids say
From: jimlad
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 04:54 PM

At the RC Primary School my kids attended a teacher friend heard the followig "prayers"

In the Hail Mary,"pray for us sinners now" became "pray for us Cinemas now"

The sign of the Cross started "In the Name of the Father put your hand on your tum"

In the Memorare,"And was left forsaken" became "And was left for Satan

I suppose it works better if you are Left-Footer(RC)

On a slightly different tack,a 50 something Lady we know sings at Christmas time "May all your Christmas Eggs be white" instead of "May all your Christmases be white". Nobody has the heart to tell her.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 05:06 PM

Ah, Gladly, my cross eyed bear....

We had trouble with 'draw an ear with faith'.....

LTS

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: JudeL
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 05:20 PM

A friend who is a teacher swore that on an old exam paper one student had written " The House of Lords has two groups, the Lords Spirited and the Lords Tempramental".

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:01 PM

My daughter saying the Lords Prayer.. Our Father whose not in heaven, Halloween thy name....

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Beer
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 08:52 PM

A great thread to hopefully some GREAT responses. I'll be back, have to think about this.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: 53
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 10:55 PM

My granddaughter says let's play some tar, instead of saying guitar.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Bert
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 10:58 PM

Aha, a wise daughter. The word tar is Persian for string and a "seh tar" has three strings.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 11:37 PM

I spent many nights as a child with my grandparents and "Pop" was avery special person to me. We all went to church every week together and Sunday Dinner was always at their house. Pop and I read the comics together for as long as I could remember and every night he read me bible stories. So I had been singing hymns for long before I could read and one night I asked him.............

"Pop, who is Andy?"

He looked at me and asked what Andy I meant. I said the one from the bible that we sing about in church. I think this had him stumped because he knew of Andrew the disciple but couldn't think of any hymn about him or where his name was mentioned in one. He had a thoughtful expression when he asked me for more information, like what song it was we sang.

"You know Pop.....It goes (and I sang), Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own......."

Now he was a man that enjoyed a good laugh but not one to truly "guffaw" over something. But on that night it was the hardest and longest I ever saw him laugh. Funny, I don't remember what or when or how he explained the truth of "and he" vs, "Andy" but I will never forget the joy his 5 year old grandson gave him that night.

Spaw

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 11:55 PM

Cats-PAW! CatspAWWWWWWWWWW!

But-- do you intend to need a lewd life?

Let the hope of the poor be taken away.

Don't forget thine ever-failing love, either.

Or the pizzle of St. Peter.

Lawsamussy!

My folkbaby Katarina is three now. She charges into the building every Saturday night, runs ahead of her dad who limps behind her, loaded down with gear cuz he plays the music with us. She runs into the big ole formal and gorgeous church-part of the place, stops and throws her arms up high in the air and yells, "I HOME!" Last night she ran back out to the building entrance to drag her Papa and Grandma in, with "Come on in my HOME!" G'ma sez, "No Katarina, this is church." "Yes! My church my HOME!"

Last night we ended the closing hymn particularly beautifully and before the last note had half rung, she jumped up in the front pew with a loud, "WOW!"

They get the important stuff right, Pat.

Just like you did.

~Susan

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: jimlad
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 02:21 AM

Heres another one:-

My Daughter now a Mum herself watched me showering(not a pretty sight at the best of times)when she was about 7 She said "daddy do you like sex" I managed to splutter the words "what do you mean darling?". "well" she said "if we eat our first dinner at school we can have secs"

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: C-flat
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 06:00 AM

My 6 year-old Neice was in the local supermarket with her Mother when she caught sight of a Sikh gentleman wearing a vivid turban. Most Asians in our area are Muslims and this was the first time the little girl had seen anyone wearing a turban. My sister-in-law noticed that her daughter was staring and attempted to distract her attention to another aisle. "Mummy?" said the little girl, and pointed to the Sikh. "Come-on, This way!" said Mum feeling worried that her daughter was about to embarrass the gentleman."MUMMY!" the girl continued, "Come HERE darling!" replies the mother trying not to draw attention, "BUT MUMMY....LOOK!...A GENIE!!!" Everyone, including the Sikh, fell about in hysterics!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: GUEST,DMG
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 12:04 PM

Long years ago now ....

We were playing 'I Spy' on the train when my son picked 'H'. After all the obvious (Hands, hair, head ....) we go on to more and more obscure 'H'-s and it was clear everyone else on the train was mentally joining in. So my wife and I kept trying and trying for about 10 minutes - nothing, but plenty of joy from our young son because he had stumped us. Eventually, we gave and it was announced - hiccup!

====== Most recently, which got my edition of Child volume 1, I opened it over breakfast and was enthusing about how important a book it was and so forth when my 16-year-old asked me: Can I have all your books when you die?

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 03:30 AM

To understand this you must know that German taufen = to baptize rhymes with kaufen = to buy.
When my eldest daughter was about three years old, I showed her our baptisterium and told her: "At this stone your daddy was baptized". Immediately she ran to my wife and called: "Mummy, mummy, daddy has shown me where he was bought!"
Oh, those happy remembrances!

Wilfried

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 06:51 AM

Alison aged 10 learned about domestic hygiene in school, and came home full of zeal. "Daddy, you must be very careful to wash all the work surfaces and chopping boards, otherwise you'll get semolina..."

The Hail Mary was almost universally heard, in Salford, as "Blessed art thou, a monk swimming".

Incidentally, the only thing I knew about sex after my RC education, was that wombs are normally spotty and full of fruit. "The one spotless womb wherin Jesus was laid", and "Blessed is the fruit of thy womb..".

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 07:04 AM

Apparently when I was wee I informed my mother I "didn't like those Orange bands" - it turns out I "like the blue ones better". Well, they're definitely easier on the eye!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: JulieF
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 07:10 AM

My favourite questions from my daughter when she was younger:-

Why don't spiders have eyelashes ?

Why don't the words fall down on the television screen ?

And my personal favourite - Daughter - What did St George Kill mum? Me - A Dragon Daughter - I told Amy it wasn't a Shark !

All the best Julie

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: jup
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 07:36 AM

My son describing tomato sauce,SAUSAGE JAM.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Watson
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 08:01 AM

The seventh commandment as heard in a Black Country (in the English Midlands) school
Thou shalt not come into Dudley.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: VoxFox
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 08:13 AM

One day as I was putting moisturizer on my face, my son who was eight at the time asked me what I was doing. I said I was hoping to keep the wrinkles from starting. Hesaid, "Oh, you must be using that 'Oil of Delay' stuff." Cracked me right up! :o) VF

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: brid widder
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 12:54 PM

in the CofE service before the Lord's prayer the vicar says "as our Saviour taght us so we pray" our Vicars son aged then about 3 called out " Save your tortoise?"

my son came home from his first day at school and said it didn't matter if they forgot their gym shoes they could do PE in their 'spare feet'

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Troll
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 01:20 PM

I always liked the one I heard at the Florida Folk Festival many years ago.
The regular preformers had finished the evenings show with a spirited sing-a-long and as everyone stragled back to cars and campsites, I passed one little fellow, loudly singing Hisversion of our last song:
"A maze of grapes
How sweet and round...
It's right up there with;"Lead on oh kinky turtle..."

troll

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Metchosin
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 01:28 PM

When she was small, our very shy youngest daughter, looked worridly up at the skylight in the bathroom , when she was sitting on the toilet and asked, "Mum, can God see me when I pee?"

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 01:53 PM

One of my nieces, aged about 4, upon seeing a man legless on a kind of trolley thing, not a wheelchair: Mommy, that man should be TALL! (He thought it was pretty funny, too.)
And another niece, upon seeing 2 nuns in habit right after one of our other sisters had twins - Look Mom! Twin ladies!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:54 AM

Whilst walking down the crowded street one Saturday when West Ham Football club were playing at home (lots and LOTS of blokes wandering around), the Bratling pipes up with.... 'Mummy, do all boys have willies?'... trying to bring my dearest up in an environment of security, information and openess, I had to reply yes, they did, that's what made them boys. Her response.... 'Mummy, are they useful?'..... collapse of two large policemen who had been walking behind us....

Haven't decided what to tell her... I think I settled for 'sometimes'.

LTS

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: GUEST,Offspring
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 09:02 AM

My daughter recently said to me "You're the reason I want to be a Daddy when I grow up"

Oh dear, failing the children again...

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 01:49 PM

Guest/Offspring, if you're the Mom, indeed!

Timothy last night (age close to 7) was theorizing about why he'd already lost 5 teeth and his twin brother only 2; he began feeling his nipples and said Maybe I'm growing boobs and the fat (here he gestures up his neck, throat, and out his mouth) is just POPPING those teeth out, pop pop pop!" - Man - where do they get these ideas!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 06:14 PM

I knew a woman whose youngest son's (about 3 years old)greatest love was toy vehicles..(Tonka and it's clones)..but whose language skills were lagging...

One day, as they drove down the street, the lad spotted a LARGE version of one of his favorite toys next to them. Leaning out the window, he pointed and screamed, "Frrruuk, Mommy, frrrrrruuuck!"....she said the driver of the 'frrruck' was highly amused.....

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: sophocleese
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 09:29 PM

Well tonight we decided to watch a movie called "The Princess Diaries". A light piece of Hollywood cosmetic makeover=coming of age movie. 2/3 of the way through we stop for a bathroom break. My daughter wants to go back to the movie but my son isn't so sure. Then he decides he may as well because, in his own words "its only by facing your fears that you are truly brave." That's the way to watch a movie, GOOOOOOO son!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: GUEST,Fortunato
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 09:49 PM

Cousin Jesse, when asked about his favorite work on the family farm by his 4th grade teacher, answered

"Oh, milking our cow."

"Well then," his teacher said, "What's the most important thing to remember when milking a cow?"

"Don't pull too hard on the tits," says Jesse.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Melani
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 10:34 PM

I just came back from sailing on the tall ship Lady Washington, where they do various kid programs that include the kids actually working the ship. One kid, directing his mates in hauling on a line, was yelling, "Heave! Heave!" Then he saw they'd pulled too far and yelled, "Unheave!"

Another kid directed his crew to "Haul on the tonsil braces!" (tops'l)

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 02:27 AM

Here's a "from the mouths of adults" one. Aboard the historic square-rigger where I work, I was being interviewed by an independent producer who produces travelogues for a radio travel show. The producer I was giving the ship tour to, who was taping the tour for the show, asked what kind of work was done on the foredeck. I showed her the capstan, anchor, and told her about the function of the bowsprit. She then, with a total straight face, pointed to the bowsprit and asked, "and did they crawl out there to work on the maidenhead?" It took every nerve and facial muscle control for me to keep a straight face and continue the interview, tactfully correcting her (she meant the "figurehead").

chanteyranger

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: caz2ufolk
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 04:18 AM

during a lesson about forces, I asked a class of 6 year olds what makes the clouds move? "God makes the clouds move miss" answered Ross. :)

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: C-flat
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 05:20 AM

I've never been able to find a satisfactory term to use for female genitalia. For boys it's much easier; willie,tail,etc. But my daughter refers to her "front bottom" and her "back bottom" quite frequently and often in public. Her most recent offering was; "Mummy, when I grow up I want to have a long front bottom...like Dads!" Mummy found that VERY amusing!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 11:03 AM

A lad from Berlin (mostly Lutheran natives) is in a summer camp run by nuns. All day the children are told religious stories.
When the subject was changed to biology, the children were asked: "What is this? It is small, furry, has a bushy tail and jumps from tree to tree?"
The lad answered: "Well, normally I would say, a squirrel, but knowing the shop here it must be Holy Child Jesus".
(Old German joke, told for decades)

Wilfried

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Dorrie
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 11:16 AM

i was walikng through town with my big brother and he's very large and a little boy walking infront of us turned to his mother and said 'mum look that mans pregnant!' lucky my brother just laughed.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 12:34 PM

When my boys were in grade school they came home wanting to know more about what they had discussed in school...something about...down in their pants. You know, your pants, and the difference between girls and boys. I was preparing for the ole birds and bees talk when they finally said, we talked today in school about genes (they heard jeans).

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Trevor
Date: 25 Mar 02 - 12:44 PM

I was sitting in the bath one evening when my 9 year old son wandered in.. "Daddy, what's another word for your wee wee?" 6 year old, from the bedroom... "It's your pisser Dad, isn't it?" 9 year old... "Oh take no notice of him Dad, he's just showing off. Anyway it's your penis and testicles isn't it?" Me, emerging from beneath the water where I'd gone to stop myself laughing... "Very good Joel, that's quite right - where did you learn that?" 9 year old... "Oh, just Stephanie at school, 'cos her Daddy's got a sore one" Guess how much I enjoyed meeting Stephanie's daddy on the school run next day!

I also remember my brother, whilst reciting the Lord's Prayer, asking our Father to deliver us from eagles.

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Mar 02 - 01:25 PM

Sitting at dinner with the staidest relatives I have, and Timothy (aged about 4 at the time) announces that since Aunt Norma is a girl, she has a vulva, right Mom? Nothing wrong with the terminology but boy was Aunt Norma embarrassed! Why bring these things up over dinner, I ask you?

Family story, dating to when my sisters were approx 2, 3 and 4, or maybe 3, 4 and 5, leaning over the edge of the tub watching Daddy take a bath. Why does it float? Asks one of them. 'Cause it's 'tached at the other end, dummy! answers another. I think this is the conversation that taught Dad to float a strategic washcloth whenever one of his daughters entered the bathroom while he was in the tub...

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Micca
Date: 25 Mar 02 - 01:46 PM

This is not so much a "say" as "do",( sensitive men stop reading here)

My Brothers kids were real water babies, if ANYONE got in the bath, and unwisely left the bathroom door open , they were very quickly joined in the bath by 2 kids, Fay, (about 3 years) and Stuart (about 5 years at the time).One day my brother was standing in the bath letting it drain while he was drying his hair the kids sitting in the bottom of the bath , playing with toy boats, Fay wants to stand up and climb out of the bath, so she grabs this convenient handle and applies her full weight andPULLS HERSELF TO HER FEET!!!!! he couldnt , he said , yell at her ( she is only a kid and doesnt KNOW how painful this is), so he stood, silently screaming, gritting his teeth!!!!!! when she was out of the bath and said" Are you alright Daddy, you've gone a funny colour"!!!!!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 25 Mar 02 - 03:14 PM

Micca, that's priceless! Yowch!!!

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 02:53 AM

Bratling has just announced that she doesn't want a husband when she grows up, but does want to get married.... I think it's something to do with the dress.....

And we find the term 'minnie' is quite suitable for refering to her front bottom in public.... until she offers to show it to you and asks you to smack her bottom.....

LTS

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 11:10 AM

Snatch. Girls have a snatch, boys have a cooker. Or at least that's what we used when I was small...

Subject: RE: The things Kids say
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 02:43 PM

Well my daughter has just suggested that if showing your bum is called "mooning" than showing the front must be "sunning". Makes sense to me.