A Mudcatter's Thank You

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: MMario
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 02:54 PM

N.O. ~

Take whatever time you need ~ "fair" has nothing to do with it. Tell us as much or as little as you like - at the pace that is best for you.

I agree with the others - the music in this thread is the ultimate song.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 02:42 PM

It somehow doesn't feel "fair" to me here, to have started this thread and have to pause for so long before continuing.

Any of you who have been through trauma know that the key is to approach that page slowly, and fully focused...regardless of how long ago the events occured..and to back off the page to deep breathe when you need to "regroup".

This is tough stuff for me to write....BUT VERY healthy for me to be doing. I'm running off to work and won't be back until Sat. afternoon..after which I need to sleep....and re-focus.

With your indulgence I'll try to continue over the week-end. In the meantime I've been absorbing and ingesting these incredible supportive comments here. If you have ever wondered what makes Mudcats such a special community, go back and re-read the wisdom, kindnesses, understanding and gentleness in these posts.
thank you for them...

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Amergin
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 09:33 PM

the loveliest music of all....

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Amergin
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 09:33 PM

yep....for it is the beat of the heart....

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 09:02 PM

.....*listening*...there is music in this thread that needs no voice or instrument.....

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 06:40 PM

...a soul as strong and deep as the roots of that lilac bush, and as gentle on the surface as the little blossoms.

Jackie, I'm very glad to be able to read your story. There are never enough tales about love and strength and the magic in life. Thank you for what you've written so far, and for what may come.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: GUEST,Hamshank
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 12:47 PM

N.O.

Ya went and made me leak all over my keyboard. Glad I don't have to sing in the next few minutes, 'cause I couldn't with this goose egg sized lump in my throat. Thanks for including guests. Some of us love the Mudcat and I, for one, am quite fond of most of the folks who hang out here, although I don't really know any of 'em.

HS

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 12:47 PM

She's off to work for a couple days, so was resting up for that. Maybe by Saturday night, if she isn't too tired. One of those is an overnighter, so we'll have to remember that patience is a virtue for which we all strive, right?**BG** 'Course, she might surprise us with some more, tonight, who knows when the Muse of Night Owl strikes?*bg*

Oh, those potato peelers!! Ya'll are in for some fun!

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: CapriUni
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 12:16 PM

Yes... eagerly awaiting the happy ending...

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 11:52 AM

I hope Jackie feels better soon, and is able to post "the rest of the story....." There is more.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: CapriUni
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 11:17 AM

If you really want to remove a lilac from one spot, and put it in another, make a cutting, as suggested above, and
Get a goat!;-)
It may take a while, but eventually, the lilac bush will be eaten down to its root crown. I speak from experience -- had two pet goats while I was growing up. Just tether the goat near the lilac, so as to protect the plants you do want...

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: MMario
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 10:50 AM

Lilacs do root easily from hardwood cuttings - at least some varieties. I remmeber starting several bushes from stems that had been cut for bouquets - after the blooms had faded - they had already started to root - so just babied them along a bit in the water and eventually set them out.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 10:34 AM

I have a set of poems which I add to now and then called The Women's Sowing Circle. Each poem in it is about some woman in my life who has been very special to me, in some way. These are poems which *come* to me, not something I can just sit down and think, "Okay, now write this one."

So, not finished, yet, but Night Owl is getting her own in the collection and I think I may share as she's already read it. I'll post the rest when it comes to me:

To Jackie

I have touched a woman's spirit
With her allowance;
A private woman
with layers of courage,
born of great loss
and quiet triumph

© 2001 K. LaFrance

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 08:32 AM

I'm one who sent a PM of personal stories. It's amazing how there can be similar stories in our lives, stories which help us gain a greater understanding of our lives and the people in it.

And now about the lilacs...I've tried moving them and it's EXTREMELY difficult because they have such STRONG roots. Be very careful. If you are chopping away at the root system with an ax, it can ricochet off and hit your leg. You might also get some professional (from a nursery) advice on how to do woody stem propagation. I have several lilac bushes in my yard, and it's not unusual for people driving by on the highway to stop and ask to pick some. I have lots of fond memories of taking lilacs to people...now my friend NIGHT OWL is one of those memories!

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Cappuccino
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 03:45 AM

Remarkable. Very best wishes. - Ian B

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 03:41 AM

For those of you struggling to find your own "peaceful" closures

Thank you for addressing that, Night Owl. I'm struggling with a few of those, and I've been needing to wait until you finished your story before I posted anything to this thread. But I wanted you to know that reading those words felt good to me.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 03:17 AM

I'm exhausted here...and need to "regroup" and take care of myself for a bit before continuing...but before I go to bed, I just want to say thank-you all.....incredible community!!

and Andres, it's GREAT to see you back with us...

Weather was cold,rain/snow here today... the bulldozer didn't show up.

I got a few "baby" lilacs and am gonna try again this week-end to get the "mother".

There's another amazing thing we have here.."Personal Messages". I learned when I started the Music Therapy thread what an incredible asset PM's are for us in the design of this website. Members who were following that thread, but uncomfortable posting their personal stories to it, shared information with me through PMs.

The same thing is happening now and I want to thank you for them. For those of you struggling to find your own "peaceful" closures, wait'll you hear how important a potato peeler can be! bg

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 01:43 AM

I often find myself angry or baffled by the random cruelty and thoughtless violence that seems to play such a role in the world. Perhaps there is no changing those things. Maybe the ultimate revelation of our value lies in how we deal with these things, how we hold to our basic sense of right and dignity in the face of them. In the process, we may lose every material thing that gives us comfort, until we are left at last with whatever peace and strength lie within us.

From what you have said, Night Owl, I know that infinite peace and strength lie within you. You have both my sympathy and my great admiration.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Escamillo
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 12:59 AM

Jackie, you know that there are many of us who want to thank Mudcatters for all the generosity we find in this place, on top of the music.

Un abrazo - Andrés

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: alison
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:31 PM

thanks for writing it Jackie.... I miss our chats on ICQ.... but it is wonderful to know you

love

alison

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:15 PM

Dear Night Owl: Caroline and I both want to thank you for letting us share a small part of your life. It's as Jerry Rasmussen's song says: "All I can leave you is a handful of songs." We are so glad that one you caught from us was a comfort to you at that painful moment. Would that we could give you more.

Sandy and Caroline

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:11 PM

Wow, jackie. just saw this and I'm a bit dumbfounded. This place has a power to not only inform and entertain, but to heal as well. Glad I know ya.

Luv

Rick

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Big Mick
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 10:41 PM

I sure can relate to your posts, dear one. I shared something here a few years ago that I had not shared before nor since. I have never regretted it, as it seemed like the place to do it. Now it is my turn to sit here with tears running down my face, and thanking God for Max and The Mudcat, and those that "live" here. And right now, mostly I am thankful to know that this place has you in it.

Mick

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:47 PM

Dang! I've been playing that cut for two days straight, over and over driving to work and back.

No, really!

A.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:36 PM

Played more Hazel today in your honor, Jacks, but couldn't get this chorus outta my head. One of my favorite songs...
And the world goes 'round in circles
Like a crazy ferris wheel
And it's good to know that there's a place to go
'Til the hurt begins to heal
Where your troubles melt like starlight
On a chocolate ice cream cone
And you're old enough to make it on your own

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:21 PM

Thanks for the whole story, Jackie. I knew only bits and pieces.
Mary

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Banjer
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:09 PM

Thanks for sharing this story with all of us. I can only imagine what it takes to recall and tell this tale and I hope it is in some way theraputic for you to relate it. You are indeed correct, this is more than a forum on a website, it is a community. I personally have drawn much strength and support from this group also. I was a little over a year ago that my Dr's office called to set an appointmenty based on the results of some tests that had been run. I feared that my life would change drastically from that day forward, but having followed Pat's (Catspaw's) ordeal I knew that no matter what the Dr. had found I would find a course through it. So while you are listing your reasons, let me borrow a bit of your thunder, Night Owl, to also thank this group for their support! Thanks all.......

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:51 PM

A lot of what we do on the Mudcat is a waste of space, and that includes a lot of posts I make. Every now and again there's something that makes up for all that, and this is one of those times.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: CapriUni
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:07 PM

Oooh! A cliffhanger! I love/hate cliffhangers!

:-)

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 01:50 PM

Jackie...you and I have been ICQing for well over a year now and your concern for me has always been constant. I always "knew" there was a story behind your messages and I felt that If I was patient, I would learn so much from you., I'm so glad that I stumbled on this post. I would just like to add Jackie...I've dug up, moved, shaken and pruned many lilac bushes in my time and I have found them to be very resiliant. In fact, they've become stronger and more beautiful ... just like you!

Barb

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Amergin
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:44 PM

Peter....I did not need that thread to know she is a wonderful person....but thanks.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:51 AM

Why are we pretty fond of old Night Owl around the old Mudcat porcheroo? You might want to check this out....Music Therapyyours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:46 AM

You're right about that, Pat/Spaw, but it's going to be a little later, today, before we get to read much more. I just spoke with her and, since she really is a "night owl," she's just off to sleep for a bit before posting the rest of her incredible story, which is not to be missed.:-)

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:28 AM

*left me speechless, dear one* just remember everything I've said before and that I love you...kat

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:27 AM

Folks, I have good reason to believe that you all need to keep following this because the best is yet to come. She is a truly amazing person and I am honored to share this forum with her.....

Spaw

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Morticia
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:25 AM

I'm sitting here with the tears dripping off the end of my nose, knowing exactly what you mean,echoing your gratitude for this wonderful community and cheering you (and your courage) on....thank you .

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Alice
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:24 AM

Night Owl, thank you for writing. This forum has an even greater meaning to me now, after reading what you shared with us. - Alice

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: mzkitty
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:14 AM

"Night Owl",it seems to me that a bit of spiritual alchemy has gone on here. You have brought your home and it's contents back to life through your words and now each one of us shares a bit of your home in our hearts. I will think of your story often. Bless you for your loving spirit.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:09 AM

Loss is a very difficult experience that we never really get over. But we do move on with life and find joy, and experience good times. I know, because I buried my wife, Judy, 4 years ago who died of breast cancer at a young age of 54.

And so I fully understand this thread. I haven't been around Mudcat very long but have been around long enough to realize that it is a community of not only smart and talented folks, but caring folks. I pray this tread will have the healing qualities, Night Owl, that you need. Now, get out there and rescue that lylac. It needs you and in the years to come, as it blooms, you'll remember all the good things about the house...

And may God bless you.

Bobert

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 10:55 AM

Potato peelers and cherry pitters all the way, darlin'gal.
~yer sister-mule

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: CamiSu
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 09:18 AM

Wow. Can I be your next door neighbor? This all sounds so hard, but you and all those you've helped and have helped you are surely living what Bob Franke said in Thanksgiving Eve

What can you do with your days But work and hope Let your dreams bind your work to your play What can you do with each moment of your life But love 'till you've loved it away

Thank you

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 09:05 AM

Thank-you, Night Owl. Your public sharing just reinforces all the things I'm supposed to know anyway...PM on the way...

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 08:56 AM

thanks for listening...it's been a tough night here (not meaning bad) and not the first time I've been thankful that Mudcats is "open" all night.
Hollowfox....thanks for making it a "music" thread!bg
ok....last "history" post and then I'm gonna make breakfast..fill my coffee mug...and try to convince my Lilac bushes that they want to move before the Bulldozer comes.
I'm not sure why the compulsion to write all this now really...but "Farther Along we'll understand why".

My partner died 7 yrs. ago.....doesn't seem possible that it could be that many years ago..but it is.

I don't have a kazillion personal friends...but the few I do have are solid...same ones that helped me stand up after my brother died. They took turns making sure I didn't quit...sitting with me...just being there.....when they knew I was alone.
I don't remember a word anyone said initially...but DO remember how important it was to have a close friend JUST BE THERE...breathing. AND when I needed, they helped me wipe my tears and allowed me to talk about life and death this time, and broken dreams, and being too tired to start over again.
They helped me get through the initial shock...and after a few weeks, on those days when I wanted to give up.... they reminded me of how much the 8 yr. old needed my help...and how important I was to them ...and him.

I didn't learn until a couple years later that they had also kept tabs on what I was eating and drinking, and how many hours I slept daily...(or not).

The horses went to a friend's farm in Vermont, and the business equipment went to a variety of places.

Still numb inside, and not sleeping well anyway, I began picking up every assignment I could get....and worked three jobs for a couple of years.

There's much to be said, I think, for throwing oneself into work or something...anything...because sometimes life's events can be so devastating, it's impossible to comprehend it all at once...if ever.

I learned a lot through grief counseling, and why I was taking so long to "get better"....and to be kinder to myself....and to be more patient with the good-day/ bad-day; two steps forward, three steps back; ups and downs involved in grieving.
And I had to learn HOW to ask for help when I needed it..because I had been a "giver" all of my life. I'm still struggling to learn how to receive more graciously.
I cut down my work hours and continued working with the 8 yr. old....who was by then,11yrs. old. We had a very balanced relationship......he taught me every bit as much as I taught him....and somehow the challenge of working with him kept me alive inside.

One day, out of the blue, I received a phone call asking me to come work in a home that had four brain-injured adult women. I already knew that the boy I worked with was gonna be fine..and that my job there was done. His medical needs are ongoing...but stabilized.

During the three years I worked with him, he had been successfully mainstreamed in school, and we had corrected the erroneous labels he had been tagged with by "the system" and its misdiagnoses. I was just "hiding" in a safe place by then with him. He still had some problems, but had learned to "use his words" and his mother and he had ALL the tools they needed to survive the politics of the system.
So, we carefully "weaned" ...gradually...with his nurse's help.......ostensibly him...but honestly me....the dependency.

I was working with the four women when I found Mudcats.

I'm giving myself permission to feel sad for a bit this morning, and then I'm closing the chapter I've just written about...and turning the page. The negative parts are going in the dumpster with the house.....and the positive parts I'm keeping. Thanks again for listening.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 08:46 AM

Dammit PT, why must you jump in and say the very best thing I can think of and leave me with nothing but to say "Ditto?"

He is right of course Jackie......I don't know what all is in your mind here about thanking us, but the thanks should go back to you for all of those caring and heartfelt posts you have made over the years and for the joy you have given us........Continue as you will.

Spaw

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 08:35 AM

You grace the place, Night Owl, as ever. Roll on. yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 08:08 AM

Beautiful job so far, N'Owl.

A

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: kendall
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:51 AM

This is a special place alright. It's impossible to feel alone here. What a bummer to lose a lifetime's collection of things that bring back memories.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: GUEST,Amergin
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:20 AM

Night Owl....like George said....thank you for sharing....

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Hollowfox
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:02 AM

Like the song says, "Good times and hard times, they're all worth the telling".

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From:
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 06:32 AM

Thank you for sharing, Night Owl.