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BS: Daft questions people ask players
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Subject: Daft questions people ask players From: Pete Jennings Date: 18 Apr 02 - 02:58 PM I was playing in a local village pub one time, not a gig, just a couple of us sitting around. I played my version of the Bert Jansch song Strolling Down The Highway and afterwards this bloke comes over and asks "Why don't you play it like Bert does? I simply smiled and said something like "out of my league, I'm afraid", all the time thinking "because if I could play like Bert Jansch I wouldn't be sitting in this crappy pub playing to myself, idiot!" I sometimes wonder if it's me. Pete |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Jim Krause Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:01 PM Pete, Yeah, that was pretty tasteless of that bloke. I'd think that a little originality would be appreciated. Jim |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: greg stephens Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:09 PM I was playing a bit of ragtimy blues guitar in C once, just fooling around, and someone asked me " Is that right?" I'm still working through the implications of this question 30 years later. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: UB Ed Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:26 PM Greg, is that an example of ya'lls famous British irony? Ed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Wesley S Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:40 PM I'm tired of folks asking how long I've been playing the uke. I play the mandolin. I guess if it doesn't have a scroll it's not a mandolin. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: GUEST,jonesey Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:48 PM Pete it's not you. Once, when playing with a country band I did a 'solo turn' of a song called 'Love, Me'. The band hadn't had a chance to rehearse it and the guys suggested I do it alone. The song had some neat guitar stuff that lends itself to a single guitar real well and is pitched pretty high. Anyway, when we were on break this fella walks up and says, "Dude, you do Fogelberg real well." 'That wasn't a Fogelberg song," I replied, pleasantly. He smiled crookedly, as he was a 'little' tipsy. "Dude, you do Fogelberg real well." I said "Thank you" and went to the loo...Pete, it's not you. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: SharonA Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:34 PM When I introduce a song I wrote by saying, "Here's a song I wrote", someone almost always comes up to me after the set and says, "Did you write that"? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Kim C Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:41 PM I love when I'm carrying my violin and someone says, Do you play the violin? I suppose perhaps it is a fair enough question, but why else would I be carrying it around? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Burke Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:46 PM Kim, tell them, "No, it's a machine gun." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: GUEST,jonesey Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:53 PM Or maybe, "No, but if you'll hum a little of it maybe I could"... Sorry, couldn't resist. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:54 PM Kim C -- I gey the same kind of question when I'm carrying my guitar. While I've never had the brass to actually do it, I've always wanted to answer them by saying, "No. I carry it around all day to count how many idiots will ask." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Ebbie Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:17 PM Hey, guys, lighten up. Diffident fans have a difficult time opening a conversation. Just be glad you're on the other side of the stage. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Mark Cohen Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:21 PM Now, now, folks...try to reframe a little here. It could be a friendly attempt to make conversation, by someone who's not very good at it. Imagine that it's a novice guitarist trying to master the chord changes to Tom Dooley. What's called for--a putdown, or a kind word? Just a thought.... Aloha, Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: GUEST,Marion Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:49 PM Burke, I have had several people ask me if I had a gun in the violin case. Probably all thought they were being original and witty. My favourite stupid question, though: I'm walking down the street, carrying my fiddle, minding my own business. Some guy shouts from a car, "Hey, do you play violin?" I ignore him. On the next block he pulls over to the curb, and says, "I'm making a hip-hop album and I'm looking for a violinist. Do you do studio work?" Apparently it's so hard to find people willing to do studio work that producers are forced to cruise the streets looking for people carrying cases... Marion |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: harvey andrews Date: 18 Apr 02 - 07:21 PM What's your real job? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: GUEST,greg stephens Date: 18 Apr 02 - 07:30 PM UB Ed: well actually old chap doncha know, it was an American who asked me the question |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Pete Jennings Date: 18 Apr 02 - 07:31 PM Thread creep (but I started it!)... The violin case stories remind me of a vaguely-remembered episode which made the (UK) news some years ago...a guy's going through customs with a violin case and the officer says "what's in the violin case?", the guy replies "a bomb, stupid!". He didn't make his flight... Then there was the time in 1980 when I flew to Dublin to see my sister and the customs officer says to me "what's in the guitar case?". I kid you not. Pete PS. Ebbie and Mark - please remember that players are only human and sometimes our nerves are shot to pieces both before AND after performing, never mind churning over all the arguments back home about who's turn it is to feed the cat, etc, and the idiot who nearly drove you off the road on you way to the gig, and the bar staff who seem to take great delight in handing you a dripping, sticky glass just before you go on, and we certainly get fed up with the "what's in the case" questions...I'm sure there's no harshness intended by anyone here, it's just hard sometimes, but hey, if we can't share it and have a quiet laugh about it here...well, you know the rest. One of the great things about this site is that you can say things that maybe later you think were too harsh or you regret a little, but there's no need to apologise - this is life in real time - that's how it is. But keep it coming.
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: DonMeixner Date: 18 Apr 02 - 07:44 PM Once hitch hiking home from Rochester NY I had my clothes in my banjo case. ( Left the banjo at home.) A County cop pulled over and gave me the once over, hitch hiking actually being illegal. When he said "Whats in the banjo case?" I said " A weeks worth of laundry." He siad "All right smart ass open it up." I did. The look was priceless. He ofcourse dumped it out on the pavement to search for the drugs we musicians are known to carry. When he found none he told me to get moving and don't try hitch hiking in Cayuga County again. I did anyway and got home. Don |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: harpmaker Date: 18 Apr 02 - 07:48 PM Is that a Harp?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Bev and Jerry Date: 18 Apr 02 - 08:12 PM Once when we were setting up for a school gig we had the sound system set up and, with instruments all over the stage, we were in the process of tuning. The *principal* came by and asked "Do you have to tune those every day?" We both stifled the urge to reply "Only on the days we want to sound good" and simply replied "Yes."
This may be a clue as to why American public schools are so bad. Bev and Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Celtic Soul Date: 18 Apr 02 - 08:30 PM Dressed entirely in "Golden Age of Piracy" garb with all acoustic (and some historic) instruments, in the middle of singing a sea shanty, we were interrupted by an audience member so she could ask: "Would you play 'Mandolin Rain' by Bruce Hornsby?" Gah... Politely, we said we didn't know anything by Mr. Hornsby.
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Lonesome EJ Date: 18 Apr 02 - 09:08 PM While setting up pa, amps, mics, etc... "Is there gonna be a band tonight? Cool!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Malcolm Douglas Date: 18 Apr 02 - 09:09 PM We all get the oh-so-clever fiddle case questions; you just have to bite your tongue unless you're particularly in the mood to kill. They all think you can't possibly have heard such a witty crack before. "Do you play any (so-and-so, modern folk-pop singer-song-writer) songs?" (Asked at any number of traditional dance-tune sessions where nobody had sung all night). "Do you play Duelling Banjos?" (Asked of a solo mandolin player, more than once). Sometimes it's an original joke, though, and worth repeating. Getting a flight from Marseilles to London, once, I was carrying a canvas bag containing a (bowl-backed) bouzouki and an Appalachian dulcimer. It looked like a machine gun. Customs man: "That looks like a machine gun." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Rick Fielding Date: 18 Apr 02 - 09:17 PM "What's Harvey's REAL job"? Seriously, the MOST assinine questions are the ones most repeated....but the scariest is when you go into a fast food place after a gig and the hoods see the guitar case. "Hey....play sumthin' for us"! ('or we'll kill you') Cheers Rick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: SeanM Date: 18 Apr 02 - 10:15 PM There's an amazing amount of odd questions at 'reenactment' type shows, even the more entertainment oriented. At the renaissance faires I work at, I've been asked everything from "Did you make that flute?" about the rolled Shaw pennywhistle, "Can you play XXXX?" with the XXXX being any number of normally non-acoustic modern top 40, "Can I jam with you guys?" during the middle of a stage set... the list goes on. It's usually in good faith, and normally is just either someone who wants to talk and isn't sure how to start, or is really just clueless. I've had people swear up and down that I'm lying when I tell them that I've never performed at certain shows - "Are you SURE you never did a show at the Florida faire?". I've always wondered what they're expecting... "Oh - that's right! Yes, I was wrong when I apologized and said I'd never even been in the state. I HAVE performed at that event..." M |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: 53 Date: 18 Apr 02 - 10:20 PM Can I sit in? No way man, you'll kill my strings. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Ebbie Date: 19 Apr 02 - 12:10 AM This is not my story to tell but it's too funny not to, somebody's got to do it. The scene is an outdoor salmon bake. Visqueen geodesic domes overhead, salmon grill pit to the side, salad bar down the middle. The singer is on the second verse of a song when she becomes aware of a little lady with orange hair speaking urgently to her. Singer shakes her head at her and continues with the song. LLWOH comes closer and speaks more urgently still. Singer comes to a stop. Looks at her. LLWOH says, "Do you know if that coffee in the coffee pot there is Decaf?" With great poise and aplomb, Singer says "See that boy in the red shirt? Ask him. He'll know." Picks up her guitar and finishes the song. In the meantime Singer's friends at the table nearby are convulsing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Troll Date: 19 Apr 02 - 01:10 AM I play the part of a herald at local ren faires complete with a 4 foot long straight trumpet. I wish I had a dime for every "Is that real?"(yes) "Can I try it?" (No) "Can you play that?" usually after I've just played a long fanfair.(Yes) And the beat goes on... troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 19 Apr 02 - 01:16 AM I wish I had a pound for every time somebody has asked me if I am jewish, (for the record, I AM NOT JEWISH).Aparrently I look jewish! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 19 Apr 02 - 01:22 AM PS.A few weeks ago I was in Hull, city centre when a youth on a bike road past me and shouted to me "F... off back to where you come from, you jewish B*****D" I shouted back that I am from Hull & I am not jewish, his reply was "Oh, well F*** Off anyway"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: alison Date: 19 Apr 02 - 01:26 AM "wow it must be difficult to play the fiddle like that!" I was playing a flute!! slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: KT Date: 19 Apr 02 - 01:51 AM Ebbie, TOO funny!! She really was clueless, wasn't she? The Canote Brothers have a great song called, "Foolish Questions." Some of these stories remind me of a foolish ANSWER I once gave. Back in college, a friend and I were traveling home after a horrible week in the Carribean. One thing after another, including unseasonal downpours for four days straight, and a continuous parade of giant cockroaches through our hotel room had us anxious to get home. After long hours of airport delays, re-routed flights, etc, we were exhausted and giddy by the time we reached Customs. When asked by the agent, "How long have you been abroad?" I, (without forethought, obviously) quipped with a goofy chuckle, "All my life!!" Foolish answer. Nearly missed our next flight, while they poured through our suitcases.
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: mooman Date: 19 Apr 02 - 03:53 AM I told these before in a different thread but they bear repeating. Always asked by an inebriated but enthusiastic punter at a session. Can you play...
"Varnish me Foreskin" (Banish Misfortune) They still raise a smile after 25 years! Regards, mooman |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Steve Parkes Date: 19 Apr 02 - 03:58 AM Coming back from Le Continong (that's France, if you're American!) years ago with my fellow Stonnal Players (actors, not musos) I had my guitar with me. I'd inadvertantly put my modest (and legal) duty-free bottle in my suitcase to avoid breakages, stupidly forgetting about Customs. As the only one without a bag full of booze, I was naturally spoken to at quite some length ... the guy seemed to think I'd stuffed my gig bag with contraband, and asked me if I actually had a guitar in there. I offered to take it out and show him, but he said "no thanks". Myst have been my honest face ... Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: mooman Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:23 AM Ah yes..how could I forget! First time I went through the Eurotunnel (between England and France) by car I was pulled out at random by the Customs (I don't think the Irish passport helps in this respect!). Following a thorough search of the boot (trunk for our US colleagues)... "Is this yours Sir?" (pointing at the Calton mandolin case) "Yes indeed it is officer" "What is it?" "It is a case with a mandolin in it" "What exactly is that?" "It is a type of musical instrument" "May I see it?" "Of course" (I open case) "Mmm.. that's pretty, I like the pearly bits" "Thank you!" "Can you play something on it for me?" "Of course..." (I play something...once more making the Irish mistake!) "Can you play that bit out of "Maggie May"? "Of course...no problem" (I oblige with reasonable results even though I haven't done it in 10 years!) "Ah very good...everythings fine...you can go on your way now Sir...keep up the good work!" "Thank you very much officer and may I compliment you on your efficiency and courtesy!" "Anytime Sir..Bye!" This is a faithful transcript, recorded for posterity in my mind! Best regards, mooman |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Pete Jennings Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:21 AM The stories above remind me of a couple more, bit thread-creepy, but still: In 1979, as a bearded student (clean-shaven in my passport photo), I flew from Bristol to Dublin, complete with guitar case in hand, to see my sister. The immigration officer studied my passport and asked if I played the guitar. That's not all. About 13 months later, as a clean-shaven worker, I made the same trip, with the same guitar and the same passport. The immigration officer asked "when did you shave off your beard?". Spooky. And a memory sparked off by Ebbie's LLWOH story: Years later, in a country pub, a plummy-voiced guy is studying the menu and commands the landlord "Charles, talk me through the baked salmon". Charles, with completely straight face, says "Well, sir, we select a salmon, put it in the oven, and bake it". PVG orders two, completely oblivious to the snorts of stifled hilarity around him. You couldn't make it up. Pete
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Kim C Date: 19 Apr 02 - 10:07 AM Oh, I know people are just trying to make conversation, and of course, I always politely answer "Yes, thank you." I'm afraid the machine gun comment might get me arrested these days! Although, I'm always reminded of that scene in The Glass Menagerie, when the mother is just SURE Tom is up to no good, when he's really trying to just get out of the house. He says something like, "You're right, mother... I go to opium dens, and I carry a tommygun in a violin case. They call me Killer... Killer Wingfield." ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: GUEST Date: 19 Apr 02 - 10:25 AM It might be a Viola Kim? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Jim Dixon Date: 19 Apr 02 - 11:32 AM Here are some stories I've heard: After the band has played a whole set of jigs and reels, someone asks, "Can you play an Irish jig?" (If it's not "The Irish Washerwoman," they don't recognize it as a jig.) A friend who plays piano says people at wedding receptions, etc., are always trying to talk to her while she plays. She calls it the "Dooley Wilson Syndrome." Dooley Wilson was the actor who played Sam in "Casablanca." She says he really did play the piano and talk at the same time, probably after having rehearsed that scene a lot, but people don't know that it doesn't come easily to most pianists. Mooman: I've heard that lately, if you carry a laptop computer through airport security, they ask you to boot it up, just to prove that it's a real computer and not a bomb, I suppose. Maybe that customs agent was doing the same with your mandolin! Or maybe he was checking to see that you were really a musician and not just smuggling in instruments for the purpose of reselling them. I suppose they'd be subject to a duty if you did that, right? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Troll Date: 19 Apr 02 - 02:21 PM Going through custome at Gatwick, the young lady asked of my mandolin and guitar cases if I had any "deadly weapons in there". Well, I answered, some people claim that they are pretty dangerous the way I play 'em. Wrong answer. Everything out and inspected. I played a couple of tunes, she said I wasn't all THAT bad, and I went on my way resolving not to be such a smartass in the future. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Chip2447 Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:02 PM While on my lunch break at my last "REAL" job I used to sit outside at a picnic table and play one of my ocarinas. Most of my ocs are fired clay resembling pipes that are used to smoke Certain semi illicit substances... Several times I have been approached by the Univeristy police and questioned about pot smoking. Then you have to prove that its not a pipe and indeed a musical instrument. A few years ago I wore my hair really LONG, imagine a que that would wrap around your neck twice like the hero's in a cheesey chop suey flick. Yep, that long. Invariably, someone almost daily would ask how long I had been growing my hair, and my response is identical to KT's above..."All of my life" Come to think of it, really long hair and holding a small round object to my mouth, no wonder the midwest cops thought I was inhaling... Chip2447 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Sorcha Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:19 PM We get asked all sorts of questions that we think are strange ones to ask the band--- What time is lunch? Do they serve (insert beverage) here? What time is it? And always, the request for Irish Washerwoman (or some such) immediately after we've played it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: GUEST,Peter from Essex Date: 19 Apr 02 - 05:23 PM Play anything collected from Scn Tester or Walter Bulwer and a punter will as if its Irish. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Robin2 Date: 19 Apr 02 - 10:24 PM I do puppet theater, and for several years my partner and I wore black skirts, shirts, hose and shoes. We were stopped at a local fast food joint by a well meaning, slightly overlubed fellow who looked us up and down and asked "Do you people believe in God like we do?" Excuse me? we say "Ain't you some of them there amsish folk?" he says. "No sir, we are puppeteers" He stopped for a moment, rubbed his chin and said, "Well do you people believe in God like we do?" I kid you not. Robin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: KT Date: 20 Apr 02 - 12:08 AM LOL, Robin!!! Too funny!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: vectis Date: 20 Apr 02 - 08:07 PM One of the Dubliners was once asked if he played by ear or was he a real musician?????? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Apr 02 - 08:48 PM Back about 4 years ago we ran what has become known as the "Infamous Tiple Thread" for a number of reasons. I told this story there and it bears repeating here I think. On the thread we were all commenting about the huge number of tiples Martin has made over the years and yet you rarely see one anywhere. In my early 20's I worked parttime evenings in a music store and indeed we had one hanging there and never sold it, but it was always an attraction! Many moons ago in the music store where I worked parttime, we had a tiple, and yes it was a Martin...and no, we never sold it. Years later I'd just stop in to BS and the thing was still there. And it was still being referred to by the official company name...The Fuckin'Thing. Swear to God, it got that name because that was what the "lookers" called it! I hate to be extremely vulgar (well not really), but it was the TRUTH!!! Customers would ask, "What is THAT fuckin' thing?"-- (a Tiple) -- "What does the fuckin' thing sound like?" (You hand it to them, tuned like a b-uke)--"This fuckin' thing sounds like shit." --(well,uh...) -- "What do you do with the fuckin' thing?" (Dunno)-- "Why would somebody want one of these fuckin' things?" --(Dunno) -- "How many of these fuckin' things have you sold?" -- (none) -- "Can you play the fuckin' thing?" --(sorta'...you play "Crazy Words, Crazy Tune"...It was all any of us knew) -- "Hey, Far Out Man! That's a weird fuckin' thing alright." --(Yeah) -- "I gotta' bring So & So in to see that fuckin' thing." -- (yeah, great)-------- And to the best of my knowledge, the "Fuckin' Thing" was NEVER sold. I saw it in the store in 1980 or 81 and Jim sold out soon thereafter. Probably took it with him.......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Lynn Date: 20 Apr 02 - 09:44 PM Marion! Inquiring minds want to know! Did you get the gig???
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Subject: RE: BS: Daft questions people ask players From: Lynn Date: 20 Apr 02 - 09:58 PM Marion! Inquiring minds want to know! Did you get the gig???
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