BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done

Subject: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 09:52 AM

The other night, Col K, Momnop and I were having one of our late night sessions in Mudchat. Jeanie is often there too, but her phone line was down. Colin asked a question which has stayed in my mind, and I don't think that he'd mind if I shared it with you. He asked, "What is the greatest thing you've ever done?" I had to stop and think a minute. Did he mean greatest achievement? Or, the thing that gave me the greatest pleasure, or sense of pride? Or, the best thing that I've done? Momnop had no problem. She said "that's easy..
giving birth to my son and trying to be the best Mother I can be for him." My answer took a little longer, and I'm still trying to answer the question. My first response was that I have no way of evaluating the "greatness" of the things that I've done in my life, but I do know that the greatest things that we do are out of love. Like everyone else, I take pride in the few real accomplishments I've had in my life. But I don't think that I'd list them as the "greatest" things I've done. And I realize that in all of them, it hasn't been me alone that has accomplished them.

Momnop grasped the question immediately, and her answer was the right one. When we do something out of pure love, with no selfish motives and give of ourselves without measure of the cost, that is the greatest thing we do. Bob Franke wrote a wonderful song many years ago about being a parent, with the memorable line "It's not the thing that I do best, but it's the best thing that I do." But, not all of us are parents, and we all do every-day great things that are quickly forgotten, and perhaps not even noticed by more than one of two people. And, if while we're doing them we're thinking, "Man, am I great, or what?" I question their greatness.

One thing we talked about was the gift of being there to help someone when they are struggling. As an example, early yesterday morning, I was downstairs, enjoying a leisurely start to the day, when I heard my wife running around upstairs. I figured something was wrong, and immediately ran upstairs. She had heard someone calling for help outside. It was pouring rain, and barely above freezing, and when we first looked out the front door, we couldn't see anyone. And then we saw our neighbor, lying flat on her back on a bank of snow and ice next to her mail box. She's had a long history of strokes, and my first thought was that she'd had a massive stroke and was paralyzed. All I had on was a night shirt and a pair of thin, floppy slippers, but when I saw her, my only thought was to help her. So, I ran out in the pouring rain, sloshing through the ice water that was flowing down the street until I reached her. She had been lying flat on her back in that pouring rain for a long time, and she was afraid that she was just going to die there. As I started to help her up, a car was driving by and saw us. As the guy said, he thought I must be some kind of whacko to be going out dressed the way that I was, in the pouring rain. And then he saw our neighbor. Between us, we helped her up and got her into the house. By then, my wife was getting dressed, and she came over to take care of her and make sure that she was allright. She hadn't had a stroke, but had slipped on the ice, and with her arthritic legs, she couldn't get up. We talked to her this morning and she is feeling fine (and I don't have pneumonia.) We're taking her to the doctor this morning for an already scheduled office visit, and he will make sure everything is allright with her.

Momnop then told a story of how she had been put in the right place at the right time to help a young boy who broke his arm. And I do believe that there is a common ingredient here. When we commit acts of completely selfless love, that is when we are greatest. Not all are as dramatic as running out in the pouring rain, or helping a young boy with a broken arm. Some are just every-day acts of love that are very simple... helping someone load a heavy box into their car, or just listening to someone who is desparately in need of a compassionate ear.

In these times when we're beaten down by threats of war and we see the ugliness of life around us, I thank Colin for asking that question. It is a reminder that there is a greatness in each of us. If we feel powerless to stop wars, there are people in need who we walk by, every day who would appreciate a little loving kindness.

Anyone got a good story to share?

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:08 AM

Wow. A big question, to be sure.

I don't know. I would have to think on it.

Sometimes, though, I think there are things we do, that we don't think are big, or great, but they mean a whole lot to someone else. I believe we very often touch people without knowing it, or even meaning to. Maybe some of the greatest things we do, are the ones we never find out about.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Sam L
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:27 AM

Jerry, when I saw this it reminded me of an idea for a thread asking the greatest thing you've never done, about ambitions and things one chose not to pursue. Think I'll start that in parallel.

   But the greatest things I've ever done are quite small, and old. In elementary school I always befriended the new kids who everyone picked on, and when I see my kids do things like that it's worth a thousand report cards. My daughter was voted Kindest Student in her class.
    But I didn't have the nerve to speak up in 7th grade when a pathetic P.E. teacher joined in calling a girl by an insulting nickname, and I've regretted it so long and hard now I think there'd be trouble if I ever ran into the guy.

    Being a good and helpful critic to people about their work is something I've always tried to do, and I've had a few good moments, when people seemed energised and validated by a little recognition. Fans don't really help, sometimes, adulation makes you feel lonely. Useful criticism and appreciation is hard to do well, and I've been nosing through old threads about it here.

I'll have to think about it some more. I don't have much to say for myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: GUEST,Gern
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:40 AM

Not much competition in my resume for this distinction. The best thing I ever did was to provide home care for my dying parents, along with my wife Barbara. They were both dying and wanted to stay at home, so we moved in. Barbara took over my mother's care (cancer) and I assumed the dadly duties (strokes, Alzheimers). It was brutal, exhausting, it consumed our own lives and drove me into prolonged depression and regrets. But one thing I will never regret is being there when they really needed it. In my overdrawn Karma account is one hefty deposit for this difficult period in our lives.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: jimmyt
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:49 AM

Fred,

I think that was a truly great thing you did. I was always the new kid, having moved to 6 different schools thru the 7th grade, I can tell you how important you were to the new kid. It is easy to do a good thing when everyone is lining up to do it. It is a hard thing to do what you did, doing something that no one else is offering to do.   Seems like you have imparted this greatness to your kids. I will have to think a bit on this question for myself!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:09 AM

It's a great question, isn't it? I was moved by your response Fred because it touched my life and that of my sons. When I was a kid, I was very self-rejecting, and because I was turned inward, and was a skinny kid who stunk at sports, I was pretty much either ignored or picked on in school. I still remember a birthday party a girl in my class threw in 7th grade, and there were only two kids in our class who she didn't invite. I was one of them.

My youngest son went through hell, when I went through my divorce in my first marriage. He was even worse at sports than I was as a kid, and really struggled to make it through every day at school. Because he knew what it felt like to be ridiculed and picked on, he too made a point of welcoming every new kid in shcool. As the kids got to know their classmates, they often left my son behind, and he was still ostracized by everyone. Finally, he had made a couple of friends in his class. One day, one of the most popular kids approached my son and asked if he wanted to be in a club he had formed, of the most popular kids in the class. Now, normally, this would have been "the greatest thing" that had ever happened to my son, because he had been so cruelly ridiculed for so many years. But, he asked if his friend Danny could be in the club, too. The "President" of the club told my son that his friend couldn't be.
A decision to make. My son told the kid that if his friend couldn't be in the club, he didn't want to be in it. And, to top that, he said he was going to start a club that his friend could be in, and my son was going to be President. That had to be one of the greatest things my son ever did. But not the last..

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: TIA
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:26 AM

KimC said "...the greatest things we do, are the ones we never find out about." That's probably true, and definitely too bad. So this morning I wrote a letter to an eye doctor who corrected a problem I had as a child. It went un- or misdiagnosed for several years, and I had become an academic and behavioural mess. This guy spotted it, fixed it, and my whole life turned around. I've always remembered that, but never told him (he's old, retired, ailing...). Read KimC's message, and wrote him a letter just now.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: jimmyt
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:38 AM

tia, I have done a similar thing a few times in my life and find it to be wonderfully rewarding. I sat down when I had finally finished my education and evaluated the impact that my teachers had had on me. In the final analysis, only a handful had been truly life changing to me. I wrote 5 letters to these individuals, who had been teachers over a span of 28 years, (I started to school in 1954, and didn't finish my education until 1982) and just told them how much of an impact they had made on my life. All were delighted to hear such praise. I also sent a similar letter to a boss who had fired me from a job. He had been completely correct in doing so, and I was able to draw from that experience as well. He was most surprised to get that letter!
These kind of things are easy to do, cost nothing, and not only does the recipient of such a letter get great benefit, but the sender gets a great feeling as well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:44 AM

The greatest thing I have done is to NOT look at what I have done, but to look at (and point to) what Someone far greater does, from time to time, through me. When I've been able to get the ME out of the way, anything I may be part of has had far more impact. But I can't even fairly claim credit for getting the ME out of the way-- I prayed that I would be able to, so that's all His, too, really.

That's not a viewpoint that has been terribly welcome at Mudcat, and it's sure not PC in today's world, but that's my answer.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:51 AM

I don't think this thread is intended to bring praise to ourselves, but to share things that have given us a sense of satisfaction & meaning &, perhaps, to inspire others. My guess is that the greatest thing I will have done is to have fostered two orphans while I was living in South Korea & to have found homes for them with families in the U.S. In Korea, as orphans, their social options would have been quite limited. I've had the joy to see them grow up with much broader, richer life choices.

Respectfully,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Morticia
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:54 AM

Aside from my children, I suppose it's going into, and staying in,social work.I have sometimes used this forum to vent my frustration, my tiredeness and my anger at some of the things I've seen or had to work with but never, not once, has it been about the people I work with, but rather the systems I work within.
Under-funded, undervalued and misunderstood,I often wonder why I, and thousands like me, keep going.....but we do and that, IMO, is pretty great.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:10 PM

bbc, I intended no reproof and I hope you didn't take it that way. That's just... my answer.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:29 PM

For me, the 'greatest' things I have done are the times when I was open to being an instrument, a time when my own needs and facade were set aside- and something remarkable happened. It happens once in awhile- if only I were able to forget myself more often!

Once at a music party I saw the tension in the shoulders of a woman (who I didn't know) who was sitting on the floor in front of me on the couch. Tapping her on the shoulder, I motioned her to scoot back and let me 'do' her shoulders. Which I did for the next 20 minutes, until the muscles became flat and relaxed.

In a break, she turned her head to me and whispered, Thank you. I was thinking of how to kill myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:46 PM

Ebbie: What a story! There's a Mudcatter who I hope will add her story about a college age daughter of an old friend of hers who called her in the greatest state of anxiety and depression. I've had that happen to me with a close friend one time. I don't think these things happen by accident... what a gift to be there for someone who is that seriously in need of help.

A few years back, at a bible stufy session, someone kept interrupting the lesson, asking questions about what to say to someone who is planning to commit suicide. Our pastor would respond to the specific question, and then go back to the text we were studying. A few minutes later, the same person would ask another question about suicide. Finally, our pastor said, "Do you know someone who is planning to commit suicide?" and the man answered, "Yes, me.." Everyone rose from their chairs and formed a circle around him and began to pray, and everyone offered to be there for him at any time he needed someone to talk to. That was five or six years ago. The man is doing beautifully now, able to help others who are going through similar times of despair. Sometimes all that is needed is to tell someone you'll be there for them... and mean it.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:48 PM

And you are right, bbc... this thread is not in praise of ourselves... it is a reflection on the occasions when we have risen above ourselves, set ourselves and our own needs aside, and helped someone else.

We all need to be reminded of the potential for good that is in all of us.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: TIA
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:57 PM

I agree wholeheartedly with the setting your own needs aside part...

My mother has a rule: if faced with multiple courses of action, the one you really don't want to pursue is the one you probably should pursue.

Following this has helped me (usually) override the overwhelming self interest born of 3.5 billion years of human phylogeny.

From the stories above, youse is good folks...

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:58 PM

I agree, Jerry. A good friend of mine is a pastor who was raised in a church that was so anti-flesh, this pastor now has a hard time proclaiming anything in totally positive terms. I play music for his weekly service, now... it seems clear to me that a great thing I can let God do through me is just to love this man and his people, and to let him see me doing that... if he can see that I see something, perhaps he will see it too, and see these things in himself as well.

IMO, it's great to talk about "It wasn't me, it was God. I can't do it, but He can." But without making a decision of one's will, that one is a fit and willing instrument for use, one is living as though God has not been equipping and preparing one to do what is asked... .

I guess making and acting upon the decision to love, that would be the greatest thing.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 02:01 PM

The greatest thing that I've ever done is to help people out, and just leave it there.

I'm sorry but I find the self congratulatory nature of this thread somewhat distasteful.

But that's just me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 02:03 PM

Guest: You're missing the whole point of this thread if you think it is self-congratulatory..

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 02:47 PM

overwhelming self interest born of 3.5 billion years of human phylogeny.


That is one terrific turn of phrase, pal.

The greatest thing I have ever done without question is to help Barky find a place in the world. I wouldn't dream of presuming to say that I brought her to it -- she has always been her own person in the fullest sense. And from time to time I have helped other people as well. Which is the least I could do considering the fact that I have also brought my share of pain in the world.

Personally, I am all for self-iinterest, but I think there is a world of difference between selfish interest and enlilghtened self-interest. What I see in the answers here are not self-congratulatory, or egoistic, but they are simply rationally self-interested. That's a very different thing, IMHO.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 02:55 PM

Jerry, I think that line you used-"The greatest things that we do, are out of love" Is a great line. Sounds like a song there. I also think what you and your wife did for your neighbor was a wonderful thing and very kind.
Yours and Ebbie's stories welled my eyes!

Gern, I think my story is similar to yours although my Dad is still living on his own.
It has been a few years but I decided not to make a move that took me far away from my parents. My Mom died suddenly, leaving Dad on his own. Me being the closest child, I am here for him now, even when he considers me a pain in the butt when I'm always checking in on him! I know he appreciates the fact that I am here and close. I've had to get him into the hospital on three different occasions now, so I know he is grateful that I am around.
I am not boasting or want congradulations, I just decided, I will bloom where I am planted. As long as my dad is still living, I choose to be here for him if he needs me. I will also take him into my home if it comes to that.

Peace. Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Sam L
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 03:21 PM

Gee, now I'm embarrassed. But I've come to see that I have a gift of a supernatural arrogance, and always have, since the age of 4. Ask my mom. It's supernatural in that I don't need any empirical evidence to support my arrogance, but that arrogance combined with the slightest smidge of occasional decency has allowed me to do things I'd just as soon do, without regard for what people will think. So, for example, I can continue to doggedly pursue things that any sane person would've rightly concluded they had no talent for. Again, ask my mom. This is perfectly true, and not self-congratulatory. Sometimes our deepest faults, no matter how hard we ply them, accidentally come to some good end. Can't we count that?

Guest's remarks remind of of when someone did our astro charts, and since my wife and I are both pisces, she thought every good thing sounded like HER, and left me twisting in the wind with all my faults on my head.

   It's not really self-congratulations to affirm one's values, to assess what has mattered, lingeringly, as opposed to all the things that one is supposed to care about in the way of accomplishments, prestige, and b.s. If people thought of it more and affirmed it more they'd have more of the freedom that always seems just around the corner, soon as I make more money, soon as I get some recognition, make my mark, soon as I look like I'm living well to other people.

    And if it is self-congratulatory, sometimes, so what. Can't you give yourself a break from regrets and self-reproach for five minutes without somebody wanting to drag you back into the pool they're pissing in? It may be awkward, but can't you reach around and give yourself a back-rub without somebody ridiculing your strained metaphor? Thanks y'all for sharing the stuff here.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 03:22 PM

I decided a long time ago to make an effort to be kind to people. Sometimes this is a difficult endeavor. When I was depressed it was especially difficult. I suppose it's true, though, that the people we least want to be kind to are probably the ones who need it most.

I rarely watch the show "Friends," but every now and then I happen to catch it. One night, the friends were debating whether or not there was any such thing as a selfless act of kindness; because when you are kind to someone without any regard for what you get back, you do get something back. You get a good feeling for having helped someone out.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 03:42 PM

Great response to guest, Fred. Nothing is more prideful than someone who takes pride in not being prideful. People who don't think they're any good don't end up doing a whole lot of good. I think the operative guideline is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. That means that we have to start with ourselves.

Maybe I could get a job in a fortune cookie factory?

It's good to see people taking satisfaction, and even pride that they have been able to help someone else. As long as the motivating power is love, satisfaction is fine. One is the motive, the other is the after-effect.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: jimmyt
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 03:47 PM

I have three children who are all adults now, all graduated from college in 4 years, and there is not a murderer or lazy person among the three. They all love to come home, I love to see them come (and also enjoy seeing their taillights it the end of the visit.) I have been married to the same wonderful woman for 35 years, and this is a great credit to her longsuffering. I have managed to muddle along with life making lots of mistakes and hopefully learning from them.

I think I have instilled the concept in my children that life isn't always fair, suck it up and deal with it. My wife and I have always said we raised children by "skillful neglect" but I see all the heartaches around us with other people's kids, and I guess we stumbled on to something right over the years. I think more aptly put, we reared or children by example rather than making lots of rules, etc. I guess this seems to be my greatest accomplishment, but it is hard to take much credit for it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Allan C.
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 04:32 PM

I MAY NEVER PASS THIS WAY AGAIN
(Murray Wizel / Irving Melcher)
Perry Como - 1958
Robert Earl - 1958


I'll give my hand to those who cannot see,
The sunshine or the fallin' rain.

I'll sing my song to cheer the weary along,
For I may never pass this way again!

I'll share my faith with every troubled heart,
So I shall not have lived in vain.

I'll give my hand, I'll sing my song,
I'll share my faith, because I know,
That the time is now to fulfill each vow,
For I may never pass this way again!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: gnu
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 04:39 PM

Striving to do better.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Col K
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 04:44 PM

As the unknowing inspiration for this thread I feel that I must put some input to it.I think that all of us have the capability of both doing good and doing bad, I just hope that this thread encourages us all to do something good,something that we can be proud of, whether it be something great or something small.
For me three things come to mind, two of them have or had the potential to save lives,surely a good thing to remember and the third was a sad occasion.But my original question in the chatroom was what is the greatest thing that you have done so I can only choose one of these.
Someone else on this mudcat forum will be surprised at my choice because of an earlier conversation with them about it.This person has heard my other two but not this one, so here goes.
About 18 months ago four of us set for a day together. It had been planned for several weeks and we were all looking foreward to it.All went well until we were stood on the platform waiting for a train,when one of my friends suddenly collapsed into my arms. I lowered him to the floor and shouted at the others to go and call for the ambulance.This they did and the paramedics duly arrived and took over.
Unfortunately they were not able to save my friends life in fact he was dead before they arrived.Why ,you may ask, do I class this as the greatest thing I have done? Well I think that by being there with him when he died was a blessing for him and his wife and children in that they knew that he had died doing what he enjoyed doing and that he was with his friends when he went.
Not a happy story, but knowing that he died in my arms and not on a cold floor alone surely classes this as a great act.I still think of him and his friends and I often talk about him with great affection remembering all the tricks we played on each other over many years of friendship.He was 50 when he died and we still miss him.
Thanks Jerry for starting this thread there are many good stories out there waiting to be told, some happy ,some sad,but all worth telling

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 04:47 PM

I was kind to a guest on Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Socorro
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 09:50 PM

Here's something i still feel good about. As a young nurse, i was working on a floor where a woman had a radium implant for uterine cancer, so everyone was exposed to radiation when they cared for her. We had to wear badges, to measure the radiation.
Of course, no one wanted to take care of her. I finally agreed to, though I really didn't want to & was frightened,frankly.
Well, when i went into her room, she was an Asian lady who kept her eyes closed, & seemed so alone.
But,i felt a deep peace as i started to do her care, & forgot about anything except taking care of her. Didn't hurry, possibly even lingered more than i needed to, so she wouldn't feel shunned. My fear just evaporated in the presence of a very ill person.
I still remember how trivial any radiation seemed to be,once i got in the room & saw her, & my fear felt foolish, though i knew that was probably inaccurate,strictly speaking.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 09:56 PM

Promising to "Love Honour and Cherish" and knowing that in every way, with all of my being, I meant it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:07 PM

A young girl needed a science fair project (6th grade, she was). I questioned her about her interests, to make it brief she came back in a couple of months later and radiantly stated that I'd helped her make it to STATE!!! science fair. No, she didn't win State. But I'll be that she was one of the very, very few who have ever mummified a squirrel.

Also helped another young lady in her pursuit of a PhD in biochemistry -- encouragement and so on. Nothing much, except that she had had MS since she was very young and was confined to a powered chair....

It's in helping others....

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:12 PM

Other than accepting Jesus Christ as my savior?

Okay, October 2nd, 2000. The 75th anniversary of the collapse of a train tunnel on a work crew and a number of unidentified black laborers in the "Churchill Tunnel" in Richomnd, Va. .... I organized a memorial service for identified and unidentified laborers who were buried in the collapse and whose bodies were never retrieved.

Yeah, that beats out opening for Bruce Springsteen's band, Steelmill, in 1970 or co-organizing many anti-war demonsrations against the Vietnam War. Why? Because it was a cause that no one else saw. And back to my original premise, it was directed by ther Holy Spirit.

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Deckman
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 10:41 PM

... to be able to spend the many hours at my Father's side, and to be holding his hand when he died. Bob

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: khandu
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:08 PM

My dad was an alcoholic, and had a difficult time showing his tender feelings. I knew he loved his children, but it wasn't by any outward show. He worked hard to feed and clothe his six kids. I knew he had hopes, dreams and aspirations which never manifested, due in part to his being so busy trying to rear us.

In the last few years of his life, he began to demonstrate his feelings more openly which definitely filled me with much joy. Often, he would ask me to play guitar for him, and he would sit and smile at the tunes. (On of his life-long desires was to play, but he never had the opportunity to learn.)

When my son, Jason, was born, I made a commitment. This child would know that his dad loved him.

I kept the commitment. Today, my 27 year old son knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love him.

Perhaps that is a small thing in the eyes of many. But, in my heart of hearts, I know this is the greatest thing I have ever done.

And, in that, I have peace.

Ken

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: jimmyt
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:17 PM

well spoken, khandu!! Something we can all identify with! I got a phone call from my dad in Sept 2000, he said, "I would like to go fishing one more time in Florida." I said OK and then planned a few days with a guide in Novenber in Florida. About the end of October, I thought about how busy I was and considered postponing the trip until February, but decided to go ahead as planned in November. We went to Florida, had a wonderful time fishing and for the first time we bonded father and son. We came home, had a nice Thanksgiving with all the children and grandchildren, and he flew home to Ohio. Three weeks later, he died of a massive stroke. I thank the Lord daily for that trip and the opportunity to finally tell my dad that I loved him.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: khandu
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:26 PM

After posting, I then read the postings of my fellow Catters. Wonderful. Thank you, Jerry, for this thread.

I was deeply moved by many of the posts.

Jack the Sailor, your Strange one, Carol the Sailor, obviously has a fine husband in you! And, from what I have read of her, you also are a blessed man. May Grace and Peace abound for the two of you!

Ken

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Mar 03 - 11:57 PM

Thanks Ken.

My dilemma is this. The thread asks for the greatest thing I have done. I have a fine son, and a wonderful husband. I made the same commitment to my son when he was born as khandu did with his son, for very similar reasons. And I fulfilled that commitment, and in that, I also have peace. And that is the greatest thing I have done.

But I also, like my wonderful hubby, Jack the Sailor, promised to "Love Honour and Cherish", knowing that in every way, with all of my being, I meant it. And that is the greatest thing I have done.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 12:29 AM

I have been a husband, father and friend, and done moderately well ...but those seem like natural things that don't merit special notice. Yes, they take some effort, but they also are sort of the norm, if you see what I mean...(and yes, JTS's words about "Love Honor & Cherish" mean a lot to me)

what I think I am happiest about is a bit different..

I have tried to care about others AND the world we all have to live in., and I have sought to think honestly about the world and my place in it....I am not religious, as some of you are, but it seems to me I can defend honesty, caring, and striving to make this world a better place without any reference to metaphysical exhortations...*smile*

I have, in my time, worked in environmental organizations and supported them financially....I have worked in Civil Rights groups, and taken 2 trips to southern Mississippi in the early 60s to walk picket lines and stand up for what I felt was 'right'.

I have several little 'hero stories' that might make good reading, but, like Jerry running out in the snow,...what else could I have done?....I think that that the most important things are what I don't do....

I drive as sanely as I can...I don't cut in front of YOU in traffic, I allow others to merge and get by...I move my shopping cart to the side at the grocery store, so YOU can get by. I refrain from cutting my grass when my neighbor (who is a ROYAL a**hole! *big grin*) is watching TV on his patio... I listen to others at singing parties, and attempt to give everyone fair hearing and tolerance, whether they are good or not! (now THAT is hard sometimes!)....I don't steal the last serving of (insert yummy treat here) when I 'know' it is the favorite of someone else...I don't throw my trash out my car window...etc., etc.....

all this is simply to say that I try to be a caring, decent human being who pays attention to what OTHERS are feeling and needing...and when I fail, as I often do, I try to be aware of why. Perhaps I can do better next time......Not very exciting, huh?..

I just watched the story of a former soldier who now spends his time taking food and blankets to civilians caught in the ravages of war in places like Afganistan....and I have never done anything on that scale..but maybe I have done a thousand little things that were never even noticed, yet that taken as a whole, added up, and I have tried VERY hard to be aware of, and acknowlege the things that others did for me!

and one of the hardest things I have done recently is to write these paragraphs and post them without 3 days of soul-searching editing...still not sure I said what I wanted...........

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jeanie
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 08:02 AM

This is a wonderful collection of contributions. Thank you all so much. Before adding my own, I have been pondering long and hard, going over events long past and more recent. What they all have in common is that it wasn't "me", I would say "I" had nothing to do with it. Something far greater was at work.

I know exactly what your mother means, TIA, about doing the thing we least want to do, but which is the right and good thing. After I had lost my first baby, the hardest thing I ever did was to go into a maternity ward and visit one of my then inlaws (who had been very unsympathetic towards what had happened to me) the day after her own son was born, hold him, congratulate her and wish them well. Something in me made me do it, for Love's sake, when so much of me was yelling at me not to go and, believe me, it was the last place "I" wanted to be. But it was a life-changing, overwhelming event - the first time I really *knew* for sure that there was something so much greater than "me". I did it for Love's sake, and Love, in no uncertain terms, made itself known.

Like others who have posted, I have also had experiences of being uncannily and sometimes incongruously "placed" somewhere. On one occasion, out of the blue, I suddenly felt a kind of boost or presence (I described it to myself at the time as a "jacuzziness" !) which seemed to hang around and I wondered what it was all about. I didn't have long to wait to find out - A call came from someone I only know very distantly, desperately ringing all the numbers they could until they found someone at home to help them somehow piece together the jumbled confusion of thoughts as they faced breakdown. We kept talking and I kept finding words to say until somebody arrived back at their house and was there to realize the seriousness of the situation and to help them. Most definitely "I" had absolutely nothing to do with this. It was that Something Greater again.      

What is the greatest thing any of us have done ? It is impossible to say, because we would be judging from our perspective, rather than that of the people on the receiving end. The apparently smallest act or word or smile can be the greatest thing that ever happened to somebody who receives it, a light at the end of a tunnel. I know, I have been on the receiving end of this myself. From tiny acorns, mighty oak trees grow. There are two perfect strangers somewhere, right now, who don't know me and I don't know them, but their simple, probably automatic and unconscious act of kindness turned the world around for me and showed me that there *are* good people in this world at a time in my life when I felt the opposite was the case. I will never forget them.

Here are two of my favourite quotes. For anyone who has difficulty with the word God in the second quote, the way I like to look at it is to ask: What's in a name ? a rose by any other word would smell as sweet...

"As we live our lives there is a gift that all can give, no matter how poor in money or talent: hold out your hand and let your heart be in it" - J.A. Galdon

"Live your life while you have it. Life is a splendid gift. There is nothing small in it, for the greatest things grow by God's law out of the smallest. Do not fritter it away in erring act or inconstant will, but make your thoughts, your words, all work to the same end, and that end not self, but God." - Florence Nightingale.


With Love,
Jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 08:10 AM

What a pleasure to check in several times a day and read this thread. The only limitation is that Colin asked what the greatest thing was that we'd done. I can't do that, myself... I just gave an example of something that had just happened, which I would never describe in my own mind as something "great" that I had done. As Bill says... you see a need and you react. There is nothing intellectual about it, or premeditated. The value of reading all these postings is to be reminded that there are as many situations where you can help someone as the mind can imagine.

In this country, Colin, there's a great interest in lists... the ten best songs you've ever heard, the ten best movies... It's kind of a variant on playground days when you had a "first-best" friend, a "second-best" friend, and on and on. I see the "threads" in this thread. One is making peace with a family member. I can relate to that, too, having been estranged from my parents for several years before finding a closeness and peace far greater than I had ever known before, with them. Bill talks about consideration, as do several others. It always moves me when my wife and I call someone who is going through a hard time in their life, or suffering with an illness and they say, "You just made my day." Just letting people know that they are not forgotten is a wonderful gift to them, even if it's only a five minute phone conversation. For a couple of years, we visited a woman in a nursing home who had no family or friends, could not walk, and could barely see. Every time we left, we'd each take one of her hands and hold her, and she always said, "Please don't forget me." That was the most important thing in the world to her, because she spent her days locked in a body that no longer worked, not able to see well enough even to watch television. We always assured her that we would never forget her. When she died a couple of weeks ago, my wife was very sick, but she got herself out of bed and we went to her funeral. All we could hear was her parting plea: "please don't forget me."

Sometimes that's all it takes..

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:40 AM

And to your wonderful post, Jeanie, I would add..

"Make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is dying that we are born to eternal life"

                                 St. Francis of Assisi

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Sam L
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:53 AM

Bill D, I liked that a lot. I once formulated a set of family laws that included a lot of the things on your list, shopping carts (kids, we are not those people who are always in everyone's way) driving rules, and so on. I've never done anything remotely heroic, so I try to stay out of the way, I guess.

Unfortunately I love rhetoric and get caught up in argument, and am often surprised to find I've been really rude when I was just playing my side of the net. Guest, why be so ungenerous with yourself, offer not even a false name, then expect personal regard? Why shouldn't anyone solipsize you into any identity they create for you, until you bother to offer one? I'm toying with the idea you're a seventh grade p.e. teacher I have a few things to say to.

Sorry Jerry, but there are no openings at our fortune cookie factory--we make MIS-fortune cookies. You're too nice.

I'd mention my wife and kids but I'm saving them for a thread about Things that saved your pointless empty useless life. I just put a quarter in and got rich.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 10:50 AM

Like Bill, I've had a hard time deciding what I could add to this. Reading everyone else's wonderful words has been helpful. Thank you, Jerry, your threads are always so memorable and thoughtful.

There are a few specifics where I feel I was in the right place at the right time such as when I kept a little girl from drowning, but I think it is the seeming little day to day to things which have built the foundation of my life and helped me to realise, finally, who I am or, was meant to be.

I didn't know, until the past few years, what being a good listener meant or the value of it when freely practised. I'd always been a good listener, but often it has been job-motivated, i.e. salepeople or emts who are good listeners sell more or have happier patients.

In the past nine years I've come to spend at least 3-4 hours almost everyday on the phone, listening and visiting with friends and family who might be in need, but who also give, in whatever way they are able. I see it as a gift, now, and there is not a day goes by that I don't give thanks for it. There is nothing which lifts my heart more than to hear someone's joy after a good *visit*, esp. if they sounded glum when we first said hello. I used to think this wasn't doing much, just listening, paraphrasing back, figuring out solutions or just comforting and sharing, but I've really come to value it so much.

A couple of the best times I can think of are the ongoing calls I have with my dad, now. He is 86 and slowing down. His childhood memories are close to the surface and through tears, laughter, and sometimes forgetful repetition he shares them all with me. That is a priceless treasure to me. Another is the cousin I helped while her mother was dying. All we did was talk, cry, and laugh together, but the card she sent me after was another priceless expression and a validation of what happens when I follow what my heart tells me.

Friends I've never met in person have shared their deepest held fears, family secrets, abundant joys, longings, knowledge, motivations, sorrows, growth, and experiences with me and I am grateful. It seems a tapestry of the best kind of communication, save maybe that of music shared, and I am glad of it. There is so much to share and so much to be enriched by. Thanks to all who have shared.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: C-flat
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 01:38 PM

The greatest thing I've ever done is probably still a work in progress, i.e. being a father. It's a role that has given me so much joy and taught me so much about myself that, no matter how much I put in to it I'm going to come away with more!
The only other thing that springs to mind on this thought provoking topic is being able to finally bridge a divide between my mother and myself in the last few months of her life and feel as though we had a proper mother/son relationship, albiet for a short while.
I've never been a hero and saved lives or invented a life changing gizmo but, as someone has already mentioned, we don't always know what effect our actions have on others around us, and a simple act of kindness that we may undertake without thought could leave a lasting impression on someone in a way we wouldn't know.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Huggy bear
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 01:39 PM

What a wonderful thread, so many heartwarming stories out there.

Being a blood donor over 30 times. Each time has the potential to save a life but every time you know that the NHS will use the blood to help someone.

All the best
Huggy

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Mudlark
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 04:17 PM

All your stories are so compelling and gratifying, I feel a little shy about the smallness of my own. But when I read jerry's great opening thread the first thing that came to my mind was the life I saved.

I have no children, but love my dogs dearly, and when Emily had her puppies I adored every one of them, all unique, all favorites. When they were about 7 wks old we had all 6 of them in the living room after dinner, enjoying watching them play. A friend was visiting, sitting in an overstuffed rocker, and somehow in leaning too far back, tipped over with the chair on top of her. My husband and I both rushed to her aid, but luckily she was more embarrassed than hurt and it wasn't until we righted the chair that we found Fast Eddie, one of the puppies, under it. Although he didn't seem to be damaged apparently the chair had smothered him, and he was no longer breathing.

I held that tiny body in my hands and time seemed to stop. I simply couldn't accept the fact that he was dead so started breathing into his mouth. I don't know how long I kept it up, unwilling to give up, but at some point I felt something indefinable occur, a sense that this body was again inhabited. And after a few more breaths he convulsed once and came back to life.

He was wobbly and acted sort of drugged. I made a nest on the living room floor for both of us and stayed with him through the night, making sure he continued to breathe, and by morning he was miraculously recovered, and went on to become a wonderful dog (not mine, sadly...I couldn't keep them all).   

I don't adhere to any formal religion, but I have first hand proof that there is more to living that breath and heartbeat. I will never forget the certainty, without any outward sign, of life returning to that small body. It still overwhelms me to think of it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 04:51 PM

That's a beautiful story, Mudlark! Thanks for sharing it. That falls into the category of what I call everyday miracles. Not on the same scale as the Parting of the Red Sea... just little reminders that life is more than we can see..

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 06:18 PM

Beautiful, Mudlark!

My old Siamese caught a hummingbird one time and brought it to me. It was still breathing so I didn't do anything as dramatic as you did. But, I got to hold it cupped in my hands, watch it recover from shock and feel its very, very fast heartbeat against my skin. It was emerald green with a ruby throat and there was no doubt of the wonder of life and nature that day, esp. when I opened my hands and it flew away.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 06:21 PM

kat...if I had to talk ON THE PHONE for 3-4 hours everyday, I would consider my bad karma totally erased! Glad you can do it...my talents lie eleswhere.

You know...I totally forgot the one period in my life when I actually did 'fill a special place'......When Rita was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and needed to lie in bed 22 hours a day for months, I managed to do all the things one needs to do at such times...cooking, shopping, pushing wheelchairs..etc...(I got up at odd hours of the night to wheel her to the bathroom)...but..it was no more than SHE had done when our son was born...so..*shrug*

I even rigged a bed in the van with Oak planks and foam mattress, so she could rest on trips to Johns Hopkins for exams.

Now, that may be "doing something great" in one sense, but the "great" thing was that I was able to do it, because it never occured to me to do anything else...Jerry had it right!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Allan C.
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:20 PM

Someone once defined a hero as an ordinary person who reacts in a positive way to extroadinary circumstances. I think most of what has been listed here falls into that definition. However, as has been indicated in some of the other posts, the circumstances needn't be extraordinary. Sometimes just doing a job extremely well or showing an extra bit of courtesy or giving just a little extra in some way can demonstrate a particular kind of greatness. Sometimes it is the simple acts that can plant the seeds for much bigger things. You know, the ripple effect...You may never know the "greatness" of such acts.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:39 PM

Bill D, after your first post, I was thinking about how you were there for Rita, and I was wondering why you hadn't said anything about that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:50 PM

Wow, Nancy, that is a pure-dee classic beauty of a story -- no smallness to it!! Just a straight window into the unbounded!

Thanks -- it made my evening!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 08:27 AM

The one thing that comes through in this thread is that you only do something you define as "greatest" when you freely transcend self and do for someone else. That might also be the definition of a hero, and in that I certainly include the mother or father or both who simply go to work each day to provide for their kids.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: GUEST,Another dreaded guest!
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 11:04 AM

Whatever it is, I don't think I've done it yet.

What I do know is that I have done a huge number of extremely shitty things in my life when, through incontinence and selfishness of all kinds, I have hurt people who did not deserve to be hurt.
The list is huge, but includes a son who grew up with chronic alopecia and the terrible bullying at school that the condition brought on, a daughter who was anorexic for some years and who is only now finding her feet and her true sense of worth, two women to whom I had pledged lifelong support and devotion but who came to realise that I was incapable of fulfulling that pledge and inumerable friends, colleagues and acquiantances who have been let down by broken appointments, promises and hearts.
I used to think I had done a splendid thing in teaching a man to read. He was a traveller/didecoy who worked as a casual labourer on the site where I worked. A feckless little shit who would piss his sub up the wall every Thursday, but not without some charm.
He had a huge chip on his shoulder about not having a trade, and would always say "It's not fair. If I could read I could be a sparks!"
So one night I grabbed him off the site and, instead of going to the pub, dragged him to an adult literacy class run by Camden council. I sat with him for weeks as he painstakingly learned how to read and write.
I eventually left the site to go off to college, patting myself smugly on the back at a job well done. A couple of years down the road I came across him again. Still with a huge chip on his shoulder, only bigger now because he no longer had an excuse for his own failure. And by then he was a raging alcoholic who couldn't even get a job as a day labourer.
So I've come to the conclusion that if anyone has succeeded or triumphed through me, it's despite, not because. And that the unconditional love of children is small recompense for the guilt of a crap parent.
Not that I'm intending to piss on anyone's parade in this thread, but sometimes it does help to see things from the other side of the street. Anyone who can have a mutually supportive relationship with another human being, and who can be a good parent has done enough, in my opinion. For that alone, you will have justified your existence. Sod the warm fluffies and all the rest of the toughy-feely bollocks!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 11:13 AM

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 11:28 AM

Whoops! Hit the wrong button. That wasn't one of the Greatest Things I've Ever Done, by the way.

Welcome, Guest!

You know, I could just as easily start a thread titled, The rottenest Things I've Ever Done, And there's probably not a person who contributed here who couldn't add to my list. We've all done things that we're ashamed of... or at least speaking for myself, I have. I've done unkind acts out of selfishness and insensitivity, or revenge that I will always regret. I suspect that there are things that you've done in your life that have lifted people that you don't give yourself credit for. When you helped that man to learn to read, that was a beautiful gift. He didn't use it wisely. That doesn't diminish the goodness of the act. I could start another thread that would be titled Great Things I Did For Others That The Bums Dind't Even Thank Me For. Now, that would be a REAAALLLLL long thread.

There are people who think ugly is real and good is "warm fluffies."
Admittedly, people can be very self-congratulatory about their good acts, or sentimentalize them. But, if you want bad news, but a newspaper, listen to Rap or go to a movie. There's no shortage of negativity around us. But, there is also no shortage of goodness around us, and in us. Rapaire is right that the common quality of all the acts described in this thread is that we were able to do something because we were able to transcend ourselves. I find this thread an encouragement and reminder of the potential we all have.
Guests or members.

Several years ago, I did a Christmas card with excerpts from a poem by Bishop Muzorewa. Someone gave me the poem, and they had no idea who Bishop Muzorewa is, but the message is very powerful.

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered
Love them anyway

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable
Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight
Build anyway

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth
Give the world the best you have anyway

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives
Do good anyway

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow
Do good anyway"

FDrom Love Them Anyway, by Bishop Muzorewa

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: TIA
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 12:14 PM

Ooooh, if someone starts a "rottenest thing I've ever done" thread, I've got a good story - but I must ditch my cookie and post it as a guest.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 01:44 PM

TIA: We would all have something to add, but youre' right. We'd all have to post anonymously. Or unanimously.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 01:54 PM

BillD, when my time comes and there's an accounting of my karma I will be sure to tell them the Official Mudcat Curmudgeon said all my bad debts were paid up!! **bg** Thanks!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: khandu
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 12:44 AM

I guess another "great thing" I did was forgiving my brother.

He and I went into business together (bad idea!!). In three months time, we were not speaking. I actually moved out-of-state, partly to keep from having to see his face.

Four years passed,and on a trip through Mississippi, circumstances caused me to spend most of the day with him. We talked and made amends. I forgave; he forgave.

A month later, he died as a fire-fighter in the line of duty.

I consider the day we were together a gift of God. Had he died without the two of us removing the bitterness, I would have greived forever.

I realized that the things which gave us such negative feelings meant nothing when compared to not having him around.

As much as lies within you, try to live in peace with your fellow humans- especially those who are close to you.

Ken

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 09:40 AM

Good advice, Ken:

I had a friend who used to say that he'd give up a year of his life just to have ten minutes to make peace with his Father. His Father died with a deep animosity between them, and my friend bore that weight for the rest of his life. I was estranged from my parents and family for seven years due to a rather complicated situation. I thnak God that I was able to heal those wounds, and had over twenty years of good times with my Father before he passed away. And just as importantly, my sons were able to grow up knowing their Grandparents. I started to change my life when my five year old son came home from school and said, "Do I have a Grandpa and Grandma?"
Sometimes we need a jolt to make us realize what is truly important.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 10:00 AM

I decided a long time ago to use a certain amount of my week to volunteer projects. My favorite is crocheting items for the people of the Lakota Sioux Nation. I ENJOY helping others. It's not a co-dependancy thing--it's just something that I know I must do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Sam L
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 10:46 AM

Guest, thanks. I have a going concern which is either one of the best things I've done or one of the worst, but I can't tell which. People say sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, which may imply that being kind in response to someone's cruelty might have some malice hidden in it also. In any case, good or bad, I think I do what I do essentially for me. If something seems to turn out well, it makes a good snapshot, if nothing else, and just because the snapshot doesn't turn out, doesn't mean there was nothing good there. You seem to be skeptical of sentimentality. I guess I am too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 11:49 AM

Hi, Fred:

I read this somewhere many years ago and it has always stuck with me.

"Love without honesty is sentimentality
Honesty without love is cruelty"

I don't think any of us are talking about sentimentality in this thread. Some people (not referring to our Guest) become so cynical that they can't accept love as a possibility, and reduce even the most loving acts to something that is either self-serving, or sentimental.

Thanks for your postings.. and everyone else...

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: alanabit
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 02:03 PM

I have loved some of the postings here. I don't have much which ranks anywhere on the dramatic scale of things. I was once able to keep a bloke conscious after a burst ulcer until the medics arrived. (That was very messy and didn't look or smell nice at all). Another time I was the first to react after a bloke got hit by a train and dragged him onto the platform and stuck around until the medics arrived. I still don't know what happened to him, although the medics told me he would probably live. Compared to what policemen or fire officers do every week, there is nothing too special about that. There are other incidents where I failed to act - and I am ashamed of those. On one occasion a drunken bully was crassly and outrageously insulting to an old woman on a tram. I was recovering from hepatitis but I still bridle at the thought that in a carriage full of cowards I failed as badly as everyone else.
      Last year I was rather fitter and intervened when two rude and arrogant young men jostled and threatened a woman. I was polite, but told them firmly that their behaviour was intimidating. Fortunately the incident ended without violence. I was ready to fight - but believe me - in no hurry to do so. It could just as easily have been my girlfriend that had been in that situation. I didn't really have much choice. A simple "Thank-you" from the woman left me with a warmth inside that made it more than worth the fright that I had felt.
       The one I am really proud of is the time that a struggling young busker (now quite a well known singer/songwriter) rang me up and said, "Alan - It's X. I am going back home because I can't cut it here." You probably think I am going to tell you about how I gave him a bed for the night, listened to his hard luck story and bought him a beer to cry into. I did nothing of the sort. I gave him the bollocking of a lifetime along the lines of, "You make me sick. You have all that talent and you are giving me all these excuses for failing...Look at those tramps! Anyone can do that. Failing is easy..
There are bars over there and over there. Bugger off and play them and don't bother coming back until you have made at least thirty Marks.You can buy me a beer in Manni's at eleven o'clock and if you haven't made your thirty Marks, don't bother meeting me there - cos I'll lock you out mate!"
       He was there early with a big bag of money and an even bigger grin. His confidence was back and he was up and fighting again. He still smiles when we recall that evening over twenty years ago. I feel good about that one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: momnopp
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 04:36 PM

So, Jerry -- are you submitting this to Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen? Chicken Soup for the Folkies' Soul?

All seriousness aside, this *is* a beautiful thread. I've mentioned the topic to a couple of friends, and the moms have mostly automatically said, "giving birth to my kid/s". So my initial response is not all that unusual.

Other wonderful things I'm proud of having done were mostly done last year while I was a substitute teacher for the local county public school system. I worked primarily with "Special Needs" populations and I know I made a difference for a number of kids. Kids I'd seen only for an afternoon remembered me weeks, even months later and greeted me cheerfully.

One kid in the local high school for "emotionally disturbed" kids, was VERY, VERY angry one afternoon and on the verge of fleeing and/or harming someone. The psychologist talked him down and I very calmly went and got the work he needed to do and brought it to him in spite of the abusive string of angry words he had recently hurled in my general direction. He was so astonished that I could remain calm and continue to treat him with dignity and respect that our interactions from then on were completely changed.

I feel really good about being able to look at "Special Ed Kids" and see them first and foremost as people -- unfortunately this seems to be outside the experience of many of them and yet it means so very much. I remain amazed at how just a tiny dose of humanity can heal so many wounds...

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 05:44 PM

A simple act of kindness for a stranger every day. And yes - I enjoy it more than they do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 06:15 PM

I feel really good about being able to look at "Special Ed Kids" and see them first and foremost as people -- unfortunately this seems to be outside the experience of many of them and yet it means so very much. I remain amazed at how just a tiny dose of humanity can heal so many wounds...

JudyO, as one who has learning disabilities myself, and as a mother who has raised a child with learning disabilities, I want to thank you for what you've done for special needs children in the school system. You are absolutely right that being treated like a human being is outside the experience of many people with learning disabilities (and other special needs students). And you are equally right that just a tiny dose of humanity or kindness or compassion can make all the difference for people with special needs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 09:38 PM

I don't know what this thread is doing for everyone else, but it sure makes my day (Not in a Clint Eastwood way.)

One thing that I believe is universal, momnopp, is the need to be touched. People in nursing homes are particularly hungry for a gentle touch that doesn't have anything to do with changing their sheets, or helping them to the bathroom (although those things can be done lovingly, too.) Just holding someone's hand connects them to life, and the weakest, most frail elderly woman lying flat on her back in a bed can have a grip that would bring a professional wrestler to his knees.

Keep the stories coming.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 11:58 PM

My mother in law is about to celebrate her 80th birthday. I have written a song for her, just for the occasion. So far I have played the final cut to two women-folk, and they both ended up in tears. (A positive reaction, not a negative one! :>))    So I reckon I will have done a fine thing with it, when I give it to her. And I expect it will be just as important as anything I've ever done. It is funny, that somehow one reaction from one person can define the greatness of a moment or a deed, isn't it? I guess it is a case of the quality being far, far more valuable than the quantity.

I agree, Jerry -- this one is a keeper of a thread.

Regards,


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 04:10 PM

An ending.

When I started this thread, I had just rushed across the street to help our neighbor, who'd been lying in a snowbank, flat on her back, in a freezing rain. She'd had 17 strokes in the last few years, and heart surgery several times. When I went over to he, she looked up with such gratitude in her eyes because she said that she thought that she going to die there it that freezing rain, with cars driving by, not able to hear her feelbe cries for help. Last night, she died in her sleep, warm in her own bed. Her alarm clock was still going off, when her step-son came in the house to take her for a Doctor's appointment. I came over to see what was happening, five minutes later and found out that she had died.

Today I am reminded of the true meaning of "Rest In Peace."

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: momnopp
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 07:28 PM

Wow, Jerry -- amazing how life works, isn't it?

Thanks once again for starting this thread and allowing for some wonderful sharing.

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 06:42 AM

You are right Jerry. You were lucky enough to be able to help bring peace to both yourself and the old lady.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 11:42 AM

The greatest thing I've ever done was to not to it when doing it crossed my mind!

Art Thieme