BS: Axis of not as evil

Subject: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: GUEST,SarahC
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 01:22 AM

A friend sent me the following piece - apologies if it has already been on - if it has I missed it! Think Life of Brian!!

Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil”, Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil”, which they said would be “more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis” President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, “for starters, a really dumb name”. “Right. As if they are just as evil ... in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils? eh evilest? that we’re the best.”

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they had asked if they could join the Axis of Evil. “They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

“An axis can’t have more than three countries”, explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.”

International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the “Axis of Somewhat Evil”, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil”, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable”.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics”.

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the “Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America”, while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the “Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick”. “That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do”, said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the “Axis of Countries Whose Names End in ‘Guay’”, accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that’s only because no one has asked them.

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Troll
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 01:25 AM

Cute. I always did think that John Cleese was the best of the "Pythons".

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 01:31 AM

LMAO...thanks!!

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: DougR
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 01:42 AM

Nice to find a bit of humor in these difficult times.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: GUEST,Jim Clark..London.England
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 02:01 AM

It just goes to show the devil does have all the best jokes ha ha.

Thanx for sharing this very amusing piece...

Regards.

Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 02:40 AM

Well, I'll be...now I get it! All this time I thought Bush was talking about the Taxis of Evil, and I kept wondering what Saddam had to do with that De Niro movie. But this article clears it up for me. Thanks for posting it, Sarah.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Bagpuss
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 09:56 AM

BTW this apparently WASN'T written by John Cleese (but it's still pretty funny).

link

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 03:26 PM

Heehee! Do any of you get a cartoon in your Sunday funnies called Get Fuzzy? It's about a single guy, his dumb lovable dog (Satchel), and evil little cat (Bucky).

This past Sunday, Bucky says to the single guy, Satchel's spending way too much time with that ferret, and ferrets are evil.

And the guy says something like, Maybe they're planning an Axis of Awful. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: harpgirl
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 03:33 PM

Nathan tells me, "You're semi-evil: the diet coke of evil, only one calorie, not evil enough"!

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 03:33 PM

I saw this the first time less then 24 hours after Bush made his "Axis of Evil" speech. So it's been around a while

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 11:31 PM

Well, Andrew Marlatt, who runs the SatireWire website (Because you can read, and we have a website) says he wrote that piece. I guess I believe him, because he also apparently wrote this gem: High School Students Demand Wars in Easier-to-Find Countries. I think I like this guy. Not in an evil way, of course.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 03 - 10:39 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Lovely. Canada is perfectly placed too in the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America".

We've been secretly harbouring nasty thoughts about the USA ever since 1779 or thereabouts.

This is counterbalanced by the neo-Conservatives in Canada (who thankfully command less than 30% of the vote, I'd say). They openly worship the USA in every way possible, and detest and have contempt for an Canadian culture.

Their solution to the many problems of life is fourfold:

a) cut taxes(specially to the rich...you cut the taxes by $4 billion, reduce government spending on social services by $8 billion, and pocket the difference, sharing it with the rich folks who funded your campaign and got you in. Everything gets worse for most people, but you get rich, so who cares?)

b) Privatize publicly owned social services, selling to the highest bidder. Then watch as the price of everything goes up, eating up that miserable $4 billion tax cut in a New York minute. Yahoo!

c) Beef up law enforcement and execute the evil, as long as they're poor, but not if they're in your country club or boardroom.

d) Kill swarthy foreigners who talk funny. There are a lot of 'em. Too many.

They wake up every morning hoping to see American tanks rumbling across the border wavin' Old Glory and arresting Liberals (who would soon be shipped to Guantanamo, I suppose). It may sound funny, but actually, it's not...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 03 - 08:14 AM

Oh. "Axis". All along I thought Bush had said "axes" and I boycotted those made in the countries he'd named. I was asking everyone I knew if they were using Axes of Evil to cut stuff with. Silly me -- misunderstanding the President of the United States.

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Apr 03 - 02:41 PM

I've been looking for a thread to post this in- I wonder if anyone else saw it...

When I turned the TV on, there was a man talking whose name I didn't catch. He had a face kind of like William Kristal's, all shiny and wrinkle free, if you know what he mean.

He was saying that there had never been a world power as strong as the United States, and that the US would "probably" remain the premier power for 100 years.

Is that hubris evil enough?

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 03 - 03:09 PM

I hope he's wrong. I really, truly don't want my country to be a Big Bully -- I'd rather we got back to minding our own business and only fightin' if we really, really have to.

Maybe if we went back to calling it the "War Department" instead of the "Department of Defense?"

Subject: RE: BS: Axis of not as evil
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Apr 03 - 04:17 PM

Or- novel thought- how about Bobert's Department of Peace?