BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?

Subject: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 24 Jun 03 - 11:13 PM

Need some help here.

My college roommate, who's still my best friend, told me a riddle freshman year (1970) that he said he'd learned from his dad, who had forgotten the punchline. I'd like to give Tedd the answer as a 50th birthday present. (His birthday is today, which means it was almost yesterday for most of you, but life is like that sometimes.)

The question is: How is a Swiss Admiral like a stomach pump? We could never figure it out.

I'd very much appreciate the answer from anyone who knows it, but inspired guesses might be amusing, too. Obviously, it has something to do with Switzerland not having any seaports.

Hmmm...now that I think of it, this reminds me of a similar situation with something I learned from my dad. He loved to tell what he called "logical problems": a brief mystery story, that ends with "How come?" or "How did he die?" or the like. The listener had to ask "yes or no" questions in order to guess what was usually a trick answer. (For example, the old classic about the man who rides the elevator down each morning from his apartment on the 50th floor, but in the evening he gets off at the 40th floor and walks up 10 flights. How come? He's a dwarf, and that's the highest button he can reach.)

Anyway, my dad kept notes about all these stories, sometimes just a brief phrase to jog his memory One of them seemed to have gone out of his memory permanently, though; he often tried to remember what the story had been, but never succeeded. The phrase in his notebook was: "The 3 smells." If that rings any bells for someone, I'd love to hear about it. Maybe Dad will hear it, too, and smile.

Aloha,
Mark

PS: Here's a far-fetched one I do remember, to make this a musical thread(!): "The music stopped, and he died." How come?

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: GUEST,GUEST kiwi
Date: 24 Jun 03 - 11:28 PM

When they work one can't see the stomach
and the other can't stomach the sea

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: LadyJean
Date: 24 Jun 03 - 11:30 PM

The Swiss don't have an ocean, but they have a fair sized lake. I've taken a boat ride form Montreux to Evian. If it hadn't been pouring rain, it would have been fun. But it took a couple of hours. If they've got a lake, and boats, they could, I suppose, have admirals. But I'm damned if I know why one is like a stomach pump.

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 12:02 AM

Good try, Kiwi, but I don't think "can't see the stomach" makes a whole lot of sense. (Of course, maybe that's the point!) Keep 'em coming, folks!

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 12:43 AM

Just so ya know Guest Kiwi found the "stomach the sea" answer on a web site.

But it's not bad -- you vould tweak it a bit along the lines of "seeing the stomach is dry" versus stomaching a dry sea...(nahhhh)...or some such. but there's another angle int here somewhere, I am sure. I am just not grabbing it at the moment...

A

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: katlaughing
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 12:50 AM

Gotta have something to do with cheese holes.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Gurney
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 04:28 AM

The difference between a Swiss Admiral and a stomach pump?

A stomach pump sucks and never fails!

You have to LOVE Spoonerisms.

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 04:42 AM

Vaguely recall seeing an answer similar to Kiwi's once ...

   One gets to see the stomach
   The other can't stomach the sea

O somesuch - Sam

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 05:12 AM

I dunno'....but the idea of a Swiss admiral makes a bit more sense in a world where the Swiss now hold the America's Cup. Odd, as I just posted that in another thread.

"....(arguably) the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup ..."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 05:43 AM

Didn't like to suggest that tack, Spaw . ;)

Cheers - Sam in NZ

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 06:30 AM

Does there have to be one answer? The best of the joke is that you can tell it in polite company and the knowing guffaw even louder when you refuse the joke but still come-up with a witty line. My knd of joke - clever more than once and inoffensive but "THEY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN".

3 smells - no idea but is knows/nose/no's in there do you think? usually theses riddles have twists/puns based on homonyms/homophones.

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 04:28 AM

Maybe I wasn't clear: the 3 smells isn't a riddle, it's the theme of a "logical problem," a mystery where you're supposed to figure out the "why" of the scenario by asking questions that can be answered "yes" or "no" (or "irrelevant", as the case may be). Another one: A man with a pack on his back is lying dead in the middle of a field. How did he die? You would ask questions like, "Did he die of natural causes?" (No) "Did someone murder him?" (No) "Is what is in the pack important?" (Yes) "Was there anything else around him that was involved in his death?" (No) "Was there something toxic or dangerous in the pack?" (No) "Had he been mentally or physically ill?" (No) "Were the contents of the pack the same before and after he died?" (Yes) "Was he wearing anything else important besides the pack on his back?" (Yes)

Get it yet?

Aloha,
Mark

PS Gurney's is excellent, but it needs a different setup: I don't think it quite fits the Swiss admiral. We're getting there, though!

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Gurney
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 04:36 AM

When I heard it first, 7 years ago, it was a Swiss Admiral and a good vacuum cleaner.
I remembered it, so it must be good!

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Banjer
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 04:51 AM

They both suck?

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: GUEST,Dáithí
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 05:39 AM

Hi Mark - he jumped out of an aeroplane and his parachute failed to open?
Good one -any more?
Dáithí

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: GUEST,Dáithí
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 05:45 AM

Just thinking... the Swiss Admiral and the stomach pump...One sees sick, the other's seasick?
ok, ok,....
Dáithí

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 07:56 AM

I tried this on the BBC site and one answer was both in the Naval department.

slight modification makes the "sucks" solution a little neater:-

One sucks-up and never fails"

Let's see if the "Mornington Crescent" crew have any more insights.

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 05:39 PM

I think it sounds like one of those dreadful pub/restaurant chains.... Swiss Admiral and Stomach Pump, French Lieutenant and Bed Pan, Dutch Captain and Colostomy Bag....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Banjer
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 05:40 PM

The answers are good, but you are missing the question, it is not asking what is the difference between But how is a Swiss Admiral like a stomach pump!

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 05:43 PM

Both bilious. yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 06:19 PM

Banjer echo

both in the Naval department.

FWIW I have heard references to one swiss naval submarine but maybe it was more for reconnasaince than for firing torpedoes. And maybe it would be called a bathescope.

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 08:11 PM

Banjer's absolutely right, it is how are they alike...and I didn't catch it. OK, the contest is still open. (Although you could certainly do something with "sucks up and never fails": how about, "What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and an alcoholic admiral?")

Daithi (sorry, haven't learned fadas yet!)--here are a few more:

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender pulls a gun out from under the bar, points it at the man, and shouts, "I'm going to kill you!" The man says "Thank you" and walks out. Why?

Bill and Fran are lying dead on the floor of a room. There is broken glass and a puddle of water on the floor. How did they die?

A man is sitting at a table, dead. (Do you detect a pattern here?) There are 53 bicycles on the table. How and why did he die?

And one more, that I learned from my dad:
The music stopped, and he died.

But I'm still looking for the story of "The 3 Smells"!

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 08:17 PM

Oh, I forgot one of my favorites:

A man is lying in bed and can't sleep. He gets up and dials a phone number. When the person answers, the man doesn't say anything, but hangs up the phone, goes back to bed...and promptly falls asleep. How come?

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: The Walrus
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 04:38 PM

Mark,

The 53 Bicycles on the table puzzle.

The only answer which comes to mind is that It is 'The Old West', the bikes are printed on the back of a pack of cards, there are therefore too many cards (presumably too many aces) and the dead man was shot for cheating.

Regards

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 05:02 PM

Bullseye! "Bicycle" is a brand of playing cards.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mr Red
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 05:17 PM

Fran and Bill are goldfish. The cat knocked the bowl over and the cats's names was ......... er........ I did know it .......... nah it'll come to me........

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: The Walrus
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 08:09 PM

Just had a silly thought.

"...The music stopped, and he died..."

Public Execution - The music (Corps of Drums) stop playing and the executioner does his duty.

Anywhere near?

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 09:28 PM

Good guess! Close in that it was in a public place. These things work best in a "live" question and answer format, because the idea is not to make wild guesses but to deduce the answer with a series of questions. In many of them, the key is to question any unwarranted assumptions you may be making. For example, Mr. Red correctly realized that Fran and Bill were not human. In the "music stopped" story, you might ask questions like, "Was there anyone else around?" "Did someone cause his death?" "Was he a musician?" "Was a weapon involved?" "Would he have died if the music had not stopped?" You get the idea. Oh, and in addition to Yes or No, it's acceptable to answer a question, Irrelevant.

Aloha,
Mark

PS, the answers are Y,Y,N,N,N. And the answer to "Was he a human being?" is "Yes"!

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: GUEST,Dáithí
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 06:23 AM

The bartender one is about hiccups....but I'm struggling with the insomniac phonecaller as well as the music one...

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 08:42 AM

If you want to cheat (and that would be reasonable, since you don't have the option of asking questions interactively): on the other thread I started, called "The 3 Smells," alison posted a link to a collection of these puzzles (they call them "lateral thinking puzzles"), that include answers. Many of the ones on that site need some reworking of the setup, but they're a good start. (I'm not going to put in a link to the site here...got to make you work a little bit!)

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 10:54 AM

About the insomniac. What if he is a husband away on a business trip? He can't sleep because he is worrying that his wife might be out on the town while he is away. He gets up and rings her number at home to check up on her, and when she answers, he knows she is home, but he doesn't want her to know he was checking up on her, so he just hangs up and goes to bed satisfied.

While I was typing this, I thought - he might know she is home, but he still wouldn't know if she is alone, so that doesn't quite work. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Does the number he rings belong to someone he knows? I mean, it could be the time or the weather or something.........

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: The Walrus
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 08:34 PM

Mark,

I tried the links you gave.

I liked the 'phone call solution (I've been in similar situations and I must remember that one), I wasn't too impressed with the 'music stopped' soluytion, however.

Regards

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 01:38 AM

The way I heard "the music stopped and he died" was also about a tightrope walker, but he was having an affair with the bandleader's wife. So the bandleader stopped the music in midstep, which threw off his balance. I'm not sure it's all that much better.

JennyO's idea reminds me of another one: A man is driving in his car. Suddenly, he screeches to a stop, turns around, drives back home at top speed, runs into his house and shoots his wife. My dad told me that in the early days of radio there were a number of popular programs on which the host would pick a phone number out of the book (announcing the number but not the name) and call the number. The idea in this case was that the man was listening to one of those programs on his car radio, and recognized his number as the one being called...and a man answered the phone. I doubt anybody would get that nowadays.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Swiss Admiral and stomach pump?
From: Mr Red
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 09:50 AM

The insomniac - did he call the speaking clock? Confirms he has an integral number of 90 mins so he knows he will wake-up naturally and not in the middle of a dream or all groggy.

Well that's my reading. sleep falls in 90 minute quanta, dreams occur (during rapid eye movement) for about 5 mins near the end of a cycle. (give or take individual differences)