CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds

Subject: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 11:04 AM

Once again I am amazed at the breathe of a fast-breaking news story from the India subcontinent, what it could mean to the world, and the implications with regard to man's relation to God. Please set your coffee cup down in a secure place before reading further.

I've included two versions of this story, and as you might expect the details vary but the whole story is undoubtedly more than the sum of its competing parts. This clearly is not a BS thread, given that a cow is involved and the likelihood that a song or two may be inspired!


BOVINE GEM DEPOSITS

Diamonds are a Cow's Best Friend
By Rajeev Khanna
BBC correspondent in Ahmedabad

The merits of cow dung in South Asia have long been praised. It is used for cooking, construction and manure.But diamond studded cow dung is not something that is a regular occurrence.

Now it seems that diamonds are a cow's best friend in the sleepy town of Limbudi, in the Indian state of Gujarat.Nearly 2,000 of the precious stones were lost by jewelry trader Mohobat Sang Gohil on his way home from work earlier this month.

Retracing his steps, Mr Gohil worked out that he had probably dropped the diamonds - worth more than 800 dollars (40,000 Rupees) near a group of stray cattle.It occurred to Mr Gohil that one of these animals may have eaten his precious package.

His suspicions were confirmed when a packet containing foodstuff that was wrapped with the same paper he had used to cover the diamonds was ignored by all the cows except one, which consumed it voraciously.The broker then rounded up the cattle and took them to a compound where his hunch was confirmed.

Dung Vigil

The suspect cow was given a strict diet of dry fodder, and an all day vigil has been launched to see if the diamonds might appear from its rear end.Giving laxatives in this case will not help as the chances of diamonds coming out with thin dung are remote said Mohobat Sang Gohil, Gujarat diamond dealer


It was not long before sparkling cow dung began to be seen.The dung is now regularly diluted to make it easier and more hygienic for Mr Gohil and his workers to retrieve around 20 to 25 precious stones a day.

He has obtained special permission from the owner to carry out the inspections.Government servants are now visiting the cow daily to ensure that it is not subjected to any cruelty.The cow is a sacred animal for Hindus who treat them with reverence even when they are not defecating diamonds.

Mr Gohil says that so far 322 diamonds have been retrieved from the cow dung."I believe it will take a month to get them all back,'' he says.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/south_asia/3410955.stm

Published: 2004/01/19 21:17:08 GMT

© BBC MMIV

STORY II

Cow with the Diamond Dung
From Australian, AFP, 27jan04

A DIAMOND trader in India's western state of Gujarat has been feeding up a cow for the last 17 days; not to get more milk but to retrieve the 1722 diamonds the animal swallowed by mistake.

Sifting daily through the cow's dung, Mohabbatsinh Gohil said that so far he had recovered only 555 of his precious stones."At the rate at which the cow is discharging my diamonds, it should take another 30 days to get them all back," said an exasperated Gohil in the town of Limdi, Surendranagar district.

Gohil's packet of diamonds, worth about 45,000 rupees (about $1300), was munched up by the cow after he accidentally dropped it in the street.

The trader has vowed to keep up his daily task of searching through the cow's dung until he has recovered all his gems, but a veterinarian advising him says he is being too optimistic.

"The cow is a ruminant animal which has its stomach divided in four compartments. It is impossible to recover all the diamonds," said the vet, A.S. Manvar.

Meanwhile, the cow has become a centre of attraction for people in Limdi, who flock around it every day waiting for it to drop its offerings to the waiting Gohil.

For every diamond he finds, the crowd breaks into a cheer.

More technical notes:

As someone who grew up on a diary farm I can attest to the bizarre appetite of cows for hardware and anything else they can swallow. We used to feed our cows round magnets to help collect in their stomachs the nails that they would swallow. We never had to worry about diamonds but I would have to agree that it is unlikely that they will all pass out the exit of the elementary canal.

I do wonder what cheer the crowd breaks into.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 11:22 AM

Oh, damn. A "salted" mine, so to speak. I had great hopes, I did.

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 11:24 AM

Holy shit, he found a diamond!! Or the equivalent.


What a story!!


A

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 11:56 AM

Damn! We've been moved down to the BS level. I protest! This thread is clearly about "Cow Shit", not to mention diamonds! May the acursed Joe Clone's "jamily fewels" shrivel and drop off.

Amos- "Holy shit!" indeed.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 02:52 PM

Surely this thread should count as a free-range Song Challenge?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 03:00 PM

Bovine Shit is Bovine Shit -- only an obsessive compulsive would expect subdivisions based on gender -- that, or some kind of male chauvinist cow!

A

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 03:02 PM

Pull the udder one.

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 03:08 PM

Amos, I gracefully conceed your point! But this will be a music thread.

Let's get back to composing the "Diamond Derrière".

Then we can appeal to the higher authorities for repositioning.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 03:41 PM

DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH - words and music

The day will soon be over and evening will be done
And no more gems be gathered so let us all press on...

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 03:52 PM

Isn't it also true that rough diamonds are sometimes found in the guts of ostrich?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 05:02 PM

I'm sorry. Even I, a self described smart ass, just can't manage to write a song about this one. I mean the transvestite lobster, I went in for that one, but Diamond Dung? I just can't do it!
(I'll just have to wrtie it under a pseudonym. Hmmm, perhaps Bumsteer would be a good name.)

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 05:12 PM

Diamond Dung? Isn't that a David Bowie song?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 06:18 PM

Just what we need, crew, a Bumsteer.

Well, here's one way of starting this ballad:

We've heard of pearls of wisdom,
And of rubies round and fat,
But I've seen no jewels could rival
Those diamonds of Gujarat.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 06:27 PM

Clarity, carat and colour,
And cut we need remind,
Those people who go searching
In the piles from a cow's behind.

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 06:42 PM

For diamonds have a beauty,
And they are a girl's best friend,
But who'da thunk you'd find 'em
In a ruminant's rear end.

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 06:45 PM

The days are long with watching,
And the nights are rife with wit,
As the folks around sit breathless
And await the rich rich shit.

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 06:48 PM

where is moocowpoo when we need him? surely this is his moment for glory...

freda

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Metchosin
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 06:50 PM

wow! now at least I know how that woman got "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes".

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 07:28 PM

The Diamond Droppings

It's of a diamond merchant, his story I'll relate.
He lived in a town in a small Indian state
In the state of Gujarat was the place where he did dwell
And gold and precious diamonds he loved exceeding well.

cho: Oh! well, Oh! well Oh! well, my boys, Oh well!
It's gold and precious diamonds he loved exceeding well.

Now this merchant he'd been wandering along a country road
And somewhere on his winding path he lost a precious load.
A bag of sparkling diamonds, two thousand even more,
And when he lost those missing gems, our merchant friend he swore.

cho: He swore, he swore, to all the Gods he swore
And when he lost those missing gems, to all the Gods he swore.

And when the merchant traced his tracks, some sacred cows he sighted
And one was chewing calmly with expressions quite delighted
Expressions quite delighted as she calmly chewed her cud
And from the bovine's shapely end there came a gentle thud

cho: a thud! A thud! A thud me boys a thud
and from the bovine's shapely end there came a gentle thud..

The merchant took his glasses off and thinking cap put on
He prayed to all the Gods and the Gods they smiled along;
The merchant led the cows to their Gujarat compound
And studied with some gravity their droppings on the ground

cho: The ground, the ground, the ground me boys the ground
And studied with some gravity their droppings on the ground

"Oh, has ever there been a merchant undone as I'm undone?
My diamonds are digested and are wrapped anew in dung,
Wrapped anew in dung from a sacred cow divine
And if I ever get my diamonds back I'll wash them til they shine..

cho: They shine, they shine, they shine me boys they shine
And if I ever get my diamonds back I'll wash them til they shine..

To the tune of The Brisk Young Tailor
(The Tailor's Breeches)

feb 2nd 04

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 08:01 PM

Diamonds in the roughage?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 10:41 PM

Freda-

Truly amazing! You may have to share this ballad with the gang at your local watering hole.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble, and what about them Pats?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 11:00 PM

thanks Charlie - it was a lot more fun than the other jobs I should have been doing today! (of the bleach and scrub variety!)

it may get an "airing" at the riverview tomorrow!

maybe there are some other versions fermentin.. festering..fulminating out there!

best wishes

fred

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 12:33 AM

See, even a little moocowpoo can posess inner beauty!

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 12:36 AM

Nice to hear the relitives in India are doing well for temselves.
moocowpoo,

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 12:58 AM

diamonds are for heifers

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 01:01 AM

oops, forgot to check screen for spelling (before posting) ah fire away then! g'wan!

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 01:04 AM

moocowpoo, you have superassed yourself. these bovine mots are real gems.. your words are udderly mooving..

appreshitively

freda

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 01:34 AM

Thank you Freda!, I also crapplaud your shining wit and sence of humus! excrement!!

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 01:37 AM

should we form a Mootual Appreshitation Society?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 01:52 AM

or a back-patting fellowshit?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 02:42 AM

listen andy, you've made me laugh a lot today - thanks!

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 02:43 AM

ps we can't go on mooing like this - when are u gallumphing to a session?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: moocowpoo
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 03:33 AM

I want to get along to a different session sometime soon but I'm wondering if I'll feel a bit odd without an instrument...no no I do love hearing a bit of voice, I will go along(arguing with self now). so you play teeth? I once saw someone playing a set of plastic teeth, they were set on to a spring steel tong-like thingy. (I 'm pretty sure I saw it, I could've dreamt it though). Is that what you mean, or did I miss a really obvious joke(It has been known to happen).mcp

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 03:57 AM

bring an instrument, mcp - everyone else does!

as for the teeth - you'll have to wait!

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 06:36 PM

Freda and Moo-

Some of your chatter might best be done by Personal Message (PM), not that this is a totally serious thread. But too much unrelated BS can drag a thread down...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 04 - 08:28 AM

And now we've been elevated back to the celestial domain!

Thanks, Pene, for carefully assessing my appeal.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 04 - 08:52 AM

This gives a whole new view of the song "Lucy In The Sky."

"Diamonds In The Pie That's Loosey", perhaps?

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 04 - 09:25 AM

I keep thinking there has to be some way to connect this with the Goose that laid the Golden Egg...

Subject: RE: CS: Cow 'Deposits' Diamonds
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 04 - 05:50 PM

Rapaire-

I was wondering what to do with that possibility. Looks like a promising foray to me.

MMario-

Laying a cow pie laced with diamonds...?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble