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Your Favorite Family Short Story?
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Subject: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Charley Noble Date: 15 Mar 04 - 05:46 PM My father was active in town politics in our small town on the coast of Maine for many years, first as chairman of the school board, and then as moderator of the town meetings. This is one of his favorite stories: Jackassing with Captain Davis (As remembered by Adolph Ipcar in 1998) After I had just presented a budget to the Town Meeting in Georgetown (Maine), I walked outdoors for some fresh air. Old Captain Stin Davis greeted me, asking, "Is there a jackass in that budget?" "I've never been asked that in all my budgeting days," I replied to him. "Well," said Captain Davis, "when I sold my ship's cargo in them Mediterranean ports, I used to hire a jackass to transport me to possible buyers. I remember one day I got back to New York City and presented my expense accounts to the shipping clerk, who after examining them, said to me, 'Captain Davis, everything seems O.K. except for your jackass rental. We cannot reimburse you for that.' Well, you know, when I sold off the next cargo and got back to present my accounts to that clerk, he looked them over and said, 'Captain Davis, everything looks O.K. and I'm glad I don't see any jackass in this billing.' He paid me off, and as I was leaving, I said to him, 'I know you don't see any jackass in that billing but the jackass is still there, sir.'" Now, let's hear one from you! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Gorgeous Gary Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:06 PM My favorite story involved a cousin (Esther) of my paternal grandmother's and her son, Ethan. Once, in college, Ethan decided to try out for a role in "Jesus Christ Superstar" and managed to land the role of Jesus. This made Esther feel conflicted...on the one hand, she was proud her son landed a lead role. On the other hand, our family is Jewish, so she was a bit uneasy that Ethan was playing Jesus. So she dithered on getting tickets until the last moment. Esther finally calls the theater on opening night to buy tickets. The clerk tells her the play is sold out. Esther is upset at this and yells into the phone, "Do you know who I am? I am the mother of God!" They found her tickets.... -- Gary |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Rapparee Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:46 PM My mother called us together, my two brothers and myself. We went into a room and she closed the door, solemn and sober. "I have," she said, "something I must tell you boys." We were worried. She was so serious, and we looked at each other, thinking the same thing: she was ill, probably with cancer or something, and was going to die. "You're 21 now," she said to me, "and Tony, you're 20, and Ted is 18. You boys are old enough to know...I cannot afford bail." And she got up and left. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Charley Noble Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:38 PM Rapaire- You've reminded me of another family story, of what my mother wrote me when she learned that one of my Peace Corps friends, Bill Owen, had been eaten by a crocodile in southwestern Ethiopia. She did express the usual condolences, and then added "Don't let this happen to you. How could I ever tell the neighbors and keep a straight face?" Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Fergie Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:51 PM My Mam who is 83 has a devilish sense of humour one night she said to my father "Michael I've just read in the paper that 3 out of every 4 children born are Chinese", "Yes Kay" said my dad "that would be about right" then my mam replied "well how come I've had eight children and all of mine were white?" |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Dani Date: 15 Mar 04 - 10:29 PM My family has a long tradition in small theatre ;) I ended up behind the scenes (and then, owning a restaurant, which is about the same damn thing), probably because this story about my grandfather was told so often: He was given, (in elementary school?), a wonderfully dramatic part in a play. His big line was, "I thought I heard a pistol shot!" Opening night: "I shot I third a pistol shot!.... I shot I thought a pistol thought! .... I thought I shaw a pistol shit!... Awww, bungshit bullshit, who wants to be in your stupid old play anyway!" Dani |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Amos Date: 15 Mar 04 - 10:37 PM I remember that story about Bill Owen, oddly enough. It made quite a splash at the time... A |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 15 Mar 04 - 10:54 PM The story I used to tell my children when they were young and insisted on a bedtime story: "Once upon a time there were three bears. Now there are thousands of 'em. Go to sleep." Bruce |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Midchuck Date: 15 Mar 04 - 11:24 PM My daughter was ten and my son was five. Both my kids were sharp, but my son, in matters of number, was...scary. I noticed they had been playing cards for a while and he seemed upset. What it was, was, she was teaching him blackjack, and was winning away all his pennies in the process. I said, innocently, "let's have some music." Turned on the stereo, put on an Ian and Sylvia album, moved the needle to Summer Wages. That ended my daughter's winning pennies, and she was quite provoked at me. (Later, my son used to go down to the Indian casino in Connecticut with his MIT fraternity brothers, and play blackjack to get spending money, but was careful never to win enough at one time to get in trouble.) Peter. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Amos Date: 15 Mar 04 - 11:29 PM Jeeze, BWL!! What, they all grew up to be accountants? A |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 15 Mar 04 - 11:49 PM Typical lower-class, love story....
Pa fucked Ma Nine months later
Everything was fucked.
Sincerely, |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: LadyJean Date: 15 Mar 04 - 11:59 PM Long before my mother was even thought of, great grandmother aske mother's uncle John to blow the stump out of the wash house yard. John was more than happy to do so. He bought plenty of dynamite, set his charges, lit his fuse, and sat back for a real blast. He did this on Wash Day. Yes, all the laundry was out on the line. As his son says, "Grandma just knew it was something she wouldn't have to tell John not to do again". So she sat on the porch and laughed. I might mention that she paid someone else to do the laundry. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Sorcha Date: 16 Mar 04 - 01:21 AM I have lots..but the best one is... The Family Watchword was 'Call when you get there' During my mom's memorial service, the chapel phone rang.....the entire family just cracked up....we were laughing so hard.... On the way to the cemetary the Mortician kept apologizing...we kept laughing....we put "Call When You Get There" on the tombstone. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Charley Noble Date: 16 Mar 04 - 08:17 AM That's a nice one, Sorcha, although some would think it an ap-palling lack of taste. Our family has never been much for funerals. However, even I was shocked when mother told the story of how when she and father were courting and his mother died she had expressed her condolences by saying "Sorry your mom kicked the bucket." Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Rasener Date: 17 Mar 04 - 07:13 AM Not necesarily a story but, when My autistic daughter used to go to bed, I sang a verse of a song to her once and finished up singing it everynight for about a year. All I sang was Shule, shule, shule-a-roo, Shule-a-rak-shak, shule-a-ba-ba-coo. When I saw my Sally Babby Beal, come bibble in the boo shy Lorey. and thenn kept repeating it. I remembered it from Peter Paul and Mary, but couldn't remember the rest. Eventually I saw that old Lp's of theirs had been put on CD. So I bought it -Peter Paul and Mary Moving. The song was called Gone the rainbow I played it too her and her eyes lit up and from then on I had to sing all the song. That will teach me. :-) GONE THE RAINBOW Lyrics Shule, shule, shule-a-roo, Shule-a-rak-shak, shule-a-ba-ba-coo. When I saw my Sally Babby Beal, come bibble in the boo shy Lorey. Here I sit on Buttermilk Hill; who could blame me, cry my fill; Every tear would turn a mill, Johnny's gone for a soldier. Shule, shule, shule-a-roo, Shule-a-rak-shak, shule-a-ba-ba-coo. When I saw my Sally Babby Beal, come bibble in the boo shy Lorey. I sold my flax, I sold my wheel, to buy my love a sword of steel; So it in battle he might wield, Johnny's gone for a soldier. Shule, shule, shule-a-roo, Shule-a-rak-shak, shule-a-ba-ba-coo. When I saw my Sally Babby Beal, come bibble in the boo shy Lorey. Oh my baby, oh, my love, gone the rainbow, gone the dove. Your father was my only love; Johnny's gone for a soldier. Shule, shule, shule-a-roo, Shule-a-rak-shak, shule-a-ba-ba-coo. When I saw my Sally Babby Beal, come bibble in the boo shy Lorey. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 17 Mar 04 - 07:43 AM Many years ago my brother was driving me home. I live in the so-called entertainment part of Sydney - Kings Cross. His then girlfriend was in the front seat & I was in the backseat with both our Mums. We passed several old-fashioned brothels ("girl" inside open door reading a novel underneath a red light) & Mrs Lucas being a very sweet innocent lady said "You mean, you mean, they do it with men they haven't been introduced to". John nearly lost control of the car, Eddie said "Oh, Mum!!" & my mother & I were sniggering quietly. sandra |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Janie Date: 17 Mar 04 - 06:59 PM 'Spaw will appreciate this one. One day when I was in grammer school, Mom & Dad arrived home from the grocery store. Mother was in tears and not speaking. Dad was laughing so hard the tears ran down his face. They had been standing side-by-side in the produce section. Mom was bent over, checking out tomatoes or something. Dad let rip a huge fart. At the rude sound Mom jerked upright just as heads were starting to turn. Dad pointed at Mom. Dad still giggles, and Mom's face still turns stoney when this story is told! Janie |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Charley Noble Date: 17 Mar 04 - 11:29 PM Well, Janie, that story certainly clears the air! Next, please! Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: freda underhill Date: 17 Mar 04 - 11:54 PM this made me laugh and laugh,.. Boberts Christmas story, from the tweedsblues site tweedsblues.net/thefolks/bobertsxmas.html |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Bill D Date: 18 Mar 04 - 12:19 AM My mother told of riding in automobiles with her cousin Vivian, who was quite a hot-shot even in the 30s... One day when someone complained about his driving, he reached into the glove-box, took out a wrench, removed the nut that held the steering wheel on (this WAS the 30s), removed the wheel and handed it into the back seat, saying "Ok, YOU drive" while he steered with the wrench. Then, on a cold Winter's night, he was driving the family from Joplin to Neosho, Missouri with icy patches on the road, and getting up to 80MPH.... As my grandfather slid down in the seat with his hat over his face, my mother asked, "Vivian, what would you do if a cow would walk out in front of you?" "Why, I'd stop...what would YOU do?", Vivian answered. It's lucky I'm here at all. ---------------------------------------------- My brother once caused the fire dept. to come to our house...to extinguish a tree! We had, in those days..(about 1953) a trash burner, and my brother had been poking in it with sticks and getting the tips to burn...then he saw this huge (4ft.diameter) Catalpa tree which had been hollowed out by ants, and decided he'd kill the ants with smoke...so he poked a burning stick into a hollow limb...and started the tree smouldering. We tried the garden hose, but couldn't get it out. My mother called the local fire company, telling them it was NO emergency...just a little 'problem'...so, of course, here they came, siren blaring, horn honking and zoomed up our street, where a fireman chopped a hole in the tree and doused the embers while the neighbors looked on in amusement and my mother hid in embarassment....I wonder if that tree is still growing? It was in 1987, last time I was there. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Mary in Kentucky Date: 18 Mar 04 - 08:35 AM Once my brother and a friend were picked up for trespassing on a military reservation adjacent to my dad's land. Their "one call" was to my dad to come pick them up. As my dad entered, the officer in charge said, "Mr. B. do you know these boys?" To which he replied, "Never seen them before in my life," and then walked out. Daddy always introduced my husband as Dorothy's (my mother) son-in-law. My son was helping Hubby spread mulch around trees and shrubs one day. Hubby was called away to talk to someone, so he told my son to put a bag of mulch under the little Smoke tree out back that he missed mulching earlier. When Hubby returned, there was an *unopened* bag of mulch leaning against the tree. Hubby surprised me one day with tickets to "Alabama." I said, "Thanks, who do they play?" (Alabama is a contry music group, but I thought it was a football team.) |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Rapparee Date: 18 Mar 04 - 08:58 AM We didn't have much money, so store-bought cakes and things were uncommon. One year, my mother asked my sister what sort of cake she wanted for her birthday and she replied, "Chocolate, from the bakery." Mom bought a very nice cake, but didn't tell Martha -- she put it on a chair to hide it (it was still in the box, and she'd put the candles on later). Brother Tony came to dinner, pulled out a chair, sat on the cake.... --------------- I was at college, several blocks from the house, and had forgotten a textbook. So I borrowed a friend's motorcycle and scooted on home to pick it up. Mom was working in the yard when I roared in (no helmet or anything). She looked up, wondering, and didn't say a word as I parked the bike. I looked at her, said "Forgot my book," went in the house and got it, went out, kicked the bike on, and roared off. Mom just stood there, looking. She never said anything about it, but I knew she wondered. -------------- I owned a cheap .22 revolver for a while -- a single action "cowboy" style gun. One day, friends and I planned to go off the next day and shoot some targets and tin cans. I also had a USD 101.00 income tax refund due, and, as I mentioned, money was all too often hard to come by. So when the refund came the day before the planned shooting match, I cashed the check, went to the store and bought some food we needed. I uncorked a Pepsi, sat down, and started cleaning the .22. Mom walked in, saw the food, and asked, "Where did that come from?" "I bought it" (looking down the barrel of the revolver). "Where'd you get the money?" "Robbed a gas station." A very, very pregnant pause while she processed this information.... "Oh, you damned fool! Your tax refund came!" |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Shanghaiceltic Date: 18 Mar 04 - 09:16 AM Out of the mouths of children.... When my son was about 5 years old a regular Saturday morning thing was for he and I to go our rather small local library. On one occassion whilst he was browsing which books he wanted he suddenly broke wind rather loudly. The rather grim faced librarians head swivelled towards the offending child, he sensed her gaze and said... 'Oops sorry, just trod on a duck, my daddy says and does that all the time you know' Father and son hastily chose books and left. He is 19 now and we still laugh about it. |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Charley Noble Date: 18 Mar 04 - 10:49 AM Bill D- Your story about Vivian and his driving habits reminds me of my mother's father. He could be a holy terror behind the wheel, to those within and those without. The worst incident was when he had a brand new bright orange 1953 Mercury and took us off to the beach for one of those traditional family picnics. We were driving down the road towards Bay Point, when it became obvious that preparations were being made to repave the road. Grandfather began thinking about what might happen to his nice shiny car on the way home, which spoiled the whole picnic for him at the beach and anyone else who got within his range. Later, when he was driving us home his worst fears were realized. New tar had been applied and passing cars began to spatter his Mercury with tar and dirt. He grew increasingly enraged, and my final memory is of us all cowering in the back seat as he sweared into the middle of the road to slow the other cars down, honking and cursing out the window at the other drivers. We did reach home safely, much subdued, and mother swore never to ride with grandfather again. Have a nice day! Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: sian, west wales Date: 18 Mar 04 - 03:48 PM Christmas. Mum, sister and m'self would be making cooking while Dad, in the basement, got the tree fitted with a stand, evened up the bottom branches and settled it into the corner of the front room. All was going according to tradition, until we heard angered stomping up the basement stairs, down the hall to the front room. Then a slamming noise, and the angry footfalls back to the basement. We ventured into the front room and saw ... well - it was like a stubbly pole in a tree stand, with a little bottle-brush tuft of evergreen branch at the top. Dad had kinda got carried away evening up branches, from the bottom up. We didn't laugh. It would not have been appreciated. Within a very few minutes, we heard the stomping up the stairs again, angered entrance by Le Pere who grabbed the 'tree' by the throat and dragged it back to the basement. Nothing for us to do but to go back to our baking. Much to our surprise, in about an hour, footfall were heard coming up from the basement, into front room and return. Into the front room we went to behold a perfectly symetrical tree. Gorgeous. Dad had taken all the branches, drilled holes in the trunk where HE thought the beggars should go, and fitted them with epoxy glue. We never spoke of it again. At least - not when Dad was in the room! sian |
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Subject: RE: Your Favorite Family Short Story? From: Strick Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:33 PM My sister-in-law Becky is a music teacher and sings frequently at different funtions for her church. One Sunday morning she had a solo, but when the accompanist launched into the wrong song, Becky just stood at the front of the church smiling and waiting to make her embarrassed exit. When she got back to her pew, a neighbor, the most notorious busy body in the church whispered to her accusingly, "You didn't sing!" Becky replied quietly, "Oh I did sing, but only the pure in heart could hear it." |
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