BS: Dear Abby

Subject: BS: Dear Abby
From: MarkS
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 12:35 AM

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Mt. Washington, KY who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus.

My parents live in Morehead and one of my sisters, who lives in West Liberty, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Covington.

I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Eddyville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Campton. She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Nader supporter?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation


(Can't affect the opinions here so might as well have some fun!)
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 01:11 AM

Dear Worried:

You should be completely open with her and let the chips fall where they may. Your relationship will outlast Nader if it is built on frankness with each other. Without it, it will be rough for you both and possibly even lead to a life of crime.

Abbie

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 02:27 AM

Now, if your cousin were a Bust supporter, it would behoove you to keep the secret until you are safely married.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 05:07 AM

I thought Henry VIII got rid of all the Abbeys...

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 09:21 AM

Dear Worried,

Yours sounds like a typical Kentucky family. What's the problem?

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: kendall
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 09:35 AM

Good one Floolstroupe!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: freda underhill
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 09:47 AM

Dear Mark

I would wait a while before letting her know, so that you have time to further establish trust. When you feel your relationship with her is strong enough to cope with such a stress, tell her. Her response will let you know whether she truly cares about you. If she doesn't stay, let her go, she's not good enough for you anyway.

best wishes

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 12:01 PM

Ebbie-

"if your cousin were a Bust supporter"?LOL

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 01:08 PM

My son the foundation garment?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 01:51 PM

Dear Worried,
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I am dead now and no longer give a s**t about your petty problems. From now on please write to somebody that cares.

Thanks,
Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 02:04 PM

Dear Worried,

It depends on several factors: Is your mobile home a single-wide or double-wide? Does the washing machine work? If so, does it drain into the septic system or just flow down the hillside? How many NASCAR-related stickers or decals do you have on your pickup truck? Are you a close personal friend of Jesco White, or merely an acquaintance?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Peace
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 02:16 PM

Dear Worried,

I wouldn't mention the Nader name and its close connection to your family; not if you ever intend to pursue a career in politics. The other stuff can be explained. That can't.

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: EBarnacle
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 03:40 PM

Clearly this is a person of broad sensibilities. Don't be surprised to find out that she is a transsexual with a severe case of genital herpes. You ain't the only one with secrets...

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 03:45 PM

Dear Worried,

Is that your cousin who's your brother and your uncle?
Or the cousin who's your father and your son?
When it comes to Kentucky I just get confused about familial relationships.
My advise is to write it down and hand it to her.
Odds are that if she went to school there, she can't read anyway and then she can't say you didn't tell her.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Abby
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 07:05 PM

Well, the Kentucky stuff would be better taken if it were just a little funnier. Mt. Washington sounds like a fairly informed choice for the joke though.