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BS: drown your misery in silly word games
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Subject: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Bill D Date: 03 Nov 04 - 04:30 PM Alternative Meanings Once again, The Washington Post has published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts more? |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: skipy Date: 03 Nov 04 - 06:38 PM refresh |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Don Firth Date: 03 Nov 04 - 06:45 PM Thanks! I needed that! Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: HuwG Date: 03 Nov 04 - 07:00 PM A few from "I'm sorry, I haven't a clue": Dichotomy - surgical operation to remove a Welshman Hullaballoo - correct mode of address to a bear Disappear - criticise or disparage a member of the House of Lords Gravitas - appearance of pear-shaped person in jeans |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Ebbie Date: 03 Nov 04 - 07:56 PM LOL "Hullaballoo - correct mode of address to a bear" Love that one! Got to try that the next time I meet one. What intonation does one use, you suppose? |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: frogprince Date: 03 Nov 04 - 09:14 PM So far as I know, this one is my own: Circumlocution (n.) the act of talking your foreskin off. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Georgiansilver Date: 04 Nov 04 - 04:26 AM A Child in a North of England School one wrote...as part of a history lesson... "Christopher Columbus Circumcised the world with a 90ft clipper" Big job eh?? "Delegation" is moving your control centre to India! "Combination" is a country not divided. "Conscript" is a piece of misleading writing. "Envelope" is somewhere to place your jealousy. "Injury" is being in part of a courthouse. "Sediment" is what he should have said. "Cordial" is calling someone on the landline. "Paraphrase" is something said by a Marine. "Beneficiary" someone who inherits a fish farm. Best wishes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 04 Nov 04 - 08:00 AM Earlobe - someone who is an Earl and an OBE Decrease - what you bat from in de cricket Deliberate - de baby hare Defer - de place where dey got de Ferris Wheel and de ghost train Deride - see above Denial - de big river in Egypt |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Georgiansilver Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:13 AM Ahhh duellingbouzoukis...I see...a different projection:- So Derail and Detract are what de train runs on eh?? I like this new perspective!!!!!!!. Deliver is part of de offal Delight is hanging from de ceiling Debility is what William will eat tonight Decorum is de middle of de appleum Deduct is what carries de water Deform is de shape of it Demonstration is de very big Chinese man Thanks DB Best wishes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:43 AM Deduce - de two of spades Decadence - de improvisy bit in de piece of classical music Decamp - de organisation called Outrage Decant - de rude word in Cockney Deceive - what you use for draining de veg Decibel - de Ancient Greek oracle Decider - de cloudy drink made from de apples. I have a feeling this might go on for some time! :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:43 AM Decentralise - what de Cyclops have |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: JennyO Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:45 AM De-feet of de-duct went over de-fence before de-tail. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: HuwG Date: 04 Nov 04 - 12:04 PM Finance - splendid insects Juniper - child in Israel Orgy - expression used by disappointed American child Larceny - theft of Norwegian Vindicate - to dedicate a vineyard |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Dead Horse Date: 04 Nov 04 - 02:51 PM Uniform - one size fits all Mistake - single Japanese girl Anglophile - tool used to tune a concertina Contralto - male voice choir in prison Untoward - backwards Shanty - forebitters sung in wooden huts Combat - aggresive flying mammal Encyclopedia - everything you need to know about bikes in one book Capo - guitarists headgear Duo - two guitarists fighting for the lead Octopus - cat with one of it's nine lives gone Excaliber - size ten roman sword WMD's - invisible assets Oil - Popeye's wife's maiden name G-Spot - easily located erogenous zone on females, midway between the F & H spots Unearth - water Universe - very short folk song Upholster - where hide-out guns are kept, usually in the hat Usher - person who keeps others quiet at weddings |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Tannywheeler Date: 04 Nov 04 - 05:50 PM Am I the only one old enough to remember a game called "Fractured French" from the 1950s? This kind of stuff even showed up on cocktail napkins. Lots of fun. Tw |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: open mike Date: 04 Nov 04 - 06:27 PM 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. that often leaves a bitter taste.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Bill Hahn//\\ Date: 04 Nov 04 - 07:38 PM Norman----definitely a vampire--werewolf Lane closure---traffic reporter's name Fiefdom---an arena for slaves fighting lions. Probably located-Houston Bill Hahn |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Bill D Date: 04 Nov 04 - 09:50 PM very good, folks! You have the idea... teacup..quite a large bra size Zebra...the largest size they make. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: HuwG Date: 05 Nov 04 - 03:38 AM fusillade - exceptionally fizzy drink pliable - admitting fault but trying to wriggle out of the consequences diatonic - low calorie mixer nitrate - watchman's pay By the way, the correct intonation to use when addressing a bear ? In my case, a rapidly receding Doppler effect. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Flash Company Date: 05 Nov 04 - 05:03 AM Years ago, the House mag of a company I worked for featured 'Teach yourself Welsh'. The only one that sticks in my memory was 'Coed-Mawr' meaning 'Mother went to a mixed school'. FC |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Ellenpoly Date: 05 Nov 04 - 06:32 AM (From Yesterday's Independent..xx..e) Dawn of a new word order The new Future Dictionary of America imagines how the language of tomorrow will be shaped by the society of today. But what of Britain's vocabulary? Our resident lexicographers offer their suggestions 04 November 2004 anachrophobia [an-akra-fobi-ah] n. a violent intolerance towards time-travellers who have escaped the stresses and strains of life in the future and downshifted to the past. In 2030s Lincolnshire, there was a spate of attacks on owners of digital watches, most of which turned out to be cases of mistaken identity. apologhoea [apo-lo-gea] n. uncontrollable outpouring of apology (often specious), characteristic of early 21st-century world politics. See also: blerror (n) a mistake made, allegedly, in good conscience, first attributed to British Prime Minister Tony Blair (1997-2005). acupuncher [ak-yuu-pun-cha] n. one who alleviates the stress of physical or verbal taunts by striking out at the assailant. alpha Mail [al-fa may-al] n. a person who is more paranoid and right wing than you thought possible, but who maintains an aura of Middle England common sense at all times. astronot [ass-tra-not] n. space virgin, person who has yet to leave Earth's atmosphere. attheendoftheday [aah-thuh-enuv-aday] adv. of a fundamental proposition; a term much favoured by sportspeople in post-match interviews. NB has no relationship to any actual 24-hour period, eg "What I'm saying is, when you get up at six in the morning to train, attheendoftheday, you've got to be focused on the job." Blair-faced lie [Bleuuurgh-fayced-ly] n. an untruth that you admit to only inasmuch as you blame someone else for misinforming you. Branson pickle [bran-son pik-ull] n. to be in a quandary about whether to take the train (qv) or fly in an extra-orbital spaceship to your holiday home. Brownian motion [brow-nee-yan mo-shun] n. the act of appearing in front of cameras with a shifty and surly demeanour. colonic fatigue syndrome [kolon-ik fateeg sin-drum] n. overuse of warm-water enemas. Deblunket [dee-blunk-it] vb. to dismiss a notion as liberal and ill-thought out; to replace rational thought with unspecified fear (see alpha Mail). Desanitation [dasani-tayshun] n. the act of completely ignoring, denouncing and/or refusing to buy bottles of bogus mineral water marketed by a major soft-drinks multinational. ESA - External State of America [ee-ess-ay] n. eastern Atlantic landmass, formerly known as United Kingdom. Eurinal [yur-eye-nul] n. public convenience mainly employed for the disposal of useless foreign coins recently acquired in France, Italy etc. foxhunting [foks-untin] n. finding fault with the news coverage of a global multinational media organisation. Google [goo-gul] n, vb, adj, adv. an archaic word thought to be associated with a primitive version of the Transgalactic Omninet; a "search engine" that facilitated access to a "webpage" that offered fanciful textual information, flashing lights and pictures of naked celebrities, alongside inappropriate sponsorship. hypertonsion [hi-per-tonshun] n. feeling of anxiety, social exclusion etc resulting from the (perhaps ill-advised) shaving of one's head. Idi Emin [eedee-ehmeen] n. frightening, semi-mythical figure who haunted the art quarters of east London in the 2000s, expelling Asian immigrants, taking on ever-more-fanciful titles, practising cannibalism and embroidering the names of his 93 wives on to a canvas bivouac. iGod [ay-god] n. a portable device (typically of 500-yottabyte capacity) that simulates the wisdom and /or awe-inspiring terror of an omnipotent deity. eg "I downloaded Buddhism on to my iGod last week and I've already reached a state of nirvana." iJob [ay-job] n. optical liposuction for people with unfashionably fat eyes, popular in the 2010s. The extracted vitreous humour made an excellent teething gel for babies. Jaggery-pokery [jag-ger-ree po-ker-ee] n. sexual misadventures indulged in by ageing lech who should really know better. Kilroysilchosis [kil-roy-sil-ko-sis] n. mental disorder closely related to megalomania, which compels the sufferer to join and then attempt to take over a series of increasingly cranky and marginal organisations. Named after the apricot-coloured television presenter Robert Kilroy-Silk, and his progress from UKIP (2004-5) to Migration Watch (2005-7), the Aetherius Society (2008-12), the Young Ornithologists' Club (2013-19), Friends of Paul Darrow (2020-21) and the Conservative Party (2021-present). lapdogging [lap-dog-ing] vb. the practice of meeting strangers for sex at isolated wi-fi hotspots in the Forest of Dean. liplash [lip-lashh] n. injury sustained in high winds by over-judicious users of lip glosses (esp Lancôme Juicy Tubes). The victim's salon-perfect hair adhering to her glossy lips to the point of asphyxiation and public humiliation. Lycrastinate [ly-crass-tinayt] vb. attempt to put off cosmetic surgery by wearing too-tight clothes. Mail order [mayl-or-duh] n. colloquial term for the piece of legislation passed by Parliament in 2012, decreeing that for every Albanian granted asylum in the UK, two Daily Mail readers should be deported to Tirana. By 2020, Britain was a paradise of tolerance that made the illustrations in The Watchtower look like dirty realism. In Albania, sales of golfing slacks, orthopaedic pillows and PVC conservatories rocketed, reviving the flaccid economy. Mandelson mirror [man-dul-son mirra] n. handheld computer for men, capable of storing up to 3,000 "personal best" anecdotes/business coups/sexual conquests and programmed to remind user hourly how handsome, funny and clever he is; it was hailed as a breakthrough labour-saving device by 21st-century women. mooregage [maw-gayj] vb. to waste away your time watching conspiracy-theory documentaries. moreality [maw-al-itee] n. economic principle based on ever-increasing consumption. moreality clause [maw-al-itee clorz] n. the 2020 Parliamentary reform requiring tax to be paid on any household item proved to be in householder's possession for longer than 18 months. never-never-lunch [neva-neva-lunch] n. a lunch date that is cancelled and deferred every few days, for an indefinite period of time. It evolved in the 2010s as a mutual agreement between people who didn't like each other very much but wanted to fill their blank diaries. But with the advent of a new generation of intelligent electronic personal organisers, it became possible for these negotiations to continue for years without either party knowing about it. nerveless bacon [nerv-less bay-cun] n. meat from a species of pig bred to possess so few sensory organs that it can no longer be considered to be an animal. In 2041, British farmers lobbied successfully to have these blind, shapeless blubbery non-organisms reclassified as a form of German Friendship Cake - that stuff you grow in the dark of your airing cupboard and give away to neighbours you can't stand. This development confounded animal-rights activists, who broke into their barns and became frustrated when their occupants refused to run wild over the countryside. Mounting them on wheels and painting on little faces did little to excite public opinion. omnisexual [om-nee-seks-yu-al] adj. the condition in which everyone and everything becomes sexualised. Origin: early 21st-century neologisms such as metrosexual, pomosexual, fauxmosexual and retrosexual. prefabilitation [pree-fab-ili-tayshun] n. process of physical and spiritual healing, usually in fashionable clinic, for people forced to live in cheap and horrible building. Prescott logic [press-cot lojik] n. a branch of higher mathematics in which conventional formal proofs are suspended. propertea prices [prop-err-tee pry-sez] n. a 22nd-century obsession with the rise and fall of the value of loose-leaf first-flush darjeeling. Question Mime [kwesh-teeyun myme] n. reinvention of 20th-century political show to accommodate the widely held belief that any actual words used by politicians are devoid of any meaning or value. quiddicity [kwid-iss-sitee] n. a revolutionary form of fossil fuel which transformed the British economy in 2035, after a team at Oxford University discovered that bad writing produced the most heat - and that consequently, a copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire could warm an average family home for more than a fortnight. Charity shops and landfill sites disgorged their contents, and the elderly JK Rowling became the poster girl of the anti-nuclear lobby. Readian reversal [ree-dyan reever-sal] n. the process by which cultural artefacts once regarded as utterly without merit are reappraised as timeless masterpieces. Named after the late Saturday Superstore presenter and stalker-magnet Mike Read, whose work - which includes a reworking of A Midsummer Night's Dream entitled Oh Puck! and Cliff the Musical - was customarily dismissed by 21st-century critics as "bilge" and "leaden dross", but subsequently placed at the heart of the English literary canon. Today, every schoolchild can recite the immortal couplets of Read's Oscar Wilde: "I'm going to stand my ground and fight/The things you two do just can't be right." Rowling [rou-lyng] participle. to be comfortably well off, as in "Ever since she sold those BBC shares in 2019, they've been rowling in it." self-abuse [self-abyoose] n. low, demotic vituperation directed at any pretentious associate who expresses himself in gratuitously sesquipedalian verbiage in the manner of Mr Will Self. shamponics [sham-pohniks] n. a branch of theoretical chemistry which gained academic respectability in the 2020s, when it was discovered that far from being meaningless bafflegab dreamt up by overpaid marketing executives, the "science bit" in shampoo adverts actually meant something. Even the stuff about pro-vitamins, quaternium and nutrileum. The first incumbent of the Pantene Chair in Advanced Shamponics was Professor Andie MacDowell. skintact [skin-takked] n. sexual congress, typical of pre-allergenic era, involving skin-to-skin contact (illegal since Sexual Reform Bill of 2042 which made skintactual sex a statutory offence, except in Wales). slackardly [slakk-ahh-dlee] adj. wilfully unattractive. See also: unstitched. ("I ran into Eleanor today and, my dear, she looked positively unstitched."); see also slackards (n) minority faction opposed in principle to cosmetic surgery. squaddyzon [skwaddee-zon] n. self-styled soldier; mendacious claim to be a member of the Black Watch regiment heading for Baghdad, in the hope of persuading girls to sleep with you out of sympathy. testiculate [tes-tik-u-layt] vb (intransitive). to wave your hands about in wild but vague manner because you suspect you are talking bollocks. train [trayn] n (obs). a mode of public transport introduced in the early 19th century which was largely phased out by the mid 21st century due to leaves on the line. truth [troof] n (obs). an archaic term indicating an essence of ultimate logic and concordance with observable facts, now used, paradoxically, in an opposite sense in such phrases as "the truth of the matter is", where the speaker wishes to equivocate or generalise to the point of meaninglessness. Trusstafarian [truss-ta-fah-ree-an] n. any member of the cult of grammar and punctuation fundamentalists who enjoyed a brief period of popularity in the early 21st century, before the passing of the Greengrocer's Apostrophe's (Preservation) Act of 2011. umbilicoid [um-bili-coyd] n. person conceived ex-vitro and born of woman in pre-cloning era. umbilicoid [um-bili-coyd] adj (archaic). inappropriate to modern world. (His proposal of free primary education was dismissed as hopelessly umbilicoid). virtual meality [ver-tyoo-al mee-ali-tee] n. deleting and airbrushing every digital image of yourself until you believe that that really is how you look. war on terriers [wor on tear ears] n. begun in 2124, after all other forms of opposition to the 54 United States of America had been eradicated, this sought to contain the population of small yappy dogs. Widdecomeback [widee-cum-bak] n. unexpected, counter-intuitive process by which reviled political monster becomes much-loved pillar of good sense by dyeing her hair and writing agony column. x-dial [ekks-dy-al] n. mobile phone incorporating breathalyser which automatically bars calls to former lovers when user's blood-alcohol level is raised. yummy mummy [yuh-mee muh-mee] n. advances in genetic modification in the 22nd century enabled the growing of extra body parts - with optional strawberry flavour and vitamin enhancements - that provided a ready source of nutrition for hungry toddlers. youtopia [utoh-pee-ah] n. an ideal state of being in which neighbours, fellow passengers and all other external irritations are eradicated by means of noise-cancelling headphones, video-glasses and/or flotation tanks. Zarina [zah-ree-nah] n. former aficionado of designer clothing who has realised that a good copy is even better than the real thing. See also, false economy. Zooillogical [zoo-ee-loji-kal] adj. of young males; to look for sex and lifestyle advice in cheap magazines that feature sex and lifestyles that only occur in cheap magazines. Compiled by E Jane Dickson, Carl Reader, Matthew Sweet, John Walsh, Mark Wilson |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:50 PM A short poem in Latin. Caesar adsum iam for te Brutus adarat Caesar sic in omnibus Brutus sic in at |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: John MacKenzie Date: 05 Nov 04 - 01:06 PM Defeat :- Dey stop de ankles from frayin' at de end Decorum :- What you do with de apples befo' yo' eats dem. Defence :- What you put roun' de garden to keep out de wild animals. Diode :- A Welsh poem Giok :~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 05 Nov 04 - 01:16 PM Derange - what de cowboys sing about ("Home, home on derange") Degrees - what you fry de chips in Delegate - de representative of de Pope Deleted - what you wear for de aerobics and sort of on the same tangent Demi Moore - the French for 'half-dead'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Nigel Parsons Date: 05 Nov 04 - 02:14 PM Decorus: de bit which comes after de verse Verse: not so good Feedback: Upchuck; pavement(sidewalk) pizza Pizza: not the whole thing Whole Thing: Penis I think I'll leave it there CHEERS Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: frogprince Date: 05 Nov 04 - 11:36 PM Defunct: de one who has been molested. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Bill D Date: 05 Nov 04 - 11:42 PM mistress---something between 'mister' and 'mattress' |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: frogprince Date: 05 Nov 04 - 11:59 PM cunnilingus: very clever use of the organs of speech. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Tannywheeler Date: 18 Nov 04 - 08:07 PM naughty children. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: frogprince Date: 18 Nov 04 - 08:15 PM "naughty children" ok, Tannyw., but you didn't complete your submission with a definition... |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Tannywheeler Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:17 PM Sorry -- in the nature of a kibitzer's aside. Tw |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Georgiansilver Date: 20 Nov 04 - 05:07 AM O.K Folks, fancy a word game with occupations....eg:- The new Chiropodist hasn't found his feet yet. The new dustman is rubbish. The new engineer knows the drill. The new air hostess is a bit flighty. The new Florist is a weed. The new hairdresser is very trim. The new policeman has an arresting character. The new doctor has a lot of patience. Over to you. Best wishes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: John MacKenzie Date: 20 Nov 04 - 06:18 AM The new floorsinger has a well polished act The new geographer couldn't tell his Madras from his Elba Giok |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 20 Nov 04 - 06:47 AM The new psychiartist is office head. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Micca Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:33 AM Magnum Opus..... A Large Irish Cat |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: John MacKenzie Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:40 AM Coq au Vin :- The groupies favourite Giok |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 20 Nov 04 - 09:02 AM The crosseyed teacher can't control his pupils. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: GUEST,Cod Fiddler Date: 20 Nov 04 - 09:22 AM What a fabulous thread! Festilities: The result of any family event involving meeting long-lost in-laws. Grismal: English Weather Testiculation: Talking bollocks and gesticulating wildly. Italian communication. Richard. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 20 Nov 04 - 09:28 AM systematic - a robot nun wallaby - someone who aspires to be a kangaroo biplane - what a pilot saya when he bails out codification - the process of turning into a fish |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: HuwG Date: 20 Nov 04 - 09:56 AM Duly - the sequel to the film, "Dune" Aperitif - ill-fitting dentures Enormous - gigantic rodent Burgle - a stolen trumpet Wadi - 50's pop hit ("Wadi you wanna make those eyes at me for ...") |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Tannywheeler Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:18 PM OK, Georgians. The new cook's pretty raw. The new singer's keyed up. Tw |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Georgiansilver Date: 20 Nov 04 - 07:00 PM The new horologist must be watched. The new judge is a case. The new weather man is bright but sometimes dull. The new auctioneer is an odd lot. The new croupiere is a card (or a joker perhaps) The new ornithologist has a twitch. The new optician is focussed. This is fun! Best wishes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: drown your misery in silly word games From: Chris Green Date: 21 Nov 04 - 12:09 PM The new banjo player is pretty plucky The new fiddle player's in a bit of a scrape The new guitarist frets too much The new bodhran player's a bit skinny And the first thing that struck me about the gong player... |
