BS: The first quarrel....

Subject: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 08:34 PM

Well, Winston and I have had our first quarrel. No, wait, let me correct that...we have had our first married quarrel. God knows, we had hundreds of quarrels in the years before we were married!

At any rate, it's all over the fox hunting ban. Winston is having a fit about it. He knows I am dead set against hunting of any kind, but he never thought the government would join my side in the matter. He's livid. He was striding up and down last night, blathering and pontificating on about it, and made the declaration that he would defy the ban and go out on a fox hunt anyway!

Well, I was having none of that. "If you do," I said, "I shall turn you in to the police myself."

He glared at me. "You wouldn't...dare."

"Oh, yes, I would!" I responded. "Just try me."

"I am going to go out hunting foxes if I want to, any damned time I want to," shouted Winston, getting all red in the face, "and no silly damned sentimental woman is going to stop me!"

That was when I threw the vase at him. It wasn't a terribly valuable vase, fortunately, but I'll still miss it. He was so astounded that he never dodged, and it broke on his fat head. Evidently, my pitching arm is still good. Well, he went berserk. I believe he meant to do me an injury, and he might have, had I not gotten hold of the poker.

We spent the next fifteen minutes yelling at one another up and down the dining room, and then he stormed out. He has holed up at the Vicar's Inn, where I am told that he is consuming endless glasses of port and no one dares go near him. Even the cursing parrot has fallen completely silent for the first time in living memory. It's watching him with gimlet eyes, and saying nothing at all, according to Bertie Matchless. It clearly knows real danger when it sees it.

If he comes home drunk, he had better watch it. I am in no mood for adolescent tantrums from grown men who ought to know better.

*PRW-J

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: kendall
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 08:38 PM

Stick to your guns! (Figure of speech) People who harm animals often harm people too.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Albert McSwiggins, Gardener
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 08:49 PM

Cor blimey! We've all been tiptoe'in around 'ere loik we was walkin' on eggs. Miss Penelope and the Mister 'ad a terrible row over the fox hunt. Terrible. Mr Winston, 'e's got a bad temper when 'e's crossed and Miss Penelope she 'as a will of steel. I fought there was going to be bloodshed, I did. The 'ouse 'as gone dead silent. We're all wonderin' wot's going to 'appen next.

- Albert McSwiggins, Gardener

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Suitor in the Wings
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 08:51 PM

Told you so, Penny.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 11:49 PM

Get a divorce you self serving sanctimonius twat

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,888
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 11:53 PM

Get one of the half dozen men haters from the Mudcat to represent you in court. When you have divorced him you can then arrange to kill him. They will tell you how to do that.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 12:10 AM

Marvelous. I am constantly reminded that Neanderthal Man has NOT died out. No, he is alive and well and living in the USA, and making his appearance as a series of idiotic "Guests" and members on this forum.

I am not even thinking of a divorce at this point. Winston will come around when he's had some time to think it over. After all, it IS the law now. This marriage is not going to fall apart over a mere quarrel, my friends. No indeed. When a Rutledge marries, she doesn't do it lightly. Unlike you moronic people in the United States, I have more than the attention span of an inebriated fruit fly. You are the moral and cultural equivalent of that nitwit, Britney Spears. I am not. I'm of the old school.

I don't hate men at all. I have a high regard for men of good character. I simply hate stupidity, ignorance, and brutality.

As for Winston, he has always been hardheaded and stubborn. Also hotheaded when he doesn't get his way. I knew that when I married him. I believe I can deal with it. I may be the only person in this town who is not a little afraid of Winston...and he knows it. Let him stew in his own juice for a bit. He'll see the light presently.

*PRW-J

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Suitor in the Wings
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 12:28 AM

What makes you so sure that they're in the USA? I, for one...

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,888
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 01:33 AM

You peach.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 05:45 AM

Strictly speaking, as long as he isn't using the hounds, he's perfectly entitled to hunt foxes, they aren't a protected species. Now if it were badgers...

But I think you should stick to your er... guns and remind him of his place and how lucky he is... Once these husbands know they can get away with one thing, they'll be trampling all over you.. Today it's fox hunting, tomorrow it could be wearing your underwear and calling himself Loretta.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: *Laura*
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 07:10 AM

Yes - men are like tiles. Lay them right first time and you can walk all over them for years. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: kendall
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 07:53 AM

This could take a nasty turn.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: fat B****rd
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 09:00 AM

You're right there, Kendall. Is Penelope Rutledge a bloke like what Alice Cooper is in real life ?.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 01:25 PM

Penelope is more of a man than golf playing Alice will ever be!!!

Go girl!!

Laura - I want that on a T shirt!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 04:30 PM

You hit him with a vase? We may be moronic here in the US but that would be cause for a nasty scene involving police and ambulances and a certain shrewish bitch having her body cavities probed by the local authorities. Shame on you! Domestic violence is unacceptable whether it be a male or female assailant.You are the moral and cultural equivalent of a wife beater.
SINSULL/Mary who does not hide behind GUEST.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: *Laura*
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 04:37 PM

LTS -

Your wish is my command...

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 04:59 PM

"Pitching arm" - I find that expression highly suspicious. Is this the real Penelope Rutledge or some transatlantic colonial impersonating her? I think we shoudl be told.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 06:06 PM

I don't need you to give me moral instructions, SINSULL. Humph! He provoked me severely. You can't let a husband get away with that sort of disrespect, because if you do they'll just walk all over you. Winston should have known better than to speak to me like that.

I didn't really think the vase would hit him, but he just stood there. I'd have thought he would dodge it. I was sure he would. Winston usually is very good at dodging things. It is regrettable that the vase broke over his head, and I agree that it's not a very good basis for maintaining a harmonious relationship to throw things at people, but these things happen. We Rutledges are hot-blooded people, you know.

Any French or Italian person would understand me perfectly on this.

It could have been worse. I could have skewered him with one of the duelling swords or brained him with the poker. This vase wasn't heavy enough to do serious damage, in my opinion.

He stayed away all last night and today as well. If I find out he's been up to no good or hunting foxes on the sly, he is in big trouble.

*PRW-J

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: annamill
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 01:39 PM

Gee Penny, you sure know how to win friends and influence people.

Good luck Dear.

Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 01:58 PM

"...having her body cavities probed by the local authorities" For another vase?

Maybe when you both start speaking to each other again, you can find an activity you both enjoy. Maybe something to do with puppies or boxing gloves.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 02:12 PM

Or both -- boxing with puppies.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Davetnova
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 03:04 PM

Don't do it with more than one puppy, it may be illegal.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: kendall
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 04:41 PM

I think she is really Avril Betts.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Royal expert
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 04:59 PM

Pitching arm is too American to be concerned with fox hunting...please keep undeserved opinions to your own country!

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: annamill
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 05:20 PM

I've heard of "Juggling puppies", but never "Boxing puppies". or,

was that "juggling cats"?? I'm sooo confused.

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 06:18 PM

Okay, Ms. Rutledge hurled the first decorative object, but who fired the first quarrel?

Crossbows at 50 paces, darlings. There's your solution. Do us all a favour.

Oh, and have a nice marriage.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Nick
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 09:12 AM

Avril Betts syndrome crossed my mind too. Is April coming early this year? Something to do with global warming perhaps.

If it is serious is making the story public immediately it's happened the best way of dealing with this?

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,a man
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 10:10 AM

*laura* says:
"Yes - men are like tiles. Lay them right first time and you can walk all over them for years. :-)"

It has been my experience that the phrase you use should be changed to:

Men are like tiles. Lay them right ANYTIME and you can walk all over them."

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 01:19 PM

Sad but true. Men are highly impressionable in that respect. So are dogs. The behaviour of men and dogs, in fact, is quite interesting to study and draw comparisons. Which is more predictable, that's the question, men or dogs? It's a toss-up.

The recent emergence of the "Sensitive New-Age Guy" or the "liberal male" has somewhat threatened this age-old pattern of Pavlovian predictability, but even those types seldom diverge far from the basic norm. They do talk an awful lot, though...and make great dinner companions for women.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 02:19 PM

Now if that had been: "Yes - women are like tiles. Lay them right first time and you can walk all over them for years."

Equally (un)true. But I suspect if some bloke had posted that, the reaction would have been a bit more explosive and hostile.

(And don't worry, Nick, about "If it is serious"...)

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 02:26 PM

Ahhh... glorious violence... the last resort of the unintelligent...

While I can't condone any level of physical abuse between spouses, I wish you and your man the best at patching up...

Sounds to me like a WHOLE lot of apologies are in order... from both sides...

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Albert McSwiggins, Gardener
Date: 23 Feb 05 - 09:15 PM

Good news! The mister and missus 'ave made up and are 'appy again! Mr Winston 'as bought two smashin' new riding 'orses wot are named "Cutlass" and "Raphaella". The new "Raphaella" is named after another 'orse wot suffered a fatal injury in steeplechase last year and 'as been sorely missed ever since.

I've 'eard that Mr Winston plans to DEFY the anti-fox-'untin' law! Cor! I wonder wot will 'appen then. Miss Penelope will 'ave to 'ave the law on 'im if 'e does, but 'e swears 'e is ready to face the consequences! By Gawd, it stirs me blood seein' a man stand up for a noble tradition like that!

I would go out and stand up for poachin' too, if I was a gent, but given me status I figger it's bet'er to just do it on the sly, like. Not that I'm sayin' I do. And I'm not sayin' I don't neither. I'm just sayin'...if I did, like. Then I would. If I did, you unnerstand...

Anyways, the 'ouse is merry and 'appy again, and all's well wif the world as far as I'm concerned.

Miss Penelope told 'er part of this over on the anti-'untin' fread.

- Albert McSwiggins, Gardener

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST,Eggbert
Date: 23 Feb 05 - 09:19 PM

How touching!

So, what is the first resort of the unintelligent, Clinton? Drinking?

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 01:14 PM

The first to raise his/her voice in a quarrel has already lost the argument.

Subject: RE: BS: The first quarrel....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 04:09 PM

That, I believe, would have been Winston.