BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk

Subject: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 08:51 PM

Yeah dude......You make disparaging remarks about my poor little Cleigh, dearly beloved icon of the Mudcat.........you're a sick fuckin' broke-dick msmalucca Hawk. But beware scumbag!!!! That piece of shit chimp could go bad on you at any second!!! Just happened.......CHECK IT OUT !!

Much Love,

Spaw

From the article linked:
St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed, Kern County Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: heric
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 09:42 PM

Is that a 'before' picture of the guy's nose?

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:42 AM

I know about this already. It's awful. This is what happens when animals are kept imprisoned for years in unnatural enclosures by humans who have less than a clue about what the hell they are doing. I am really sorry for both the chimps that got shot, and the poor guy they attacked, cos he didn't mean no harm at all. He was just doin' the best he knew how to help his own chimp friend who was in the lockup. If I had you in reach, Catspaw49, you sick bastard, you would be in just as much trouble as that guy in California, but for a much better reason. You are tryin' to stir up more hatred between humans and primates. You are spreadin' fear to promote your own personal race hate agenda. I know your kind. You filthy, racist, anti-primate hick. You oughta be locked up in a cage somewhere for a decade or two and see how you like it. You better hope I don't run into you in some seedy bar in Ohio, cos you won't like what happens!

- Chongo Chimp

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:49 AM

Time for a "Bonzo Ate My Balls" website out there.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Teresa
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:51 AM

Er, I sure hope this is some hardcore teasing, otherwise I'm not sure I like it much. :>

Anyhow, I was going to say that this is also what happens when you lock humans up for years ... but I guess I'd better nopt go there. :>

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:53 AM

Jee-zus, Spaw! Chongo is fit to be tied here. He's climbing the walls. I've never seen him this wild. I think you had better see if you can suck in your gut and manage an apology to my primate pal. I hate to think what could happen if he decides to go down to Ohio and "discuss" this further with you...

I am trying to calm him down. I'm gonna hit Blockbuster Video tonight and rent some good jungle movies or something that has flapper girls with really short fringed skirts and really long legs in it. Anything to get this off his mind.

The guy's foot and testicles were severed! Kee-rist. Sounds like angry apes all right. They have a way of going straight for the most sensitive spots when they're really ticked about something. I think those two chimps must've been confined way too long...or maybe they were forced to watch back-to-back episodes of "Three's Company"! (There's simply horrible stuff going on in some of those zoos...)

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 01:00 AM

You know, first thing when I got home tonight, I checked the computer and saw that story about the guy getting attacked by the chimps, and thought..."Oh, shit..."

I knew it would not be good. Then Chongo arrived home. Then he saw your post. Then the bananas hit the fan.

I don't need this, Spaw. I am off to Blockbuster right now. I think there's some movie about showgirls, called "Manhattan". I sure hope it works. Sheesh.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Teresa
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 01:41 AM

Ok, Chongo, just cool it ... we don't want no trouble, ok? :)

My cat got torn up by a possum once ... but I don't blame all possums for it. :)

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 03:10 AM

Am I repeating yet/
Hope not since there are few posts and I admit i am too fucked up to reaD EVEN A FEW POSTS BUT HERE IS THE deal - I be;ieve the monkey doesn't need to be haaarrassed and quit fucking with the monkey, .
If you don't fuck with the monkey, you won't get any chimp babies. that's all I gotta say about fuckin' the monkey. except.... If you like monkey meat you don't gottta give it yopur juice to make it's own.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 05:45 AM

RR - "... too ..."? Severely. Like this morning; is your head hurting too much? or severely?

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 08:39 AM

I don't think Spaw is a racist because he is concerned about the possibilities of 'cage rage'. Like many, he's afraid of those who are different. In Spaw's case, 'those who are different' include 95% of the human population of the planet, and probably at least 48% of chimpanzees, so he spends a lot of time being afraid of something. In any case, the term would be 'speciesist' or '[your species] supremecist'. In Spaws case, I'm not sure these terms apply because one has to have a known species to be all 'ist' about it.

Anyway, this seems to have been a one off, or maybe two off, occurrence. Monkeys do not ALL misbehave, and when they do, they can easily be reprimanded by spanking, of which I'm sure Little Hawk is aware. This incident is a news-maker simply because it has never happened before. I don't believe there ARE very many 'nad gnawing chimps, or there would be warning signs on zoo cages all over earth.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 09:40 AM

First VISA cards. Now this.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 11:50 AM

LH:

I recommend "Guys and Dolls". The sound of Lucky Luke singing "I got a hawse right here, his name is Paul Revere...." will certainly calm your friend down.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:20 PM

Oh jeez.....well chimps don't have to be kept in a cage to display this kind of behavior. I watched a documentary awhile back, where a group of chimps in the wild went a murderous rampage and dispatched a few of their own, seemingly for just the sport of it. Yeah, keep an eye on Chongo, Little Hawk, he may be even more like our fellow human's than you think.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:26 PM

ROTFLMAO!!! Great posts, one and all. Specially Jeri. That's the most perceptive look into Spaw's "special problems" that I have heard yet, Jeri. You should go professional.

Chongo has settled down some, after a night of perusing movies about hot flapper girls. He's still morose, but things have definitely improved. He sits around glowering, and consuming large amounts of Irish whisky and the odd cigar. For the cigars, I have asked him to use the garage.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:33 PM

No offense to Chongo, but the truth of the matter is that chimps make very dangerous pets. They're biologically close enough to humans that they see us as competition in many situations. Throw in the fact that fully-grown males can weigh 200 pounds and are about three times as strong as a comparably-sized human....

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:41 PM

Well, yeah, but maybe you would make a dangerous "pet" too, Bee-Dub. After all, chimps don't want to be pets. They want equality. Just ask Chongo. He is basically opposed to the whole idea of pets, when it comes right down to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 01:04 PM

Dang...and I was gonna buy him an anteater for his birthday, too!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:14 PM

Huh??? Who? Bee-Dubya or Chongo?

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:41 PM

That's why I said "No offense to Chongo", Little Hawk! I know Chongo's not a pet! I didn't want him thinking I was lumping him into that category.

If anything, it's you who is Chongo's pet!

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 05:07 PM

I was gonna buy Chongo an ant-eater as a pet for his birthday. I figured they could roll around on the floor together, frolicking, like, and go for long walks in the wilds, and bond sort of, within limits, while Chongo waits for his next plot to mature. But since Choingo does not like the idea of pets, no anteater.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 06:17 PM

Ah! Well, that is very kind of both of you. Very thoughtful.

Look, Amos, I think the anteater idea is impractical. Not enough ants here in the winter. Tell you what...you know my address...so just send a 50 pound crate of tree-ripened mangos, papayas, passion fruit, and suchlike stuff. That is what Chongo would really appreciate the most.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 08:11 PM

I haven't seen Chongo this upset since Peter Gabriel released "Shock The Monkey".

I just hope and pray that one of my friends from the Norfolk Zoo isn't going through the same things those chimps did. He spent too much time in a "small" cage. Started flinging stuff at the tourists. Too damn many kids trying to freak him out. He finally started getting violent with the female chimp and we had to get him out of there. Last I heard he was on a stud farm out in Texas. He's helping to keep the bloodlines from getting too thin.

Ever thought about continuing the line Chongo? Maybe that's our next adventure for you, I mean we got Kerchak married maybe it's time for you to settle down?

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 08:42 PM

I'm thinking I was up to a little monkey business last night. (Feeling okay Gnu!)

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 09:23 PM

Not that I'm in any way qualified to speak for Chongo, Chief Chaos, but it does seem like he has a thing for human females. Maybe it's from hangin' out with Little Hawk too long. One can't help but wonder if Chongo has what it takes when it comes to female chimps. Probably not. I would imagine poor Chongo's gene pool has gone dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 10:39 PM

Well, Chongo grew up in a social milieu where inter-species romance was absolutely VERBOTEN! It was the ultimate taboo, punishable by death or total ostracism at least. And you know how it is with "forbidden fruit". It becomes an obsession. Besides, as a 40's gumshoe he naturally met a lotta spiffy "dames" on the job. Read the old Raymond Chandler stuff and watch a few Bogart movies. Dames all over the place. That's Temptation, with a capital "T".

So, Chongo fell in love with this vampy brunette dame from Chicago, named Laura, back around 1940 after she invited him to dance one night after she saw his car get blown up. Why did she do it? (take him out, I mean...) Who knows. Maybe she was just playin' games...or maybe it was something deeper than that, but Chongo carried the torch for Laura for decades. All he got was one dance, and a couple of meals out at fancy nightclubs. Laura was one smart kid, involved in military intelligence. She was not an easy one to keep track of, but she used to write Chongo now and then. I think she actually cared for him quite a bit, but on what level is not clear.

There were other dames too, but Laura was the one that haunted Chongo down through the years.

Well, along come the liberated changes of modern society, Chongo goes on a case to England, and what happens? He gets involved with a human female named "Magenta", and a real looker too. The old taboos have broken down, it seems. He's been closemouthed about it, but if you ask me...they weren't just holdin' hands. Only thing is, Magenta wasn't exactly human anymore, cos she got turned into a vampire. So Chongo has had an affair with one of the Undead! Fortunately, Magenta is that very rare thing, a vampire with a good character. The kind you'd like to bring home to mama. I figure she and Chongo will hook up again one of these days.

Now, as to female chimps, Chongo has had his share. His first sweetheart was a nice female chimp he met on the streets of New York, shortly after coming over on "the boat". That was in the 20's sometime. There have been a fair few since, but Chongo's not the "kiss and tell" type.

He draws the line at gorillas, doesn't care for baboons either, but has a yen for Bonobos (who doesn't?).

Chongo also has a long-suffering chimp secretary who works for him in Chicago. She has had an intention of domesticating Chongo for years, but hasn't succeeded yet. I think he is resolved to remain a bachelor.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: GUEST,Betsy Bonobo
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 11:28 PM

Your buddy Chongo can keep his "yen for Bonobos", Mr. Little Hawk! I've told you before, Bonobos don't do chimps! Just look at what those chimps did to that poor human. Bonobos would never have done that. Those chimps probably thought he was trying to bang one of their females. Well, if it was Bonobos, he'd be welcome to her. We Bonobos are like a bunch of 1967 Haight-Ahsbury Flower Children. We don't have a bunch of sexual hang-ups like chimps and gorillas. Free love for everyone! Except chimps and gorillas, that is. Not that I've ever had a human, but if one ever expresses interest and he's kinda cute, well, we'll see.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 11:51 PM

Betsy's not real good with those HTML tags yet, is she? And she can't spell "Ashbury" either. But whattaya expect? She was probably having sex while she was typing that post. I hear those bonobos just can't get enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Keep an Eye on Chongo Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 12:17 AM

Yes, they're insatiable.

Chongo's had words with Betsy before over this. They don't like each other one bit, I'm afraid.