BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....

Subject: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Mar 05 - 08:35 PM

Yeah, I been readin' the "gun control" thread and even posted to it but din't get no response but that don't matter none... I was thinkin' that everyone who had grown up 'round guns prolly has at least one 'er three funny gun stories...

Actually, I prolly got 4 'er 5... Maybe 6... Yeah.... 6....

So I'll just tell one to get this thread started and see what happens.

I was 'bout 15 and me, Jim Clark, Jerry Chsitain and Art Buckner was out in Centerville on a cold but clear winter day and we was way back in the woods huntin' fir, ahhhhhh, heck if we knew. But we all had shotguns. Now Art Buckner's garnddad had passed down an old, old lever action 10 guage with not a bit of choke to it... This was fine shotgun if you were within' 50 yards of what you were shoting at but beyond that it, with no choke the spread was allready about a qurter mile wide... Okay, maybe an eigthth of a mile? Don't matter none to the rest of the story....

So here were four 15 year old boys 'bout half lost way back in the woods and it was cold and we'd been walking fir a couple of hours and we hadn't seen the first sign of life... Probably the cigarette smoke and the carryin' on that we was doing? Anyway, we're in a real thick pine forest where ya' can't walk staight fir over two feet before havin' to change course so as to not stickin' a pine branch in yer eye and.... Well, it was thick... Now did OI mention that we hadn't seen nor heard no sign of life in the two hours we was in them woods?

Well, well, well... What's that little tweety noise? Hmmmmmm? A bird, perhaps?

(Well, I reckon that fir those of you of the fairer and infinately smarted gender, there's something about all 15 year old boys that ain't right. Sho nudd ain't right...)

BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Yep, Art Bucker, fires that big ol' at guage in the direction of the poor defenseless titmouse and I'm here to tell ya that every dead limb and twig in not only that tree but the 50 closet trees came raining down upon us. We all was picking dead pine tree debris out of out hair and shakin' it out from under our coats and shirts... Heck of a mess...

"Didja get him, Art?"

"Heck if I know but I sure should have. Got about 50 pine trees!"

So we get looking 'round fir a dead titmouse. (Ahhhh, did I mention that 15 year old boys ain't right?) and as we are lookin'....

..... (tweet, tweet...)

BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM, Part 2!

More pine tress down out backs and in our eyes and hair and we was all coughing from the dust and all and carryin' on...

"Didja get him, Art?"

"Well, I think so....

....(tweet, tweet...)

BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, part 3!

(tweet, tweet...)

BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, Part 4!

(reloads)

(tweet, tweet...)

BOOOOOOOOMMMMMKM, part 5!

(tweet, tweet...)

Did I mention that 15 year old boys ain't right?

Bobert

(tweet, tweet...)

danged?....

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Mar 05 - 08:51 PM

I am sure I have told this here before, but I can't resist the thread title.

Seems mean old Mr. B [name withheld] was being transported by ambalance to the local commuity hospital, fixin' (it seemed) to succumb to the cancer that had been eating him head first. Skin cancer of the bald spot, and it'd spread.

Well, so they decided to get them an X-Ray of his brain to see what was left? How bad he might be off? You know-- how long he might linger in that sad room at the end of the hall? Well they came back laughing from X-ray. Not Mr. B-- he was pretty much knocked out-- but the STAFF.

Holding the x-ray aloft and laughin'. Radiologist waves it around, says, "Look, now we can see what's been ailing him!"

On the x-ray, in perfect clarity, seeming to be inside old Mr. B's skull-- a big ole 9-er. Ole Mr. B warn't gonna let them take HIM in the ambalance without his gun-- once he he hit the ER, he slipped it under his pillow when no one was looking. Even half conscious, he warn't goin' easy!

Wal he owned half the county. Good chance people'd be gunnin' fer him most any time, any place.

Died not long after, but man, I wish I had that x-ray!

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 25 Mar 05 - 09:11 PM

True story, I often thought of writing to Clint Eastwood so he could use it in one of his Dirty Harry movies...

A Chief Engineer and I were taking a taxi back to the ship, which was docked in River Rouge Detroit. It was a hot day in July and the cab was stopped at a red light downtown. A sleazy looking guy who was obviously selling drugs, shuffled up to the cab window and asked the cabbie if he had a light for a cigarette (or something) The cabbie nonchalantly stuck a Colt .45 out the window and said "sure buddy, when you see the flame, suck" we continued our trip laughing all the way. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Once Famous
Date: 25 Mar 05 - 09:17 PM

In the army, where I served once upon a time in another life decades ago, a young soldier referred to his M16 as his gun.

The drill sargent went ballistic as they are famous for doing.

This poor guy had to run around the barricks numberous time calling out loudly while holding the M16 in one hand and his dick in another:

This is my rifle
This is my gun
One is for shooting
The other is for fun

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 08:32 AM

The Darwin awards turned up the best one I've heard.

Seems this young American guy was driving his pickup, when the lights went out. A short investigation turned up a blown fuse, which he replaced with the only electrical conducter he had, a cartridge from his handgun.

Yep! He turned on the lights as he floored the accelerator, and shot himself in the groin. Distracted by this unexpected problem, he ran off the road and rolled down a bank.

He survived, but still earned a Darwin Award because the bullet effectively removed him from the gene pool.

Scary tho' that anyone that stupid was able to own a gun.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: John Hardly
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 08:47 AM

Here you go, Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 02:31 PM

Having been shot at twice when I was a Police Officer and actually hit once, I find it difficult to see any gun stories as funny. I now own two Air pistols and one powerful air rifle and treat/handle them with great care. Not long since a child in the UK was accidentally shot on his own doorstep by someone who was lamping and subsequently died.....Any kind of gun is a serious piece of kit..treat it and what you shoot at carefully I say!
Best wishes, Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 02:55 PM

I posted this on another thread about a year ago. CLICKY.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Once Famous
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 03:03 PM

Actually, Georgiansilver, I completely agree with you.

I find nothing funny at all about guns, especially in light of some very tragice news events here in the U.S recently.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 04:57 PM

I have some damn scary gun stories, but no funny ones at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 07:25 PM

Two friends and I were out hunting (such as it was) one Thanksgiving. Walking in line abreast across a field, I whipped up my single-barrel 12 gauge and fired at the attacking (fresh) cow...ah...pat.

Hit it straight on, too.

Now when you do such a thing, the shot pattern smacks into the pat and ground straight ahead of you. The target, however, spatters to your right and left, sort of in a V-shape.

We were in a line, remember? I was the center of 3...

Jim and Steve were unhappy, to say the least, as it had been a BIG cow pat.

As they wiped it off, Jim said, "You know, you #@$%!!, we're hunting. And you know the rules: You shoot it, you eat it."

It deteriorated from there. Suffice to say that they got cleaned off, and I didn't have to make a meal of my target. It was, though, a close thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 26 Mar 05 - 08:05 PM

Thanks, Rap, I knew you'd come thru... Good story.... Guess there aren't too many folks 'round here that grew up with guns... I had another three funny stories where nuthin' live gets shot but, hey, seein' as everyone thinks this is a dumb thread maybe I'll just keep them to myself...

(Oh, how could you start such a thread, Bobert. Especially with these kids getting killed in that school?)

Well, gol danged... How many people got their asses shot offf in Iraq today? What, they don't count? Hey, I ain't trying to glorify anyone hurting another with this thread...

All I was trying to do is just create a thread where folks could tell some lighter and fluffier gun stories where folks don't get hurt...

Nevermind, I'm sure I'm way out of line here...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Fred (Beetle) Bailey
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 05:09 AM

drawn from memories of going hunting as a sub-teeny bopper --
on at least one trip I clearly remember one kid carrying the gun and another kid carrying the bullet -- it seemed only fair at the time -- then a few years later stumbling across a badger (solo) but with the most defensive Border Collie I've ever met -- anyway -- it's copyrighted as THE BADGER'N DAWG (c) BEE

Me'n my brother 'n our old dawg 'n the kid from across the road
Went out 'a-huntin' along the crick -- couple 'a weeks ago
With a Barlow knife and a .22 for whatever game was there
Moose or two or a caribou or a big ol' grizzly bear

Now the first show was we shot a crow but he up't 'n flew away
Then we found a catamount track followed him half a day
We built a campfire up on the bank jes' like yer 'sposed to do
Et some peanut butter 'n jam 'n called it Rabbit Stew

Then we settled back to smoke some cigareets and talk awhile
Hell, we ain't scared 'a-nuthin' man, this huntin' fits our style
Out in the woods there aint' no grown-up chores or giggly girls
Maybe some day we won't come back - jes' hunt clear round the world!

But that ol' dawg was 'a-sniffin' 'round this hole that was in the bank
When a big ol' badger come down the crick, movin' like a tank
That dawg took him and he took for his hole but the fire got in the way
If that .22'd 'a-been loaded, man we'd 'a-blowed him clean away

When the badger'n'dawg come through the fire it looked like judgement day
We's 'a-cussin' 'n yellin' 'n sickin' 'im on, kickin' fire ever' which way
Somehow John got smacked in the head with the barrel of the .22
And he fell in the fire 'n burned his pants when the badger'n'dawg come through

When the smoke cleared all that we could hear was a kind of a muffled bark
That ol' dawg was buried in the bank clean up to his hind parts
And I was bit and John was burnt but a lesson we learned that day --
That badger'n'dawg is a fearsome beast 'n y'better not git in his way!

melody is a bastardized version of Uncle Dave Macon's "Stayed in the Wagon Yard"

enjoy

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: GUEST,van lingle
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 06:30 AM

About 15 years ago I was out "truck trolling" (stopping at salt wiers, canals and ponds along rt.41 looking for tarpon, snook and bass) one Sunday in the Everglades and the fuel filter on my Toyota truck gave out. I thumbed a ride toward Naples and was picked up by a amiable fellow named Darrold who invited me to "get you a beer out of the cooler" from the back of his old pickup. I did so and got in and found I was sitting next to a .30 mag semi auto carbine with it's stock across the seat and it's muzzle facing the floorboard. Darrold informed me that he was out looking for fresh roadkilled gator tail. This was a particularly dry winter and gators were moving about looking for water. Couple that with heavy tourist traffic and his prospects of finding some meat were pretty good. We went down the road a ways and saw a big, healthy gator sunning himself on the side of the road next to a canal. Well, this got Darrold all worked up and he pulled onto the shoulder, dropped his beer and reached for the .30 mag which immediately discharged a few inches from my feet and caused the gator to slip into the canal. We got out of the truck to find it hemmoraging oil at an alarming rate and Darrold was beside himself with the thought that he had shot through the block and oil pan. When we lifted the hood it turned out that the bullet had completely wiped the oil filter and that was it. He hitched back towards Everglades City and I went on to Naples. vl

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 11:38 AM

I heard this story....

An old codger who'd lived in rural rural Arizona all his life found himself lost in the desert. After an hour or so, he decided to signal for help. Thought a big, smoky fire would be best, only there was no wood around to burn.

AHA! He had his car! And as we all know from the movies, shooting a car in the gas tank causes it to immediately burst into big, smoky flames!

He whipped out his .357 magnum and plugged the buggy six times in the gas tank.

Gues what! In the movies, they use special pyrotechnics to make the cars explode and/or burn! In this case, all his gasoline dribbled out into the sand.

Yes, he was finally rescued a day or so later, older but probably no wiser.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 12:29 PM

Now this is more like it...

Good 'uns...

Okay, maybe I will tell another story....

About 10 years ago I was making my daily visit to the Mazda dealership in Leesburg where I bought trade-ins wholesale and, well, they had traded an old junker Toyota Tercel 'er something like that and...

Okay, I'm getting a little ahead of myself...

Ya' see there was this mechanic that worker there who had made a homemade cannon. It wasn't real big 'er nuthin'. Prolly wieghed in at about 30 pounds but it was a cannon and he had to also make pointed bullets for it on a lathe. So here he this cannon and the sales manager, and a few of us were sitting 'round shooting the bull when the mechanic came in showing off his cannon...

Well, seems I'm about caught up with the story so the bull shooting continues and next thing ya' know that old beat up Toyota, which wasn't worth 2 cents comes into the same conversation with the cannon and one thing leads to another so, boys being boys, decide to shoot the Toyota... Problem is there were no keys for it so, since I was driving my truck that day, I was elected to the job of pulling the poor Toyota to a place in the back lot where there were miles of woods behind it.... A couple minutes later after packing powder in the cannon and stabilizing it, aiming it, etc it was time for the fun...

Booooooommmmmmmmmmmmm!

Wow, the cannon bullet (ball) went right thru entire car piercing the drivers door, going thru the drivers seat and exiting out of the right rear door...

Now, I don't know if anyone has ever been in the car busness but sometimes a car is sold and the dealership can't get the customer financed and in those cases the nre car if fetched on back and the customer get the trade in back...;.

Ahhhhhh, guess what, part 2?.......

Well, well, well.... And guess who took the wieght for that one for being the one with the truck....

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 02:47 PM

This is a little ditty I wrote awhile back. I hope it can repay some of the joy I get from reading Bobert's threads.

Carhartts
by Mike Campbell © 1995

I was driving to Glennallen in my big 10 wheeler truck,
When the snow upon the road caused me to slide off and get stuck.
I was not worried for I had been a Boy Scout as a lad,
And I'd brought along my Carhartts if the weather should turn bad.

Now I'd walked about 3 miles when it began once more to snow,
And coming at me from the north a chilly wind did blow,
This inclement, stormy weather made it hard for me to see,
I decided just to wait it out beneath an old spruce tree.

'Twas then I saw the hunters in their cammo colored deuce.
They were pointing rifles at me and were shouting, "There's a moose!"
I waved my arms to warn them off, to show them it was me,
Then I realized this probably looked like antlers in the tree.

Well suddenly a bullet struck the branch above my head,
If I'd stood there any longer I am sure that I'd be dead,
Shots landed all around me as I slid down the ravine,
And took off running fast as any track star you have seen.

I was sprinting hard to stay ahead, to keep from getting killed,
And with all of this exertion I was no longer chilled,
I peeled off and tossed away my dear old Carhartt coat,
And as it fell, four shots rang out and blasted it to smoke.

Now I kept on running even when the hunters lost their chase,
And I credit my survival near entirely to haste,
But I heard them cheering loudly as I crested o're the hill,
Congratulating each other on the Carhartt coat they'd killed.

Now I think back now and then about how close to death I came,
And how much brown duck canvas can resemble antlered game,
So to make sure that my body never does become extinct,
All the clothes I wear into the woods are now flourescent pink.

And somewhere in America, just where I cannot say,
There is a big game hunter with a trophy from that day,
I know its stuffed and mounted on his wall so he can gloat,
And tell stories of his courage when he killed my Carhartt coat.

Best wishes to all,
Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 04:32 PM

The scariest thing about guns is the twerps who think they're good fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 04:33 PM

LOL, Mike!! That is a keeper for sure. A game keeper. LOL!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 04:55 PM

Yahoooo, Alaska Mike.... Purdy funny little ditty....

Hey, where's Litlle Hawk? I'm sure he's got one doozy of a tale to tell...

B:)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 05:22 PM

My brother Tony has two cannons, a little salute job and bigger one, maybe about 2 inches in bore.

It was a fine November day, bright sky and bright sun, and we were demonstrating grandpa's still at New Salem State Park in Illinois. That's Lincoln's New Salem State Park, you understand, and it was Harvest Festival, and we could set up the ol' still and run it 'cause ol' Abe had, by his own admission, once worked a still there one summer.

Anyway, Tony brought the big cannon (which is named Ed, after our maternal grandpa -- it was the other one who had the still) along and in the afternoon he decide to touch it off. He'd prepared a load of 1F cannon powder (a 35 mm film can full) and he shoved it down the muzzle and rammed it home. Then he put a wad of aluminum foil on top; we didn't want anyone hurt, just a loud noise.

We ran around telling everyone we were going to shoot off the cannon. I told some of the mounted reenactors, who replied, "Don't worry about it; these horses were in the film "Gettysburg."

Anyway, all the visitors and folks from the reconstructed cabins and all stood back, and Tony stuck a fuse into the touch hole of the cannon and lit it.

It was a most satisfying BOOM! Smoke drifted around, and out of it came one PISSED OFF woman.

Seems like Tony forget to mention the firing to the lady who was demonstrating in the cabin 50 yards away from the general direction the Ed was pointed....

Nobody was hurt, and she eventually started to laugh. But HO-BOY!, she said Tony had to go clean up the mess she made in the cabin!

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 07:05 PM

Well, gol danged, Rap... Heck of a story... Reminded me o' one I had firgotten...

Bout '72 my drummer took me over to Ft. Washington, which is right down the Potomac, to cop, ahhhhh, some herb... We got there after dark and was partyin' with a couple o' boys who worked by day as park serice folks and at night, ahhhhh, well...

So here we were all herbed up an' one of the guys who worked fir the park service says "Ya want to hear the cannon?"

"Well, ahhhh, what cannon?" I asked...

"The one layin' out on the ground down by the river bank," ne said...

"Well, gol danged right!," I says....

...so's 'bout half a dozen stoned hippies stumble out into the dark and make there way to this cannon which is just laying on the ground... The thing is like 6 feet long, ain't attached to nuthin', just laying on the ground...

Well, this guy goes and packs a bunch of stuff in there includin' I reckon a good amount of gun powder and leans over and lites a fuse that he's stuck in a hole and...

Boooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!

I mean this baby shook the ground and echoed off the banks of the Virgina side of the Poromac...

Everyone went "Far out" in 6 'er 5 part harmony... Then we all wne r back inside and laughed about it...

Like, ahhhhh, far out...

The Former Stoner Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: robomatic
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 08:33 PM

I can't believe I have four gun stories. This is one of them:

I was young and indolent and getting over my first big breakup. I got on my motorcycle and headed south from Massachusetts. I decided to hit Civil War battlefield parks. Well, you can't go wrong by heading Virginia way so that's what I did. I camped out most of the time. The day I went into Richmond it turned out to be something like the 350th anniversary of Richmond being founded or the capitol or something. And in a big park downtown was a cross section of old timey re-enactors. There were the high dollar johnnies, in Revolutionary Era redcoats, a few grousled mountain men, and by far the majority were Civil War buffs of all geographic types, shapes, colors and sizes.

I was panting anxious to get in with the Civil War buffs and they were a friendly bunch but the limitation was I had to be in period costume with no shred of modernity. I could mebbe dress civilian like a late in the war Confederate irregular... Well, I had wire rim specs already, and denim jeans and a cotton shirt, but my shoes were Georgia work boots with pronounced artificial souls. None of the hoslers had good period shoes. So being young and igorant I figured that there had to be cases where southern johnnies had lost or wore out their shoes and I began to sew together layers of burlap for makeshift. At that point they took pity on me and someone loaned me some acceptable leathers. I guess I had to show I was serious and willing to get in the spirit of the thing.

Well, the first day we marched in the streets to the Capitol building, and by then someone had loaned me a real Civil War weapon. We did some drill work before the march and I was taught how to clean and load and present arms. Yes, we had real powder charges. I learned that not only are all officers assholes (which my dad had taught me from his experience in a real war), but that even FAKE officers are, too. We assembled and marched. There was a very clean cut group from the home state of Virginia. there was an excellent group of black union soldiers from Boston in crisp blue, and it was either them or another Northern group that had a period looking working cannon with them. I was with the 2nd Texas, the mottliest of an informal bunch. But we assembled to march. I remember that as it was a long parade of which we were a minor but picturesque lot, we were waiting among some empty curbs for our place in line to evolve. We started doing Saturday Night Fever imitations in a loose jointed style we called "Disco Rebel".

Our turn came to join the march and in front of the State Capitol building in Virginia, which might have been the Confederate Capitol for all I know, we stopped and fired a volley. Words can't express how that felt, because I had been reading everything I could get about the Civil War at the time and there was an intense dreamlike quality to the reality of what we were about. There were enough canvas tents for me to bed down with these folk who had all come up for this function, and I was allowed to stash my 35mm camera in the hay.

We had a wonderful evening eating beans around campfires singing period songs, although it turned out I was on the wrong side to be doing "Marching Through Georgia". A couple of us actually tried it, and a deep voice came out of the night: "Ah sho wish you would refrain from singing that - I'm from Georgia!"

One tune that I learned that night was a version of Paddy Murphy:

The night that Paddy Murphy died I never will forget
We all got stinkin' drunk that night and some ain't sober yet.
But the awful thing we did that night it fills me heart with fear-
We took the ice right off the corpse and put it in our beer!

The next day we went to battle. I had to give the gun back to its owner, so I became the standard bearer and carried the unit colors. And fell (lets call it 'bravely') on the field of battle. It was an honorable loss. The Yanks had the cannon.

It all happened, I have color slides to prove it!

I also have an ambrotype which I have been able to show to people to 'prove' that my gramps left his kosher deli in Vicksburg and did his part for the Cause.

"How like your grandfather you look", they say.
"I'm taller", I say.

A few years after this I asked an Irish musician in The Black Rose if it was possible that version of Paddy Murphy was authentic. In a low burr he let me down gently: "Well, y'see, we've not got ice in Ireland!"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 08:48 PM

I was at the Ft. Ouiatanon (that's pronounced we-aht-a-non) Fall doin's a few years back (this is in West Layfayette, Indiana, and folks parked on the Purdue stadium lot). A Revolutionary War reenactment unit was drilling -- "regulars" and a half dozen "militia scouts."

Well, the scouts had a good time -- pulling a garter snake from a knapsack, that sort of stuff. Then the officer gave the command, "Fix bayonets."

In front of me an older man said to his companion, "It's okay. They're not real steel bayonets."

Clank, clank, as the steel bayonets were fixed to the steel musket barrels.

"Load your firelocks!"

A flurry.

"Prime your firelocks!"

Another flurry in the ranks.

"Present FIRELOCKS!!"

"It's okay, they're not real."

"FIRE!"

BOOOOOOOOM!!!!

And so passes the authority of the tourist....

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Mar 05 - 09:35 PM

Iz lovin' these stories... Good un's to boyth Robo and Rap... I'll cut loose with another of mine later...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 28 Mar 05 - 01:46 AM

I always got a kick out of hearing the one about the lion hunter in Africa. Who when asked by a visiting American hunter why he used such a big double barreled .600 Nitro Express rifle to hunt lions, was heard to reply "because they do not make a .700 sir"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 05 - 08:39 AM

I got this from the inestimable Smoke And Fire News some years ago. It's not about guns, though.

Up at Plimouth Plantation, the reenactors were stewing a chicken in a pot hanging over fire. A touroid approached and asked what they were cooking. This was the 1,093,872nd time they'd been asked the same question, and, well, the following exchange took place.

"Whatcha cookin'?"

"Seagull."

"Really? I didn't know you could eat 'em. How do you know when it's done?"

"When the feathers float to the top."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Mar 05 - 02:58 PM

Grand Ole Oprey (sp?) -

Minnie Pearl : "That's a might fine gun ya got there Granpa. How far kin ya shoot with it?"

Granpa : "I kin shoot so far, I gotta put salt in the bullets ta keep the meat until I get there."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Tam the man
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 01:07 PM

How can anyone find an object that can kill human beings funny

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 01:13 PM

I know Tam. Hey anyone know any real good 'uns about 9/11?

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: robomatic
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 01:36 PM

My second gun story of four:

I was moving to Alaska, so I had to buy a gun, right? Right! I figured I'd buy something small and collapsible. I figured it would be cheaper to buy it in Seattle than in Fairbanks. I marched into a gun store in downtown and presented my innocent self to join the rankls of the lethally ready. The big fat gun nut behind the counter took one look at my glasses, brand new Alaska flannel shirt draped over blue jeans, ear flap hat with price tag still in it I found out later, and evidently decided to err on the side of safety.

"Here y'go pard, this'll keep light, hardly need cleaning, and rustle you up some varmint grub should you break down in the boonies"

It was a mostly plastic contraption. The gun stock was not only plastic, but hollow. You pulled the arm cushion off like a tupperware lid and within were shaped sockets into which you could fasten the barrel and the trigger mechanism. Sweet. And it cost about 85 bucks plus the usurious Washington tax.

I didn't shoot it for 8 years. But it was sort of nice to know I had it. When it was all collapsed there was no chance of you or anyone getting dangerous without a few minutes of fitting and fastening and screwing things together. Well and good. It took .22 LR rimfire bullets which were cheap and (I found out later, about the most harmless bullet there is as bullets go). But so help me it reminded me of that tubuler contraption that Edward Fox uses in "Day Of The Jackal" when he tries to off DeGaulle.

I would so like to have somone like Cyril Cusack hand me 'special' ammunition so I can blow up a melon (the fruit).

Anyhow, the floatable rifle followed me up the Alaska Highway. Being a dangerous American, the Canadians always ask if you're armed, and because they know we're Americans, they never believe you if you say you aren't. I always told the truth. In fact, I got in trouble with the Canadians simply for not having enough spare change to convince them that I'd make it back to my own free-fire zone and not become a ward of the Province.

No problems! The Canadians just cared about small arms.

Okay, it's eight years later. A very tall blonde Russian immigrant wants to do something outdoors. I suggest we go plunking. This worked out, too, although I am now familiar with the challenge to masculinity that may occur if you are launching little pfht pfht .22's at the target and the folks down the line are sighting in their 30 ought sixes or adjusting to the feel of their .44's. BOOM!

There's no punch line to the story other than the tall blonde Russian emigrant married a four-eyed bearded engineer named Robo.

But not me. Seems I had a clone who did NOT watch cable television. You see, when we came back to my place after the plunking, my roommate had on the cable TV, and a cute show called "Killer Klownz From Outer Space" was on. Pay attention to the title and take it very litterally. Nothing so violent has been on the cable TV until the Sopranos. There was a scene where some bikers are making fun of a threadbare skinny childlike helpless little clown. But the clown is an alien and in a very sudden move rips the head off of the meanest biker. I was surprised but Katya was shocked and it kind of put a damper on the outing.

To make things complete, I was at the airport going through security a couple weeks later and my little carryon was chock full of loose .22 ammo from our outing. This was pre- 9/11, this was Alaska, and this was a local flight so you'll understand when I tell you all I had to do was pull out all the ammo and let them toss it and I was off to Bethel.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 06:45 PM

Or cars, Tam. Or drugs. Or breathing, for that matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 06:58 PM

Yeah, Tam & GUEST... What Rap said!!!

I am as liberal, heck radical, as anyone in this joint but lighten up... Yeah, I'd like to see handguns outlawed but that don't change the fact that I, like millions of other folks, grew up around guns.... Mostly rifles and shotguns...

And for those of us who have this history, hey, many of us have some funny stories to tell...

None of the stories that have been told on this thread have anything to do with killing or injuring people so...

...go peedle yer papers, thank you...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 09:55 PM

And then there's my cousin Greg and his friend Jeff.

They were out bow hunting deer. After spending six hours in a tree stand, they decided to come down for coffee and, ah, certain other necessary activities.

Does Greg shit in the woods? Well, he went off to do exactly that....

And with his pants down and his backside perched over a tree, out of the trees steps a 12 point (Eastern -- 6 points Western) buck. And poor old Greg's natural human scent was covered with a product called (I'm not kidding!) "Doe In Heat."

The buck's intentions were obvious, and Greg cut very short his activities and ran to the car, trying to pull up his pants on the way, shouting "Jeff! Shoot him!"

Jeff was bent double, laughing, and trying to say, "Brace yourself, Greg!"

Well, the ending is that both Jeff and Greg spent the rest of the morning in a tree while a very frustrated buck (Jeff was wearing the same "cologne") stomped all over their bows and arrows and even answered his own natural call inside the cab of Jeff's pickup truck.

Neither Greg nor Jeff like to talk about this episode.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Tam the man
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:22 PM

I just don't like guns and the people that use them, I live in Scotland, where a man called Thoams Hamilton loved guns and killed quite a lot a school children, I wonder how you lot would feel if that happened to your family, somehow I don't think you would find guns funny, however in America you have very strange people indeed.

Tom

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Tam the man
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:42 PM

I mean Guns are used to Kill aren't they?

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:50 PM

Unfortunately our friends in the US see things differently to us, as guns are part of many peoples lives over there. We are horrified when we hear of mass killings by schoolchildren and a history of gun crime including what we see on American TV programmes. Perhaps we just have to take it all as it comes.....although we are seeing shades of the same behaviour in the UK now....gun crime is growing and the "Gun culture" grows with it. Something we may have to live with, but I will never enjoy it as some on this thread seem to.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: jeffp
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:50 PM

Sometimes. Not all the time. Knives are used to kill also. So are scissors. So are automobiles. So are baseball bats.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Tam the man
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:52 PM

I agree Mike,

Tom

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:53 PM

Ahhh so that makes it O.K....lets all go get guns and have our fun!

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: robomatic
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:59 PM

From another thread:
MY 30-US ON THE WALL
by Pat O'Cotter

from the singing of Paul Roseland of Alaska

Paul says of Cotter, "He lived the stuff he wrote. Became a Marshal later on. Was killed in Fairbanks in 1932."


Oh, I been a guide and was a-kickin' around,
And was usually seen with the belles,
I mixed up with partners at various times,
Had lots of affairs with the gals.

Way back in the 90s when I was a kid,
I went with a halfbreed you know,
One winter in Circle she cleaned me all out,
And she left me cold in the snow,

Now I've had lots of dogs but the dogs always died,
Or else the poor devils get killed,
When ya love 'em, 'n lose 'em, it leaves quite a hole
That it seems never can be filled.

Now partners and females amd dogs are taboo,
I know 'cause I've fussed with them all,
But there's only one pal I've found I can trust,
It's my 30-US on the wall.

She stood by my shoulder, she stalked the brown bear,
She keeps the cache full in the fall,
She speaks the language that all claim jumper know,
And she craves no attention at all.

I'm a-gettin' old now and set in my way,
But I don't loosen up like I did,
I'm slow to make friends and I'm slower to trust,
Than I used to when I was a kid.

So partners a females and dogs are taboo,
I know 'cause I fussed with them all,
But there's only one pal I find I can trust,
It's my 30-US on the wall.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:11 PM

And I thought trust was something that people learned to feel for each other......or not feel.......................

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 03:19 PM

When are people going to realise that people come before guns and knives etc etc.....When will our world come to the stark realisation that each of us has some value???????????????

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 03:47 PM

Georgiansilver - When every single one of us is well fed and educated and cared for. Care to give up your standard of living to achieve that goal? Care to carry a gun into hostile countries that deprive their citizens of human rights? of education? What about countries that carry on slavery? female castration? torture?

The meek shall inherit the earth? Freedom was never been won by the meek. Until they fought for it. Guns level the pitch. AND KEEP IT LEVEL.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 04:56 PM

So, then, let's see:

St. Brice's Day, Clifford's Tower, Glencoe, Amherst's blankets, Cherry Valley, Wyoming Valley, Waxhaw, Badajoz, River Raisin, Ft. Dearborn, Peterloo, Cawnpore, Hungerford, Harry Roberts, Jeremy Bamber, Horrett Campbell, Ahiara, Battle of Stepney, Jallianwala Bagh, -- to name but a few.

Of course, people like Raglan and Cardigan and Haig and Lawrence and Cornwallis and Kitchener, being of the Upper Class, had hands clean of blood.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 06:34 PM

"Freedom was never been won by the meek. Until they fought for it. Guns level the pitch."

Obviously Ghandi must have been too stupid to know this....

BTW, this was supposed to be a humour thread, not apolitical forum for and against guns - the original "gun control" thread was for that....

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 07:11 PM

Thank you, Foolestroupe...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 11:12 PM

"Among the many misdeeds of British rule in India, history will look upon the Act depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest." -- Mohandas K. Gandhi, An Autobiography

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: LadyJean
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 01:59 AM

I have a lot of friends who are reenactors, and they are not sane. That's what I like about them.
An ex boyfriend was camping with a bunch of Rev War reenactors on Blenerhesset Island in the Ohio River, when they took note of some passing barges. There was only one thing to do. They formed ranks, loaded their muskets (with blank charges of course.) and opened fire.
The barges were at no risk. They were 100 feet away, and of course the idiots shooting at them weren't using bullets. The last of the barges came sailing past with all their flood lights on. You just have to wonder what they were thinking.
Other friends, who are French and Indian War reenactors used to fire their muskets at midnight on New Year's Eve. The first time the neighbors returned fire, they beat a hasty retreat into the house. But only the first time. After that, they kept on shooting. A couple of years ago the police made them stop.
Fred, one of my French and Indian War reenactor friends, doesn't live in the best part of town. He was in his red coat, packing up the car to go to a reenactment, when a bunch of the local Crips showed up. One of these young intellectuals looked at his red coat, said, "That's the blood color", and reached for his pistol. Fred reached for his musket, and said, "I'll see your six inches, and raise you three feet". The Crips decided they had better things to do. I don't think anyone ever told them that Fred's musket could only fire one round at a time, IF he had bullets, and I'm not sure he did.
Replica guns are a lot funnier than the real thing. And every reenactor has about 3000 funny stories about encounters with the rest of the world.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: The Walrus
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 04:28 AM

On the subject of re-enactors and guns, I recall one Napoleonic muster where, on the Saturday night, one unit hijacked the Artillery park, strung chains of paper flowers over the guns and set up a 'Peace Camp' in the name of "The Campaign for Gunpowder Disarmament" (campaign slogan "Ban the Ball") - I'llleave you to imagine the reactions the following morning.

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:11 AM

Thank you Foolestroupe. My apologies. I'll just slink out the door in shame.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:05 AM

Thanks, Robin.

Re-enactors (of which I count myself one) are definitely different.

My youngest brother has decided to open a pub for re-enactors and muzzleloading enthusiasts when he finally retires. He intends to put up a sign consisting of a flintLOCK (just the lock, not a gun) and some lead balls. He's gonna call the joint "The Cock And Balls."

He's the same one who figures that if he starts making flintlocks with barrels in colors like pink or pale blue (possible with today's metal finishes) and offering gunflints in colors other than gray he can attract a whole new crowd to re-enacting and muzzleloading.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: podman
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:17 AM

From an old Chevy Chase album:

I shot the sheriff
and I also shot the deputy
I shot my elbow
After doing all that PCP (you see)

All around the country
I'm shooting everyone
Everywhere, the people stare
I'm just out there having fun

I shot the sheriff
And then i think I shot a lemon tree (I actually did)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: jeffp
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:17 AM

Rap, your friend is indeed a nutcase. Love the "Cock and Balls" idea. I should make the point that the "replica" guns that reenactors use are replicas only in that they are of modern manufacture as opposed to being historical originals. They are fully functional weapons, a point that should never be forgotten. When I was doing American Civil War, safety was drilled into us. Usually we couldn't even carry ramrods on the field of battle.

jeffp

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 12:34 PM

Dang right they're fully functional weapons! A couple years ago someone was shot in the neck during a Gettysburg reenactment -- the guy who did it (who was from France) was arrested; he'd forgotten not to load ball. Fortunately, the wounded recovered.

Even blank loads must be treated with respect and care. That's one reason why, when you see pictures or videos of reenactors firing they are aiming well ABOVE (and within 20 yards of) the approaching "enemy."
More than one person has been injured by "blank" fire.

Safety is, and must be, paramount.

By the way, the National Park Service has repeatedly refused to allow battle reenactments on the actual battlefields. The reason? According to the NPS, they don't want weapons on the battlefields.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: GUEST,Clint Keller
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 02:28 PM

I have an old (not a replica, that is) .40 caliber percussion squirrel rifle. Forgot to take the ramrod out after loading one time and it shot like an arrow and dug into the ground. Didn't hurt the ramrod, which was not much of a surprise - hickory - but I wouldn't have thought it'd fly that straight.

I loaded some wax bullets once with the idea of shooting yellowjackets in a barn. No gunpowder, just the primer, the "cap." I didn't hit any wasps, but the wax hit hard enough to dent the board wall.

It's not safe to shoot anything at people: blanks, ramrods. or rock salt (with or without nails).

clint

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 02:52 PM

Not even a blank starter's pistol. I saw a guy received powder burns from a crimped-end blank cartridge fired in one one time.

The guns used in stage and film productions fire blanks, but the guns are engineered so that the hot gases, powder residue, etc. is expelled to the side, 90 degrees from the end of the barrel (which is plugged up). The weapons used for muzzle flashes, etc. are also especially engineered for the purpose.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 04:56 PM

My old man was hunting by age ten, joined the Canadian army the day WWII broke out, and, amongst all his duties and postings up until he retired from The Service in 1966, taught small arms. He was an expert marksman.

When we would go hunting, Dad and I and my Uncles' families would meet for lunch, after which target practice would begin. Now, all the kids, and the adults, would anticipate Dad joining in. He'd wait a while and then ask if he could try a few shots with the "22".

He'd always pick the smallest kid and hand him a small target. His favourite was a coke bottle, the short one (yeah, I know). Of course, the kid would run down the road about as far as the others had been shooting and attempt to place the bottle. My old man would then wave him further... and further... and further. He'd tell a funny story or two to take the attention away from the target while the little legs ran back, usually about a hundred yards. Then he'd look for the target and pretend he couldn't see it. The kids would explain where it was and he'd say, "Oh. I see it. I'll just take the top off of it so someone else can have a go." And he would. With open sights. While everyone was looking at the bottle in amazement, he'd deftly adjust the rear sight so the next shot would be a few feet high and ask, "Who's next?"

Every now and then, after the small calibres were shot, he'd take a large target like a paper plate, hand it to me and point down the road. I would go as far as the bottle and be waved on, and on, and on. At about three hundred yards, while walking away from the group, I would take a 30-30 cartridge out of my pocket and, keeping my left hand palm tightly against the rear of the plate, push it directly through the very centre of the plate, then just above the centre hole and finally one just to the left of dead centre. You could cover them with a 25 cent piece. At four hundred yards or so, he would signal me to set the target.

Again, stories. Then, he would fire three shots with his old Model 94 lever action as fast as a machine gun. Of course, he would comment that he "pulled a little to the left" with that last shot, or something in line with whatever he had instructed me to do. He'd pick one of the other kids to go get the plate. The kids would be in awe when the plate was brought back for inspection. Of course, the live ammunition always ended up safely in the trees, well away from the target.

He would coach each kid on shooting skills and not one of them was ever any less than a true marksman. They still talk of his shooting skills. Someday, I'll tell them about his teaching skills.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 05:30 PM

Now, that minds me of the story - I wasn't there when this happened - of the time in Ontario that Dad kinda "stole the show". He used to go hunting with a group of guys for a two week trip. There was about fourteen guys and some drinking was done in the evenings.

On the last Sunday, all of the booze bottles were placed on a large, old manure pile at the old farm. Everyone had a turn to empty a clip. After all the lads had a go, Dad stepped out from behind his car and cut loose with three taped-together clips with a 38mm Parachuten (sp?), not missing a beat between clips. The gun was part of the training stock at CFB Trenton. Not one single bottle was intact when he put the barrel to his lips and blew the smoke off the end of it.

When the Wardens arrived, they were told about the strange gunfire they all had heard from "over that way".

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: HuwG
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 06:53 PM

Rapaire, in training in the forces, I collided with somebdy who had a rifle loaded with blanks but no blank firing attachment[1] fitted. A blank firing attachment not only allows automatic weapons to be used with blank ammunition, but also stops the plastic wadding and powder in the barrel.

I received a circular burn scar on my forearm, full of burned plastic, shirt and combat jacket, exactly 7.62mm in diameter and 10mm deep. It took years to heal fully. I could boast that it was a "7.62mm L(ow)V(elocity) entry wound", which sounded sufficiently like army jargon for a real bullet hole to make people think me far harder than I really am.


OK, another tale from my training. A load of officer cadets, one of whom is carrying an LMG (the World War II Bren gun, rebarrelled for NATO standard 7.62 x 51mm ammunition), are practicing anti-ambush drills on Salisbury Plain. Bang ! The lorry slews to a halt, eight officer cadets leap overboard in the approved fashion and carry out the prescribed drill. Unfortunately the one with the LMG has caught its barrel release catch on the side of the lorry as he jumped and is now armed with the barrel only. The rest of the gun disappeared inevitably under the rear wheels of the lorry.

Incredibly, once the gun was fished out of the mud, cleaned and inspected by an armourer, it worked perfectly.



Not strictly a gun story, but ... another cadet, who had to repeat the course due to injury on the previous one but who was a far better soldier than many of the NCO instructors, decided he had had enough of being treated like an idiot. On a grenade range, he rotated the grenade so that the lever was in the palm of his hand, and put the middle finger of his other hand, not through the ring on the pin of the grenade, but one attached to the zip of his combat jacket. Then he jerked the grenade away. The NCO instructor saw the ring round his finger, and shouted "Pin out!" The range control officer shouted back, "OK, good. Throw!" The cadet flung the grenade as far as he could, far out of sight. Of course, with the pin still in it, nothing happened.

At this point, any unexploded munition is not a "dud", it is a "blind" and in theory likely to blow up at any second. The NCO instructor, whose knees were knocking slightly, and the cadet had to go out on the range and place a guncotton charge next to it. Of course it was impossible to find. The cadet, walking behind the NCO, suddenly shouted, "It's by your foot, Corporal!" and spun a 50 pence piece. The sound of a big coin being flipped sounds very like the lever from a grenade spinning away. The NCO was convinced that he had four seconds to live.




[1] usually referred to as a "BFA". The term also referred to a condom.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:01 PM

Now, that's a good one!!! Hehehehe.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:27 PM

We were training in the hills of Colorado, and I was an "Aggressor." On the survival, evasion and escape test we set up a "POW camp" and waited for the testees to come through our "lines" (at night). We'd capture them (it's very hard to move quietly at night) and take them to the "POW Camp" and then go back out and see who else we could catch.

We were armed with M-16s, 5.56mm. We were told that there was no blank ammo available.

But then, out in the field, we found a partial box of 5.56mm blanks! We found enough that each of the aggressors could get 5 rounds each! And the testees were still under the assumption that there were no such things available!

I caught two guys, and as I was walking them the the "POW Camp" (blank in the chamber) they started talking, quite seriously, about simply jumping me and escaping. The conversation went something like this:

"...we can tie him up, gag him, take his rifle, and get the hell out of here."

Me: "Ah, don't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because, well, I'm not supposed to tell this, but since there was no blank ammo they issued us ball and told us to be careful."

"Ball? Bullshit! Let's grab...."

BLAM! And the muzzleflash lit the trees (and was fired into the air, of course).

Nothing more was said. Not one single word, except two loudly exclaimed "SHIT!"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: The Walrus
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 08:44 PM

"...Even blank loads must be treated with respect and care..."

I seem to recall that in the 70's (?) there was an actor in a US TV series (the part was an ex-special forces bod) who was pratting around with a revolver with a single blank round in it, playing ar Russian Roulette and ended up redecorating the set ('nuff said).

In the cadet force (many years ago), before every exercise there was always a demonstration of the damage a blank can do.
A tin can was placed over the muzzle of a rifle, which was discharged into the air - the sight of the can spinning away and, when retrieved, the large hole blown in same certainly put the point across.

W

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 06:56 AM

My brother and his buddy took a dozen or so cadets out into the New Brunswick bush one weekend. All authorities were properly notified. One part of the exercise was a vehicle ambush, scheduled for Saturday morning. All was set when a Dept. of Natural Resources truck with two wardens drove past my brother, who was parked on a side road, out of sight.

Yup, these teenagers went right ahead and ambushed the wardens, Stens blazing blanks, and disappeared like ghosts. A very heated discussion ensued between the wardens and my brother and his buddy, until the wardens radioed in and were told the training exercise notification was indeed on thier daily duty roster on Friday morning.

My brother asked them to please join the group for coffee but the wardens politely refused and drove off. They never did even get out of their truck. Hmmmm.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny 'Gun' Stories.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 09:37 PM

Way back, when our Infantry platoon had been formed up and was on its very first ever training exercise in the field, we ambushed a convoy from the Ordnance Company we drilled with who were on their way to a weekend campout in a state park.

We had a total of 3 blanks, and I didn't get any of them. I was assigned to "operate" a BAR. I took that heavy piece of equipment up a bank along the road and laid prone under a small tree.

When the ambush was triggered, everyboyd started yelling "Bang!" "Blam!" and "Gotche!" and "Noyadidn't!" just like kids (you could could say that we didn't take this very seriously, and you'd be right).

But the Company's Field First Sergeant took it all seriously, and he dived out of his jeep and crawled up the bank, intending to return fire and save the convoy, I guess.

I just know that when Harry Murry stuck his head up over the edge of the bank, he was looking right into the muzzle of my BAR. From siz feet away I quietly said "bang!" and he said, "Oh, SHIT!!"