BS: William Shatner Croaks!

Subject: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: GUEST,Tekman
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:48 PM

It's true! And it's just awful how it happened. This is no April Fool's joke. William Shatner croaked this afternoon in front of a studio full of horrified extras and film crew, while filming a scene in a blockbuster movie intended to be released next Christmas.

The film, "Telstar 3000", is an outer space epic, featuring groundbreaking special effects. Its plot has to do with an Earth expedition in the year 3000 to the outermost rim of the Galaxy, where Hallie Berry and Tom Cruise lead a crew of American misfits into the swamps of Telstar, a strange new alien world, peopled by bizarre creatures and semi-human shape-shifters.

The veteran Shatner, a space movie icon, was portraying the leader of the diabolical shape-shifters...a hugely bloated, semi-human swamp creature resembling a gigantic and disgusting toad-frog-man with a penchant for interspecies sexual antics. The part required Shatner to puff out his throat and thorax and bug out his eyes...at which he is frankly already quite adept...and then to utter a series of strange, guttural sounds, while attempting to force his attentions on Miss Berry, fetchingly clad in a skintight jumpsuit.

Never one to hold back, Shatner bulged his eyes out hideously, sucked in a big breath of air...and CROAKED!

"It was awful," said a sobbing extra. "I've been a fan of his for years, and I never expected to see something like this happen on a soundstage in Hollywood. Never. I am completely shattered."

Ripples of shock are spreading across Lala Land even as I speak, and this promises to be a very big story to kick off the month of April here in Tinseltown.

- Tekman

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:57 PM

Oh, GET A LIFE! This is just shameful. Really...people are getting just downright ridiculous lately.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: MMario
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 10:08 PM

So Bill tried to sing again?

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 10:54 PM

No shit. Listen to a whole series of his latest recordings at this website:

Shatner's latest recordings!

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 11:02 PM

I'm so thankful that I have a slow, crappy, dial-up connection so I can be excused from listening to Shatner without hurting Little Hawk's feelings.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 11:05 PM

You can order the CD online. Sheer magic. It's called "Hasbeen", and it's far and away his best yet. This stuff about him croaking is just more April Fool's BS.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 11:09 PM

Hey, I saw him on TV last night and the night before, in a pseudo reality-based thing called Invasion Iowa.

It's very funny.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: khandu
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 12:48 AM

I am sad. I took this very seriously when I saw the thread name. Then I see it is a dreadful joke. Not funny!! There was the inane "Obit: Little Hawk" thread today. That was bad enough. Now I was led to believe that the Great Man himself had died. It is a sad thing to see someone take Shatner so lightly.

Sure, he is an easy target. His acting is brilliant. Many cannot see the genius in his methods, but, in years to come, long after Mr Shatner has really passed on, aspiring actors will diligently study his style. There will be more Shatner imitators than Elvis & Stevie Ray wannabes combined!

But, aside from his acting, look at his contribution to music! Sure, he's an easy target for ridicule here, also. But few understand his exceptional approach. Bob Dylan said that Shatner's version of "Mr. Tambourine Man" "...captured the essence of the song! He makes it his own & sings it as it is meant to be sung!!" And Dylan said this even after the "Shatner/Dylan" recording sessions fell apart, due to what Shatner called "a personality clash".

Look also at Tom Jones, the hip thrusting "What's New, Pussycat" singer, who would still be an unknown Welsh folksinger had it not been for Shatner.

Woody & Pete, as well as Arlo, hold the Man in high esteem, due in part to his ability to "turn a ripe phrase" while songcrafting.

Make fun of him if you must. But, when we do lose Shatner, we lose a GREAT MAN!

k

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 01:09 AM

I'd post something erudite, but I'm too busy laughing!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: MuddleC
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 05:53 AM

perhaps he choked on a tribble

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 06:14 PM

Never, NEVER use a tribble as a suppository. This would amount to cruelty to animals.

Found it in the captain's log...

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Peace
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 06:46 PM

Read the thread title and thought he'd turned into a frog.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 07:35 PM

LH... Hehehehe. Bathroom humour does not usually get my funny bone, but... hehehehe.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: RichM
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 06:25 AM

Using tribbles as suppositories would appear to be pointless.

But I suppose you could sharpen each one before insertion.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 07:17 AM

They make better cleansing pads if liberally doused with cleansing gel....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 09:04 AM

I too am completely shatnered.
Worse yet, I heard that he not only drowned his wife but is the real killer in the OJ and Blake murders.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 10:25 AM

His talent knows no bounds.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: khandu
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 11:12 AM

Exactly!! Had Shatner chosen a life of criminality instead of gracing us with his amazing acting & sining talents, we may have had far more unresolved murders than we can imagine. I am certain he could have marvelously committed the "Crime of the Century" and never been suspected! But then....maybe he did...

k

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:28 PM

If Shatner had ever turned to crime, it would have made professor Moriarty look like a rank amateur.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:52 PM

Even hounds could not have trailed him. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 08:47 PM

If it is anywhere, the frog is in Bill's THROAT!!

I do hope it doesn't turn into a handsome prince.

But if it does...


I want to be there to see it!

It'd be better than the alien birth scene in the first ALIEN film.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: MAG
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 01:03 AM

\the birth scene where you can see the white square underneath the guys's t-shirt? At that point, I gave it a 3 (out of 10)

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 03:48 PM

There are many white squares. But with Afro-Americans----that's a whole other story. Most are pretty hip.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Tam the man
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 01:35 PM

who cares GET A LIFE

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 03:26 PM

That's exactly what Shatner said.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 05:32 PM

The Shatnerian Pregnant Pause

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 08:33 PM

That is a darned good article, and I'd have to say I agree with it. Shatner is, indeed, a very good actor, and the main reason that the first Star Trek series got off the ground at all. Nimoy also became a tremendous asset, but without Shatner...no go!

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 09:02 PM

In a daring new piece of coding, know only as Some Hyper Text Analogue Transgression Excession Ruling, Little Hawks computer will emit an electric shock every time the word Shatner is typed. the joe clones have yet to approve this new adaption, but will see the wisdom of it soon...

Bunnhabhain

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 09:06 PM

And with the little subroutine I have devised at this end, that electric shock will be amplified several times and transmitted directly to the right testicle of...

But no. Why spoil the suspense? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: MuddleC
Date: 05 Apr 05 - 11:37 PM

surely a tachyon pulse would cure it.... but watch out for Klingons off the starboard bow

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: LadyJean
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 01:06 AM

One dastardly prankster to another, I bow to your genius. Not only did you have me going, you made me ill with a very sick pun. You are one sick puppy, and should be proud of yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Aug 05 - 02:18 AM

Why do guests - only post to old Shat-Threads?

Is it sort of like Vegas and Wayne Newton's girlfriend?

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner Croaks!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 05 - 10:22 AM

Yes, it's very much like that. Low instincts, allied with a keen desire to f*ck around uselessly. ;-)