BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...

Subject: BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...
From: Pogo
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 09:01 PM

hehehe....friend of mine sent this to me I had to share the pain...I mean joy ^_^


"I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past few years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern... I no longer drink Starbucks as they don't support our troops.

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (The BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. "

-------------------------

So how have chain mail letters saved your life?

Subject: RE: BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 09:11 PM

Gather ye pigeons while ye may

Subject: RE: BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...
From: gecko
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 09:25 PM

This makes a good reply to the originators of annoying chain letters.

BEST CHAIN EMAIL EVER WRITTEN: Hello, my name is not important, I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion f*cking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Tasmania with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we? "Ooooh, look here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking model in the magazine!" What a load of bullsh*t. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5AD and brought to Australia by midget pilgrims on the First Fleet. The point being? - If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't p-iss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email. Oh, by the way: NO COMPANY HAS ANY WAY OF TRACKING E-MAIL OUTSIDE THEIR SYSTEM - NO, NOT EVEN MICROSOFT!!! THERE IS NO SUCH TECHNOLOGY YET!!!!! AND IF THERE WERE, IT WOULD PROBABLY BE AGAINST THE LAW TO TRACK IT FOR PRIVACY MATTERS. Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals

Yours in Unity

Subject: RE: BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 10:33 PM

Gecko, I received the following (an earlier version of the one you posted?) in October of 98.

---

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin.
I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores
on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped
and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending
out 50 billion fucking 'forwards' sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas
with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the
cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and
took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography
website will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are
you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish,
I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a
bunch of bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people
out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
chain mail 'forwards'. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will
come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was
brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if
it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send
something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of
your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being"
'forwards' about 90 times. I*don't*fucking*care. Show a little
intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to
by sending out 'forwards.'

Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!

Subject: RE: BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 10:37 PM

Lot of anger there, gecko.

My first experience with a chain letter predates PCs. It came by snail mail and threatened me with bad luck if I did not send it on to 5 other people. I didn't. Instead I set it on fire, burned my fingers and dropped it on a new carpet which also burned.

True story, but I still don't respond to chain mail.

My favorite chain mail story is from a TV sequel to the Christmas Story ("you'll shoot your eye out...") The mother answers a chain mail suggesting she send five used washclothes to the first five names on the list. By the end of the movie she is the proud recipient of hundreds of old wash cloths to be used as dust rags.

Subject: RE: BS: Thank You, Chain Letter...
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Apr 05 - 08:15 AM

MAKE PENIS FAST! - or 50,000 inches of penis....