worst rhyme ever

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 11 May 10 - 11:25 AM

Of course, for graveyard humor, I always favored this little rhyme from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:

"Here Lies Lester Moore
Four Slugs From a 44
No Les
No More"

Maybe there's a bad song waiting to be written....?

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 11 May 10 - 04:48 AM

The one that really bugs me, even though it's valid as a rhyme, is
that Edwyn Collins song:

I've never known a girl like you before
Now just like in a song from days of yore
Here you come a knockin', knockin' at my door


Days of yore? Days of yuk.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 10 May 10 - 07:23 PM

After a visit to Cambodia, I wrote possibly the most serious song I'd ever written in my life. One reviewer suggested that rhyming TB with HIV (two of the biggest scourges in the country apart from dengue fever)was belittling the whole thing, and somehow cheapening the severity of the situation. Far from the truth, both widely accepted medical terms. I was hardly going to try and rhyme tuberculosis with human immunodeficiency virus.
My latest song also contains initials: IED (improvised explosive device), which is what the guys out there fighting call them, and now the journalists too.
Supposedly anyhing with an ee sound in it as an easy rhyme.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Kevin S
Date: 10 May 10 - 05:48 PM

From the Kings "This Beat Goes On"

Hey little Donna, ah still wanna
Ya said to ring ya up when I was in Toronto

From Motörhead "Motörhead"

Fourth day, five day marathon,
We're moving like a parallelogram

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 07:17 PM

DeG: In any case, it wasn't a fluke, for Kipling did it elsewhere:

We broke a King and we built a road --
A court-house stands where the Reg'ment goed.
And the river's clean where the raw blood flowed
                When the Widow give the party.

Maybe Kipling knew something that you & I & the OED don't.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Faye Roche
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 01:36 PM

Thanks for the MacGonagall post- I haven't seen that poem for years and it had me almost falling off my chair laughing.

I'd like to contribute these two:

In "The Sound of Music" Rogers & Hammerstein almost manage to rhyme "adieu" with "you":

"Farewell, adieu,
to yeu and yeu and yeu"

... and in Burt Bacharach and Hal David's "What do you get when you fall in Love?" the otherwise indominatable pair have this classic:

"What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
And after that he'll never phone yer,
I'll never fall in love again..."

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 09:59 AM

I'm pretty sure it is no known dialect, Joe, but I have been wrong before:-)

Out of interest - John of K reminded me - Look at Dirty Old Town by Ewan MacColl for a perfect example of the non-rhyming song. Not one single rhyme but perfect meter all the same.

Cheers

DeG

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 09:37 AM

There was a young man from Peru.
Who was stung on the knee by a wasp.
He said, " That didn`t hurt.
I really don`t care.
It can do it again if it likes".

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Nathan in Texas
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 10:31 PM

Robert Earl Keen, Jr., in "Swervin' in My Lane"

"But your still swervin' in my lane and it's causin' lots of danger
I'm a stompin' on the foot feed, I'm a shooting you the finger"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 08:55 PM

DeG: Are you sure that's not a possible dialect form? I see no evidence of a such a southern form in the OED, but who knows? ("Gaed" is well attested in the north.)

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 09:32 AM

I can't believe it of Kipling but look at 'Cells' and you will find teh immortal rhyme -

I left my cap in a public-house, my boots in the public road,
And Lord knows where -- and I don't care -- my belt and my tunic goed;

Eeeeeeh. It brings tears to my eyes:-)

DeG

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 08:28 PM

We seem to have missed

O Lord and God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall.
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks.
On Thee our hopes we fix --
God save us all!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 04:24 PM

From Paul Simon's father and daughter:
Intuition rhymed with fishin'.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,KevBoyd
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 12:09 PM

"Sexuality" by Billy Bragg:

"I look like Robert de Niro
I drive a Mitsubishi Zero"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 08:06 AM

From 'Tammy'

I'd sing like a violin
If he was in
my arms.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Geoff Wallis
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 03:44 PM

One of the best bad rhymes, courtesy of John Cooper-Clarke:

The room it had been ransacked,
There was nothing left at all.
A chicken had been dhansak-ed
And smeared across the wall.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: MissouriMud
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 12:34 PM

Back near the beginning of this thread SharonA mentioned Richmond is a Hard Road to Travel - but the song it was based on, "Jordan is a Hard Road to Travel" published by Daniel Emmett in 1853 and its numerous progeny have produced an incredible volume of verses vaguely attempting to rhyme with the word "Jordan". I'm not sure if the fact that many these lines were written in "dialect" for minstrel shows may have contributed to the odd rhyming. The fact that Emmetts song was used for parodies in England may have compounded this. In any event the poor rhyming pattern seems quite intentional.

Some of the "rhymes" require pronouncing "Jordan" as "Jerdan" in order to rhyme with "certain" etc, but that only works for a few, and some defy explanation other than the fact that the song is normally sung so fast that the words are nearly impossible to distinguish.   Most at least try to match the "'n" of the un-empahasized last syllable, but some dont even do that.

Consider the following verses taken in great part from numerous published versions of the song with the second line attempting to rhyme with Jordan, starting with some of Emmett's originals (i know there are more verses out there I just got tired):

I jest arrived in town fo' to pass the time away,
And I settled all my bizness accordin'
But I found it so cold when I went up de street
Dat I wished I was on de oder side ob Jordan.

I look to the East I look to the West
And I see ole Kossuth a-comin'
With four bay horses hitched up in front,
To tote his money to de oder side ob Jordan.

David and Goliath both had a fight
A cullud man come up behind 'em,
He hit Goliath on de head wid a bar of soft soap
And it sounded to de oder side ob Jordan.

Der's been excitin' times for de las' year or two
About de great Presidential election
Frank Pierce got elected and sent a hasty plate ob soup
To his opponent on de oder side ob Jordan.

I am guine to sing a song and I'l make it as I go
The words you will like now depend on
And if it don't you suit, why you can at me hoot
And I'll travel to de odder side of Jordan

Gen's Scott and Pierce dey both hab a race
For de White House you ought to see dem runnin
Massa Pierce come out a head, and Scott give up de chase
And he fotched up on de odder side of Jordan

De Governor of Cuba is kicking up a dust
About de Crescent City, Purser Smith and so on
It will take General Scott for to quiet dat muss
And run dem to the odder side of Jordan

President Filmore is acting mighty strange
(But with George Law he'd better not keep foblin,)
By de 4th of next March, I guess he'll take a range
In de vicinity of de odder side of Jordan

Goerge Law is spunky. and I glory in his grit,
Kase he got de guns and steamer's for to fight on
To blood thirsty Spaniards he won't knock under a bit
Till he leaves dem on de odder side of Jordan

The spirits of fifty murdered Americans are crying for revenge
To de whole Yankee nation to go on
Straight off to Havana their blood to avenge
And blow Moro Castle to de odder side of Jordan

Abraham and Isaac sat down to play the cards
Abraham he hold the cooler
The Ace he could not come, and the Jack he had to run
Twas the biggest hand the other side of Jordan

Moses in the bulrushes asleep, wide awake
Playing possum in a two bushel basket
With a wreath of candles strung around his head
To light him to the other side of Jordan

Collins and Cunard are both very fine men
The Arabia Johnny Bull he bets on
But the very next trip that the Atlantic makes
She will tow her to the other side of Jordan

Oh the Chatham street railroad has made a mighty talk
It's a subject you all no doubt have heard on
They make you pay five cents, and stand up all they way
Until they land you on the other side of Jordan

Forest in Metamora takes all the heavy parts
Oh, you ought to hear the b'hoys applaud him
"You've sent for me and I've come" it sounded like a gun
They heard it on the other side of Jordan

Of all the banjo songs that have been sung of late,
There is none that is now so often called on,
As the one I sing myself, and apply it to the times,
It's called "On the Other Side of Jordan."

Around the Crystal Palace there are a great many shows,
Where all the country green horns are drawn in--
There're snakes and alligators, mammouth mules and big 'taters,
That were raised upon the other side of Jordan.

The Duchess of Southerland, she keeps the Stafford House,
The place where the "Black Swan" is boarding;
At a musical party, they asked for a song,
And she gave them--On the other side of Jordan.

Oh I lookee to de East, an' I lookee to de West
An' I see a mighty chariot a comin'
Wid forty grey hosses a crackin' on the lead
For to take us on de odder side o' Jordan

Den I lookee to de Norf, an' I lookee to de Souf
An' I spied a might purty flower garden
An' old Fader Miller a blowin' on ther clarionet
To invite us on the odder side o' Jordan

Joe Smith and Fader Miller dey got into a fight
An' dar was no near to part em
Farder Miller kicked Smith, an' he tumbled on his nose
An' he skeeted to the odder side of Jordan

Uncle Tom's Cabin never was written by mortal hands
I t never was, and there's no use of talking
It was written long ago by Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe
When she lived on the other side of Jordan

Poor Uncle Tom had a berry hard time
Tho he asked Mrs. Beecher's toe's* pardon [sic perhaps Stowe's?]
But she never will diskiver what a wicked thing she did
Till she tried to reach de odder side o' Jordan

Uncle Sam's Black Slave hab got a mighty hard time
But de "White Slave ob England" a more hard one
An' I radder do believe Uncle Sam comes out de best
An he needn't fear de odder side o' Jordan

Den here's to Columbia de country of de free
Tho I ax de odder nations pardon
Let dem take may advice, an' for freedom let dem fight
Or dey'll never see de odder side o' Jordan

Thunder in the clouds, lightning in the trees
What do you think that I told him?
It's goodbye son till the next kingdom come
And I'll meet you on the other side of Jordan.

There were snakes in Ireland not many years ago
St Patrick saw the vermin all a-crawling
But with his shillelagh he hit them on the head
And he drove them 'cross the other side of Jordan.

I looked to the east. I looked to the west,
I seen the old gray goose comin'
With forty gray horses and a Dominicker mule
And they landed on the other side of Jordan.

If you wanna do well, go down the hotel,
Get your room and your board on credit.
If they ask for the pay, you just tell 'em right away
They'll get it on the other side of Jordan

Daddy caught a turkey in the woods the other day
And we put him in the pot for to cook him.
But the turkey jerked his head and he knocked off the led
And he gobbled on the other side of Jordan.

David and Goliath had a fight the other day
And they found one thing for certain.
Hit Goliath on the head with a bar of soft soap
And he landed on the other side of Jordan

It rained 40 days and it rained 40 nights
And it rained on the Alleghany Mountains
It rained 40 horses and a Dominecker mule
And they landed on the other side of Jortan

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 07:33 AM

There's a bell in Moscow
And on tower and kiosk O

- just one execrable rhyme from the execrable poem/song "The Bells of Shandon"

(which sound so grand on the pleasant waters of the River Lee).

I wouldn't mind, but it has been anthologised more times than enough - Palgrave, for one . . .

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 09:28 PM

Just yesterday, at a conference, I was alerted to the fact that no less a person than Franci
s James Child wrote a Civil War propaganda song whose chorus was

I speak my mind quite freely.
Now ree'ly.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 10:06 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Topaz_McGonagall


http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=B0WDNSZFCyo

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 10:01 AM

" O silvery bridge o'er the Tay........" etc!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Matt_R
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 09:59 AM

"The way Kathy Lee needs Regis
The way school needs teachers
That's the way I need Jesus"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Kampervan
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:36 PM

A Pirate called Long John Silver
Had, problems peeling his orange
Fruit; so called out loudly,come here Jim
lad,and clean all this juice from my best morning suit.

Well what did you expect!:->

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:18 PM

OK... I'll do the first two lines... perhaps you could finish it off for me!

A Pirate called Long John Silver,
Had problems peeling his orange.

Over to you!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM

The poor have only Christmas-time
For fun, not like the rich 'uns.
And spare a thought for turkeys too -
This year why not try pigeons!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bert
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:24 PM

Context is everything, Thomas Hood was a master of bad rhymes and puns. Trouble was when he used them in serious poems like the rhyming of 'pitiful' with 'city full' in Bridge of sighs.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:04 AM

Sometimes, of course, a rhyme is so bad that it's brilliant!

"But in spite of his faults and ridiculous foibles
He still had a band of devoted disciples."

William Shakespeare's King Lear - as interpreted by Con 'Fada' O'Drisceoil.

*********

Bear in mind ol' Will was a Brummie,

so in that dialect it'd be 'discoyples'!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:00 AM

'.........out here in the fields
I fight for my mields
I put my back in to my livin'
I don't have to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgivin

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Musket
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:19 AM

Number 6 said:

I cringe at the line ...

"Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry."

What's wrong with that rhyme?

Now you might not like the line as a matter writing style, but it sounds like a perfect rhyme to me.

Dave Oesterreich

Yeah Dave BUT

It makes a better rhyme as follows;

"Down the road I walk with my sweet Mary,
Teeth all black and her legs all hairy"

Mind you, try that in a karaoke and they turn the microphone off. (Ingoldmells, Coral Club Summer 1995)

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cloudstreet
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:03 AM

Mary and me, we're a comfortable fit
The ocean here's runnin' with salmon.
Evenings, we take a long walk on the spit,
And Sundays, sometimes we go clammin'


From the otherwise excellent Fred Small.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 07:20 PM

I coudn't find this when this threaed was ciurrent about a week ago, but have unearted it - can anyone beat this piece of pure doggerel?

I think it's anonymous with good reason:-

LOVE ALONE

It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

I know King Edward was noble and great,
But it's love what caused him to abdicate
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

I know my mama she gonne grieve,
He said "I cannot help but I am bound to leave
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

And he got the money and he got the talk,
And the fancy walk just to suit New York
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

You can take my throne, you can take my crown,
But leave me Mrs Simpson to renown
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

Rest of verses without chorus lines:-

Come a reel come a roll upon my mind
I cannot leave Mrs Simpson behind

On the 10th of December you heard the talk
When he gave the throne to the Duke of York

Now he's the victim of circumstance
Now they live in the south of France

If you see Mrs Simpson across the street
You can guarantee she is a busy bee

Let the organ roll, ley the church bell ring
He said "Good luck" to our second bachelor King.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: MartinRyan
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 05:00 AM

Sometimes, of course, a rhyme is so bad that it's brilliant!

"But in spite of his faults and ridiculous foibles
He still had a band of devoted disciples."

William Shakespeare's King Lear - as interpreted by Con 'Fada' O'Drisceoil.

Regards

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 04:57 AM

So that upon her face no more I'll look,
Oh, why has she away from me been took?

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Marilyn
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 04:49 AM

One that really makes me cringe:

   "When the drink finally hit her,
   She said 'I'm no quitter'"

from 'Ruby'.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 01:37 AM

"There's a guard and there's a sad old Padre
On and on, we'll walk at daybreak"
- Green, Green Grass of Home

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 08:28 PM

OldNickilby: I believe that

He who sells what isn't hisn
Must buy it back or go to prison.

is proverbial.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,OLDNICKILBY
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 04:45 AM

"Hare wasnt hisn
Now in prison"
From Baring Goulds "Old Adam was a Poacher"
Takes a bit of beating

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tangledwood
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 04:37 AM

Neil Diamond -

Songs she sang to me,
songs she brang to me

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mark Ross
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:55 PM

"These blues I choose to use abuse my shoes."

Utah Phillips c.1972

That is definitely the worst one!

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cptsnapper
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 09:51 PM

How about " Kissed her once again at Wapping , after that there was no stopping.

Ewan McColl " Sweet Thames Flow Softly"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 09:14 PM

I believe I have noted this in some other thread, but IMO the worst rhyme in English prosody actually occurs in a folk song:

There is a tree in paradise,
And the pilgrims call it the tree of life.

The last word is stretched out over 8 beats, during which the naive listener may wonder whether it is going to be "lies" or "lice".

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: quokka
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 07:32 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned Marc Bolan!

"Well you ain't no witch
And I love the way you twitch"

Cheers,

Quokka

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 01:58 PM

If it's a frivolous or funny song, the more far-fetched and strained the rhyme the better.   A bad rhyme is a rhyme that wastes the chance to do something.

If it's a serious song the rhyme ideally shouldn't even be noticed. A bad rhyme is a rhyme that sticks out as clever the first time you hear it.

As to whether the rhymes themselves are full rhymes, or part rhymes or assonances or whatever, that kind of thing doesn't really matter a monkey's.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 12:42 PM

One rather wistful song about Ireland has the line:-

There was music there,
In the Derry Air.

Just can't keep a straight face when I hear that one.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:55 AM

My favourite 'bad rhyme' hasto be from "El Passo"...."
I chose a good one,
I thought that it could run" Brilliant!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:39 AM

Inspired by a poetry reading at the Museum of Modern Art locally:

"Despite a dangling participle,
His verbiage hardly caused a ripple.
Our focus was, instead, you see,
On the mobile hung from Calder's nipple."

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:30 AM

Rod Stewart:-

He took her up to his high rise apart-ment,
And there he told her exactly what his heart meant.


Joey Dee and the Starlighters:-

Sitting in the limelight
Waiting for me ya-ya
Ug - hugh

(they actually get this to rhyme)

Then there is the Benny Hill classic, in which the puns and bad rhymes are calculated:-

GARDEN OF LOVE

Benny Hill



(Chorus) The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love

Now there's a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget
A pine tree for the way I pined over you
And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there's a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date
A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come
So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an'-the-mum

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there's a beetroot for the day you said that you'd beetroot to me
A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me
But you had friends who needed you
There was Ferdy, there was Liza
So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza

(Chorus) And the sun….

But Gus the gardener's left now and you went with him, too
The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you
Now the rockery's a mockery, with weeds it's overgrown
The fuchsia's gone, I couldn't face the fuchsia all alone

And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above
And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:17 AM

Once, in the late 1950's, a traveling minstrel appeared at our local coffee house, claiming to be the performer of the "definitive version" of John Henry. We could have overlooked such puffery had it not been for the "un-verse" he shared with us, claiming it to be the world's shortest folk song: "You stole my wife,
                              You horse thief!"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: pavane
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:59 AM

You get enough germs to catch Pneumonia
And when you do, he'll never Phone ya

Bacharach & David "I'll never fall in love again"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rog Peek
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:51 AM

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road


Rog