worst rhyme ever

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: PennyBlack
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 01:06 PM

Here's one - a jingle we did for BBC Radio Lancashire - must be the accent - we got away with it!

Go along to the Big Blue Bus
(Tune: Pickle Packers Picnic Outing Words: Pete Skinner & John Bond)


If you go along to the big blue bus
There's lots of things to do and see
They'll show you all computer skills
Courtesy of the B B C
So if you want to air your voice
Make Radio Lancashire your choice
So whether it's dry or whether it's moist
Go along to the Big Blue Bus

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bentley
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 12:47 PM

How about something along these lines?
This is the tale of poor old Fred
Who was born one day before he was dead
Poor old Fred was a funny old guy
He was blind in one ear and deaf in one eye
When spoke,he wrote with a limp
And when he wrote,he walked with a squint
Poor old Bert.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 11:50 AM

Rapaire, are you attacking Byron's rhyming? That's what happened to Don Juan when first published.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
"new one" is one of the ways we know for certain it was Don Joo-en.

McGrath, I love the unorthodox way Lehrer rhymes, it's what I like best about his songs.

Allen

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:38 AM

Yeah, I know, Joe, but it still grates on the ear. Now excuse the Tennyson -- "blood" and "wood" are a "visual rhyme", as are "heath" and "death," but "death" is pronounced "deeth" only as a personal name, as far as I know, and "wood" and "blood" would only rhyme in dialect.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Abby Sale
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:31 AM

I have to agree with McGrath that an intentional - call it "forced" rhyme - from a fine wordsmith is different. It has the effect (I think) that the poet wanted and people like Lehrer or Nash Or Levy ("Thais") were smart enough to get just the words and effects they wanted.

I am also guilty of posting to this thread a longey that went down the black hole of posts around the 14th June. But you get to see (or avoid) it anyway. I really don't know about poetry - if a folk song sings well, it often (especially the chanty) ignores any great need to be slavish about rhyming - often ignores it with impunity. But terrible bad poetry (unjustifiably bad, that is) is another story. One couldn't find a better benchmark than The Great McGonagall.

He rates three entries in the Happy File but here's a Dec 28 entry.

The Tay Bridge Disaster occured 12/28/1879 so the master wrote:

                The Tay Bridge Disaster

                Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
                Alas! I am very sorry to say
                That ninety lives have been taken away
                On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
                And the wind it blew with all its might,
                And the rain came pouring down,
                And the dark clods seem'd to frown,
                And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
                "I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

                When the train left Edinburgh
                The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
                But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
                Which made their hearts for to quail,
                And many of the passengers with fear did say-
                "I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

                But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
                Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
                And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
                On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                So the train sped on with all its might,
                And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sught,
                And the passengers' hearts felt light,
                Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
                With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
                And wish them all a happy New Year.

                So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
                Until it was about midway,
                Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
                And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
                The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
                Because ninety lives had been taken away,
                On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
                The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
                And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
                Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
                And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
                Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
                And made them for to turn pale,
                Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
                How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                It must have been an awful sight,
                To witness in the dusky moonlight,
                While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
                Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
                Oh! ill-fated Bridge of thSilv'ry Tay,
                I must now conclude my lay
                By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
                That your central girders would not have given way,
                At least many sensible men do say,
                Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
                At least many sensible men confesses,
                For the stronger we our houses do build,
                The less chance we have of being killed.

"The Tay Bridge Disaster" by (The Great) William Topaz McGonagall 1830-1902

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:51 PM

Rapaire: "new one" "Juan" was not actually a bad rhyme in Byron's time; the Anglicized spelling pronunciation was standard in his day. So also with "Quixote" & some other foreign names for which modern usage requires some approximation to the native pronunciation.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Who is a hero? He who has conquered himself. :||

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:02 PM

From High Noon:

He made a vow
while in state prison.
Vowed it would be
my life or his'n.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Stephen R.
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:43 PM

Sorry, McGrath of Harlow, but "wh" is pronounced just "w" in the south of England, so if you didn't know better you would doubtless hear "Prince of Whales" and the like. It isn't like Scotland, where the distinction is maintained (to the point where old texts have "quhilk" and so on). In the US of A, it is regarded as more correct to maintain the distinction, although in practice it tends to depend on dialect.

Stephen

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:21 PM

One of my favorite Awful Rhymers is George Gordon. Here's some quotes from Don Juan.

..I say -- the future is a serious matter --
And so -- for God's sake -- hock and sodawater!

and

...Fit for my poem (that is, for my new one);
So, as I said, I'll take my friend Don Juan.

Alfie Tennyson had his moments, too. This is the opening stanza to Maud; A Monodrama:

I hate the dreadful hollow behind the little wood,
Its lips in the field above are dappled with blood-red heath,
The red-ribb'd ledges drip with a silent horror of blood,
And Echo there, whatever is ask'd of her, answers 'Death.'

Everyone has their off days.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:57 PM

Technically most of the "terrible rhymes", like the Lehrer ones, are actually perfect rhymes, just a bit unexpected. I never quite understand the custom of making out we don't enjoy those kind of rhymes, when we clearly do.
.................
Whales and Wales dont rhyme: they make exactly the same sound. That's not a rhyme. Though it would be, I suppose, if your dialect made a distinction between the w and the wh.

If they were the same sound this woudl be an example of an "Identical Rhyme", which is a form which has a long and respectable history, going back at least as far as Chaucer. And Edward Lear goes even further, by using the same word to rhyme with itself in his Limericks. (See entry in A Readers Guide to Literary Terms, Karl Beckson and Arthur Ganz.)

But in fact pronouncing W and Wh differently is surely characteristic of "received pronunciation" in England, with "whale" being pronounced more or less as "hwale"?

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:36 PM

from "Thais"

"..one night while resting heavily,
From wrestling with the devil, he
Had gone to bed quite early, while the sun was shining still.
He had a vision Freudian,
And though he was annoyed he an-
Alyzed it in the well known style of doctors Jung and Brill"

...it goes on...

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:34 PM

LYDIA THE TATTOOED LADY
Music by Harold Arlen. Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
and a torso even more so.
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is The Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it, The Wreck of the Hesperus too.
And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue.
You can learn a lot from Lydia!

When her robe is unfurled she will show you the world,
if you step up and tell her where.
For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree,
or Washington crossing The Delaware.

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
When her muscles start relaxin',
up the hill comes Andrew Jackson.
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Queen of them all.
For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz,
with a view of Niagara that nobody has.
And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz.
You can learn a lot from Lydia!

Come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso.
Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso.
Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon.
Here's Godiva, but with her pajamas on.

Here is Grover Whelan unveilin' The Trilon.
Over on the west coast we have Treasure Isle-on.
Here's Nijinsky a-doin' the rhumba.
Here's her social security numba.

Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Champ of them all.
She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet.
The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat.
And now the old boy's in command of the fleet,
for he went and married Lydia!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: sixtieschick
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:28 PM

Well my heart went boom
When I crossed that room . . .

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Steve-o
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 02:37 PM

I don't want a pickle,
Just want to ride on my motorcycle,
And I don't want to die....
Just want to ride on my motorcy.......
Cul
-Arlo Guthrie

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:56 AM

Donuel: Cf.

Oh, my name is Diamond Lily,

I'm a whore in Picadilly,

And my father runs a brothel in the Strand,

And my brother sells his arsehole

To the guards in Windsor Castle --

We're the finest fucking family in the land.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: I can state with complete confidence that I'll never amount to anything. :||

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: sapper82
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:48 AM

Hamish, ought that not be "Where's The Candle"?

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Allen
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 06:18 AM

Reminds me of Tom Lehrer's Periodic Table of Elements song, to the tune of the Major General's Song.

Not terribly keen on the last line of Warlike Lads though.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: sixtieschick
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:09 AM

Weren't there some great groupings of rhyming names in the Kurt Weill/Ira Gershwin song, "Tchaikovsky," in which Danny Kaye sang the names of more than fifty Russian composers in thirty-nine seconds? Or did it go by so fast that it just sounded that way?

M.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Stephen R.
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:05 AM

I always thought that "Everyone who sees her / Soon forgets the Mona Leezer" was godawful.

Stephen

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 11:25 PM

I'm pretty sure I saw a Neil Diamond one on this thread, but I think it fell down the black hole of posts around the 14th June that were made when Joe warned us not to post in case our posts got lost. Well he was right - they did.

Of course it was the often quoted one:

Songs she sang to me
Songs she brang to me....

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 05:22 PM

IMO, the "worst" rhymes, when they're punny, are the best rhymes! :^)

Tom Lehrer, of course, is a grand master of the genre. [pausing here to bow to his genius]

But I was researching the US Civil War song "Richmond is a Hard Road to Travel" (a Confederate song) the other day, and it contains some doozies such as...

"And he found it rather hard to ride over Beauregard
And Johnston proved a deuce of a bother.
'Twas clear beyond a doubt that he didn't like the route
And a second time would have to try another."

...and the following contrived-word rhymes (the last one quite un-PC by today's standards)...

"Instead of easy ground, at Williamsburg he found
A Longstreet indeed and nothing shorter.
And it put him in the dumps that spades wasn't trumps
And the Hills he couldn't level 'as he orter!' "

"We'll take the cursed town, and then we'll burn it down
And plunder and hang each cursed Rebel.
Yet the contraband was right when he told us they would fight:
'Oh, yes, massa, dey will fight like the debil!' [sic]"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 05:04 PM

she's always looking as if
she's always wandering off a cliff

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 04:53 PM

Above the clouds a castle
Where only eagles dare
Inside there is an ass hole
who hoards my pension there.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: webfolk
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:33 PM

Bruce Watson - Save the Hippy

Now the world's a heavy trip and love ain't all you need
what would Jimi Hendrix say, where are your Gratefull Deed

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: PoppaGator
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:29 PM

I'm enjoying the so-bad-they're-good rhymes (like the many wonderful examples from Tom Lehrer), but what I really want to see are more of the truly bad ones (like Neil Diamond's).

Nothing to offer at the moment ~ can't think of anything BAD enough right now, but I'm still trying. I know there are some truly terrible rhymes out there, some undoubtedly rooted in my memory but temporarily suppressed because they're so excruciating. Therapy might set 'em loose...

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:20 PM

"I knew an old lady who swallowed a rhinoceros
"Pre-posserous!"

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,lamarca'sOM
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:16 PM

"I looked for you in Honolula,
San Fransisco and Ashtabula..."

Dylan

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: webfolk
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 02:56 PM

Labi Siffre - It must be love

I never thought that I could say so much without words
bless you and bless me baby, bless the bees and the birds

geoff - Bit on the side