BS: when u do something worong

Subject: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST,Wrong do-er
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 11:08 AM

Oops. I have just been through a divorce which was made hurtful by my partner's actions. I have behaved with dignity, but I am just about to get caught for something I did wrong. I opened a bank statement which I shouldn't have. To make matters worse there is something there which I am sure he wouldn't want anyone to know about ( I would never make an issue of that).

I have to admit I feel guilty because I know I am going to be caught, and I didn't really feel guilty before. How bad am I ?

(N.B.He did do stuff like that to me, and I didn't blame him.)

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 12:27 PM

Only you can say how bad it is.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 01:56 PM

Fess up before you get caught?

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 02:00 PM

Publish it on the web, the whole story, both sides.


A

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 02:48 PM

Guilt is a bogus emotion

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 04:35 PM

Number one, since you've not publicized what you learned (and as far as I gather, don't intend to), I don't think you've done any harm by your transgression. Everything below assumes that you intend to and know how to hold your tongue.

I'm assuming from what you said that opening the bank statement was not a mistake (in which case no blame would attach), but a temporary though culpable slip, which you now regret.

He is entitled to his bank statement, of course, and I suppose it will be obvious that it's been opened by you. If he confronts you, you could confess to knowingly opening it and reading it, thereby finding out stuff he wouldn't want known by you or others, which leads to an uncomfortable situation for both you and him; or you could lie and say that it was opened by mistake, and that when you read the name on the statement you just put it back in the envelope without bothering with the contents of the statement.   Now whether he will believe that I don't know.

Even if he doesn't believe the mistaken-opening-and-that's-it story, he can't prove otherwise. And even suspecting that you know his secret, he may be inclined to accept your cover story at face value, to avoid mutual recriminations or embarrassment.

No-one can make the decision for you, of course. I'm tempted to think that if I were in your position I would take the coward's way out and give the opening-by-mistake story.   Some here might think less of me because I said that, but I see nothing that would be gained for anyone by confessing, and a greater degree of mental ease for both of you by telling the lie.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 04:45 PM

If he doesn't know it has arrived act dumb. He will order another from the bank.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 06:01 PM

Pshaw. Hand it to him. Tell him you opened it by mistake.

If he wants to raise the issue of whether you read it, let him, tell the truth and shame the devil.

If you're afraid his secrets will incite him to violence, have a stout witness with you.

A

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST,Skipy
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 06:09 PM

If "google" "worong" you get 551 hits!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 06:12 PM

Since this is a divorce scenario, if there are any innocent bystanders (such as children, for instance) who might get hurt if he decided to punish them in order to hurt you for what you did (it sometimes happens in divorce situations), you might want to take that possibility into consideration. If you think that might be a possibility, you might want to take some of the advice offered previously in this thread and pretend that you made a mistake, and that you didn't see the contents of the statement.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: open mike
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 10:14 PM

ha i htohght you opend a bank account...
that had sometihng in it that you didn't
want anyone to know about...would that be worse?

hang in there and be careful to keep feelings
in check in case anyone feels like doing
something to hurt the other..

know that time will heal.

good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Peace
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 10:20 PM

On a scale of one to ten in the worong department, it's not even a two.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Aug 05 - 10:40 PM

Ahhhh, jus' what the heck am I missin' here???

You say that yer ex made a mess of the divorce???

And now you feel guilty fir knowin' something about yer ex that you haven't spread around???

Like either you are a nut 'er it's time to spread around what you know.... So come off it.... Like what'd he do????.... Come on... He was the one who started the messy stuff.... Right????

Nevermind.... Just him knowin' that *you know* and the fact that you ain't using it aganst him, oughtta speak volumes about yer charcater and given the way he acted durin' the divorce, volumes about his...

Turn the radio up, i.e. don't fret none...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 05:10 AM

Feeling guilty is feeling bad because you know you've done wrong and/or done something to hurt someone. You say you feel guilty because you know you'll get caught - that's not the same.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 08:29 AM

conscience is the fear of getting caught

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Blowzabella
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 10:19 AM

Whatever you decide to tell him, just make sure you photocopy it before you give him it - you never know when it will come in handy...*g*

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 10:26 AM

I agree with the guest who said 'act dumb'. Loads of stuff goes missing in the post. Let this be one of them, unless it's already too late.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST,Justin Case
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 01:36 PM

Without guilt we would all do only what was in our own best interest and to hell with everyone else. What a world of animals that would be.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM

Given that the animal world exists in a wonderful state of checks and ballances, I can't see how that would be a bad thing at all...

I had my guilt gland removed years ago, and I've never felt better...

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 01:55 PM

I'm with Blowzabella: Whatever else you do, make a photocopy for potential self-protection. Keep it in a SAFE place, but I say don't mention that you have it, unless catastrophic push comes to disastrous shove.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: Peace
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 02:04 PM

Keeping a photocopy means nothing, I'd think, because the method of its procurement is illegal.

Subject: RE: BS: when u do something worong
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 07:43 PM

Clinton, you just said much more about yourself than you realize.