BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!

Subject: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 10:28 AM

Amos suggested this, eh? Totally decent idea! I'm for it.

Okay, so...this thread is, like, to be all about hosers, eh? Hosers from the Great White Noreth. That's Canada, eh? Hosers are totally cool guys who, like, are totally cool, eh? And they live in Canada. But not in Quebec! Them frogs live in Quebec and "dey talk like dis and dey say Tabbernack a lot, eh?" I can't stand 'em! But I like the French girls. If the French guys would all flippin' go BACK TO FRAnCE and leave the girls here then Canada would be that much better than it is, eh? But it's already great.

So...post anything and everything you know and LOVE about hosers of the Great White Noerth here.

I mean...personal habits, clothing stials, wit and wisdom, and stuff like that, eh?

Majorly cool, eh? Go for it.

Ain't it amazig that I am, like, fairly loosid here and its' only 10 AM? Far flippin' out, man! I am the Dude, eh?

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 11:54 AM

Yeah they smell like beer and back bacon and stale cigarettes, and they chase anything with legs, but usually incompetently. Skanky skirt, beer, smokes. Can't rub two thoughts together to save their lives. Flip off, ya hosers!! Get out!!

That's about all I know about 'em.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,The Phantom of the Uproar
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:24 PM

Is this another thread about William Shatner?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:30 PM

Hmmmmm. That's a side of Canadians I haven't seen. I'll keep my eye peeled for aberrations.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:47 PM

Hosers will show you their aberrations--all ya have to do is ask. (Good one, eh?) LOLOLOLOL.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 01:11 PM

I assume that this thread was inspired by the recent release of "SCTV Network" (or is it "SCTV Channel"?) on DVD.

I recently rented the first disc of the series from Netflix, and was surprised NOT to find myself rolling on the floor laughing at the McKenzie Brothers episodes. Seems like it was a lot funnier the first time around; viewing it again so many years later, with excessively high expectations I suppose, was a bit of a letdown.

I mean, I enjoyed watching, if only as a taste of nostalgia, but the experience was a little less ovewhelming that I had hoped it would be.

Kuuu-roo-koo-koo, kuu-roo-koo-KOO!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 02:45 PM

That's interesting. I was reflecting recently how old Saturday Night Live episodes seem to have lost a lot of humour as they aged, yet I can still laugh at a lot of old SCTV skits.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 02:57 PM

Much of SCTV was brilliant, and most of it was definitely superior to the Doug and Bob McKenzie skits...but Doug and Bob caught the public imagination for some reason. It puzzled the SCTV cast, because they knew a lot of the other stuff was way better. I guess the moral is: never underestimate the taste of the viewing public.

Or to put in in hoserese: "Never, like, underguesstimate people's stupidity, eh?"

There are plenty of hosers in Canada, but they are more commonly seen in small towns than cities, hanging around the local bars and gas stations. They like to drive pickup trucks. Specially red or black ones. They wear work boots and messy clothes. They don't wash often enough, and they laugh very loudly at their own jokes. They hate all visible minority groups, but are definitely willing to put that prejudice aside when it comes to young women. Some girls like them, specially girls with an I.Q. below 80! To put it simply, hosers are total and complete @$$holes! ;-)

If American, they would all have voted for Bush, because they would have suspected the Democrats to be limp-wristed faggots of some kind. They would have just absolutely detested John Kerry! They can't pronounce "nuclear". What more do I have to say?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:32 PM

So, like, what's the difference between a hoser and a hose-head?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:33 PM

Not much. "Hose-head" is what you call a hoser when you're mad at him, eh? Or when you want to insult him.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:47 PM

It's just too easy to insult 'em though. Hosers very rarely age well.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:51 PM

LOL

When that boy is a man, he'll be writing his name in the snow. FYI! And if he gets lucky, it'll be in someone else's handwriting.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:57 PM

"There are plenty of hosers in Canada, but they are more commonly seen in small towns than cities, hanging around the local bars and gas stations. They like to drive pickup trucks. Specially red or black ones. They wear work boots and messy clothes. They don't wash often enough, and they laugh very loudly at their own jokes. They hate all visible minority groups, but are definitely willing to put that prejudice aside when it comes to young women. Some girls like them, specially girls with an I.Q. below 80! To put it simply, hosers are total and complete @$$holes! ;-)

"If American, they would all have voted for Bush, because they would have suspected the Democrats to be limp-wristed faggots of some kind. They would have just absolutely detested John Kerry! They can't pronounce "nuclear".

Charming people. Absolutely charming. One question: Is Canada where the US gets its supply? Or is it t'other way 'round?

Another question: As to "they laugh very loudly at their own jokes." What's wrong with that? Just like I think self pity is better than none.

"Hose-head" is what you call a hoser when you're mad at him, eh? Or when you want to insult him." Little Hawk

LOL befuddled like.

Where does 'hoser' come from? ( I know, I know- up above the border some place)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:01 PM

hoser
slang. 1. noun: (deragatory) an oaf, or simpleton. 2. noun: (friendly) a friend, brother or faithful companion. 3. verb: hose-off; a put-off; go away, leave me; I doubt what you are saying. History: The term originates from a syndicated television comedy about a fictional television station: 'Second City Television Station' or 'SCTV.' Comedy skits on the show were presented as actual programs. One such skit was a program entitled "the Great White North" - the hosts, comedians Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas (portraying Bob and Doug MacKenzie), embellished and exaggerated the stereotypical American image of how Canadians talk and act. The characters (Bob and Doug) drank beer, while bantering back and forth, inflecting their speech heavily with 'eh?' and the occasional 'hoser.'

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:11 PM

oh

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,ONe who knows, eh?
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:12 PM

Hoser is a euphemism for another word. The word is f*cker. As shown above, it can be used in either a hostile or a friendly manner, depending on the context and the tone of voice, etc.

Hosehead is similarly a euphemism for f*ckhead.

Shane, he the famous oaf of Blind River, has his own substitute: fliphead.

With Shane, it's "Flip you!!!" "You are totally flipped, man!" "Flip OFF!" "Flip ME!" (when things have gone seriously wrong) and such typical expressions...

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:17 PM

Well in the Great White North of Denmark, this is a Hoser.

Awesome! I just love the way he's clipping up his pretty red tights ...

And another provocative view of the Danish Hoser.

Hmmmm .... think somebody needs a nappie ...

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:23 PM

Things that are in a mess are typically referred to as all hosed up in some circles. Presumably a hoser is one who generates such conditions.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: bobad
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 07:50 PM

The hoser masterpiece everyone should have in their collection can be had here.
Order yours today, you won't be dissapointed.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:07 PM

Pressure Testing Hose.

Hosers at work.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:21 PM

"Hose" has long been a slang term for penis, particularly in the U.S. Navy. I was never in the Navy, but I worked at a part-time job years ago at which the rest of the crew was either active-duty or retired Navy. I recall "hosed up" and "dicked up" as being pretty much synonymous. I learned lots of colorful language at that job, including referring to a clumsy, inept attempt to do something one really doesn't know how to do as either "fucking a dog" or "a monkey tryin' to fuck a football".

And it seems like I remember something about the line in "Honky Tonk Women" that goes "She blew my nose, and then she blew my mind" originally being "She blew my hose..." It supposedly was changed so the song would get airplay. I imagine you can say "blew my hose" on the radio now, but you couldn't in 1969.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM

All I know there are definately no Hosers here in New Brunswick.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:33 PM

Oh yeah

What about gnu?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: bobad
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:44 PM

Sorry that was me, lost my cookies tonite.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 09:13 PM

Ha ... just waiting for gnu to see this post!

Saint John N.B. is the Hoser capital of Canada.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 09:14 PM

It's the hoser origin of Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM

Yer right ... I think .. or I'm sure they manufacturer them here. The whole package .. your choice with a pickup truck past due safety inspection or an old Crown Victoria past due it's safety inspection.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:41 AM

I had a Newfoundlander for a housemate for a while. When he wasn't employed, he did the housework in lieu of rent. He kept the kitchen cleaner than a surgery. When I surprised a burglar one night, he chased him out, walloping him with a leather jacket. Not many people could do that. I don't know if Newfoundlanders are hosers. But they're all right.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:52 AM

Newfies are outstanding people. They have the greatest sense of humour. around.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:20 AM

4 sale: 1980/2/6 CDF (Chev/Dodge/Ford) Pickup; fully jacked; 33" Mudders; triple roll bars; five front and five back roll bar mounted Day-Lites (250,000 candles each - you can light yer smokes on em); box mounted fuel tank (well, it's a plastic five gallon gas can, on accounta tearin a big hole in the gas tank); just-installed 1/4" skid plate from bumper to bumper; front and rear 10,000 pound winches with 100 feet of cable each (you can hoist the truck and all yer gear up a tree and use it as a tree stand fer huntin or fer just havin a look see or fer when the wardens are bein persistant); 4000 pound box mounted winch; front and rear trailer hitches; fold-down tail gate ramp; sealed doors and firewall for fishin IN the beaver dams; tinted windows and hand painted dark green matte finish over the entire vehicle so there's no sun or search light glint; bush bar with headlight screens; twenty foot fold-down whip antenna with coon tail; CB and scanner; license plates are already mounted upside down - every second counts; three more trucks for spare parts (Chev,Dodge and Ford) but you gotta haul em away. Will consider trade. Can be seen at RCMP Station next to Legion. Call Dale. Call my ex on weekends. But don't give her no money, eh? Bad enough I gotta serve my time on weekends cause a that hosebitch.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:29 AM

Wanted to Buy: NB Motor Vehicle Inspection sticker. Must have at least one month left. Meet me at the Legion Monday to Thursday.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 08:06 AM

Ho-Lee FLIP! I gotta have that pickup, man. I am gonna see if I can make a trip out there soon, eh Dale? Don't sell it to no one else! Holy flip.

Don will be so jealuos, eh? I can't flippin' wait.

- BDiBR (Shane)

p.s. Majorly decent thread, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 08:12 AM

gnu ... effin brilliant! Got tears of lafter runnin' down my face right now! I guess ya have to live here to get it.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 10:35 AM

Well I don't live there but I still get it! Things ain't much different here in deepwoods Ontari-ari-o. Especially once you get north of the Soo. Just ask WAsteD in WAwa.

As a Mother of 3 young Hosers, I've observed certain stylistic changes in Great Canadian Hosiery over the years though. For a greater understanding of the Modern Evolution of the Great Canadian Hoser, please consider the following;

1. Hosers today are alot lazier, alot more hi-tech. Rather than battling bugs, bears, bogs, empty beer coolers and/or Ministry boobs, they seem to much prefer lounging contently in front of their idiot-boxes with their PlayStations, hunting down cyber-moose and/or casting for cyber-walleye. Consequently, your average Hoser today sports a milky-white neck rather than the formerly standard red one. And Hoser-guts start spilling over the belt well before age 21 these days too.

2. Tobacco smokin' Hosers are now the minority, especially in the under-30 crowd. But don't let this worry you - other smokables seem to be just as popular as ever! Most smoke-free Hosers today make up for their disloyalty to Tobacco by mowing down truly phenomenal amounts of Miss Vickies, Bits 'n Bites etc instead.

3. Rather than bothering with all the expense and trouble of building their own monster trucks, today's Hoser creates fantastic computer-generated vehicles for the sole purpose of racing/abusing/demolishing same in the comfort of their air-conditioned living rooms. ANd they don't even hafta bother with insurance or cops or Vehicle Permits etc! Pretty cool, eh?

4. Drunken Hosers seem to be becoming an increasingly rare species as well. Especially Young Drunken Hosers in the driver's seat. Today's typical young Hosers are often seen passing on the Molson's in favour of ice caps, Gatorade, SoBe's, pop, even bottled water.

Example - one of my own young Hosers spent about 6 months working in Banff, without a car. When I went out there for a visit, thus giving him access to a vehicle for the first time in months - where did he want to drive that very night? Not to the Beer Store or the LCBO (there ARE a couple of those in Banff) - but to Timmy's! He said he'd been without a Timmy's for MONTHS. Been visiting that drive-thru in Canmore (20 minutes away) in his dreams instead. I could really flippin relate ... so I flipped him the flippin keys and off he flippin went. And nursed that large ice cap with chocolate milk for HOURS afterwards as I recall ...

Anyway, that's all the Evolutionary Hoser Data I can come up with right now. Feel free to add to the list if you like!

All my very best to all you Hosers - young, mediocre, cracked, plugged up, ancient or whatever. And may your Cosmic Couplings always be Leak-free!

daylia

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 10:40 AM

Oops I made a flippin mistake there eh? There are no LCBO's in Banff. Only in Ontario. I forget what they're called in Alberta - LCBA maybe?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:54 PM

Ah, daylia, if you are short on drunken hosers...

And, I don't know about Uppity Canada, but down here in Lowly Canada, if you ain't got a Cat-Purr-Cat (Acadian Shaques for 4X4), a sunburn, and a novelty tee-shirt with a moose on it, you ain't no Good-Old-Boy (Down Home for hoser). And that's just in the first degree. Second degree starts with runnin over video games.

BTW, my truck is black and she's called "Nightcrawler". She can do the 100m crawl in just over twenty three minutes. Not bad for a Ford F150, stock. I'll tell you about the races sometime.

Right now, I gotta go to the powerhouse... I thought I had some brewskis but the fridge is bare... I wonder if Dale was here?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 03:12 PM

Yeah, Shane, beauty thread eh man? What a friggin major that gnu is, man. Almost don't like to take advantage of his generalosity... almost... not!! right? eh? Anyway, the truck is yours man. I just need some tender-legals up front so's I kin get it out of the pound, eh? Got to pay the fine. And the license. And the inspection. And the insurance. And then it's yours man. We can work out a deal eh. I know yer good for it. But, you gotta get me some scratch, like RFN, man, cause the ex is up ta somethin man. I seen that friggin lawyer guy takin down the plate number a little while ago. And he's been parkin his fancy pussycar in her yard man. I can't understand wimmin man. That friggin little "low slung German racing machine" could fit in the back of my truck man, with the tailgate up. Ain't no good for haulin shit. Oh, it'll haul ass... and I guess hosebitch's from what I heard. But, like, how's he gonna haul firewood or get to his patch man or...oh oh, I gotta go... gnu's back. I hope he picked up some brews.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 05:25 PM

Liquor Control Board here is "The Jar Store".

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 05:51 PM

AKA Alberta Liquor Control Board years back. Then it was privatized.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 01:08 AM

I never heard the term "hoser" outside of SCTV, either before or after the Bob & Doug stuff aired.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 11:47 AM

Dale here. Bad news, Shane. My ex's lawyer, the one that slut's been runnin around with, managed to get her name on the truck as co-owner for the settlement. He paid the fine and he insured it in her name, and tried to get it out of the pound under power of a turn-a-key or somethin. But he couldn't start it cause of the kill switch I put under the seat so's I could leave the key in it on accounta I keep getting my keys took at the Legion, and so my asshole friends wouldn't be able to hide up in the woods on Sunday mornings. Friggin guys, eh? Anyway, I was at the Legion and seen that friggin prick at my truck so I called Pepsi Belliveau. I knew him when I was a kid. He's a Queen's Cowboy now. Who woulda thought, man, a Yellow Stripes out of Kingsqueer (spelling?) Youth Correction Facility. Anyway, okay, so I asked Pepsi what the frig that frigger was doin at my friggin truck and he friggin told me. So, when I found out the truck was insured, I called my cousin Del in Albert County. He told me to go the Legion and stay there. So, I just sat back down. About two hours later, a slash fire was reported up the Number 10. Everybody took off, except fer me and all the old guys at the Legion. That musta been when the gas can in the box of the truck spotaneeous combusted. Too bad, what with the Fire Station right next door with no fire truck and everyone up the Number 10 and all, except fer me and all the old guys at the Legion. Anyway, I figure half the insurance money is mine, right? So, like, when I get my half, you'll have to come up ta the camp and have a brew with me an Del. We are goin up first thing on Monday when I get out. Well, right after I go to Crapping Tire and get a couple of smoke detectors.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 12:20 PM

Geez, man, that is too flippin' bad! What a flippin' shame, eh? I had my heart set on that truck, eh? Well bygones is bygones and ya can't make a dead frog croak, eh? At least ya will get some insoorance money and get halfways even with the hosebitch, eh? Them girls are a pain. I have known plenty like her. You gotta be tough, man, cos they will walk all over you, know'm sayin'?

Well, I am feelin' great cos I gave some flowers to Officer Dana...and she SMILED at me! Like, wow, eh? I am so much in love I could shit. Well, I don't exackly mean that, but you know...

So, like, Don and me have done okay on the terms of our parole here, but fortunately Officer Dana still has to check up on us regular until the judge is totally flippin' satisfied with our behavyer, eh? This is good, because he probally will NEVER be totally stiasified, bein' a judge, and that means Officer Dana will be here just about forever.

This is majorly good!

I have to, like, describe her, eh? Officer Dana is a female OPP officer and she looks great. She is in great shape, eh? She's build like a flippin' athleet, like one of them dkeathlon runners or somepn'. She is blond, real nice haircut, sorta wavy. Her uniform fits like a flippin' glove and is always super clean with real shiny boots. She can drive like flippin' Steve McQueen, man! This babe is totally boss, eh? She wears a gun, of course, but she won't let me try it out. Too bad. I have been hopin' to get her to join me and the buddies shootin' at tin cans over by the dump, eh? But she won't do it. Somepn' about the regulations, eh?

She has gotta follow all them rules, but I guess that is what keeps her in shape, and lemme tell ya, she is IN shape! You can take that to the flippin' bank, eh?

Don tried to put a move on her, and she had him in a armlock so fast that he never seen it comin' at all. After she left, I broke his flippin' nose. That was awhile back, and we wasn't talkin' for weeks and I even moved out, but now we are good buddies again. mostly. You can't turn your back on a brother, man. Specially a brother who is, like, employed, eh, know'm sayin'?

Well, I will fer sure come out fer a visit when I get my next cheqwue fer the newspaper stories. I am doin' one on health food stores now, and it should be flippin' hillarious!

Stay cool, Dale!

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM

Hey Shane. Dale here. Gnu's out gettin hot dogs fer the Last Supper. That's what we call it. We always have a big fancy BBQ on Friday's on accounta I gotta be at the lockup fer six o'clock. Anyway, check this out man. Bring Officer Dana when you come. I'm plannin on askin Corporal Daylia if she's on duty this weekend. Dana sounds just like her, man. Hey. Maybe they are sisters? That'd be, like, major eh? But I am gonna be straight up with her and tell her we ain't takin no rulebook. If she don't wanna partake none she don't haffta, but we ain't goin up ta the camp without some Moose Green and some Alpine, ya know what I'm sayin eh? The girls I goes with roll, and, if they don't roll, they can friggin roll, friggin right eh? Friggin right yer friggin right. Okay, so, let me know when youse guys are comin up and I'll throw another Spruce in the stew.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 01:15 PM

Far flippin' OUT, man! I will let ya know when we can, like, come.

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 09:19 AM

Wade got out yesterday. But he's gotta stay at a haveway house until October. And no booze or baccee. I wonder if he'll turn over an old leaf in October?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 02:45 PM

Hey Shane. Del here. I got hungry on the way home and stopped at gnu's but he ain't here, so I'll just leeve an IOU on the counter. Besides, even I know enuff ta put safety glass in my basement windows. Well, since I misslocated my toes. Take my advise and always ware steel tow boots when yer workin. Anyway, Dale told me your a stand-up guy and that he invited you up at the camp. So you must be a good head. Minds me, I just heard on the radio that Wade got out yesterday. He's gotta stay in a haveway house until October. And no drinkin or nothin. And we can't even friggin visit him. What the frig is with the frig that man? But, in October man, look out man. That would be a good time to come up at the camp. We can have some Spaniels eh. Ya gotta live here ta get em eh. Get it? Ta get em eh? Spaniels eh? The big ones with horns eh? Okay, like, keep it under yer somebrarow eh? Get it? So anyway, like I was gonna say, I heard you are lookin fer a truck. So, like, what kinda truck you lookin for? I probly know someone who has one, like, fer sale and I could, ya know, pick it up and deliver it to you at the nearest Legion or Tim's or someplace. And, sinse you are a good head and all, I will get a real good deal for you. And no worry about reggestratin it in Ontarreeo, on accounta the plates are still good and I got the reggestrashun from Dale's wallet. Okay, I gotta go weed Dale's gardens while he is on vacasion in the Greybar Hotel. Later homes. Get it? Spaniels eh? Somebrarow eh? Homes eh? I am the funny one in the famalee eh. Alrite, addeeose. Get it?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 01:34 PM

Far flippin' OUT, man! Wade is my hero, eh? He is THE MAN. 50,000 flippin' boottles of beer, eh? Holy flip. That's a score to be, like, proud of. I will come out there just as soon as I can. Fer srue, eh? We gotta party with Wade one a these days, Del.

I go with IOU's too, eh? I been givin' em out fer years to everyone that will still take 'em. The possibliites in this town are gettin' slim, though, for some reason...

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 10:53 AM

That last post was me, eh? I, like, fergot to long in. We can't let this thread flippin' die, eh?

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 12:25 PM

Dale here. Cpl. Daylia said she wants ta come up at the camp as long as we don't smoke in side the camp on accounta she a lergic and can't be near certain kinds a smokes. She says if she even gets the smell on her clothes it could cause her a lot of trouble. I am really happy she said yes and she is keen on meeting Dana too. Did Dana have parents? You know, like, was she an orphin? Just askin eh. Anyway man, we are goin up at the camp in stile. When I got home this mornin, I heard a noise in the barn and guess what man. Del was in the barn with my new wheels. He said he got a real good deal an we can work somethin out when I get the insurance money on the old truck. It's one of them little Suzis with all the trim and, get this man, a 2.2 leeter Chrisler Circus engine. All it needs is a new ignition. Del says it will haul ass man but I haven't tried it yet on accounta Del threw in a paint job at no extra cost and the paint is still wet. He stayed up all night workin on it just so it would be ready fer when I got released. He even got it reggeestrated in my name already. He is the best cousin a cousin could have man. Well, while were waitin on the paint ta dry, I gotto go to the Manpower and see if there's any jobs on the board and then get my card signed by anyone that won't hire me. Then, we're gonna take my new wheels ta the legion and show em off eh. And have a few games of crib. Goes without sayin eh? Later man.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:03 AM

Corporial Daylia is a lergic? Is that some kind of church thing? Can you, like, be a cop and work for the church at the same time? That would be cool, cos 2 saleries, eh?

Office Dana ain't no orphin, man, she loves her family. They seem to be okay people, but she is the first cop in the family, eh? Her dad has a hardware business and her mom works there too. Forchunitely it ain't the one me and Don busted into before we got arrested, eh? That would not be too cool. We hadda return all the tools and the box of 20 toilet plungers we took.

Del sounds like a cool guy who knows his stuff, eh? He was real nice to do that free paint job. I know what ya mean about applyin' fer jobs what won't hire you, know'm sayin'? I been doin' that fer years. One fliphead HIRED me one time! Can you believe that? Forchunately he fired me 3 days later, but I plea bargooned and he laid me off instead.

Speakin' of which, I been tryin' to get laid off by various women too, but you know women. they are always holdin' out for somethin', only I am not sure exackly what it is. If I found out, then I could, like, strategise better, eh?

What am I sayin'?!! The truth is, I am totally flippin' beseeged by willing females who want to flip me desparately, eh? I can't hardly keep up with it.

Well, I would be, but I don't wanta get Officer Dana mad, cos I am in lvoe with her. By the way, Dana is her last name. Her first name is Jennifer. What a great name, eh? She is the best.

Have fun with yer new wheels, man!

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 07:08 AM

Dale here. Oh man. You ain't gonna believe this. Pepe told me that Cpl. Daylia ain't no orphin. And she ain't a lergic neither. He says it's all part of her cover up on accounta she's from J Division in Fredericton. I was septic at first cause somethin smelled funny. Them Queens cowboys ride together right man, know what I'm sayin? I asked Pepe why he told me cause I figured he had the hots for CD. That's what I call her, CD. Pretty good eh? Anyway, I figured Pepe was after her and wanted me out of the way. But, get this man. He saw her see Del flick his bic, man. And she didn't do nothin. So, Pepe asked why and she said fer him to keep quiet or she would tell everyone about him being up at the Facility. So when I put two and two side by each, I felt like a trout in shallow water man. So I ain't gonna get reeled in by CD. I'm spittin out that hook man. Anyway, Del and I walked home from the Legion on accouta he wouldn't let me drive. And I only had, like, two eh? I mean, you only count how many in the last hour, right? Anyway, my new wheels got stolen. And Del just disappeerd. Can't say as I blame him after what Pepe told me. And the insurance company called this morning and said they won't pay up on accounta unsafe veehical modifcatin with the gas can in the box. And Wade called and said his paroll offcer said he can't visit us for two years. And my cousin Don called and told me the deer ate everything in my gardens. And hosebitch's lawyer called and said my camp and my bike were gonna be included in the settlement on accounta she went up at the camp with me and I took her for a ride on the bike. Even thow it was only once, they are considerd martial property. And my case counseller called and said she found me a job. And no gettin fired this time or I gotta serve full time and not just weekends. Can you friggin believe this man? I gotta friggin go to work man. Frig. Life sucks and then you die eh man. Know what I mean? Keep yer head up and yer stick on the ice eh. Later man.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM

Del here. Man I am bummed. I just got a call from Dale about the bad luck man. Man, if it wasn't fer bad luck, he wouldn't have none eh. Havin ta go to work eh? Frig me. He had to take a job at the Irving as a pump monky. Life sucks eh? He was so disstrot that he wanted to go back to jail full time so he pumped a bunch a gas fer his buddies fer IOU's and they didn't even fire him cause they said the IOU's were okay as a first mistake. I told him to make like he was dum and let it go. I figger they are in kahoots with that hosebitch CD and she wants him fer ta be out, right. So she can get a head. Get it man? Get a head eh. Get it? I told you I was the card in the famillee. So anyway man, they put him on B&B, that's broom and bucket down east eh, and stockin shelfs and whatnot ware he will always be in camera. So, like, I asked him ta draw me a floor layout on accounta I was thinking bout openin up a store, eh. They got a NBLCC Agency there an they even got a big walk right in beer fridge. So, they must take a lot of cash in. And that's the kind of place I wanna open up. Anyway, like, I got a lot a work ta do. I gotta pop an engine, tranny, wheels, shocks, axles, the works man. I am havin a yard sale and there's only so many hours left before dark. Don't let the ref see ya. Later man.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 12 Aug 05 - 09:24 PM

Holy FlIP! Bad flippin' news, eh? That is real tough, Dale. Man, I wisht I could help, eh? Maybe I could, like, send yer boss a letter tellin' him you are a totally, like, unreliable fliphead who will steal and that you have been flippin' his daugther anyway on the side.

Yeah. That oughta do it.

Send me the address of the place and the name of yer boss. I will lose you that job, man, before you can flippin' say..."Flip ME!!!"

Del, you sound like the kinda guy to have around, eh? Them yard sales are the way to go for raisin' quick cash. Way to go, eh?

Man, that is a real bummer about CD. OUch! YOur heart must be busted real bad, eh, Dale? Total bummer. I feel for ya, man. Officer Dana wouldn't never betray me like that, but she does sorta keep an eye to see I don't, like, get inta trouble again. That is a hassel but its' okay. I know she has good intentions, and I am willin' to suffer for love. I gotta prove myself to her. That means: no more beer store breakins. No more serious public drunkeness that gets me kicked outta the bars. No more "borrowin'" snowmobiles and other stuff like that from people I don't know that good that live in the towns around here.

It ain't easy, man.

BDiBR (Sb\hane)

p.s. I GOTTA meet Wade some day. He is my hero.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Aug 05 - 09:34 AM

Hey Shane. Dale here. Good to hear from you man. I appreshiate yer kind offer of a letter to my boss, but I don't need it no more. My parole officer told me that I don't have ta go ta weekend lock up if I am working and keep outta trouble and don't leave town when I am not at work. So, I am working seven days a week and get this man, I like it. It ain't hard work. There ain't no flies. And best of all, it's air condishoned. I have never seen so many nipples in my life man. Like, toob tops and mini skirts are back eh man. And, I didn't know half of the fluff what comes in here man. I thought all the girls in town went to the Sarrday nite dance at the Legion, but I was way off on that one. And my boss made me shave and dress respectful and talk nice even to people I never met. So, like, even people who know me are bein nice and talking to me and tellin me they are happy to see me straten out my life. There is one thing that burns me ass tho. I got paid yesterday and guess what man. They kept a bunch of my money. I'm serious man. Income tax, and a buncha stuff I couldn't make out, but I didn't say nothin on accounta I don't want them ta know this is my first real job. I know what EI is, but what the frig is with CPP and all that other stuff eh? Anyway, I done jobs before but I never had one eh? I gotta tell Del that one. He thinks he is real funny eh. Anyway, bout CD, I think Del was right. I am just like you on the suffrin, so it took me a while to get over her, but all the new fluff is helping big time ya know eh? On accounta it's nippy in the Irving, get it? I gotta tell lugnut that one to. Del said he is looking ta open up a conveeniant store like the Irving, so I am gonna learn all I can so I can help him out. I am sure I can do just as good a job as my boss does. How that bolthole got his job I will never know. I mean, like, if you had the keys to a place like this, would just leave them lyin on the desk while the janiter cleaned yer office? Anyway, I gotta go on accounta I am not supposed to use the computer in my bosses office and he should be back at ten thirty five sharp, accordin ta my notes. Don't drop yer gloves til ya get at least one in eh? Later lad.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 Aug 05 - 09:52 AM

Woo! Holy flip, Dale, you are up early, eh? No, wait, its' eealerier in New Brunswick, ain't it. ARe you on Atalantic time? Well, I am up early today because some flippin' bird was yellin' outside the window and I got up fer some reason. Looks like it will be a great day in the little town, eh? The sun is shinin'. Man, it is a flippin' good thing I did not send that letter, eh? I wrote it all down last night, but I didn't have the right address, so I just left it for general deelivery in yer town in New Brunswick. Now I don't see it nowhere. That's strange. Maybe Don took it or somethin'. I dont' know why he would, though. Well, anyway, I guess it dont' matter now, cos you are happy with the job.

I get the point about the nipples, man. Way cool. Maybe I shoud, like, get a job in a place like that.

Me and Don had a plan once to open an Inconvenience Store in town. It would only be open on variable hours, maybe 3 hours a day, different each day, dependin' on whne we felt like it, and wouldn't stock nothin' good. Ha! JOke, eh?

I am glad to hear you are doin' good, man. Way to go.

Look, I got an idea to sell home made hats and T-shirts, eh? They say, "Free Sex! Apply Here." and they have a arrow pointin' down, eh? Like down at the lower body, know'm sayin'? Pretty cool, eh? Whaddya think?

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Aug 05 - 11:01 AM

Hey Shane. Dale back at ya. Frig man. Waaaay cool! That is a great idea! You are friggin good man. Send me a bunch a them shirts on assinement and I can sell em at the Irving for ya. As long as I can have one for free. But don't send no hats on accounta there's a kinda conotashun what might not go over very good with the lads eh. Know what I mean eh? Like, you know them guys what butter there bread on the other side eh? Not that I know any right? I mean, I don't care what kinda hat anyone wares, but, all the guys on my team ware black skates man. You know what I'm sayin eh? I mean, if ya ware one a them hats like the kids do, bassackwards n all, people are gonna talk eh? And sometimes after a real fast tool on the Honda at night, ya ferget ta turn yer hat around. So, it could be bad. So anyway, I gotta go quick man cause bolthole will be back from the Co-op in five minutes. Here is my address man. It's Shane, Salmon River, New Brunswick, F0C 0F2. Stop the puck first and worry bout the pain later eh. Later eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 15 Aug 05 - 07:46 AM

Hey Shane. Dale here. I know why Don took that letter man. Bolthole went to the post office across the street at 08:01 as usual and I was gonna use his computer but some kid dropped a Slerpee and I had ta clean it up. Some lucky because he came flyin back in all excited. He never went to Tim's for his large double-double and honey-bran muffin. He had some mail in his hand and he pointed at me and said "My office, now." He told me to sit down and then he read your letter out loud and asked me if it was true. I said, well, yeah, kinda, and before I could say anything about the fact that I would never touch his daughter because everyone knew that the reason he and Mrs. Bolthole only had one kid was on accounta she was so ugly they never had sex again, he says that he thinks I should come at his house for supper and meet his missus. Then he says that because I haven't swiped any stuff, it shows that I am ternin over a new life, and that he wants to learn me the ropes in the family business, on accounta I mite be family some day. I am finally being seen as for my potency. Ain't it funny how things work out sometimes man? That letter really paid off eh. And I don't mind datin Coyote. She's really nice and smart and she can carry a hindquarter as big as any man ever did. Like, I got eyelids eh. Ya know what I'm sayin eh? Anyway, the big shooter went to Tim's for java and bits for the hole staff and he should be back soon so I gotta git. Keep er twixt the ditches eh. Later eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 05 - 09:24 AM

So, I get on the train in Skagway, on the White Pass and Yukon RR, ya know? And I'm ridin' the train when we pass this little ol' squatty shed with the US flag and the Maple Leaf flag in front of it. On the front it says "RCMP." Turns our we had gone into Canada. That li'l ol' shed was where the Mounties had their HQ during the the days of the Chilkoot Trail, back when all the US people were tryin' to bring Civilization to Canada and all they asked for was a little gold in return. And the Mounties set up a Maxim gun!!

Anyway, we go to Fraser, BC and then a bus takes us to Whitehorse, YT. Ya ever been in Whitehorse? For that matter, when was the last time you were in the Yukon?

Everybody was wearing parkas and mukluks and Sorels. We stayed a "Chez Igloo" and the taxi had six dogs. The money was funny, honey, but the toilets were pretty much like real toilets, only they worked better. Everyone seemed to like US cartoons though, 'cuz they all talked about "loonie" and "toonie."

That was were I learned to recognize a Canada goose. A Canada goose goes "Honk, eh?" Or the goosee goes "EEEEEEEEEK! eh?"

Then we went back to Fraser and then back to Skagway on the WP&YRR. It sure was good to see the palm trees and sunshine again after the blizzards and pack ice of Canada! And it happened right there at that little ol' shack, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Aug 05 - 05:43 PM

Flip! Don sent the flippin' letter??? Man you have gotta watch that bolthole like a flippin' hawk, eh? He gets these ideas. Like the time he tried to put the moves on my lady love, eh? All that got him was a sore arm, a busted nose, and a cracked rib. Ha Ha! And I busted his startocaster too..the one he borrowed from someone over in Espanola who wasn't home at thetime. Well, he had it comin' because he busted my acoostic guitar too. Over my flippin' head! That was not a good night. Well, it is all in the past now, cos I love him like a brother, eh? Cos he IS my brother. And some days I cuoudl gladly run a road paiver mahcine over him too. It dpenends.

I am glad the lletter turned out okay and you got a girlfriend out of it too. Man, I am definitely lviin' under a lucky star, eh? Just like Jeezus, man. Maybe they will write gospels about ME some day! Wow, eh? Maybe there will be convennts full of nuns who, like, devote their lives to worshippin' me, eh? Heavy...

Hey, Rap, all that stuff about the Yukon has got me ithchin' for the North. I gotta talk to Officer Dana and see if I can get the parole board to, like, sponsor me on a trip up there to, like, cownsel the native youth or somethin'...so's they get on the right path in life, eh? I woudl be good for that, cos I have done a lot of stupid things and made most of the mistakes that a person CAN make and I am still here, eh? That means I am flippin' majorly KWALIFIED to advice people on all that stuff, right?

I am gonna talk to her about it next chance I get. As a flippin' idea this one has merrit. Fer sure.

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 16 Aug 05 - 12:48 PM

Dale here. That sounds like a great idea man. Usin yer life skills ta help others and gettin a free trip up north. That's usin yer noggin. The farthest north I ever bin is Doaktown on accounta I missed the turn one night. The road is straight all the way to Doaktown and it was rainin and I didn't have reverse, so I thought, frig that man, I ain't crawlin under this friggin thing in the friggin rain in the friggin dark all alone with no friggin brakes. I ain't stupid eh. It was okay cause they got a beer store there so I didn't run out er nothin. Anyway, I gotta tell ya man. After supper last night, I see Coyote in a new light. She done all the cookin and it was good eats. After supper, she offered ta help me change the tires on my Foreman. She lifted it up fer the blocks and never even took a deep breath. And she lost a lotta weight too. She is built like a brick shithouse man. I figger, with her old man's money, she could even get nose jobs fer all the kids too. That's right, I am shittin with love man. And, he is makin good on his word too. He is teachin me about computers and bank statements and margerines and a hole lotta other stuff. Anyway, I gotta make like the birds and flock off on accounta I have ta copy a hole bunch a figures from one book to another. The boss says every good bizness man keeps two sets of books. I suppose that is fer if ya lose one set. Hammer down, head up eh? Later eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Aug 05 - 04:06 PM

Far flippin' out, Dale. YOu are the Man and now you have a Woman who IS a woman. Totally decent! It is great to talk to a guy that has got his flippin' head on strait, know what I'm sayin'? Well, I figger to talk to Officer Dana this afternoon and see what can be done, eh?

We are two lucky guys, Dale, you and me. I just sent of f another article to the papers and it was about pollitics, eh? I am recommendin' that Don Cherry run fer prime Minsiter ASAP and get this flippin' country ON TRACK! He can do it. I don't care what party he runs for neither. It don't matter. With Don Cherry in command this country will kick ass! George Bush will think twice about invadin' Blind River then. Damn straight. And Quebec will either shape up or SHIP OUT! I figger my aftricle witll start a ground smell of public opinion that will sweep Don Cheryy into high office in this country in a year or less.

Later, eh?

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM

Isn't Don Cherry someone like Don Ho?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Aug 05 - 08:54 PM

Gimme a break, man! You gotta be, like, jokin', eh? At least I hope so cos otherwise you are beyond flippin' HOPE.

Don Cherry is tthe greatest hockey commutator in history, that's all. He rules!!!

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 16 Aug 05 - 08:59 PM

The next Prime Minister.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 17 Aug 05 - 06:53 AM

Don Who is Cherry's sidekick. Geeze oh eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 05 - 09:25 AM

Well, hell, I dunno. Hockey isn't real big in a state which is mostly vertical. They tried it here once, only everyone kept sliding to the downhill end. Caused no end of fights and two of the guys had to get married afterwards. Then they tried it using seat belts, only that didn't work at all.

Of course, a good chunk of Idaho is "high desert" country, and they were playing on rocks instead of ice. That could have had a lot to do with the confusion about the puck, too.

Anyway, we do rodeo out here. Lots of cowboys and cowgals from around the US come, and REAL men and women from Canada join them and compete against them -- and sometimes win, too. Them guys on ice skates, triple-axeling and pas-de-dooing around the ice, couldn't begin to cut it on the back of a bronc or a bull when they pull the plug and the eight seconds starts.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 09:00 AM

I think Scotty Hamilton could. And Curt Browning. Definitely Tawnya Harding. And lots more. I don't know about Toler Cranston, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 09:13 AM

Yeah, well, I can just see Scotty Hamilton lugging an elk hindquarter outa one of the canyons up in the River Of No Return wilderness. Spangles all over the meat....

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: robomatic
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 10:11 AM

Hosers are useful because they help make Alaskans look sober, intelligent, and handsome - - a little further up that road!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 02:18 PM

Guy #1: "Holy FlIP! Look at the bazongas on that babe! I wonder if she's got, like, them implants?"

Guy #2: "I don't know. Alaska."

Har! Har! Funny, eh?

Here's another one...fer when ya pass by a graveyard...

"People are dyin' to get in there, eh?"

Har! Har! Har!

I got a million of 'em.

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Cluin
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 06:34 PM

I'll give ye 2 bucks to keep `em to yourself.

Or at least go annoy people with them down at Hortons and spare the rest of us.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 06:42 PM

Don't you go badmouthin' Tim Hortons! Why, when I was in Whitehorse I would have frozen and starved to death were it not for Tim Horton's. Only edible food in Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Cluin
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 06:49 PM

"...Doughnuts from the dead hockey player
Coffee from the steaming pits of Hell..."
                                           ~~James Gordon

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 05:48 PM

Del here. Don't mind that hoser what can't be Cluin in ta our humour eh Shane. You got the ticket man. The hot ticket eh. Get it? You are a hot ticket eh man. You and I are castin the same fly eh. Ya gotta ignore the retractors man. Else ya wouldn't be on the cuttin edge a humour eh. Get it? Cuttin? Humour? I am the cut up in the family man. You and I should get together after you come back from up north and write some stuff fer one a them TV shows or maybe a flick man. That would be hawsome man. Get it ? Haw some? HAW! Anyway, the reason I am rightin is on accounta Dale is actin weird man. He called me and said he was turnin over a new life and he is hooked up with Coyote. Coyote! I mean, I'm not as innocent as I look neither eh. But all of them was, like, duty, right? Ya know what I'm sayin, right? Sicosimpathetic eh? I try to be a nice guy, right? I got eyelids too, but, like, I blink right? Okay, so, like, anyway, I think Dale is gettin reeled in again eh. Soon as she squeezes out a few pups, he will be back at pumpin gas. Mark my word man. You got a good woman but you are lucky. Dale never had no such luck with the fair sex, unless he paid the fare eh. Get it? I am goin up ta Kent County and straten that lad out as soon as I get the rest of these here trucks sold. Geeze I hate havin ta sell em for parts, but getting em reregistrated is such a hassle eh. OK, like, I gotta git cause it will be dark soon and I got a full night of work on accounta it is a full moon and all eh. Tight lines and strate shootin eh. Later eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 06:22 PM

Listen up, man. New joke:

Whaddya call three blondes, standin' in a row?



A 6-pack of Lite.


Har! Har! Har! Har! Har!


Then there was this skank I met the other day. I couldnt' get her off my mind. She was so ugly, I started havin' dry dreams about her every night!

Har! Har! Har! Har!

Geez. I snorted beer through my nose,eh? That is rank.

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 06:52 PM

Frig man. I near nosewoofed too man. You are way friggin yellow linin it man. Peddal to the metal eh. Across the line eh. Buckel up an no me's in the trees eh. Later eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:04 PM

waht all this about? eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:10 PM

It's like, Little Hawk an' gnu are like barfin' through their noses at each other, man, and blaming it on the compass. Y'ever see such a thing??


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:25 PM

You have to actually GO to Blind River, Amos, and spend at least one weekend there. Go to the Iron Horse Tavern on Friday night. Then you will understand.

The late Rick Fielding played Blind River and lived to tell the tale!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 10:05 PM

Yeah? Ya got any sheilas up there or did they all leave town searching for the brain cell?


All right, all right. I yam sorry -- I'll come for the weekend but only if you're there to show me around!!! MEbbe we'll do some impromptu Shatner tunes together, hey? How'd that be?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 11:04 PM

What a great idea! Look, ya gotta come to Orillia first, and I'll show you around the town from which Gordon Lightfoot sprang. Then we go north, north, north, and a bit west to Blind River. We see if we can survive one weekend there. We visit Shane and get totally flippin' wasted. Beauty, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: RangerSteve
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 10:23 AM

My band plays a lot of Canadian fiddle tunes. We are forever grateful. Even to the French Canadians.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 09:45 AM

I just got back from me camp. Had a lovely time. Even though Dale wasn't up. Odd. I must ring him and find out what he is up to those days.

The neighbours had their annual Games Day and there was a big crowd... even had a hoser all the way from The Big Smoke. Lots of booze and eats of all sorts and great banter and sing alongs around the roaring fire. I went to bed at midnight, after watching a Great Horned Owl hunt rabbits in my yard for a half-hour. It never got any. Them little buggers can jump!!... and they can do zero to 60 in fuck all flat!! I also enjoyed singing on the porch of my camp at 05:10h. I wasn't even yelled at. Most of them had, have, or will have, hangovers.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 05:48 PM

Humph. I've never had a hangover in Canada. Never. I don't think that they're allowed. Either that or they water the booze a lot.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 09:09 PM

That's par fer the course, Rap. If ya wake up with a hangover, yer sober. And, if yer sober, ya ain't been drinkin hoser style. The key is ta stay just like ya bin doin... stay drunk and ya won't git no hangfovers... in Canuckville or anywhere else. Keep yer lizards in yer pockets, Yankee boys. Later eh.