BS: Cow Abductions?

Subject: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 01:52 PM

A friend told me about this website and I failed to believe her: udderly fantastic

Now I'm a believer!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 01:54 PM

Holy cow man!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 02:00 PM

It must be true -- nothing displayed when I went there.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 02:01 PM

I went thrice and each time it said that the number of abductions was 0,013,474. I think someone is playing a trick.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Kaleea
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 02:52 PM

try placing your cursor near the top of the cow's tail. then do it again.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 03:01 PM

Well... it's still daylight here. Aliens don't abduct cows during the daytime.

Wait until dark....

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: MMario
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 03:09 PM

horrors - total abduction now over 13568!

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: number 6
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 03:58 PM

I'm sure the culprits are biker gangs ... gotta be.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 04:27 PM

Funny! Now if only they would start abducting Republicans and Democrats too. The hardcore ones, I mean. It could only help matters down here.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 04:38 PM

Finally explains why the price of beef is sky high.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 04:51 PM

I suppose that is what they mean by raising the steaks....

I'll get me milking stool...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: GUEST,Brass Monkey
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 04:57 PM

Well I live in the middle east and there ain't no cows here, there never have been, so can someone explain where they get all their beef? And what about all the fresh cow's milk? I think we now know who is responsible for cattle terrorism.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 05:01 PM

Dear GUEST, Brass Monkey,

Uh, I have to ask: when the weather gets really really cold, uh, does it actually, well, uh, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 05:07 PM

The places where there are no cows now used to have lots of cows. That was before the abductions.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: lady penelope
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 05:10 PM

South Park had the right of it all along.........

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 05:18 PM

Bet me to it, Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 05:21 PM

Note, for instance, the dearth of cows in Antarctica. They've all been abducted! It was easier for the aliens to abduct them there first, because there were so few people around to notice. Now the aliens are forced to abduct cows in more heavily settled areas, due to the increasing shortage of bovine abductees.

But why, why do they not abduct lawyers?

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 07:01 PM

I'll have to admit that I spent 6 years in Boston and never saw a cow. This despite historical records and remaining visible evidence, that any fool can see, all of which affirms and confirms that all of Boston's streets were originally designed and put in place by grazing cows.

I was almost fooled once, when I came upon a section of one street that appeared to proceed for nearly 200 yards in a nominally straight line. It seemed totally incomprehensible that a cow, or even a herd of cows, could proceed in one direction in even an approximately straight line for such a distance. This apparent anomaly was explained by a *native Bostonian - as being the site of the annual Cow Derby many years ago. And I was compelled to concede that real cows I had seen did appear to proceed more or less in a straight line when stampeded or when otherwise proceeding in large groups at more than common speed.

* I know he was a native, and hence likely to be knowledgeable on the subject, as he offered to sell me a copy of a facsimile of a reproduction of an artists rendition of a genuine historical document attesting to what he said. I was, unfortunately pressed for time and hence unable to follow him into the alley where he assured me he could retrieve the desired document from his brother to show it to me.

I even found confirmation that this explanation was likely correct a few years ago when I encountered The International Holstein Racing Society in their camp down in Winfield Kansas. (Although they looked more like a bunch of dulcimists than like cowboys or other dealers in livestock, they did demonstrate a profound knowledge of livestock "residuals.")

That the city of Boston may once have had sufficient cows to make all it's crooked cowpath streets, and yet have none remaining anywhere in evidence, can only be explained by massive numbers of abductions extending over a period of a century or more. This CANNOT BE A NEW PHENOMENON!!!!

John

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 08:19 PM

You've got me convinced, John. I bet it's been going on since Biblical times.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Mar 06 - 10:58 PM

You would think that we'd at least get something in return, such as coat hangers or a sock or two.

Maybe there is something to click that reverses the process.

Or maybe we'd just get more BS!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 12:51 AM

Charley--what about all those dead pens (biros) that lay around every home and office. I'll bet that's what they're trading for the cows...

Lin

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 12:52 AM

Did anyone else notice that if you move your pointer to where the cow is about to be and abduction occurs of the cow that wasn't there yet. Whoever, or whatever, is responsible is obviously very advanced, and capable of manipulating time-warps in their abductions. This leads to the possibility that "they" are in fact recently arrived, but used time warps to abduct cows from our past. Of course, if they used such a time warp, they were here in our past even if they only arrived recently...

LH -

I believe it was during my fourth year in Boston that I did see a rather large and bulky "animal" moving about on the Boston Common. I was unable to get close enough for positive identification before it disappeared; but it could have been a cow?. All those to whom I described the creature's appearance insisted it was probably "just a 'Cliffie in winter plumage" but I was never fully convinced...

John

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Peace
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 12:56 AM

Did it look like this, JIC?

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 01:11 AM

It might have been a freshman nurse...

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 01:16 AM

Peace -

People are always coming up with photos that they cite as proof, but invariably to the unbiased observer they're inconclusive. While your photo looks a bit like a cow an impartial observer would likely have to concede that from a distance it could look like a 'Cliffie. Conversely, the "animal" I observed was seen at sufficient distance that even if it was the fabled "'Cliffie in winter plumage" your picture - seen from a similar distance - would have looked about the same.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Brass Monkey
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 03:40 AM

No, Peace,
Father Christmas doesn't come to the middle east, not with reindeer or cows for that matter. In fact he is positively banned.

The temperature sometimes falls to about 2C in the desert during December and January.
It rained yesterday, for about 5 mins, it rained for about 15 mins last month, they're the only times it has rained in the past 10 months.

There is no grass for cows, except at the golf course which uses 25% of Qatar's desalinated water, but I haven't spotted any cows yet. I can only guess that most of the other 75% of desalinated water is used to maintain their enclosed air conditioned paddocks full of abducted cows. I will try to investigate more and keep you posted.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Pied Piper
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 06:26 AM

Abduction is perhaps the wrong word as there is evidence that the Cows are attracting the attention of the aliens with Cow Formations.

PP

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Brass Monkey
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 07:22 AM

Yes we often see strange black and white forms in the desert.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 10:10 AM

Pied Piper-

Cow formations?

Anyone who grew up on a dairy farm knows that cows contradance, and that's exactly what your images show. It's hard to tell if they're dancing to "Get Along Home There, Cindy" or "Cow Paddy Fling."

One of the side effects of such dancing, we observed the next morning, was a thicker milk product, the consistency of a frappe.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 12:12 PM

I submit that this has been going on for generations now, and that it is represented in folklore, much like the Black Death was in "Ring a, Ring a Rosey"......I refer, of course, to "The Cow Jumped Over the Moon"...

I suggest that sample cows in hard-hit areas be fitted with miniture GPS devices to allow tracing of vectors in future abductions, and that the Hubble telescope be used to focus on the convergence of the vectors to see what is out there! We cannot just sit idly by while Bossy goes Nova!

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Brass Monkey
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 12:50 PM

There seem to be a huge shortage of pigs around here. Has anyone come across cases of mysteriously appearing pork chops?

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Brass Monkey
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 12:52 PM

For every action there is a counter reaction. For every negative a positive. For every bossy nova a wholly black entity where into everything disappears.
Socks of course, are a prime example of this.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 02:11 PM

Odd that the extratesticles would focus on cows. The only success they ever had, correct me if I am wrong, in brain-washing cows and sending them back was Mrs O'Leary's cow. You would think that such a low success rate would lead them to devlope a better program.

Unless... they actually were successful and have simply been stockpiling the brain-washed abductees for an assault of demic proportions. Might we be in for a cowdemic? Imagine a world full of mad cows.

I implore you all, BBQ before it's too late.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Brass Monkey
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 02:13 PM

OK, so own up. Where's this big BBQ happening?

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 02:20 PM

At your place. Fire up the Barbie. I'll be there shortly. There's no time to waste.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Peace
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 02:22 PM

Watch for signs in the night sky.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 03:11 PM

Are we burning Barbies? Great. They have unnatural proportions and no nipples or genitalia, so no great loss...

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 09:50 AM

Now I believe that them "extratesticles" are trying to achieve what we and the Ruskies were competing to do back in the 1960's, be the first nation to shoot the first herd around the world.

But then maybe we have milked this thread for all it's worth...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 12:41 PM

Charley -

Wasn't that "the first herd shot around the world"... ?

John

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abduct-Tapes?
From: Severn
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 01:21 PM

So who's the "Cattlist" behind all this change?

Who's worshipping our cows, and do they send their High Priests to Bovinity School?

Why do they leave our fields bare and leave us with an un-herd-of blank anguish?

If you've beefed up yer security and securitied up yer beef against these fiends, how cud they still manage to get pasture?

Maybe, it's just when you enter the Farmer's Hall Of Fame they retire your Jersey, so check the rafters....

But if you have any information (See he Cows-In-Formation pictures posted earlier) about these mysteries, please notify the FBI Cow Tipper Hotline.

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Peace
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 01:22 PM

If they have mad cow disease, would it then be "the fist shot-herd around the world"?

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 02:58 PM

I'm not sure I'm in the Moooo...d for all this.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Kaleea
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 03:12 PM

Some people ask why cows instead of, say, lawyers or politicians, etc. Need they be reminded that the aliens are looking for intelligent life?

Subject: RE: BS: Cow Abductions?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 03:17 PM

Severn-

If you'd string all your bovinial puns in a row, you just might have a song. You'd still have to have a dairy air to sing it though...

John-

You're absolutely right. I t should be "the first herd shot around the world."

You know if we manage to shoot enough cows up in the air, one of them might come down and sink a Japanese fishing trawler: A Cowardly Act

Cheerily,
Charley Noble