BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada

Subject: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM

Hi, folks. Well, I have sobered up and done some serious thinking. I need a change of scene to pick up my spirits. In 24 hours, I leave my Chicago office behind and head for a whirlwind tour of Ontario, Canada for 10 days. The "Great White North"! It's spring there now and I hear that the crocuses are blooming. Good. I will be visiting London first, where a former client of mine has a guest room waiting for me.

Then on to Toronto for a look around the big city. I plan to climb the CN tower, do the "Kong" think, you know, as a tribute to The King...

I look forward to a great time and to report back to you my insights on Canada from a simian viewpoint.

I hear the food in smaller Ontario centers like London, Barrie, and Peterborough sucks. To say nothin' of Blind River. (GAAAAGH!) There's a serious lack of fresh tropical fruit there. What I figure to do is stock up big in Toronto first, and take the best food with me from there in a large cooler.

I'll report in from time to time, let you all know how it's going.

Kreegah! Don't forget to pull hard on that grapevine before you trust it to get you across the canyon.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:25 PM

Chongo,

As a first time traveler to Canada, remember that your hand guns and other personal weapons will be confiscated at the border. No pepper spray, brass knuckles, for either hands or feet and above all no switch blade bananas will be allowed.

Also While there are obviously no tropical fruits, the local vegitation in the spring will have tender juicy parts that you can eat. I've noticed from your cases that you have been known as one who sometimes eats, shoots, and leaves.

Hope you find this info usefull,

JTS, DAVUTC,STD
Deputy Assistant Vice Underminister Tourism Canada, Simian Travel Directorate.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: number 6
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:27 PM

Jeeezuz ... at least you won't be there in May ... that's when we are going back for a visit ... an anxiety attack kicked in when I saw the thread title.

Anyway ... enjoy ithe trip Chongo ... BTW, there is nothing out here in New Brunswick that will interest ya.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:29 PM

You should try the poutine, Chongo. If you smile sweetly, you might be able to get them to put some bananas on top.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:30 PM

Do be careful around Orillia if you get that far...I hear there are some pretty strange denizens in them parts.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:32 PM

This is what the local apes eat. Food fit fo an ape
You can see them lined up as early as 6 AM.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM

Chongo, if you wear your best suit and tie you will fit right in.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:35 PM

Will you be in Ottawa to visit your relatives?

Steveo and Paulo chimps

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Cheeta
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:38 PM

Bring me back some Shreddies will ya?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 02:38 PM

What Bill D said, Chongo. If you're up around Orillia, watch out for these two characters. They were last spotted causing trouble down around the Gulf coast in the US.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 04:01 PM

Haw! Chongo don't need to worry about those two! The frog lives in my pond now where he keeps tryin' to pork my female koi fish only they's too slippery for him t' hold onto. The ape decided he'd had enough of the frog's perverted behavior and decided to become a Buddhist monk. He lives over in Fairhope, Alabama where he teaches folks how to make sand mandalas and chant the holy syllable, "Oook".

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 04:12 PM

You have yourself a good time now. And no matter what you hear about a guy who calls hisself "Little Hawk" it ain't true. People lie about him all the time, including his own self.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 11:50 PM

I've got pretty well everything packed, and the van appears to be workin'. Good. I'm not quite sure whether or not to pack the tommy gun. Someone might steal it if I don't take it with me.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 01:50 AM

When they confiscate they will give you a receipt in case you want to pick it up on your way home. Let Canada Customs hold it for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 12:11 PM

Forget the Tommy gun, Chongo. Join the 21st Century. Sell the Thompson to a collector for big bucks and buy an Uzi when ya get back to Chicago.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 01:09 PM

Old habits die hard.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 03:01 PM

Forget the Uzi, keep the chopper. You hit with a Tommy and they go down and stay down. Damned Uzi is 9mm and just punches holes.

If you don't tell them Canadians they'll never know. And you never know when you might need to do some rabbit huntin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Cheeta
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 06:47 PM

Chongo are ye in Orillia already?

Did you just post on Little Hawk's cookie?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM

I suspect that actually was Little Hawk who said, "Old habits die hard." Chongo would have taken my insult to his armament choice much more personally. The word "stinking", or perhaps something less polite but still ending in "ing", would have figured prominently in his response.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 09:43 PM

Hey, Cheetah, you old reprobate! How ya doin'? That was Little Hawk, not me.

I'm in Canada. It took awhile at the border crossing. I hadda provide every damn kind of I.D. you can think of, and they kept lookin' at me weird, but I made it. I am now visitin' my pal Reggie in London, Ontario. London is a good-sized town, but way smaller than Chicago. They have a great park downtown with lots of big trees. Very nice, but the leaves ain't properly out yet, just budding. I have not seen any moose yet. Or beaver. Kind of a letdown, but I expect some will show up any time now.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 09:52 PM

My pal Reggie says that the general attitude toward primates is better in Canada than stateside, but he admits that Canada Customs can be tough to deal with. He's gonna show me around town tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Cheeta
Date: 16 Apr 06 - 10:00 PM

Can't help with da moose But.... If ya wanna see beaver in Ontario, this is one of the best spots. Runway66

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: mandoleer
Date: 17 Apr 06 - 01:37 PM

Probably best not to visit Windsor while in Ontario - you might look different to the locals...

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM

Also, Clinton Hammond lives in Windsor.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 17 Apr 06 - 02:20 PM

"Probably best not to visit Windsor while in Ontario - you might look different to the locals."

Then again, they might think its a State Visit from the President.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 06 - 02:34 PM

Heh! Heh!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: GUEST,Joe in the guesthome
Date: 18 Apr 06 - 12:25 AM

Chongo, you old folkie, while you're in the neighbourhood debauching beaver, why not drop by for song circle at our Mississauga Extendicare at 855 John Watt Blvd? Try to get here by 3pm. We harmonize best on the days I've been disimpacted and Mary has had her enema - even better after the valium, lectopam, ativan and exlax starts to set in. We jump with glee. Sometimes they have to give me largactal to settle me down. Let me know what day you're coming and I'll reserve a wheelchair, steal a few pills from the sleepier residents and save you a butterscotch pudding. Gotta run to the toilet again.

joe

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo Chimp to visit Ontario, Canada
From: CarolC
Date: 18 Apr 06 - 11:33 PM

Where are you at now, Chongo ole trout?