BS: Tiny Little Nuns

Subject: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:37 PM

In my childhood, I lived in terror of Sister Blister who threw temper tantrums and literally jumped up and down in front of the class.
Well, about a month ago. little nuns have started appearing in odd places in my home. The first popped up by my computer. I thought she was a little Puritan but closer examination showed she was a Sister of Charity. Another turned up on my Stairway To Heaven. Black and white but not terrifying. The most recent is sitting on a dusty shelf in my bathroom.
She is the dreaded Ursuline! Why me? Are there more to be found? What have I done to be so stalked?
SINS, in terror

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:58 PM

They are coming for you. Repent now and join the convent!

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Alba
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:38 PM

This is serious Sins!! Although not as bad as it could get...yet.
I would really start to get worried if this lot turn up at the next Song Circle! Be afraid, be very afraid.....

Jude:)

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:39 PM

You poor thing! I never had to deal with them at all, but I've heard stories...

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:59 PM

Artificial statuettes representing an impression of pretend identities in the context of an imaginary reality adopted by unreal people to avoid the real thing... just what I always wanted!!!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:11 PM

Get your hair shirt and flagellation tools ready, Sins. It can only get worse.

The other answer is.........







Go ye forth and sin no more.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:12 PM

Sounds like a Steven King story...

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:04 AM

Are any of them named Christine?

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Barry Finn
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:19 AM

Mary, watch out for Sister Mary Maintenance, she's the bitch that goes around fixing what ain't broke. Don't let her in! Did I ever tell you about my nun fantasy. I'm gonna someday buy a church, keep the altar & renovate the rest of it into a brothel, hire a bunch of nuns & ,,,,,,,,,,,

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 03:44 AM

Are you sure you're not just being invaded by penguins?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:17 AM

Sister Paschal Candle Half Lit is on a shelf peering into my shower. How can I bathe without touching myself? I thought I dealt with that 50 years ago...

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:23 AM

Barry - Chaucer bet you to it.

These are exactly one inch tall from the tips of their tiny shoes to the tips of their raised in Halleluyah fingers. Opened mouth in praise - make what you want of that, Barry.

One could easily sneak a thousand of these into a home and squirrel them away anywhere. I don't dare look in the eaves. Or HORRORS - see if they are reproducing within the headless Jesus.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: GUEST,Bainbo
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:36 AM

Do they look like this?

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Alec
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:47 AM

Oh.My.God. Check out the Action Figures on the site Bainbo linked to above.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:57 AM

Let me know if Sister Tracey shows up. I'll catch a flight.......................

Spaw---If you go to the next page, that's YOUR problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:57 AM

Sinsull,

What you need is Sister Constance Enjoyment, to help you enjoy yourself without guilt, Sister Attila the Nun to help you overcome all obstacles, and Mother Interior to remind you to nurture your inner self!

If they cause too much trouble, you can always send them off to repent for a while. Maybe they can go to the chat room and confess!

good luck

freda

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Tinker
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:01 AM

Dang Mary, My own favorite is the Jitterbugging Sister of Mercy. Let me know if she shows.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:13 AM

Bainbo - thanks galore for the wonderful link. I'm a Bach addict, but the librarian wins in my humble opinion (I'm one myself)

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:39 AM

Oh, look! It's Sister Mary Jane of the Order of the Holy Smokes!

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: bobad
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:42 AM

The Sisters Of Mercy
by Leonard Cohen

O the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone
They were waiting for me, when I thought that I just can't go on
And they gave me their comfort, and later they gave me their song
Oh I hope you run into them, you who've been traveling so long

Yes you who must lose everything that you cannot control
It begins with your family, but soon it comes round to your soul
Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned
When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned

They lay down beside me, I made my confession to them
They touched both my eyes, and I touched the dew on their hem
If your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
They will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem

When I left they were sleeping, I hope you run into them soon
Don't turn on the light, you can read their address by the moon
And it won't make me jealous if I learn that they've sweetened your night
We weren't lovers like that, and besides it would still be alright
We weren't lovers like that, and besides it would still be alright

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 11:00 AM

You sure they aren't penguins?

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: gnu
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 11:39 AM

I can still feel that wooden pointer cracking down on my knuckles. And I can still see the look of disbelief on Sister's face when I deftly grabbed the pointer away from her and broke it over my knee. Nuns can't run worth shit in a habit!

I was transferred from St. Bernard's to a public school. I can still feel that leather strap cracking down on the palms of my hands....

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: bobad
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:27 PM

"I can still feel that leather strap cracking down on the palms of my hands...."

It sure warmed one's hands and made them glow. I too was a not infrequent recipient of my "religious" teachers' ministrations.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Wesley S
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:31 PM

I was taught by nuns and I never had my knuckles cracked by a ruler. I've never met anyone - in person - that this ever happened to either. I think it's just an urban myth.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Alba
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:31 PM

Ah yes I too have fond memories of the physical violence I was subjected to daily at the hands of the Sisters of (not one ounce of) Mercy.
Yip there were some in authority at the Convent School I attended that had some very bad Habits!
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Alba
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:46 PM

We crossed posted Wesley.
I am glad you didn't experience the Ruler treatment but I can assure you that it is no Urban myth where I attended School and a Ruler on the knuckles was the lesser punishments dished out.
The real problems came when the Cane or Leather strap was brought into the action.
No joke!
J

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Wesley S
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:47 PM

What type of violence? Rulers, open palms, fists?

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:52 PM

Nuns? What nuns?

I actually saw one peeking out from somewhere and just about died laughing. Well, I was in the vicinity of stairs at the time, so I could have died. It's like The Flying Nun meets Darby O'Gill meets the Twilight Zone.

The nuns go marching one by one,
Hurrah, hurrah
...etc

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Leadfingers
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 12:58 PM

The Nuns are there to make sure you dont get Nun !!

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Alba
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:08 PM

Pm on it's way Wesley...best keep this Thread for the little'uns..**grin**
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:10 PM

These are what you CALL nuns Mary!

G ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:17 PM

Ah yes.......Kindergarten with the nuns of the Chinese Mission.......I still stick out my tongue in the mirror to see if its pointed, indicating that I am, indeed, a liar. Unfortunately, my dear Mum was a firm believer in equal opportunity indoctrination of the very young and simaltaneously sent me to the Four Square Gospel Sunday School. There I also learned that I would indeed burn in hell for my sins, without ever a chance of absolution.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Greg B
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:21 PM

Nuns! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse!

(The Fr. Ted thread leaked, apparently)

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:24 PM

I always figured that, "Suffer the little children to come unto me", was a double entendre.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: gnu
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:46 PM

Wesley... you and your classmates must have been immaculate little angels. I got cracked the very first day I attended St. Bernard's for being late for Catechism. I arrived at 08:45, knowing school started at 09:00. I was immediately set upon by a "black and white" who assumed I was trying to play hookey. Catechism was at 08:30 and when I told her I did not know what Catechism was, she taught me.

Urban myth me arse! (Which is where I first got the pointer... or cane, if you will.)

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: GUEST,, Bat Goddess at Work
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 01:47 PM

Is THIS what happens when a certain cat pees on things?!?

(I can just see tiny nuns springing up -- sproinggg -- from each drop of Alice's "fertilizer".)

Oh, but that doesn't explain them being found off the floor such as on the shelf.

Never mind!

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 02:33 PM

Sins, obviously these were left for you by friends who want to encourage you to vent those feelings of revenge. You can do quite a lot of fun things to those statuettes, you know.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 02:33 PM

Start again Giok !!

These are what you call nuns Mary!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: bfdk
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 02:36 PM

Any mention of a Sister Josephine? ;-))

Sister Josephine
(Jake Thackeray)

Oh Sister Josephine
What do all these Policemen mean
By coming to the convent in a grim limousine
After Sister Josephine

While you Sister Josephine
You sit with your boots up on the alter screen
You smoke one last cigar
What a funny nun you are

The Policemen say thet Josephine's a burglar in diguise
Big Bad Norman fifteen years on the run
The sisters disbelieve it "No that can't be Josephine"
Just think about her tenderness towards the younger nuns

Oh Sister Josephine
They're searching the chapel where you've been seen
The nooks and the crannies of the nun's canteen
After Sister Josephine

While you sister Josephine
You sip one farewell benedictine
Before your Au Revoir
A right funny nun you are

Admittedley her hands are big and hairy
And embelished with a curious tatoo
Admittedly her voice is on the deep side
And she seems to shave more often than the other sisters do

Oh Sister Josephine
Founder of the convent pontoon team
They're looking through your bundles of rare magazines
After Sister Josephine

While you sister Josephine
You give a goodbye sniff of benzedrine
To the convent budgerigar
A bloody funny nun you are

No longer will her snores ring through the chapel during prayers
Nor her lustful moanings fill the stilly night
No more empty bottles of alter wine come clunking from her cell
No longer will the cloister toilet seat stand upright

Oh Sister Josephine
Slipping through their fingers like vaseline
Leaving them to clutch your empty crinoline
After Sister Josephine

While you sister Josephine
Sprinting through the suburbs when last seen
Dressed only in your wimple and your rosary
A right funny nun you seem to be.

Best wishes,

Bente

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Barry Finn
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 03:05 PM

Mary, were their mouths ever shut?

Urban myth, not in my neighorhood. Crack the knuckles was for the light hearted. Some used to take us to the coat room drop our drawers & beat on our bare butts with the wooden end of a brush handle. We (boys) had to wear ties & I had one nun that would grab my tie yank it down & as my head droped hit me with an uppercut to the chin 3 or 4 times in a row, now that hurt! 5th grade

In keeping this a little musical here's a pumping shanty from the collection of Frederick Pease Harlow

Priests & Nuns

A priest in Austria thought one day
1st Ch. Ho, Ho, Ho
He'd go to France without delay
2nd Ch. Hal-ler-al-le-re. hal-ler-al-le-ra
He'd go to France without delay
3rd Ch. Hal-ler-al-le-re, Ho, Ho

So when the father came to France
Ho, Ho, Ho
Seven sick nuns he found by chance
Hal-ler-al-le-re, hal-ler-al-le-ra
Seven sick nuns he found by chance
Hal-ler-al-le-re, Ho, Ho

He saw these nuns in the convent yard
All laying down on benches hard

He gave these nuns his calling card                                                                And asked may I come in your yard

To one he asked what he could
I'm both priest & doctor too

A sick nun then made quick reply
Said father treat me ere I die

With cane in hand a walking stick
And he touched that nun so very quick

The others quickly ran to see
And asked the priest what could it be

A medicine stick in my hand I hold
To cure all sick nuns in my fold

Another nun that lay close by
Cried father none so sick as I

He treated all the nuns alike
And said he'd call another night

Their treasure gone they looked in vain
For the priest that carried the medicine cane

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: ranger1
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 04:52 PM

Maybe better nuns than glow-in-the-dark plastic Virgin Marys? I know where to find one if you decide you'd like that better, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 05:53 PM

I have no memory of being hit by a nun. In fact, the only memory I have of a nun hitting anyone was a fourth-grade kid who called his teacher a "rotten old bitch" and she knocked him across the room, and made his father come to pick him up and when the father was told what the kid did HE knocked him across the room again.

Now, the Christian Brothers were a whole different matter.....

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 06:06 PM

I was always told that a champagne cork should come out of the bottle with a gentle sound like 'a nuns fart'.

I was invited to a Franciscan friary which contained both male and female incumbents. A nuns' fart sounds a great deal like ripping calico.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 07:01 PM

Wesley,
Even I got rapped across the knuckles. Once I remember was because I (and everyone else in the class) failed a 100 word surprise spelling test of words we had never seen before and I have not seen since. I was a straight A student and still failed. Go figure.

Actually, one beating (across the back of the legs with a pointer/cane) every time she made a mistake on a multiple division problem led to threat of a lawsuit when Elaine Pity's mother decided it was extreme. It was horrifying to watch and went on for about five minutes.

When Sister Blister got really bored or really mad she used the metal side of the ruler across the knuckles - it cut. I never endured that but my brothers did. And if you flinched, you got two more.

My younger brother was decked by a nun and knocked unconcious in the third grade. They made him promise not to tell my parents and in return he got little extras.

Add that to the priest who was banging little boys and I have to admit I don't have fond memories of my early school days.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 09:14 PM

"...tiny little nuns
Tiny little feet
Tiny little rosaries going 'weep' 'weep' 'weep'...."

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 09:22 PM

In our household we didn't have much truck with nuns. But for some reason my mother took great delight in claiming "the Pope's nose" at Thanksgiving.

Such are the archane practices of the heathen...

Sinsull-

Beware of the glowing angel with the fluttering wings!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 10:18 PM

I used to smoke "Three Nuns."

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 05:26 AM

Nuns go round in threes, so one nun can make sure the other nuns, don't get none!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 06:39 AM

Two nuns wandering around Whitby get caught by a vampire.

'Sister, show him your cross!' yells one.

'F*^£$g get out of my b£^)$"£*$ way, you m$^£$$f$%&*£$£ vampire!'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Tiny Little Nuns
From: Alba
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 07:34 AM

What do you call a tiny little nun climbing the stairs?

a Step Sister

Jude