Worst Instrument Ever?

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Stringsinger
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 04:58 PM

Subjective reactions is what we have here. One of the worst instruments is the hardest to manage and when it is mastered, it is sublime. The Devil's Box ....the fiddle.

Someone is not going to like something.

I happen to think June Tabor has a lovely voice.

There are some who would say that they hate voices such as Jussi Boerling or Renee Fleming. That's plain obstinate subjective criticism that merits no value.

Any musical expression is always good regardless whether hummed, scratched, bleated or frightening like a pipe organ. They all have merit in the hands of great musicians.

The worst instrument ever may be the listener.

Frank

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: oggie
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 04:48 PM

Nope, pre-dating the "Gremlin" were those East German 2-row anglos which were badly tuned to start with and where the "D" always started rattling after a couple of months and 'cos they were in G/D ruined you for playing your first "proper" Anglo, a C/G Lachenal.

All the best

Steve

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Terry McDonald
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 03:58 PM

Cragrat - touche! However, I think Katherine Roberts had by far the better voice than her Barnsley mate - and I have their 1995 CD in front of me if you want proof..........But, as you intimate, each to his/her own.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Old Grizzly
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 03:27 PM

Worst ever......?
that's got to be Hobgoblin's finest - The Gremlin Concertina
Dave

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Nicholas Waller
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 02:27 PM

There's Athanasius Kircher's cat piano as described in his 1650 work Musurgia Universalis, though it does have the whiff of hoax.

I saw someone (www.dizzi.co.uk in fact) play the hammer dulcimer at the The Old Down (at the King's Arms in Litton) a week or two ago and I thought she was very good, though I don't think I would care to hear more than about 10 minutes without a break as it's pretty relentless.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Wolfhound person
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 01:30 PM

Was it not also Sir Thomas Beecham who in an orchestral rehearsal where one of the cellists was having an off day, turned to her and said " Madam, you have between your legs an instrument which can raise man to heights of ecstasy, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it."

Allegedly.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Cragrat
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 10:17 AM

Well, Mr McDonald, we have a difference of opinion. I think Kate Rusby has a lovely voice but then I also think Leo Sayer is a fine singer, so what do I know?

Going back to awful instruments, the bass player on The Men They Couldn't Hang's debut album is also credited with Tibetan Anal Flute. Don't know what it sounds like but I bet you wouldn't get many requests to borrow one at a session!

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 08:04 AM

The harpsichord-skeleton joke was by Sir Thomas Beecham, who would *not* have liked to be confused with Sargent. Beecham once described Karajan as "a sort of musical Malcolm Sargent".

Beecham's recordings are still listenable, Sargent's are period pieces.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 07:17 AM

"So anyone with an idiosyncratic voice and a nervous tic doesn"t stand a chance ,then ???"

No, 'bubblyrat', someone who slavishly imitates someone with an "idiosyncratic voice and a nervous tic" doesn't stand a chance. Or rather, they don't persuade me that they are 'doing folk music'(they are just doing a 'Rory Bremner'!).

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 05:51 AM

Looks like you're really a failure and just don't understand it then, El Greko.... :P

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: bubblyrat
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 05:32 AM

So anyone with an idiosyncratic voice and a nervous tic doesn"t stand a chance ,then ???

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 05:26 AM

Electric guitars because they've taken over the world.

Many professional Folk Revival singers (some of whom are mentioned above). It's not because they're particularly bad singers but because they have such idiosyncratic voices and styles. Many amateur singers then seem to think that all they have to do is to slavishly imitate the weird twitches and mannerisms of their idols in order to become a Folk Singer.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 03:39 AM

Well, obviously anything I play (washboard, spoons, kazoo) has to be in the all time worst list but in other hands can sound great. Even the Swanee whistle in the hands of, say, the Hoosier Hotshots, sounds good. I suppose the writer is trying to say that some instruments are deceptively simple which encourages tone deaf idiots like me to think they can play them. In other hands they sound good so it's daft to blame the instrument.

RtS

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Jim Lad
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 01:33 PM

weelittledrummer: Judging by your input, I'd venture to say, you have time on your hands now.
Cheers
Jim

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 01:10 PM

When I was a child, I was a big fan of those comics that advertised 'jokes' on the back. There was itching powder, sugar cubes that floated and a seebacroscope.

The one that my parents put their foot down about was the nose flute. they weren't having such a thing in the house, or anywhere near the house.

I bet if I had more sympathetic parents, I would have been there in The Chieftains with me nose flute, swapping slip jigs and trading riffs with Paddy Moloney.

I suppose catarrh is a bit like writers block, for a nose flute player.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Alec
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 11:49 AM

I had a feeling that,sooner or later,someone would say Jew's Harp.
I,uhm,play one of those as well.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 10:33 AM

Jews harp...Grrrrrrrrrrrr its horrid noise grates on me and many others. There is an old guy who used to own a music shop and he plays this hideous instrument, although it looks more like something the dentist would be using.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 10:10 AM

When I pick Bpubbles***, my more bulky cat, she tends to make lots of pleasurable grunting nises...



*** All cats have a silent 'p' at one end...

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: bubblyrat
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 10:01 AM

When I was at primary school in the fifties, we used to have lessons , with the aid of a radio programme, about the various instruments to be found in an orchestra. One I recall, was called the " Slug-Mug and Sandpaper "-----I never did find out exactly what it was, but it sounds pretty awful, don"t you think ??? The name AND the instrument !!

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Lucius
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 09:47 AM

It's a poor carpenter that blames his tools.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,DonMeixner
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 01:14 AM

I agree with Kendall. The bowed psaltery sounds to me of a hydro sonic dental tool. Feels like one too.

Don

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: lennice
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 11:58 PM

ooh, bad boy, soldier. guess i stepped into that one

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Jim Lad
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 11:33 PM

Any instrument I can lay my thick fingers on would qualify.
I'd never heard of June Tabor so I had to look. Her voice is just fine. She is however, guilty of not challenging it but then Shania Twain is guilty of the exact same thing and it hasn't held her back.
I'm guessing she's (June) overplayed somewhere?
Richard Bridge: Sure you're not thinking of Jane Taber, CTV host?

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Soldier boy
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:58 PM

Personally lettice, I have always found pussies to be very interesting instruments tp play with. Just keep pressing the right buttons to keep her happy.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: lennice
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:19 PM

My cat actually makes a pretty good instrument. She makes different noises depending on where and how hard I poke or push her middle (gently, she seems to enjoy the game). The interesting part is that the different sounds are consistent - press pt A with all fingers firmly and you always get the same sound, pt B a different sound than A but always the same, etc. I think she's doing it on purpose.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Soldier boy
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:13 PM

Cool !!

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:55 PM

I love lute & harpsichord so I can't agree with Penguin on this, but one famous conductor (Sir Malcolm Sargent?) certainly did. He said that the harpsichord sounded like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:51 PM

The cure for 'spoons'


A Jar of Honey...

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Soldier boy
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:18 PM

Good summary Songster Bob. I think you have summed it up pretty well so far but I am sure that further contributors will keep on changing the rankings in this light hearted but very interesting debate.
And so they should so keep plotting the voting returns SB.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:15 PM

ANY instrument is good if it's well played! Excepting, perhaps, my first guitar...

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: lennice
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:05 PM

a tiny fearful voice in support of spoons WELL PLAYED

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:00 PM

"The J Arthur Rank gong"

In one of the 'Carry On' movies - 'Up the Khyber' - set in India - cheeky Kenneth watches the gong being struck to call for tiffin or something, then says in his best camp voice - "That's so Rank!"

Seem to remember in the opening credits of a 3 Stooges or something that they had a fight over who was to swing the hammer, then when the gong was hit, it smashed a big hole in it...

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: bubblyrat
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 05:49 PM

No !! Crumhorn, not Krummhorn !! You know, the thing that looks like a walking-stick handle. I don"t think it could be classified as 'brass' !! ( but I am prepared to be re-educated ! )

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Terry McDonald
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:02 PM

Sorry - can't accept the June Tabor bit, she's a brilliant singer (in my opinion, which is as valid an opinion as anyone else's) but, on the other hand, if you'd said Kate (quavery little girl voice)Rusby.....

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Songster Bob
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 02:46 PM

"Trouble is that 99% of people who 'play?' bodhrans are utterly useless and someone should tell them so!"

... so they're modhrans?

It looks like we're coming to a near-consensus, but maybe we should categorize the top contestants:

Strings: bowed psaltery, hurdy-gurdy
Free Reeds: harmonica, melodeon, bagpipe
Brass: No consensus, but krummhorn mentioned
Percussion: shakey egg, spoons, bones
Vocal: June Tabor, Bob Dylan (not mentioned but implied by several)

and, lastly,

Players: All the ham-handed, poorly-trained, tone-deaf twits who have somehow managed to learn to hold any of the above instruments and inflict their efforts on poor, unsuspecting passers-by like us.

Does this sum it up for now?

Bob

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: MaineDog
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 02:19 PM

Any votes for the lefthanded sewer-flute?
MD

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 01:17 PM

The J Arthur Rank gong was made of papier mache. The instrument that actually made the sound was a small tamtam; it's in the Reid Musical Instrument Museum in Edinburgh, with an accompanying explanation. I've got a tamtam almost the same (bought it in a car boot sale) but haven't yet found a way of using it in a session. Maybe I could bring it along to wherever Scrump plays?

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Scrump
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 12:28 PM

If that J Arthur Rank ever tried to bring that giant gong into one of our sessions, he would have been booted out straight away.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Midchuck
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 12:23 PM

Washboard has the same problems, and brings out the same personality flaws, as spoons or shaky egg - but is louder.

Peter.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Scrump
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 12:17 PM

A soprano ukulele I bought on ebay was crap. It was untunable. I sold it on, and told the buyer it couldn't be tuned properly, but he bought it anyway and said it was great. Maybe he was just going to hang it on the wall or something - or maybe he didn't mind if it wss in tune or not. It takes all sorts...

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 12:14 PM

My first guitar. It had the highest action I've ever seen. The intonation was way off. The tuning heads were lousy, and tended to slip. The neck was no good. If you got it in tune on open strings, it was out of tune as soon as you fingered a chord, and it got progressively worse as you went up the neck. Lousy tone. Poor resonance. Cruddy workmanship. It was bought by my parents from some store that knew nothing about guitars either. It was basically unfixable. It should have been used as firewood by starving refugees in Bosnia.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 12:08 PM

Dick Gaughan's guitar and voice when he's twangling about and ranting on about politics in between songs (often longer than the songs!)
And anything at 4 in the morning on the festival campsite when you're trying to sleep! (especially "Four in the morning")

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,An Duilach Mor
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 11:03 AM

SHAKEY EGG. Brilliantly observed.

I once saw a spoons player arrive with 9 pairs of said cutlery and lay them out on't table. 'Raaght need me jig spuns, lads.'- Remarkable.

Personally I wish everyone who played the guitar was forced to listen to Jon Williams and Davey Graham to see what a proper noise sounds like. Bob Dillon has a lot to answer for, I suppose he does sound great when your discernment is obliterated by cheap scotch and weak ganja. Ahh the sixties.

I vote for the duplicitous piano because it sounds lovely when you're on your own just making nice chords up with the lid open. But when its played most players are completely a-rythmic and stunted or over embellishing to make up for their internal agony that it sounds c**p, really. An instrument ideally suited to Georgian drawing rooms. Nuff said.

Incidentally, I HATED the Scots war-pipes until I heard a Nova Scotian living in France, play them in a session at Edinburgh - I suppose there MAY be a good pianist out there... Oh yes! Paidraic O Reilly from Corofin, Co. Clare.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,Cragrat
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:27 AM

Funnily enough I did go to see June Tabor in concert, many years ago. I didn't enjoy the experience.

It's hard to quantify sometimes why some voices (or instruments) adversely affect you. Shirley Collins has come in for a lot of stick in some quarters but others (me included) think she has a great voice.

I threw in June Tabor's name in a vaguely light hearted way knowing that she is very popular and that it might create a response. For me, her voice is somehow very sickly. It literally makes me cringe. I couldn't possibly sit through an album of hers. You might think she's fab. We each think the other is cloth-eared. Isn't music a wonderful thing!

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:21 AM

"Any instrument played badly and loudly by someone who thinks it is great."

Tim, you sure you didnt mean

"Any instrument played badly and loudly by someone who thinks they are great."

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Soldier boy
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:06 AM

HURDY GURDY ??....any fans?

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:59 AM

Stig
100% with you - it's got to be the bloomin' SHAKEY EGG

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: GUEST,ib48
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:51 AM

definately that strangled octopus that they use in scotland

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: kendall
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:48 AM

Washtub Bass in the wrong hands.

Subject: RE: Worst Instrument Ever?
From: Soldier boy
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 09:42 AM

Spoons and Bones.....and the twerps that play them!
If they don't receive any negative comments from other musicians in a play-around the poor little dears feel they have to 'play?/accompany/' every single tune.
So earnest is their endeavour that these valient 'musicians?' will totally forgo going for a pee or going to the bar because they really believe that the 'session?' would'nt be the same without them and dont want to let the side down. They will 'play?'with such serious expression and fight through the pain of blisters and athritic fingers/wrists for the greater glory of 'art?.'
Bless 'em.
Most instruments in the hands of someone that actually really knows how to play them sound OK and do not offend the ear.
But Spoons and Bones!!!!!?? I think we all know where they belong
(where the sun don't shine!)

And Hammer Dulcimers.

But NOT Bodhrans. A good QUALITY bodhran played by someone who knows what they are doing is a delight. Trouble is that 99% of people who 'play?' bodhrans are utterly useless and someone should tell them so!

Moral of this story,already stated by Ruston Hornsby (great name Rus!),Bee-dubya-ell,Songster Bob,Scrump and Tim the Twangler et al, is that it's not the instruments fault it's the numbscull 'playing?' it who thinks they are gods'gift..

Oh yeah...THE SHAKEY EGG..nice one Stigweard. I'd forgotten about that one. It definately goes in the same category as Spoons and Bones......and we all know where they belong.......... don't we?