Non-banjo jokes

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Jim Krause
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 01:05 AM

Back home in Two Foot Falls, KS ol' farmer Al Falfa's dog Rex took sick. And naturally, being quite fond of the dog, Al took him to the veterinarian's office for a diagnosis. At last he arrived, and was shown into the examining room, whereupon the Dr. pronounced Rex dead on arrival.

"Oh no, that can't be!" exclaimed Al Falfa.
"Well, it certainly is," replied the Dr. "I'm very, very sorry."
"Isn't there anything you can do, some tests, something, anything?"
"Well, we can try," said the Dr. trying to reassure the distraught farmer.

The veterinarian motioned to his assistant, who left the room and promptly came back with a Labrador retriever on a leash. The dog sniffed at Rex's prostrate corpse, looked up at farmer Al Falfa, and then looked over at the Dr., and walked out of the room.

"Yup," said the Dr. "Rex is dead. I'm sorry."
"Well, just try once more, try something, anything. I just can't bear the thought of ol' Rex dying."

So, once more the Dr. motions to his assistant, and she comes back with a Siamese cat in her arms. She passes the cat to the left, and then to the right over Rex's body. The cat looked up at her, then over at the Dr., and finally looked at the farmer, jumped from the arms of the assistant, and walked out of the examining room.

"Well, that's all we can do," said the Dr. "Rex is dead. That'll be $350.00."
"Three hundred and fifty dollars!" hollered the farmer. "What do you think, money grows on trees?"
"Tests are expensive, Al" said the Dr. "It's $100.00 for the Lab test, and $250.00 for the cat scan."

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 06:17 AM

I see in today's paper, comedian Graeme Garden's "guilty secret" is ...playing the banjo!

RtS

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: guitar
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 04:48 AM

what is wrong with us Bodrhan and drummers.

I play Bordrhan, Accordian and I'm looking out for a Banjo.

this is a true story.

when the Musicians union over here in Britian started up, they said that they would look after any musician and drummers

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: smileyman
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 05:06 AM

Heard at my future wife's college graduation (just before a marvelous performance of the same symphony).

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims...

At this point, you must understand two things:

(1) There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

(2) There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400 right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.

Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews. After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble.

Katims was furious! And why not? After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 06:51 AM

Is that supposed to be a joke ?

eric

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Snuffy
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 07:52 AM

I think it's a joke about a game of rounders, eric.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 04:59 PM

Fortunately us Aussies have learned to be multi-cultural through TV watching - both British and Yank...

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: terrier
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 05:17 PM

I've only just figured out what bass violins are! It's something to do with keeping the players happy on the field during those long booorrring games of American rounders...Right???   ;)

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: terrier
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 05:25 PM

A man walks into a pub(bar)with his dog.

Customer..."strange dog you got there"
Man..."I like him"
Customer..."Long tail"
Man..."Undocked"
Customer..."Very long snout"
Man..."Good worker"
Customer..."His coat almost looks scaly"
Man..."Goes to ground, good protection"
customer..."what breed is he?"
Man..."Long tailed snipe nose scaly back terrier.... some people call'em aligators...but thats no name for a Terrier."

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Suffet
Date: 05 Apr 07 - 11:22 PM

Three more musical jokes, and still not a banjo among them!



Q: How do you get a jazz musician away from your front door?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

----

Q: What's the difference between a jazz musician and a large pizza?

A: A large pizza can actually feed a family.

----

Q: What do you call a jazz musician whose girlfriend dumped him?

A: Homeless.



Keep going!

--- Steve

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Suffet
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 03:31 PM

One more, and still no banjo!

Q: How did they invent Balkan harmony?

A: By asking a drunken Macedonian football team to sing in unison.




Next.

--- Steve

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: rabbitlegs
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 04:33 PM

How many folk singers to change a light bulb?

4 - 1 to change it - 3 to sing about how much they'll miss the old one.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Mark H.
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 03:57 AM

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve Reich."

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Suffet
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 11:25 PM

Two musicians walk into a black hole and...

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 01:26 AM

Q. How many non-banjo-players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Only one, of course.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 01:47 AM

Herbie was a very cool and talented sax player but had a well-deserved reputation for having trouble really committing to the bands he'd been in.
He begged his buds, a keyboardist, a jazz guitarist, and a bass player, to let him join their new combo.   Finally they agreed to give him another chance, if he'd be sure to be at every rehearsal and on time for the two months before their first paid performance.
For the next 7 weeks Herbie was the first to arrive at the studio to rehearse, and he blew everyone away with how well he knew his parts, how well he improvised, and how cool his licks were. At the 8th week rehearsal, when Herbie once again arrived promptly and performed his parts to perfection, his bandmates were effusive with praise.

"Herbie, my man, you've really come around! Sorry we ever doubted you. You're a permanent part of the band now -- I'd say even the star!"
"Yeah, man, great to have you on board. You're awesome! And it's so cool that you haven't missed a single rehearsal yet. "

To which Herbie grinned and blushed a bit, hearing all this new adulation, and said,
"Aw, thanks, guys. But I figured it was the least I could do, since I can't make the gig."

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 01:58 AM

Suffet, being an old Balkan folk dancer, this one you posted is my favorite one so far:

"Said the musician at the folk festival: "My next piece it a traditional Macedonian tune. It was written in 1816, but I'm going to play it in waltz time." ROFL

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: julian morbihan
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 07:14 AM

What's the difference between a musician and an endowment policy?

Eventually one of them matures and makes some money.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 11:34 AM

A jazz musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! You have been elected to the Jazz All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with the Duke, Miles, Django, all the greats. We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God's girlfriend gets to sing."

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 11:37 AM

Q. Why do bagpipe bands travel so much?

A. Keeps assassins guessing.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 11:43 AM

If a dulcimer player has a few too many before a gig, does that make her a hammered dulcimer player?

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 06:33 PM

There once was an up-and-coming young band,who had a real problem: the drummer was always a bit behind the beat. Thy pleaded, cjoled,threatened and rehearsed extra hours, but it was to no avail. The drummer kept dragging the beat.

Finally, with great reluctance (for he had been one of the original members of the band), they had to fire him The drummer became more and more despondent, until one dayhe went down to the railroad station. And threw himself behind the train.

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Genie
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 01:17 AM

LOL, Dick!

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 03:30 PM

I was wondering why this thread got moved down to B.S.

I guess it's because banjo jokes are not B.S.

~ Becky in Tucson

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 12:02 AM

'giving it seven bells on a mandolin'

comes from a joke above about Heaven. What does it mean?

Subject: RE: Non-banjo musical jokes
From: Genie
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 02:01 AM

I stopped posting my non-banjo musical jokes in this thread when it was moved down to the BS section -- even though 90% of the jokes here are about musicians or instruments.

I started posting the others in some older music jokes threads, which have been allowed to stay upstairs with the big kids.

Genie

Subject: RE: Non-banjo jokes
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 02:26 AM

' Giving it seven bells ' an English expression meaning doing something, variously :- hard, loud, fast and seriously, or like you really mean it.

eric