BS: Fools In The Real World

01 Nov 03 - 12:23 AM (#1045650)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: LadyJean

You forward Nigerian Spam letters to [e-mail]. I wonder if the secret service has an address for spam porn. I got one saying, "Click here to see 18 year old girls getting f---ed for the first time." Bleah!

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01 Nov 03 - 06:59 AM (#1045720)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

The NSW Police replied to me some time ago asking me not to forward any more Porn SPAM to them - they only wanted me to send them email about things that were against the law - I only send them Child Porn Stuff now!

If you think that what you got, LadyJean, was rough, you certainly haven't seen some of the stuff floating around - I get half a sozen or more "ordinary" Porn Spams and one or two "ripe ones" a day. I don't even open most of the stuff - I use Mailwasher. This particular one was sp bad and explicit that I'm not surprised at the Police Robot freaking out! Of course I snipped that nasty stuff off before sending it here... Apparently some secretaries are refusing to open email for some mangers now - some of the stuff is so strong and explicit! I can only hope that our politicians are getting the "good" stuff - it might be part of what is causing a mind shift among them... :-)

This thread was not intended to be just about SPAM, by the way...

Robin

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01 Nov 03 - 07:52 AM (#1045736)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: kendall

I never get porn, wonder why?

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01 Nov 03 - 08:27 AM (#1045751)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

That can be fixed... ;-)
unless your ISP is really good at filtering it out...

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01 Nov 03 - 08:30 AM (#1045753)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Jeri

The problem with sending stuff to local police departments is that, while YOU may be in their jurisdiction, the messages often come from elsewhere. Local police probably don't have the tools to track these guys. Even if they did, the governments of the child porn spammers may not care, or may not care enough to do anything about it. About all your local police can do is arrest folks within their jurisdiction that take part in the criminal activity.

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01 Nov 03 - 08:43 AM (#1045756)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

The Aussie Police have been making lots of fuss in the media recently about how they work hard to catch Child Porn Rings on the Internet all over the world, even giving out press releases about catching them, so I feel it is my civic duty to help... :-)

And the Aussie Federal Minister for Communications - well it's his job under the relevant Federal Legislation, mate! :-)

And the ISP is the one it travels thru - and under Aussie Leglislation there is no common carrier protection for ISP's...

Robin

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01 Nov 03 - 09:03 AM (#1045759)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Jeri

Ah, well, if they've dedicated themselves to Doing Something About It and have the wherewithal to do it, please ignore my comments. I get the feeling that local police in the rural parts of the US are not so well connected, but I could be wrong about that as well.

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01 Nov 03 - 09:36 AM (#1045765)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Rapparee

On the three occassions (since I've been here) that we've had child porn accessed on the library public computers, the cops have been very diligent. They take the hard drives (which we replace) and turn them over to the FBI (the Western Technology Facility is here in town), where the drives are cloned, thoroughly examined, and the evidence returned to the local cops.

Mind you, we only call the cops when something truly illegal, such as child porn, is involved.

Adult porn viewers are simply banned from using the public Internet stations.

We're investigating a filter for the Internet. For one thing, we can't get any money from the Universal Service Fund (E-rate money) or from the Library Services and Technology Act (LSTA) unless we have one. And money's tight enough -- our budget was cut by better than 10% compared to last year.

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01 Nov 03 - 10:35 PM (#1046080)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

In Ausie we don't have "Local Police".

The basic unit is at State Level - Since my ISP is a NSW registered company, that is where I complain.

Thus in Queensland during the reign of the Mighty Joh - the wags used to put bumper stickers on their cars saying

"Queensland Police State"   :-)

We do also have a Federal Police Force - recent amending leglislation has just been passed to allow them to carry guns - again - Ooooops! :-) ans they are ably assisted in their duties by helpful friends - such as the US and Chinese Secret Police.... ;-)

Robin

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03 Nov 03 - 07:16 PM (#1047176)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Some threads relevant to the theme of this thread.

Enrage Your Audience Stories?

Drunken Sailor song protested

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04 Nov 03 - 09:46 AM (#1047622)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie

I'm amazed that there are people anymore who wait till they're 18 to get f----d for the first time...

Seriously, though... I think that in the US, the Customs Department has something to do with fighting Internet porn. I sat next to a woman at a business luncheon once who had this job. It's been awhile back, though, so I don't remember what she told me exactly.

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07 Nov 03 - 01:18 PM (#1049718)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

"Beauty & The Beast" Channel 10 today ... [09 Apr 2002]

From a discussion on Witchcraft....

"It's very old - I don't know much, but it dates back to at least
Shakespeare's time, you know: hubble bubble, toil and trouble, etc"

Robin

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07 Nov 03 - 01:20 PM (#1049721)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

This took place in early Apr 2002, and was NOT an April Fools Joke!

In Australia, there have been complaints about decreasing service by banks through closure of branches. The National Australia Bank (NAB) is going to close some more, and the NAB has made a deal with the Post Office to conduct some (Non-Business-Customer) Banking Trading Services on the NAB's behalf.

The NAB CEO has now defended the closures by claiming that NAB customers will have better service because the Post Offices are open for longer hours per week....

Robin - Author of The Fooles Troupe
(who could never have thought up as crazy a plot as this one...)

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07 Dec 03 - 10:38 PM (#1067614)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

QUOTATION OF THE DAY NY Times
Sunday, December 7, 2003

"With a heavy dose of fear and violence, and a lot of money for projects, I think we can convince people that we are here to help them."

LT. COL. NATHAN SASSAMAN, whose unit oversees the Iraqi village of Abu Hishma.

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08 Dec 03 - 12:14 PM (#1067850)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Bill D

shucks, Saddam already HAD that!

sort of like spanking your kids to make them stop fighting..

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23 Mar 04 - 11:36 PM (#1144479)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Subject: Government Announcement

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

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24 Mar 04 - 12:31 AM (#1144499)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Sorcha

The last one was good, Robin! LOL, but the kiddie porn is NOT lol.

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24 Mar 04 - 02:00 AM (#1144538)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

what kiddie porn?

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17 Dec 04 - 09:08 AM (#1359655)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Note: this was written before the 2001 Aussie General Election.

Troops to Marginal Electorates

In a surprise move Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, announced
yesterday that the government is sending troops to remote marginal
electorates to help win the war against boat people and queue
jumpers.
Howard was careful to point out that he had received bipartisan
support from the Opposition for the move and both he and Kim Beazley
would farewell the troops.

Howard offered praise for the troops, "Polling indicates that many
voters in remote areas are scared and uncertain of what is
happening," he said.

"Many of them have not seen a politician let alone a fully armed
soldier. I understand how difficult this will be for our boys in
these trying circumstances".

Howard went on to say that his government was also keen to show a
humanitarian side. In a stick and carrot approach they have begun
airdrops in remote rural areas.

Thousands of aid packages have been dropped in remote electorates
around Australia. Each yellow plastic container of " voter vitals"
is about the size of a Readers Digest Condensed Book. The pouches,
airdropped by the Australian Air Force are to assist Australian
voters in remote rural communities.

Each package contains the following items:

Arnotts biscuits
Liberal How to Vote Card
Tim Tams
Dick Smith Peanut butter
$5 Phone Card
A pale blue cricket hat
Vegemite
50 grams of Aeroplane Jelly crystals
Plastic Australian flag
John Howard Serviette
A government spokesperson defended the move saying it would be too
costly and unfair on taxpayers to use Australia Post. "We believe
airdrops are the most effective way to reach these remote areas," he
said.

Kim Beazley, however was quick to distance himself from the aid
package. "This is not an aid package," he thundered. "It is nothing
but a John Howard Showbag and a waste of taxpayers money. It's a
blatant election stunt and we do not support it."

Many airdrops have been off target and observers have reported the
aid has not been getting to those in need.

"We have seen these specially packed portions of vegemite, peanut
butter and Tim Tams where they shouldn't be," said Cheryl
Kernot. "Two dollar shops in George Street, Sydney are NOT where
they were meant to land up!"

Apparently, inner city types in 4x4s have been going out on weekends
to collect the parcels which turn up at local garage sales where
they are reportedly a sought after item.

Many households have been stocking up on non-perishable
foodstuff. "We are scared," said a Paddington resident who did not
want to be identified. "Many of us are still suffering from the
fallout of Y2K, now we have to worry about germ warfare and the
collapse of Ansett. We are stocking up on all the supplies we can
get."

In a statement, the Australian Democrats said the operation
was "nothing but a propaganda operation designed with military
precision to boost the chances of a Coalition victory."

Howard stressed it was important that Australians stand together as
one nation and he was working hard on building a coalition of allies
to help win the war against boat people and queue jumpers but he
denied Pauline Hanson's One Nation party snubbed him. "She is a busy
woman, I am trying to arrange a meeting after the election ---
provided I win," he said.

   

The opinions expressed on these pages are not necessarily the views
of Rocket, and any resemblance to persons living, dead or in
suspended animation, or to real places within the universe as we
understand it, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2001 and beyond. All Rights Reserved

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19 Dec 04 - 10:25 AM (#1361117)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Amos

Britain's first prison ship? I hardly think so. The Thames was lined with several of them back in the 18th century. They were used for storing prisoners bound for Botany Bay before their transports were ready IIRC.

A

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18 Apr 05 - 08:56 AM (#1464252)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=15410588&method=full&siteid=860
24&headline=human-rites-fight-by-next-door-pagans-name_page.html

HUMAN RITES FIGHT BY NEXT DOOR PAGANS

Neighbours can spy on naked rituals

By Billy Paterson

A PAGAN tried to stop his neighbours building an extension - because they would be able to see him performing nude rituals in his garden.

John Patterson, 51, claimed the proposed building would infringe his human rights.

He told council planners: 'My religion is something I wanted to keep totally and utterly secret because of public misconception and misunderstanding.

'Under article nine of the European convention on human rights you are entitled to practise or perform your religion in public or private as you wish.

'I had a hedge round that part of the garden which made it completely
private but my neighbour's dormer window will overlook the area.'

South Ayrshire planners gave his neighbour Ronnie Walker the go-ahead for the extension in Logan Drive, Troon.

Mr Patterson added: 'I felt the decision was particularly unfair. Now I am left to spend thousands of pounds planting higher hedges and trees and living the rest of my life in shade and shadow.'

Troon community leader Nan McFarlane, said: 'I know there are pagans on Arran who dance around naked in the woods but I didn't expect that kind of thing in Logan Drive.

'Having said that, I do have some sympathy for the man. This is a massive extension and people are entitled to privacy in their own garden.'

One female neighbour, whose house overlooks Mr Patterson's, said: 'I know nothing about any nude rituals... but I'll be having a look tonight.'

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25 Jun 05 - 07:34 PM (#1509784)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Life imitates Art -
According to a report in the Israeli daily Ma'ariv, Itzik Simkowitz is suing a pet shop owner in Beersheeba for selling him a sickly galerita-type cockatoo (Price: the equivalent of about US$2,000) that died ahortly after Simkowitz got him home.

As in a classic Monty Python sketch, the shop owner initially insisted that the parrot was merely lethargic and needed time to sdjust to his new surroundings, but when the parrot (to use the Python dialogue) was shown to be "a late parrot", "an ex-parrot", "a stiff", and to have "joined the choir invisible", the shop owner still refused to return the money.

How do you say "This is an ex-parrot!" in Hebrew?

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11 Jul 05 - 10:52 AM (#1519956)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Kissing Hank's Ass
http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php


This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me:   "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me:   "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me:   "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me:   "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me:   "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me:   "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me:   "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me:   "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me:   "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me:   "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me:   "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me:   "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me:   "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me:   "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me:   "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me:   "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

From the Desk of Karl

1. Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list Himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't use alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me:   "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me:   "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me:   "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me:   "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me:   "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me:   "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me:   "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me:   "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me:   "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me:   "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me:   "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me:   "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me:   "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me:   "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me:   "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me:   "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

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11 Jul 05 - 01:30 PM (#1520071)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Le Scaramouche

Tuki le'she'avar. That skit's one of my favorites. Lovely bird, beautiful plumage.

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11 Jul 05 - 03:49 PM (#1520177)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Sorcha

ROF! Priceless! I LOVE it! Sending the link to everybody on my List....

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14 Jul 05 - 08:06 AM (#1521717)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

The Betty Crocker Cult

Badger Girl, Grand High Ladle, BCC

For the edification and entertainment of all, I am letting you all see one of the rarest pieces of modern ritual literature today.

What Do Betty Crocker Cultists Believe?

For all intents and purposes, Betty Crocker Cultists believe whatever I, the Grand High Ladle, tell them to believe. The B.C.C. is a cult in the truest sense of the word, with one infallible leader, me. For indeed it was I, Badger Girl, who received the word of Betty, when I least expected it, right in the middle of an episode of the French Chef.

Thrust as I was, right in the middle of pagan controversies of all stripes, it was clear to me that there was something missing in our community as a whole. That thing was the Kitchen. Not just food, you see, but the Kitchen, with all of its wondrous utensils, appliances and storage capacities. I knew this to be the answer to many of today's modern pagan problems. Betty told me so. "Go forth to the stove" said Betty, and go forth I did, taking most of the women (henceforth to be known as "Ladies") of Green Man Grove with me, as I hate to eat alone.

And lo! Many splendid things did befall us as we cavorted amidst the Tupperware. Betty spoke to me as we did, and she sai, "Now you're cookin', kid!", and of course, She was right. Soon we all tired and Betty took advantage of the situation (as is Her way) to tell us of her many colleagues in the world of the "Other Kitchen." She spoke of Oscar Meyer, patron of fathers in the Kitchen, also She spoke of Little Debbie, Goddess of cellophane wrapped snack foods. the tale of the Pillsbury Doughboy (Poppin' Fresh, to the initiated), the God of phallic foods that go "Fuff" was revealed to us, as well as the story of Mrs. Paul, Queen of the Frozen Seas. Betty then bespoke of the twin deities of the most sacred barbecue flame, Lee & Perrin, and also of Aunt Jemima, keeper of the Holy Syrup (and it was good!). Finally Betty told us of that most well preserved of holy mean, Earl Tupper and we were silently awed by the miracle of the Burp Seal.

Surely did Betty talk a blue streak that fateful day! Then Betty told me that She had chosen me to be Her Grand High Ladle on this earthly plane, and to gather around me all the minions I could strong-arm into the Cult. "You and your initiated minions shall be know to the world as "The Dash Board"!" said Betty. Betty then explained the hierarchy to be adhered to within the Cult. The lowest initiates being the "Cups" and all higher initiates gradually getting smaller and smaller until achieving "pinchdom" if not actual "dashery." And so, I said unto Betty, "Sounds good to me!" and she seemed well pleased.

This is how I became the Grand High Ladle. I am chosen by Betty to lead you to the Kitchen and get you all cookin'. If you choose to follow, it will be by my say so and the approval of the Dash Board. The initiation will be grueling and with any luck, really intimidating. You seeker, may have finally come to the right place, then again, maybe not, only I can be the judge of that.

Betty Crocker Cult Page

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14 Jul 05 - 08:24 AM (#1521733)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Biblical Ways To Acquire a Wife
Brought to you by Meng Weng Wong.

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Become sinless, and die in atonement for others, and you can marry a whole bunch of people.
-- Jesus (Revelation 15?)

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14 Jul 05 - 10:30 PM (#1522032)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: dianavan

So much for the sanctity of marriage!

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15 Jul 05 - 10:53 AM (#1522179)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Le Scaramouche

Tongue-in-cheek obviously, but before you jump to conclusions its well worth reading the actual stories.

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18 Oct 05 - 08:42 PM (#1585785)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Buster the cop dog refuses to bust anybody
German shepherd more lover than fighter retired from police force
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9731396/

Updated: 4:13 p.m. ET Oct. 17, 2005

ROTHERHAM, England - Buster the German shepherd could have had a great career as a British police dog had it not been for one flaw: His complete lack of interest in fighting crime.

The canine cop took early retirement after bosses at South Yorkshire Police noted his poor motivation — and a fondness for making friends with rowdy drunkards, his former handler said Monday.

Buster, who spent some six months on the beat, has been placed with a family in Sheffield, near this town in northern England, Police Constable David Stephenson said.

"He has a lack of drive and motivation when asked to do operational
work," Stephenson told The Associated Press. "He's just a lovely
pet."

Two-year-old Buster performed well at the start of his 14-week training program, but his work gradually deteriorated and the problem worsened once he started patrolling the streets, he said.

Buster's priorities

On one occasion, Buster walked straight past a suspected criminal hiding in the garden of a house late at night and went off to cock his leg.

"I searched the garden myself and found the bloke. The dog had walked past the spot where I found him," Stephenson said. "You would have expected him to use his nose to locate him."

During a separate tracking operation, also in the early hours of the morning, Buster gave up while in mid-chase across a golf course. "He just downed tools," Stephenson said. "He just lay down and there was nothing we could do. He has got a very low drive for finding people."

`No fire in his belly'

When patrolling Rotherham at pub closing times — when the streets are often crowded with drunken revelers — Buster wagged his tail when people came up to him and ate their fries, instead of deterring potential trouble makers, his former handler said.

"He just showed no interest in doing the job," Stephenson added. "He had no fire in his belly."

South Yorkshire Police employs some 50 German shepherds for tracking criminals, searching buildings and helping maintain public order at soccer matches and other events.

© 2005 The Associated Press.

---

09 Mar 06 - 08:21 AM (#1689103)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

A fowl tale
Adam Gaffin ­ Boston Globe
March 5, 2006

ROSLINDALE, MA -- Somebody in Roslindale is deeply offended by the bikini-clad rubber-chicken doggie chew toys in the window of Pet Cabaret on Washington Street. Lisa Di Pietro, one of the pet supply store's owners, reports on her Pet Talk at Pet Cabaret about a phone call from an irate man:
''He asks how he is supposed to walk his children by our store and explain to them why there are naked chickens in the window."

The other owner, Lisa Schlossberg, ''explained to him that all chickens are naked, they usually don't wear clothes." And the chicken ''was wearing a purple polka-dot bikini, and so was not naked.'' He remained unconvinced. He threatened to call the mayor's office and report us. (I am not sure which department of Mayor Menino's office deals with rubber chickens.)"

Source: http://tinyurl.com/q646u

---

18 Mar 06 - 06:36 AM (#1696785)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/09/22/1064082919250.html

Sex, lies and churchgoers' secrets: court told of cop's con

September 22, 2003 - 5:08PM

A policeman conned a group of churchgoers into performing bizarre sexually titillating acts by pretending to enlist them as undercover agents to help him expose a paedophile ring, a Brisbane court was told today.

"These are the stories Enid Blyton would have written for the adult sleaze market," prosecutor Ron Swanwick said of the allegations of sexual perversion against James Arthur Marriner that spanned nearly 20 years.

"Instead of lemonade and lashings of ginger beer in the shed at the bottom of the garden, it's sleaze and porn and sexual assault at the den at the bottom of his house."

Marriner, 43, a former police sergeant based at Ipswich, west of Brisbane, was also a Sunday school teacher with the ultra-conservative Christian Brethren.

Mr Swanwick said the victims, aged from 12 into their early twenties, had been innocent and wide-eyed, and had trusted Marriner without question.

"He occupied a position below God, but certainly on par with the angels," he said.

Mr Swanwick said Marriner appeared to be in a stage of arrested childhood development, and played out an elaborate sham of Blytonesque secret adventures, recruiting people for supposedly covert police work against a gang of notorious paedophiles who had contacts with police and judiciary.

Marriner's recruiting procedures allegedly involved taking naked photos of the victims, and samples of their pubic hair, blood, and urine, and getting them to fill out detailed questionnaires that canvassed their sex lives.

Marriner allegedly told a woman who had sustained a needle stick injury that she had contracted a sexually transmitted disease and needed tests, which included her having to masturbate so that a vaginal swab could be taken when she climaxed.

The court was told Marriner videotaped this, telling the woman it had to be shown to the hierarchy at police headquarters to demonstrate that it had been done properly.

He also allegedly rubbed a special antidote cream over another woman's body.

Marriner has been charged with four counts of false pretences, three of assault causing bodily harm, one of misappropriation, two of attempted extortion, four of common assault, four of fraud, three of aggravated indecent assault, and one of indecent assault, from the 1980s until 2001.

He has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

The trial, in the District Court in Brisbane, is expected to take two weeks.

AAP

---

19 Aug 06 - 08:04 AM (#1813698)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

California Woman Sues JC Penney After Run-In With Legless Mannequin
Allegedly Left Her Injured

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2330916

LOS ANGELES Aug 18, 2006 (AP)— A woman is suing the J.C. Penney Co.
after an alleged run-in with a store mannequin that she says left her
with a cracked tooth, a bloodied head and recurring shoulder pain....

---

19 Aug 06 - 05:57 PM (#1814062)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Slag

I'm finally beginning to understand the BBC. If I get a left-side lobotomy I can join your club.

---

19 Aug 06 - 07:53 PM (#1814127)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

No, lobotomies are only in the frontal area of the brain - remember that by reciting after me...

I'd sooner have a bottle in front of me,
than a frontal lobotomy...

"I can join your club."

you just have to stop using the critical faculities... too much...

---

19 Aug 06 - 08:07 PM (#1814136)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

BTW

Re: 19 Dec 04 - 07:14 AM above...

The Australian Govt is putting out a tender for a 'mother ship' designed to detain refugees picked up at sea - they deny it is a 'prison ship'...

I'm not making this up you know...

---

20 Aug 06 - 11:32 AM (#1814447)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Charley Noble

The whole wide world whirls on!

Charley Noble

---

21 Aug 06 - 09:35 PM (#1815656)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:


On a Sears hairdryer - "Do not use while sleeping."
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron - "Do not iron clothes on body"
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On a bag of Fritos - You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(x-ray vision anyone?)

On a bar of Dial soap - "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(as opposed to???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners - "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) - "Do not turn upside down."
(well…duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating."
(…and you thought????…)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine - "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid - "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and I'm taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights - "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(and here I was going to use them, uh, hmmmm?)

On a Japanese food processor - "Not to be used for the other use."
(Somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts - "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts - "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(so I shouldn't eat the package too?)

On a child's Superman costume - "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw - "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

---

21 Aug 06 - 09:57 PM (#1815678)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Ebbie

um, Robin? Shouldn't you credit the author of that?

---

22 Aug 06 - 08:23 AM (#1815964)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

It was forwarded to me unattributed.

---

25 Oct 06 - 10:40 PM (#1868798)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Tesco condemned for selling pole dancing toy
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=412195&in_page_id=1770

With pictures...

Tesco has been forced to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website after it was accused of "destroying children's innocence".

The Tesco Direct site advertises the kit with the words, "Unleash the sex kitten inside...simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go!

"Soon you'll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars".

[snip]

The pole dance kit is the latest item to fuel allegations that major retailers increasingly sell products which "sexualise" young children such as T-shirts with suggestive messages.

In recent years Asda was forced to remove from sale pink and black lace lingerie, including a push-up bra to girls as young as nine.

Next had to remove t-shirts on sale for girls as young as six with the slogan "so many boys, so little time."

And BHS and others came under fire for selling padded bras embellished with a "Little Miss Naughty" logo and t-shirts with a Playboy-style bunny that said "I love boys...They are stupid."

Tesco last night denied the pole dancing kit was sexually oriented and said it was clearly marked for "adult use".

A spokesman added: "Pole dancing is an increasing exercise craze. This item is for people who want to improve their fitness and have fun at the same time."
~~~~~~~~

"simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

06 Nov 06 - 08:49 PM (#1877920)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/06/exploding_trousers/

Bank robber exposed by exploding trousers
Smoking pants finger hapless blagger

By Lester Haines
Published Wednesday 6th September 2006 13:52 GMT

A bank robber who made off with a wad of cash from an Orlando bank last Friday had his collar felt after his trousers exploded as he attempted to make good his escape, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

Kenneth Ray Brooks marched into Centura Bank and declared: "I'm holding down the joint," police reports record. He then "stuffed a stack of bills into his waistband and pushed the money down out of view", and quickly exited the scene tailed by a bank employee.

Sgt. Barbara Jones explained: "Witnesses said they could see smoke coming out of his pants." Officers attending the scene quickly identified the perp by "his discomfort and bright red dye on both hands".

Brooks, identified by bank employees and CCTV footage of the blag, was taken to police headquarters for questioning and later "walked very slowly to a waiting ambulance with the help of police officers and firefighters". He then enjoyed a trip to the local hospital "as a result of possible burning injuries to his person".

Brooks has been charged with robbery, but that's not his most immediate concern. Police told the Orlando Sentinel that only the FBI could advise on the best method for removing the dye from Brook's hands and "lower torso".

Bootnote

Our informant Mike Richards failed to find an IT angle to this particular tale of woe, but quite reasonably asked: "Could you ignore a story that begins: 'The crotch of Kenneth Ray Brooks' pants exploded Friday afternoon.'?" Evidently not.

---

06 Nov 06 - 09:05 PM (#1877932)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/02/28/blag_cash_auction/

Kent blag cash fenced on eBay
'£50m in used notes - quick sale'

By Lester Haines
Published Tuesday 28th February 2006 14:06 GMT

Updated Reader Rob Griggs-Taylor reckons the following eBay auction won't be up for long*, but describes it as "pure class". We agree on both counts:

For sale: £50m in used notes (see graphic)

Nicely done, especially the blurb which reads: "Recently aquired [sic] collection of used bank notes. Ideal for collector who doesn't ask too many questions. If you catch my drift."

We certainly do. The current top bid of 10 million quid says this auction is down before you can say "get your trousers on, you're nicked".

Update

*Yup - it's gone already (14:30 GMT). We really need to start charging for this auction-killing service.

---

17 Jan 07 - 08:14 AM (#1939317)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Treating Ailments- The Celtic Way

From a forwarded message to me...


I found these interesting little gems recently. They are by Meddygon Myddfai, Welsh, 13th Century and can be found in "A Celtic Book Of Days" by Sarah Costley and Charles Kightly.

'If a man vomit excessively, let him immerse his testicles in vinegar. It will cure him'

'If a man be irritable of mind, let him drink celery juice excessively: it will relieve his mood and produce joy.

'From the condition of a mans urine, may be distinguished his defects, dangers, fears and diseases, whether he be present or absent: if the colour be yellow-gold it shows that food and drink are perfectly digested in the stomach. If deep, liver-coloured red, or greenish, it shows that food is properly digested in his stomach. If black, or of a leaden hue, or milky, the food is not being digested in the stomach'

All I can say is, I wish the celery juice remedy was that easy-sure beats the rolling pin around the noggin! Just to be fair, does anyone have any equal remedies for us females?

Caroline

---

24 Jan 07 - 06:47 PM (#1947127)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Australian Gary Kemble is responsible for...

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/01/22/pmail_paperbased_mes.html

P-mail: Paper-based messaging. Like email but slower!

---

24 Jan 07 - 07:05 PM (#1947146)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

It's not news, it's Fark!

---

25 Jan 07 - 04:44 AM (#1947373)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: JohnInKansas

With the many mentions of police intelligence above, perhaps it's worth a note that the Mexican national police force descended on the town of Tijuana recently, and confiscated all the guns from the local police force pending an investigation of "police cooperation" with local drug gangs.

When the police complained loudly about being deprived of their weapons, 60 local police officers were issued "replacement weapons" - - -

- - - - a slingshot and bag of ball bearings to each.

John

---

13 May 07 - 10:15 AM (#2050636)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070508/od_nm/india_election_livingdead_dc;_ylt=AgO3Kw76haNc4OBb83qtlG_MWM0F

Man wants electoral voice for "living dead" By Sharat Pradhan
Tue May 8, 10:12 AM ET



LUCKNOW, India (Reuters) - A villager is campaigning in northern India for the rights of people declared legally dead by cheating relatives seeking to steal their assets.

Lal Bihari, a lower caste villager who lost his father's inheritance due to an unscrupulous uncle, formed the "Union of the Dead" in 1980 to fight for the rights of thousands he says have fallen victim to scams by relatives.

He is contesting as an independent in a month-long election in Uttar Pradesh, India's most populous state, which ends on Tuesday.

In 1976, an uncle allegedly connived with corrupt local officials to fudge village records and declare Bihari dead. The uncle then won the inheritance of Bihari's father.

"It was only as late as in 1994 that I succeeded in proving myself alive," Bihari, 52, said.

Like many poor in India, it was very hard for him to get a court ruling to reverse the decision, due to corruption and a backlog of millions of cases in the judiciary.

"Nearly 3,000 others are fighting their independent battles in other parts of U.P. (Uttar Pradesh) to prove that they are alive," Bihari said.

Senior state government official V.K. Sharma said as per records, there are 313 cases of persons who have been wrongly declared as dead even though they are alive.

"Another round of probe is currently underway and we suspect many more such cases could be unearthed," he said.

In 1980, Bihari added 'Mritak', or "dead," to his name.

He even got his wife to apply, unsuccessfully, for a widow's pension.

He once staged the kidnapping of a cousin so that a criminal case could be brought against him -- and therefore prove legally he was alive.

"But even that did not happen as my relatives understood my intention behind the desperate move and knew that there was no danger to the cousin's life," he added.

Bihari has contested other elections, including one parliamentary election in 1989 against then Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi.

"Even my physical presence in the electoral fray did not help me to prove that I was alive," he lamented.

Victory came years later in 1994, when a local revenue official restored his status as "alive" in the same land records where he had been shown as "dead."

---

13 May 07 - 11:08 AM (#2050669)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Bill D

"We never mention Aunt Clara;
Her picture is turned to the wall.
Though she lives on the French Riviera,
Mother says that she's dead to us all."

---

13 May 07 - 12:01 PM (#2050694)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Alice

The manager of my ISP told me that he no longer forwards spam as he was told that unless
someone actually has been defrauded of money, law enforcement doesn't want to deal with them.

---

13 May 07 - 06:28 PM (#2050933)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Little Hawk

Why would anyone even bother opening unsolicited porn and other spam emails? You can't be offended by the content if you don't look at it! I shut off the preview feature on my email, so all I see there is a list of messages, showing who it's from (supposedly, at any rate) and what the subject matter is (again, supposedly). I then delete all the emails that are not most definitely from someone I already want to hear from without ever opening them. End of story.

I do sometimes open the Nigerian type spam, however, because it can provide a good laugh... ;-)

---

13 May 07 - 09:29 PM (#2051042)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

"This thread was not intended to be just about SPAM, by the way... - Date: 01 Nov 03 - 06:59 AM"

Why are peoplw babbling on about just spam in this thread? The first post (about spam) is over 4 years old - and the thread is about SO much more than just spam...

---

14 May 07 - 03:42 AM (#2051189)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

This one gets its own thread.... :-)

Tech: Noise in the Scale of C !!!

---

14 May 07 - 09:47 PM (#2051914)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Joe_F

About 40 years ago the office I worked in bought a microfilm reader from no less an outfit than Eastman Kodak. When it came, we opened the carton and gingerly removed a lot of vulnerable-looking components (heavy pieces of glass, etc.) and spread them out on a desk. At the bottom was a sheet of instructions for unpacking & assembly. The first instruction was to turn the carton upside down before opening.

---

14 May 07 - 10:33 PM (#2051945)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Donuel

In the real world I have basicly been reinacting the screenplay Rude Awakinings in one way or another every day of my life since 1984.


It's not just me...
All the characters continue to pop in and play their roles.
It certainly can be considered foolish, but the world obliges.

---

15 May 07 - 07:29 AM (#2052215)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

"The first instruction was to turn the carton upside down before opening. "

Doing which obviously, would enable you to find the unpacking instructions, as the very first thing!!!!!


In what order do you think they packed it - the packing instructions were OBVIOUSLY meant to be the first thing you found...

:-)
~~~~~~~~
You're lucky, Donuel.

Some years ago, I discovered that I lived in the middle of a Troupe of Fooles...

Similar to a Circus, but without the performing animals - well...er...
mostly...

---

18 Nov 07 - 02:22 AM (#2196502)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Taking FSM seriously

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/11/16/flying.spaghettimonster.ap/index.html


Religious scholars mull Flying Spaghetti Monster

* Story Highlights
* American Academy of Religion to discuss Flying Spaghetti Monster
* The pseudo-deity was created to challenge intelligent design
* Supporters claim a Flying Spaghetti Monster created universe
* Followers call themselves Pastafarians

(AP) -- When some of the world's leading religious scholars gather in San Diego this weekend, pasta will be on the intellectual menu. They'll be talking about a satirical pseudo-deity called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose growing pop culture fame gets laughs but also raises serious questions about the essence of religion.

The appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on the agenda of the American Academy of Religion's annual meeting gives a kind of scholarly imprimatur to a phenomenon that first emerged in 2005, during the debate in Kansas over whether intelligent design should be taught in public school sciences classes.

Supporters of intelligent design hold that the order and complexity of the universe is so great that science alone cannot explain it. The concept's critics see it as faith masquerading as science.

An Oregon State physics graduate named Bobby Henderson stepped into the debate by sending a letter to the Kansas School Board. With tongue in cheek, he purported to speak for 10 million followers of a being called the Flying Spaghetti Monster -- and demanded equal time for their views.

"We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it," Henderson wrote. As for scientific evidence to the contrary, "what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage."

The letter made the rounds on the Internet, prompting laughter from some and vilification from others. But it struck a chord and stuck around. In the great tradition of satire, its humor was in fact a clever and effective argument.

Between the lines, the point of the letter was this: There's no more scientific basis for intelligent design than there is for the idea an omniscient creature made of pasta created the universe. If intelligent design supporters could demand equal time in a science class, why not anyone else? The only reasonable solution is to put nothing into sciences classes but the best available science.

"I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; one third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence," Henderson sarcastically concluded.

Kansas eventually repealed guidelines questioning the theory of evolution.

Meanwhile, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSM-ism to its "adherents") has thrived -- particularly on college campuses and in Europe. Henderson's Web site has become a kind of cyber-watercooler for opponents of intelligent design.

Henderson did not respond to a request for comment. His Web site tracks meetings of FSM clubs (members dress up as pirates) and sells trinkets and bumper stickers. "Pastafarians" -- as followers call themselves -- can also download computer screen-savers and wallpaper (one says: "WWFSMD?") and can sample photographs that show "visions" of the divinity himself. In one, the image of the carbohydrate creator is seen in a gnarl of dug-up tree roots.

It was the emergence of this community that attracted the attention of three young scholars at the University of Florida who study religion in popular culture. They got to talking, and eventually managed to get a panel on FSM-ism on the agenda at one of the field's most prestigious gatherings.

The title: "Evolutionary Controversy and a Side of Pasta: The Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Subversive Function of Religious Parody."

"For a lot of people they're just sort of fun responses to religion, or fun responses to organized religion. But I think it raises real questions about how people approach religion in their lives," said Samuel Snyder, one of the three Florida graduate students who will give talks at the meeting next Monday along with Alyssa Beall of Syracuse University.

The presenters' titles seem almost a parody themselves of academic jargon. Snyder will speak about "Holy Pasta and Authentic Sauce: The Flying Spaghetti Monster's Messy Implications for Theorizing Religion," while Gavin Van Horn's presentation is titled "Noodling around with Religion: Carnival Play, Monstrous Humor, and the Noodly Master."

Using a framework developed by literary critic Mikhail Bakhtin, Van Horn promises in his abstract to explore how, "in a carnivalesque fashion, the Flying Spaghetti Monster elevates the low (the bodily, the material, the inorganic) to bring down the high (the sacred, the religiously dogmatic, the culturally authoritative)."

The authors recognize the topic is a little light by the standards of the American Academy of Religion.

"You have to keep a sense of humor when you're studying religion, especially in graduate school," Van Horn said in a recent telephone interview. "Otherwise you'll sink into depression pretty quickly."

But they also insist it's more than a joke.

Indeed, the tale of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its followers cuts to the heart of the one of the thorniest questions in religious studies: What defines a religion? Does it require a genuine theological belief? Or simply a set of rituals and a community joining together as a way of signaling their cultural alliances to others?

In short, is an anti-religion like Flying Spaghetti Monsterism actually a religion?

Joining them on the panel will be David Chidester, a prominent and controversial academic at the University of Cape Town in South Africa who is interested in precisely such questions. He has urged scholars looking for insights into the place of religion in culture and psychology to explore a wider range of human activities. Examples include cheering for sports teams, joining Tupperware groups and the growing phenomenon of Internet-based religions. His 2005 book "Authentic Fakes: Religion and American Popular Culture," prompted wide debate about how far into popular culture religious studies scholars should venture.

Lucas Johnston, the third Florida student, argues the Flying Spaghetti Monsterism exhibits at least some of the traits of a traditional religion -- including, perhaps, that deep human need to feel like there's something bigger than oneself out there.

He recognized the point when his neighbor, a militant atheist who sports a pro-Darwin bumper sticker on her car, tried recently to start her car on a dying battery.

As she turned the key, she murmured under her breath: "Come on Spaghetti Monster!"

---

18 Nov 07 - 08:15 PM (#2197121)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: JohnInKansas

Although I've searched the FSM website carefully, a nagging question is unresolved.

In the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, when a child is Spaghettied (the rough equivalent of "christened") should the ritual sprinkling be with Parmesan or Romano - or are there separate schisms subscribing to each.

Our own congregation can't seem to come to an agreement.

John

---

18 Nov 07 - 09:28 PM (#2197157)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

You seem to be a natural to be a member of The Fooles Troupe, John...

---

28 Dec 07 - 09:58 AM (#2223679)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Egypt to copyright pyramids
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071225/lf_afp/egyptantiquitieslaw
by Rayad Abou Awad Tue Dec 25, 2:00 PM ET

CAIRO (AFP) - In a potential blow to themed resorts from Vegas to Tokyo, Egypt is to pass a law requiring payment of royalties whenever its ancient monuments, from the pyramids to the sphinx, are reproduced.

Zahi Hawass, the charismatic and controversial head of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities, told AFP on Tuesday that the move was necessary to pay for the upkeep of the country's thousands of pharaonic sites.

"The new law will completely prohibit the duplication of historic Egyptian monuments which the Supreme Council of Antiquities considers 100-percent copies," he said.

"If the law is passed then it will be applied in all countries of the world so that we can protect our interests," Hawass said.

He said that a ministerial committee had already agreed on the law which should be passed in the next parliamentary session, while insisting the move would not hurt Egyptian artisans.

"It is Egypt's right to be the only copyright owner for these monuments in order to benefit financially so we can restore, preserve and protect Egyptian monuments."

However, the law "does not forbid local or international artists from profiting from drawings and other reproductions of pharaonic and Egyptian monuments from all eras -- as long as they don't make exact copies."

"Artists have the right to be inspired by everything that surrounds them, including monuments," he said.

Asked about the potential impact on the monumental Luxor Hotel in the US gambling capital of Las Vegas, Hawass insisted that particular resort was "not an exact copy of pharaonic monuments despite the fact it's in the shape of a pyramid."

On its website, the luxury hotel describes itself as "the only pyramid shaped building in the world," but Hawass said its interior was entirely different from an ancient Egyptian setting.

Hawass's declarations came after the opposition daily Al-Wafd published an article on Sunday called for the Las Vegas hotel to pay a slice of its lodging and gambling profits to the city of Luxor.

"Thirty-five million tourists visit Las Vegas to see the reproduction of Luxor city while only six million visit the real Egyptian city of Luxor," the paper lamented.

Samir Farag, head of Luxor town council in southern Egypt, home to the legendary Valley of the Kings, said that it would be difficult to prohibit use of pyramid shapes.

"We can't forbid people from using the name of Luxor and copying monuments from (Luxor) city, which is the world's richest city for monuments," he said, adding that "tourists going to Las Vegas doesn't affect our city's business."

---

28 Dec 07 - 07:55 PM (#2224048)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Sandra in Sydney

When I first heard about this new law, I was wondering how they would enforce it, but now I see it is only exact copies, so Las Vagas is safe.

---

28 Dec 07 - 08:52 PM (#2224065)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: John O'L

Exact copies? There can't be many of them surely? They'd be pretty big. Where would you put one?

---

29 Dec 07 - 01:36 AM (#2224133)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: dick greenhaus

Well, a long tome ago when I worked for a magazine publisher, they decided to purchase one of them new-fangled word processors. After due deliberation, they picked one. It had an inconvenient keyboard which was physically attached to the display so that there was no comfortable way to type on it, but it had one great advantage that the Editor thought was an overriding one: it would print in either red or black, so that various stages of editorial changes were apparent.

It was also slow, so after a day or so, only Xeroxed copies were ever circulated. Oh well.

---

30 Dec 07 - 07:40 AM (#2224826)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

US town escapes 666 phone prefix
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7163767.stm

The reference to 666 is taken from the Biblical book of Revelation
A town in the US state of Louisiana is to be allowed to change its telephone prefix so that residents can avoid a number many associate with the Devil.

Christians in Reeves have been unhappy since the early 1960s about being given the prefix, 666 - traditionally known as the Biblical "number of the beast".

For the next three months, households will be able to change the first three digits of their phone numbers to 749.

Mayor Scott Walker said CenturyTel's decision was "divine intervention".

However, he admitted it helped that Louisiana's two senators had also lobbied for the change with the phone company and the state Public Service Commission.

"It's been a black eye for our town, a stigma," he said.

"I don't think it's anything bad on us, just an image," he added. "We're good Christian people."

Mayor Walker said he had already made the switch to using the 749 prefix and expected about 80% of the town's 450 homeowners to do the same.

The reference to 666 is taken from translations of the Biblical book of Revelation, which talks about the events leading to the end of the world.

Revelation 13:18 states: "If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666."

Although in recent years scholars at Oxford University said that they had discovered a 3rd Century papyrus, from Oxyrhynchus, which gives the Number of the Beast as 616.

And a manuscript fragment from the 11th Century lists the number as 665.

The traditional number, 666, has fascinated and puzzled Christians for centuries and led to a great deal of speculation about its meaning.

Many scholars believe it is a reference to the Roman emperor at the time Revelation was written - either Nero or Diocletian. Both men put large numbers of Christians to death.

Using the Jewish system of Gematria, in which each letter is given a number, either name can be made to add up to 666.

The fear of the number 666 is known as hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia.

---

01 Jan 08 - 07:20 AM (#2226078)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Pavement sex 'only floor play'
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article594932.ece
By ROBERT FAIRBURN

Published: 18 Dec 2007

A TEENAGER who tried to have sex with the PAVEMENT in a busy street claimed yesterday it was a drunken prank — and escaped being put on the sex offenders' list.

Motorists looked on in shock as Steven Marshall, 18, hauled down his trousers and started to simulate sex on the floor.

Marshall — drinking while taking pills for arthritis — also carried out a vile sex act in front of a horrified female taxi driver in Galashiels, Selkirkshire.

He admitted a charge of public indecency at Selkirk Sheriff Court and got 12 months probation.

Sheriff Drummond commented: "This was bizarre. Anyone who lies on the road in the daylight, is significantly intoxicated and is partially undressed has a problem."

But Marshall will NOT be put on the sex offenders' register after Sheriff Drummond accepted the June offence "was not primarily sexually motivated".

---

01 Jan 08 - 12:22 PM (#2226200)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Charley Noble

"sex with the PAVEMENT"?

What could he have been thinking? Various criminal charges come to mind:

Asphalt assault

Intersection intercourse

Cobble molestation

Pavement perversion

Road rape

The public should be grateful that no innocent manhole was involved.

Charley Noble

---

09 Jan 08 - 06:18 AM (#2231867)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Oliver electrocutes chicken on TV

http://www.taste.com.au/news+features/articles/789/oliver+electrocutes+chicken+on+tv

British celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has electrocuted a chicken on television, in order to highlight the cruelty of industrial chicken farming.

In a scene from his latest TV show, Jamie's Fowl Dinners, Oliver electrocutes a chicken, slits its throat and drains the blood from its neck.

Another part of the program shows unwanted male chicks suffocating in an airless container.

The show, which will be broadcast in the UK this Friday, is part of the chef's crusade to encourage consumers to buy chickens which have been raised in more humane circumstances.

Animal rights groups, however, have expressed concern about Oliver's decision to kill a chicken in a television studio with an audience watching.

A spokesperson from the RSPCA in the UK told the Daily Mail that "The lights, the cameras, the noise could be frightening and cause animals potential distress."

Oliver, on the other hand, said "I think if even a small percentage of people watching were informed and decided to shop differently as a result that would make a real difference."

This is not the first time Oliver's actions have upset animal rights groups. In 2005, the man known as the Naked Chef was shown slaughtering a lamb while it was still conscious.

He has also landed himself in trouble with supermarket giant Sainsbury's, a company which pays him to endorse its products, by criticising them for not taking part in a debate on the program.

Source
Taste.com.au - January 2008
~~~~~~~~~~


"The lights, the cameras, the noise could be frightening and cause animals potential distress."

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

---

09 Jan 08 - 06:33 AM (#2231876)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Sandra in Sydney

but not the electrocuting & throat slitting?

nicely said (typed?) Robin

---

09 Jan 08 - 10:05 AM (#2232026)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Donuel

There's a million dollars under your bed! Yes really. Go look; I'll wait.

Huh, that's weird. Did you look really hard? Are you sure? Maybe you should try again, and look really, really hard this time.

Hmmm, did you look under the carpet? Well, you gotta look under the carpet. I know what I said; but under the carpet under the bed is still under the bed.

Nothing? You can't just feel for lumps; it could be in large bills spread out in a thin layer. You've got to pull up the carpet. Hey, with a million dollars you can get a new carpet, right?

I don't think you're putting enough effort into this. You're going to have to tear up the floor too. Of course I'm sure it's there; It says so right here on this old treasure map. Can you prove the map's a forgery? I didn't think so.

Well of course you have to dig: it's buried treasure, isn't it? You always have to dig for buried treasure. Everybody knows that. Are you stupid or something?

Deeper.

Okay mister know-it-all, prove there's no treasure. See, you can't! It's an irrational claim. You'd have to dig all the way to China. You do believe in China don't you? Have you ever seen China? See, everybody believes in things they've never seen, so keep digging.

Deeper!

I had some of the dirt analyzed. There are minute traces of gold. You must be getting close. No, it can't be natural; if gold just occurred naturally we'd all be rich, now wouldn't we.

Deeper!!

This guy I know took the dirt sample you sent me, calculated the trace amount of gold per cubic foot, then calculated the total volume of a column of dirt the size of your bed stretching all the way to the other side of the earth, then made some adjustments for increased gold density near the core, and viola! scientific proof that there's a million dollars in gold under your bed! Isn't that great?

You can't stop now, you're so close. What are you so mad about? Look at what great shape you got in from all that digging! Surely that's worth a million dollars right there. I think you really believe that gold is there anyway. Why else would you have dug that hole? I think that you're just afraid that if you keep digging you'll find gold. Why do you hate money so much? Are you some sort of communist?

Okay, that's it, me and some of my friends are going to come over and make you dig. I will not stay out of your bedroom! Your rights? What about my rights? It's totally unfair for you to deny me the right to that gold just because you don't believe it's there. Or rather, claim to not believe it's there: I think you're really just lazy.

Why are you running around telling people there is no gold under your bed? That's just more proof that deep down you really know it's there. If you really didn't believe there was any gold there it would never occur to you to mention it. After all, nobody runs around saying "There's no Santa Claus buried under my bed." You only have to deny the Gold because you know it's true.

You agoldists are such hypocrites. You talk about tolerance and rights, then persecute those of us who just want to be left alone to make you dig under your bed. My congressman is going to hear about this.

---

13 Jan 08 - 09:31 AM (#2235334)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Boobies - What can I say!

http://questionablecontent.net/indietits/2005/05/double-update-because-i-keep.html

---

19 Mar 08 - 03:28 AM (#2292388)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

WPhilippines warns 'crucifixion bad for health'
ednesday March 19, 02:45 PM

http://au.news.yahoo.com/080319/19/1679i.html

MANILA (AFP) - Philippine health officials Wednesday warned people taking part in Easter crucifixions and self-flagellation rituals to get a tetanus shot first and sterilise the nails to avoid infections.

Every Good Friday in this predominately Roman Catholic Southeast Asian nation dozens of men re-enact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ by having themselves nailed to wooden crosses.

At the same time hundreds of others, mostly men, strip to the waist and whip themselves until their backs are cut and bloody as a way of atoning for their sins over the past year.

The Catholic church frowns upon the crucifixions and self flagellations which have become a tourist attraction in a number of towns around the country.

The department of health issued a health warning advising people taking part in the rituals this Friday to have tetanus shots and to check the condition of the whip they will use before lashing their backs.

It warned that dirty whips could lead to tetanus and other infections.

Health Secretary Francisco Duque said that as was hard to discourage "flagellants from whipping their own flesh, the best penitents can do is ensure that their whips are well-maintained."

According to the Manila Times, in San Fernando City, Pampanga, some 23 people, including two women, plan to reenact the crucifixion on Friday.

"We are not trying to go against the Lenten tradition here because whipping has somewhat already become some form of 'atonement for sins' for some of us," Duque said.

"But this advice is important to make sure that no one will land in the hospital due to tetanus or other infections that penitents might get in the process," he said.

The health department has also warned that the six-inch (15-centimetre) nails used in crucifixions should be sterilised.

:-)

---

23 Mar 08 - 10:36 AM (#2295845)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Fire station 'wrong way round'
By Paul Carter
March 23, 2008 05:35pm

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23419572-29277,00.html?from=public_rss

A NSW Fire Brigades boss is downplaying "minor issues" over a new station in Bathurst which the firefighters' union describes as a total stuff-up.

NSW Fire Brigades Union secretary Simon Flynn said the $2 million fire station was built the wrong way round, making access impractical and dangerous.

Entry to its front driveway was severely hampered by a concrete median strip on the road outside the station, he said.

It forced fire engine drivers to make two tricky 90-degree turns when driving out the back door in an emergency onto another road without a median strip, he said.

"It is a total stuff up," Mr Flynn said.

NSW Fire Brigades director of regional operations Assistant Commissioner Mark Brown said the design of the Bathurst Fire Station was practical and safe.

"The fire station has dual access to two street frontages – Alexander and Suttor. However, Suttor Street provides the safest route due to traffic volumes on the main road," he said.

"This arrangement has no impact on response times. The station was designed and built for fire engines to respond in either direction."

The union said the Suttor St access was almost blocked by the median strip.

Mr Brown said leaks in the roof of the new station, which opened in March last year, had been fixed and quotes were being called for relocating an air compressor from the old station still used to fill air cylinders.

"As this is not an emergency activity, the location of the compressor has no impact on the brigade, however it will be more convenient once it is relocated to the new station," he said.

Mr Brown said relocation to the new station had been successful despite the "minor issues".

---

27 Mar 08 - 08:14 AM (#2298637)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

State's sky to get heritage status
March 27, 2008 09:17pm
Article from: AAP

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23443024-29277,00.html?from=public_rss

THE sky above New South Wales is to be given heritage status by the National Trust.

The National Trust of NSW is set to classify both the day and night sky above the state as worthy of preservation.

National Trust NSW president Zeny Edwards said the sky viewed from NSW had extraordinary aesthetic, historic, social and scientific significance for all Australians.

The move was timely with Earth Hour on Saturday, when switching off city lights would allow the sky to be seen clearly, he said.

"Our sky is the only vista common to the whole country," Dr Edwards said today.

"We hope the listing of the sky will be a unifying symbol to help focus awareness on the need to protect our environment in the broadest sense.

"Unnecessary lighting of buildings at night diminishes our enjoyment of the stars, and the wide blue skies for which Sydney is so well known are increasingly obscured by smoggy haze.

"A clear view of the sky is the right of every Australian and should be preserved."

Dr Edwards said the Milky Way and Southern Cross were defining symbols for Australians.

"Our sky predates life on earth and is known to have been highly significant to the Aboriginal people who have depicted the sun, moon and stars in art and dreamtime legends," he said.

"The movement of the sun, moon and the stars guided our early Australian explorers."

---

21 Apr 08 - 10:33 PM (#2322196)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Shades of 'Danny Deck Chair'!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brazil priest carried off by balloons
Tuesday April 22, 06:50 AM
http://au.news.yahoo.com/080421/2/16kda.html

A Roman Catholic priest who floated off under hundreds of helium party balloons is missing off the southern coast of Brazil.

Rescuers in helicopters and small fishing boats were searching off the coast of Santa Catarina state, where pieces of balloons were found.

Reverend Adelir Antonio de Carli lifted off from the port city of Paranagua on Sunday afternoon, wearing a helmet, thermal suit and a parachute.

He was reported missing about eight hours later after losing contact with port authority officials, according to the treasurer of his Sao Cristovao parish, Denise Gallas.

Gallas said by telephone that the priest wanted to break a 19-hour record for the most hours flying with balloons to raise money for a spiritual rest-stop for truckers in Paranagua, Brazil's second-largest port for agricultural products.

Some American adventurers have used helium balloons to emulate Larry Walters - who in 1982 rose three miles above Los Angeles in a lawn chair lifted by balloons.

A video of Carli posted on the G1 website of Globo TV showed the smiling 41-year-old priest slipping into a flight suit, being strapped to a seat attached to a huge column green, red, white and yellow balloons, and soaring into the air to the cheers of a crowd.

According to Gallas, the priest soared to an altitude of 6,000 metres then descended to about 2,500 metres for his planned flight to the city of Dourados, 750km north-west of his parish.

But winds pushed him in another direction, and Carli was some 50km off the coast when he last contacted Paranagua's port authority, Gallas said.

Carli had a GPS device, a satellite phone, a buoyant chair and was an experienced skydiver, Gallas said.

"We are absolutely confident he will be found alive and well, floating somewhere in the ocean," she said.

"He knew what he was doing and was fully prepared for any kind of mishap."

---

23 Apr 08 - 09:59 PM (#2323807)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Wednesday April 23, 03:21 AM
Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital
http://au.news.yahoo.com/080422/15/16ktt.html

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

(For full Reuters Africa coverage and to have your say on the top issues, visit: http://africa.reuters.com/ )

(Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)

---

26 Apr 08 - 06:05 AM (#2326059)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

No Bull Mate!

http://au.news.yahoo.com/080425/15/16mc2.html
Saturday April 26, 02:03 AM
State moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles

TALLAHASSEE, Florida (Reuters) - Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state.

Republican Sen. Cary Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north.

The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version.

In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories.

Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested.

The bill's sponsor doubted it would succeed.

"It's probably not going to make it through the process," Baker said on Thursday. "It won't be much of story in a few days."

---

26 Apr 08 - 10:37 AM (#2326205)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: frogprince

We've been entangled in one mess with "them" that it's getting hard to laugh about. We had been using the same local pharmacy for several years, with essentially faultless service. Then my wife's med coverage required her to start using Express Scripts mailorder service a couple of years ago. They've demonstrated their total incompetency repeatedly; several times we have sent in prescriptions written for a year, and had to get new prescriptions soon afterward because they lost track of everything; several other assorted screwups. They just topped themselves. We've had no changes in our address, personal information, or medical coverage for years. Yesterday we received a letter saying that they had to cancel our last med order because they can find no record that we have coverage.

---

05 May 08 - 03:35 AM (#2333126)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

WA Liberals endorse Buswell as leader
http://au.news.yahoo.com/080505/2/16qhb.html

The West Australian Liberal Party has endorsed the leadership of Troy Buswell after a spill motion failed at a party room meeting in Perth.

The party room meeting was called for Monday following the opposition leader's admission he sniffed the chair of a female Liberal staffer in 2005.

...

Perth's only daily newspaper, The West Australian, carried a front-page editorial which called on the Liberal party to dump Mr Buswell.

"The ease with which he employs deviousness and downright dishonesty in a bid to achieve his personal ambitions is stunning by even political standards," the newspaper said.

Before becoming leader in January, Mr Buswell admitted snapping the bra of a Labor staffer last year and was accused of making sexist remarks towards another MP.
~~~~~~~~
Somehow I think the real fools are the electorate...

---

27 May 08 - 09:16 PM (#2350628)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

FITRW: Gifts from Tokyo Customs!
        

Boy, they REALLY make tourists feel welcome here!
http://au.news.yahoo.com/080527/15/17156.html

TOKYO (Reuters) - One of the travelers who arrived at Tokyo's Narita airport over the weekend may have picked up an unusual souvenir from customs -- a package of cannabis.

A customs official hid the package in a suitcase belonging to a passenger arriving from Hong Kong as a training exercise for sniffer dogs Sunday, but lost track of both drugs and suitcase during the practice session, a spokeswoman for Tokyo customs said.

Customs regulations specify that a training suitcase be used for such exercises, but the official said he had used passengers' suitcases for similar purposes in the past, domestic media reported.

"The dogs have always been able to find it before," NHK quoted him as saying. "I became overconfident that it would work."

Anyone who finds the package should contact Tokyo customs as soon as possible, the spokeswoman said.

(Reporting by Isabel Reynolds; editing by Sophie Hardach)

---

18 Jun 08 - 03:53 AM (#2368499)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Kids' flaming footbag toy banned
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23883046-5006787,00.html

June 18, 2008

A BALL designed to be set on fire and then kicked around has been banned.

South Australian Consumer Affairs Minister Jennifer Rankine said the Fire Footbag was made from fire resistant material and was meant to be soaked in flammable liquid and ignited.

"The Fire Footbag essentially becomes a flaming missile which presents extreme safety risks for people who could quite easily be burned by the footbag once it's been set alight," Ms Rankine said.

"Making such a dangerous item available to children or anyone else is absurd and unacceptable."

The Fire Footbag has already been identified by the Federal Government as a dangerous toy.

One incident had been reported in Western Australia in which a teenage boy suffered burns to his hands while trying to use it.

Ms Rankine said that while there had been no reports of injuries in South Australia, the Government had decided to act.

"The Fire Footbag clearly presents significant health and safety risks," she said.

---

18 Jun 08 - 07:36 AM (#2368635)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Bundy Bear caught in binge brawl
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23885067-29277,00.html?from=public_rss
By Denis Peters

June 18, 2008 07:04pm
Article from: AAP

HE is the bear who knows how to have a good time, even when his mates cover him in pink.

But the Bundy Bear, TV advertising symbol of Queensland's Bundaberg Rum, stirred up a hornet's nest during Federal Parliament's question time today.

Health Minister Nicola Roxon, who just yesterday fended off suggestions she is a wowser because of the Government's crackdown on binge drinking, went on the attack today and had Bundy in her sights.

She pointed out that Nationals MP Paul Neville, whose seat of Hinkler encompasses the city of Bundaberg, actually had a life-sized facsimile of Bundy in his parliamentary office window.

She suggested Mr Neville's choice of window decorations symbolised the Opposition's "flippant" approach to the problem of binge drinking.

"Imagine my surprise, walking past the member for Hinkler's office - I came across, in the window of his office, a life-sized bear, not just an ordinary bear, in fact a white bear, a polar bear, quite a famous bear - Bundy Bear," Ms Roxon said to a howls from the Opposition.

"(It's) the only bear in the country with its whole life committed to promoting alcohol. The point is ... the Opposition has alcohol advertisements in the Parliament.

"You don't think it's a problem."

Mr Neville, who was absent from the chamber for the barbs, returned later to defend Bundy.

"(Ms Roxon) said that I promoted binge drinking. I have never promoted binge drinking. In fact I have promoted responsible drinking," he said.

"Secondly, she criticised my choice of window display, the Bundy Bear, which I've had in place for at least two terms of this Parliament, which has never (attracted) any question.

"It is a ... light-hearted symbol of my town which has taken the product in question to the sporting community of Australia and to the world. I am proud to represent that company."

---

22 Jul 08 - 08:54 PM (#2395563)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

E-Mail Naivete Leads To False Prosecution
Tuesday July 22, 2008
http://blogs.pcmag.com/securitywatch/2008/07/email_naivete_leads_to_false_p.php

By now any experienced Internet user should know that e-mail headers aren't always what they seem to be. A message is not always from the person it purports to be "From: ".

Someone should have explained this problem to the New York City Police department and the Bronx County District Attorney, both of whom used an e-mail sent by one party to a second party, following an error by that second party, in order to prosecute a third party for sending it. In fact, in this case the header may have been accurate and the problem simple laziness in examining it.

Bronx resident William Hallowell was arrested on complaint of his supervisor, Robin Berson. Ms Berson had attempted to send an e-mail to Mr. Hallowell, but typed in the wrong address and sent it to a Ben Hallowell. Ben Hallowell's response made reference to illegal activities and hit on Ms. Berson in a crude way. Still not realizing what she had done she finked on William Hallowell to the Police who, despite a shocking absence of evidence against him, arrested him and held him for more than 30 hours. Prosecutors then took 4 months to dismiss the case. All these claims are as made in Hallowell's civil rights suit filed recently against police and prosecutors.

---

23 Jul 08 - 01:50 AM (#2395686)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Re: "Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods"

I'm looking at a carpet mat in the shape of a surfboard.

Label says: "WARNING! Not to be used as a life saving device!"

I'm not making this up, you know...

---

23 Jul 08 - 07:20 PM (#2396370)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7520149.stm

'Allah meat' astounds Nigerians

also lots of links to

SEE ALSO
Tropical fish 'has Allah marking'
31 Jan 06 | Lancashire
Christmas thief steals 'Nun Bun'
27 Dec 05 | Americas
India marvels at 'miracle chapati'
16 Nov 02 | South Asia
Message from Allah 'in tomato'
09 Sep 99 | UK News
Caravan park 'Christ' draws the faithful
11 Oct 00 | Asia-Pacific

---

01 Sep 08 - 12:29 AM (#2427330)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Man gets nut stuck around penis

August 31, 2008, 4:20 pm

A Malaysian welder had to have a nut removed from around his penis after an attempt to lengthen it before he gets engaged next week went embarrassingly wrong.

The nut got stuck on his penis following an erection, the Star newspaper reported, forcing him to seek help at a hospital in southern Johor state.

Staff from the Sultanah Aminah hospital had to drain some blood from the penis and cut away a top layer of skin before the object could be removed, the newspaper said.

It said the fire and rescue department were also involved in trying to remove the nut from the unnamed welder, who is in his 20s and hoped the nut would weigh down his penis to make it longer.

"The patient is now recovering and we hope to discharge him today (Sunday)," hospital director Daud Abdul Rahim told the Star.

On August 25, another young man in Kuala Lumpur had tried to increase his sexual prowess by slipping a steel ring around his penis, forcing the fire department to cut off the ring after doctors were unable to remove it, the newspaper said.

---

01 Sep 08 - 04:02 PM (#2427928)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Charley Noble

Surgeon to patient:

"We're just going to slice a little bit more off the top!"

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble

---

01 Sep 08 - 04:34 PM (#2427965)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: gnu

"Whadda you? Fuckin nuts?"

---

02 Sep 08 - 08:20 PM (#2429373)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Hard lesson...
Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers ... and then there are educators.

---

02 Sep 08 - 08:40 PM (#2429388)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Charley Noble

Excellent!

Charley Noble

---

02 Sep 08 - 08:41 PM (#2429391)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: olddude

I have found that in life there are 3 types of people

those who understand math and those that do not

---

09 Sep 08 - 04:34 AM (#2434931)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Court rules Wikipedia not authoritative
http://www.atomicmpc.com.au/article.asp\?CIID=121850&eid=6&edate=20080909

By Egan Orion | September 4, 2008

A US APPEALS COURT has ruled that Wikipedia entries, which anyone might edit, are not authoritative sources of information suitable for federal judges to base their decisions upon.

In particular, the 8th US Circuit Court of Appeals decided last Friday that the Department of Homeland Security should not rely upon information found at Wikipedia in deciding whether to admit asylum seekers applying to enter the country.

The appeals court reversed a ruling by the Board of Immigration Appeals that said it wasn't an error for DHS to cite Wikipedia in its decision to deport Lamilem Badasa, an Ethiopian woman who was seeking asylum in the US, claiming her laissez-passer travel permit didn't prove her identity.

The government used a Wikipedia entry to convince an immigration judge that the document was just a one-way travel document based on information provided solely by the applicant.

In overturning the Board's decision, the appellate court noted that, because anyone can edit Wikipedia, there was no assurance that the information the government found there was accurate. The court said that looking up information on Wikipedia might have misled and tainted the government officials' decision in the case.

The court of appeals remanded the case back down to the Board of Immigration Appeals to explain why it believes that consulting Wikipedia did not taint the decision-making process.

That's the appeals court's restrained and oblique manner of saying to the judges down at the lower court, "You have got to be kidding."

---

18 Sep 08 - 07:39 AM (#2443900)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Baggy pants ban unconstitutional: judge

September 17, 2008, 5:58 am

A Florida judge has deemed unconstitutional a law banning baggy pants that show off the wearer's underwear, local media reports.

A 17-year-old spent a night in jail last week after police arrested him for wearing low pants in Riviera Beach, southeast Florida.

The law banning so-called "saggy pants" was approved by city voters in March after supporters of the bill collected nearly 5,000 signatures to put the measure on the ballot.

The teen would have received a $US150 ($A188) fine or community service, but he spent the night in jail due to a history of marijuana use, the Palm Beach Post newspaper said on Tuesday.

"Somebody help me," said Palm Beach Circuit Judge Paul Moyle, before giving his decision.

"We're not talking about exposure of buttocks. No! We're talking about someone who has on pants whose underwear are apparently visible to a police officer who then makes an arrest and the basis is he's then held overnight, no bond."

"Your honour, we now have the fashion police," added public defender Carol Bickerstaff, who asked the law be declared "unconstitutional."

The judge agreed with Bickerstaff immediately, reported the Post.

Laws that ban low-slung pants are on the books in several US cities, including Delcambre, Louisiana, where offenders can be fined up to $US500 ($A628) or jailed for up to six months.

Dallas, Texas and Atlanta, Georgia are among the larger US cities considering similar measures.

---

18 Sep 08 - 07:45 AM (#2443905)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Da Debbil made me do it...

BS: Fools In The Real World             95         18 Sep 08 - 07:39 AM
What does Sarah Palin remind you of?    308         18 Sep 08 - 07:38 AM
BS: Lipstick on a Pig                   267         18 Sep 08 - 07:38 AM
BS: The Ego Has Landed                   7        18 Sep 08 - 07:35 AM
BS: Crash of U.S. Economy               311         18 Sep 08 - 07:29 AM

---

19 Sep 08 - 02:19 AM (#2444729)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Court rules outdoor areas are inside

---

24 Sep 08 - 09:37 AM (#2448921)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

D'oh! Simpsons and friends face Russia ban

September 24, 2008, 1:18 pm

MOSCOW (AFP) - Pornographic, extremist and immoral -- that's how Russian prosecutors are describing popular US cartoons like The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park.

The channel that carries them has been forced to suspend broadcasts of the offending programmes pending legal action and throngs of teenagers have taken to the streets to demand their favourite cartoons back.

On Wednesday, a meeting of a government monitoring agency could take channel 2x2 off the air starting next month after a protest campaign by religious groups against the irreverent US cartoons.

Fans of the cartoons say critics just don't get the joke and are engaging in Soviet -style moral censorship, while opponents say the cartoons are poisoning the minds of Russia 's young.

"I've got no problem with my sense of humour but any satire has its limits," said Konstantin Bendas, a Pentecostal pastor and father of three who is heading the campaign and has written a formal complaint to prosecutors.

"If a character in a cartoon says 'All Jews are stupid' is that funny? If Christian communion is compared to eating faeces, is that funny?," he asked, referring to some of the 20 episodes of South Park he has watched.

Following Bendas's complaint, channel 2x2 now also faces a criminal investigation under strict new Russian legislation against extremism for broadcasting the notoriously foul-mouthed South Park.

Judging by a highly critical statement issued by the prosecutor general's office this month, the prospects for the channel and its cartoons appear bleak in a Russia that commentators say is becoming increasingly conservative.

"The cartoons broadcast by 2x2 propagandise violence, cruelty, pornography and anti-social behaviour," the statement said.

"They are full of scenes of mutilation and infliction of physical and moral suffering that evoke fear, panic and terror in children.

"This media product is of low moral and ethical content and has an extremely negative effect on children, it perverts their moral orientation and increases the danger of panic and neurotic ailments."

Prosecutors also said the channel was in breach of legislation for the protection of children and rules against "the proliferation through the media of material propagandising pornography, a cult of violence and cruelty."

A spokeswoman for 2x2, Maria Telesheva, dismissed criticism of the cartoons.

"We hope the federal broadcast monitoring service takes into account the opinion of our 11 million viewers and the support that we've had in the past two weeks," Telesheva told AFP, adding that viewers liked the cartoons.

The channel also insists in its defence that any violent cartoons are only shown at night and are not aimed at a children's audience.

The Federal Service for Monitoring in the Sphere of Connections and Mass Communications is set to meet on Wednesday to discuss whether or not to renew the channel's licence, which runs out on October 17.

In the run-up to the ruling, teenagers dressed in black -- some with studs and punk haircuts, others dressed as South Park characters -- have protested in Moscow and Saint Petersburg, the two cities where the channel is shown.

So far the dispute seems a classic generational conflict, with defenders of morals on one side and a thriving Russian counter-culture on the other.

But channel executives have suggested in recent interviews that the religious campaign could just be a cover-up for corporate raiding.

"Someone apparently needs our frequency... There's this bloodlust, there really seems to be an organised campaign against this channel," 2x2 director Roman Sarkisov said in an interview with the Kommersant daily this month.

Pro-Kremlin member of parliament Pavel Tarakanov on Tuesday said the channel's frequency could be taken over by a new state-controlled patriotic youth channel instead of cartoon "pornography".

"We need to form a new generation of Russians for the 21st century that wants to live in a civilized country and be proud of it. That's why we need a media platform with a large audience," Tarakanov told Interfax news agency.

The cartoons shown by 2x2 "can only bring about the degradation and corruption of a young generation and will damage our culture and state," said Tarakanov, a member of Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's United Russia party.

---

09 Oct 08 - 09:20 AM (#2461014)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Council orders 'offensive' Aussie flag down

By Hannah Davies
October 09, 2008 12:01am

    * Council tells ex-soldier to take down backyard flag
    * Legal action threatened after neighbour's complaint
    * Council says flagpole could fall down in high winds

A BRISBANE council has ordered an ex-soldier to take down the Australian flag which flies outside his house because it has been deemed "offensive" by a neighbour.

Aaron Wilson erected the 5m high flagpole eight weeks ago, in honour of his friends who served in Iraq, The Courier-Mail reports.

But on Tuesday, Logan City Council called to tell him a neighbour had made a complaint, labelling it "offensive".

He was told to remove the pole or risk legal action. Mr Wilson, whose father fought in Vietnam, said he was disgusted.

"I find it astonishing that anyone could find the Australian flag offensive," he said.

"My family and friends have served for the country and the very least I can do is have a flag to show my appreciation for Australia.

"I thought the council had better things to do with their time than persecute people for putting a flag up."

Logan City mayor Pam Parker said she backed Mr Wilson. "I am offended that somebody should complain to the council about the Australian flag, and whoever they are should hang their head in shame," she said on ABC radio.

But she could not rule out his having to move the flagpole. A council spokeswoman said there was a concern the flagpole could fall down in high winds.

She said Mr Wilson, who is a salesman, needed a building permit, because the pole was only 4.5m from the kerb and, under the Queensland Development Code, it should be at least 6m from the front.

But Mr Wilson, 30, said other residents in the area had similar flagpoles that were closer to the boundary than his.

He said he would not be moving the flag. "You can't have rules for some people and not for others," he said. "I can't see how moving the flag back a bit is going to stop it being offensive."

Ex-serviceman Cr Ray Hackwood, who represents Mr Wilson's ward, said he would be monitoring the situation.

"As area councillor, I certainly won't allow anyone to pull down an Australian flag," he said.

Mr Wilson's neighbours last night were baffled as to who had complained.

Felicia Maybury, 28, said: "Mr Wilson's got a right to fly his flag in support of his country and his mates who fought for us."
~~~~~~~~

I live next door to the sort of nutter that would complain... I once got a letter complaining about my 'no-dig' garden bed...

---

09 Oct 08 - 09:26 AM (#2461020)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

100!

---

09 Oct 08 - 10:02 AM (#2461050)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Donuel

The Treasury Secretary and SEC chairmen were found dead outside their homes early today.

Identical notes were found near each scene saying only :
This burglar was found breaking into my home and stealing money.

Thousands of similar notes saying 'This burglar will be found breaking into my home and stealing money'
All the notes found outside the mansions and private Country Clubs of CEO's, CFO's, World Bank and high ranking administration officials.
For CNN this Daniel Myers

Ralph opened his eyes and regretted leaving the TV on all night again. This time it was only the local news channel reporting the leading bleeding stories of the morning.

---

27 Oct 09 - 05:51 PM (#2753925)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/odd/6395748/man-tries-to-rob-bank-with-a-spoon/

Man tries to rob bank with a spoon

Reuters
October 28, 2009, 1:41 am

WARSAW (Reuters) - A would-be bank robber held a teaspoon to the neck of a cashier pretending it was a knife, a Polish news website said Tuesday.

But Gazeta.pl said the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin Monday were not fooled, and scared the man away with their screaming.

Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect.

(Reporting by Kuba Jaworowski)

---

26 Feb 10 - 07:36 PM (#2851237)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

http://salem-news.com/articles/january242010/big_dick.php

Saudis Reject Pakistani Diplomat Whose Name Translates to 'Biggest Dick'

Tim King Salem-News.com
Jan-24-2010
In Saudi Arabia, size does count.
Pakistan High Commissioner Akbar Zeb

(SALEM, Ore.) - A high level Pakistani diplomat has been rejected as Ambassador of Saudi Arabia because his name, Akbar Zeb, equates to "Biggest Dick" in Arabic. Saudi officials, apparently overwhelmed by the idea of the name, put their foot down and gave the idea of his being posted there, the kibosh.

Akbar Zeb is no newcomer to politics, in fact you could say he's a pretty big deal. This long-ranging high level diplomat has worked with some of the largest members of world governments, players charged with negotiating the outcome of the world's current events.

He most recently served as High Commissioner Designate of Pakistan to Canada, and prior to that he was the ambassador of Pakistan to South Africa,. He also served in that capacity in Washington from 1983-87, and New Delhi from 1994-2000.

He earlier worked at the Pakistan headquarters as section officer from 1982- 83, director from 1987-94 and director-general from 2000-2003.

Miangul Akbar Zeb, also whose name news agencies sometimes refer to as Zib, was born on 15 February, 1954. He holds a Masters degree.

---

23 Mar 10 - 12:52 AM (#2869753)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight
http://www.fmft.net/archives/BBC_NEWS.htm
        
Last Updated: Monday, 2 May, 2005, 07:46 GMT 08:46 UK

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.

The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.

Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."

This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.

An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city's coliseum.

The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they "… could out-wit and out-muscle [it]."

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

---

29 Mar 10 - 01:03 AM (#2874386)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

How to interpret data

After digging to a depth of three metres last year, Melbourne scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than a century ago.

A Sydney archaeologist dug to six metres, finding traces of 130 year old copper wire and concluded that NSW already had an advanced high-tech network 30 years earlier than Victorians.

One week later, the SA Minister for Information issued a media statement:

"After digging as deep as 10 metres in pasture near Tanunda, we have found absolutely nothing. This proves that 150 years ago, South Australia had already gone wireless."

---

29 Mar 10 - 11:41 AM (#2874721)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Charley Noble

Fascinating as usual!

Charley Noble

---

29 Mar 10 - 02:23 PM (#2874854)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: gnu

Hahahaa... great stuff!

---

12 Apr 10 - 12:55 AM (#2884593)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

The Fawlty Towers of Aussie Service Stations.
or
A brief Handbook on Customer Disservice.

Dear BP Australia

About 5:30pm Sunday 11 April 2010, I made the regrettable error of stopping at your establishment at Kilcoy, instead of going to the Hotel up the road for an evening meal - petrol or alcohol was not needed. Foolishly, I ignored that fact that there were already about a dozen cars parked in the Service Station and across the road, with many people clearly waiting for something - perhaps food as it appears.

When I entered, I noticed that the chip tray in the Bain Marie was empty (I should have anticipated bad management, having already noticed the large queue, but I was tired). I quickly read the entire Menu Board, asked my Aspergers god-child what she wanted - sorted that hassle out, and asked "can I have a large box of chips please?" (I had already noted the prices). I was waved towards a stack of priced empty boxes including one more size than on the menu board! My selection was not influenced, as I did want the extra large. After sorting out that I didn't want that foul tasting 'Chicken Salt', just a very light amount (you ALWAYS have to say that in advance, or you get shovels full of salt) of normal salt. In McDonald's, the staff would by NOW have politely advised me that there would be a significant delay of about 15 minutes as they already had a large backlog of chip orders. In that case I would probably have selected at least 3 small cartons of Potato Gems already sitting ready - more expensive volume wise, but at least I would have wasted less time.

"The Customer is always Right"

I added several ready cooked items to my order for the 3 people in the car. I heard a later customer to my right ask 'could he have a Chiko Roll' - "Nuh" without any checking - the guy started to say, "OK forget it", but the deep fryer cook at the back of the room overheard this and yelled, "I got some Chiko Rolls about to come out" - so he said, "OK I'll wait for one of those".

"The Customer is always Right"

There was a large sign at the food register - 'Cash Only'. When I eventually return to Brisbane, my occasional ex-drinking buddies in the Tax Investigations Section will doubtless have a good laugh at the whole story too. I wasn't in the Public Service nearly 30 years before retiring for nothing.

The ready cooked items were bagged, and I paid for the lot in cash - I can't seem to find my receipt. As an ex-Public Servant who normally never throws ANY Documentation away, I am surprised, but being tired at the time, and stopping for a 'fatigue break' as per Government TV Ads, I am now not sure whether I even got one or not.

"The Customer is always Right - most especially when they are Wrong!"

After waiting for a long time, during which I learned that one of the young looking staff was 'Rachel', from her conversation with someone who knew her, I decided to use the toilet. I have seen cleaner and nicer, but it was acceptable. Upon return, there was a coffee waiting - I asked "Is this mine" and received it. I then asked more than once 'what about the chips?' and was ignored in good traditional Basil Fawlty fashion. There was a small carton of what looked like 'Chicken Chippies' or similar on the counter. A box of chips was being prepared - I asked 'are those mine' and was again ignored. Then THIS BOX of chips was lifted OVER the Chicken Chippies, and placed on the front edge of the counter right in front of me. There was a woman standing to the left of me with nothing on the counter in front of her. I asked again 'are these mine?' and again Basil Fawlty ruled. I then picked up the box and left.

The original plan was just to 'grab and go', but what with trying to get the child and the brainless lab pup and the food loaded into the car, I eventually decided we would eat at the nearby table. I was just starting to open the chips and noticing gravy that I had not ordered, and thought "oh, how nice, they give free gravy!" It is a pity we didn't drive off immediately, as then I would have for years been singing the praises of an overworked little food shop who did nice things for their customers anyway, and encouraging all my friends to use there.

Basil Fawlty's Daughter then stalked up to us, thundercloud on her brow, and loudly publicly berated me 'for taking the wrong order'!!!! After all that Classic Basil Fawlty rudeness that would have got her 'retrained' or possibly even just 'let go' from Maccas! I asked 'did she want the box back', and she said 'no, that it had ALREADY been sorted out'! So I asked what was her problem, and things rapidly deteriorated into a shouting match in front of everybody - I was tired and possibly cranky, I admit! I then told her in a very quiet, very polite voice to depart from my sight.

"The Customer is always Right - most especially when they are Wrong!"

She then started loudly ranting on about how I should show better manners "The Next Time!" Haha! FROM BASIL FAWLTY'S DAUGHTER! Hahaha! SHE fucked up, SHE got in the shit, and SHE came looking for a lower ranked dog to kick! I sent her away with a flea in her ear, I can tell you!

"The Customer is always Right - most especially when they are Wrong!"

My friend, by this stage, could take it no more - she said "WHAT NEXT TIME!!!!!!! - We won't be back, and neither will our friends when we tell them".

Doubtless I will dine out on this story for years among the many friends I know in the Food Industry, Chefs, TAFE Food lecturers, etc. I have done a bit of large scale catering in open fields over open fires myself, but that's another story. And in these days of the Net, someone like me who worked as a Computer Sys Admin knows how to get laughs from a lot of others world wide too.

By the way, all the food was cold and tasteless when we finally ate it, anyway.

So don't Go There! Look for a Maccas or go to the Pub up the road!

I wasted over half an hour of my life, why should you?

:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh and btw, from your BP website:
"We save cookies on to your computer to enable our site to personalise your future visits."

Oh no you don't - not with THIS little long term Computer Sys Admin black duck!

And as a writer, I retain Authorship Copyright on this story- I refuse to assign it to you!

Errors while trying to contact you:

Error
QUOTE
Specific information regarding your query so that the appropriate response is provided should be less than 2000 characters.
UNQUOTE

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haha! My complaint is too big for them to handle!

Robin

---

12 Apr 10 - 01:00 AM (#2884594)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

... and I thought I was being original...
http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q=bp+kilcoy+%22Fawlty+Towers%22

---

12 Apr 10 - 02:47 AM (#2884622)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

USPS Financial Woes Caused by Letters to God
Written by The Sarcasmist on April 9, 2010
http://blog.sarcasmsociety.com/society/usps-financial-woes-caused-by-letters-to-god.html

The United States Post Office is asking US citizens to stop sending letters to God. The amount of work that the handling of such letters is creating is resulting in a huge deficit in efficiency.

    "We understand that need for people to communicate with their maker; however, in light of the severe economic stress that the entire country is under, we are asking everyone to refrain from sending letters to God. We are unable to deliver them anyway, as our trucks are not allowed into Heaven." pleaded the Postmaster General.

The USPS hopes that its plea will not go unheard by the citizens, and just to be safe it has FedExed a letter to God asking him to stop the deluge of letters addressed to him.

---

12 Apr 10 - 11:52 AM (#2884864)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Jim Dixon

"Fools in a fantasy world" is more like it.

---

12 Apr 10 - 09:11 PM (#2885225)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

I'm not making this up, honest!

A Chinese coal carrier ran aground on the Barrier Reef - it was way of course, and the crew is in custody possibly facing criminal charges. There was a large oil spill which is being cleaned up. This morning the ship was freed by Tugs. The news had a salvage representative saying "It's off the reef, but we're not out of the trees yet"

I nearly choked laughing....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mental Image: Cartoon Style

Ok boys. Let's get this ship off the reef!

Tug! Pull! Heave!

Pop! Fling!
(Ship goes flying thru the air, landing inland...)

How's it going?

We're not out of the trees yet....

---

14 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM (#3095359)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Ram-raider bursts into condom shop

---

15 Feb 11 - 01:07 AM (#3095482)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Sandra in Sydney

good one

---

24 Apr 11 - 12:18 AM (#3141437)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Free-for-all after Pak n Save supermarket opens by itself in Hamilton, New Zealand

Nobody told the Computer it was Good Friday - a public holiday ...

---

24 Apr 11 - 10:58 PM (#3141960)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Prince Charles to become Bigamist!

Countdown to royal fairytale

25th April 2011

THIS Friday night, a modern-day fairytale will unfold when Prince William and Kate Middleton take the plunge at Westminster Abbey.

The Chronicle will this Thursday publish the special, eight-page Royal Wedding lift-out which will trace the romance of the Prince of Wales and the high-profile fashionista.

The lift out will be the ideal way to officially kick-start the countdown to the year's most anticipated wedding.

Get it with your copy of The Chronicle this Thursday.

~~~~~~~
:-)

---

25 Apr 11 - 05:18 PM (#3142235)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Dave the Gnome

To find any old fool you need not go much further than here I suppose, but to find a genuine one try one of my favourite places, http://www.muncaster.co.uk/castle , Where Tom Skelton aka Tom Fool played jokes that cost a few unwary travellers their lives!

MP

---

25 Apr 11 - 07:14 PM (#3142291)
Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe

Mad Polly

The Fooles Troupe has it's own website, but does acknowledge appropriate acts by other Fools in the Real World. We even awarded to an anon guest here the Order of The T.W.I.T*** recently.













T.W.I.T.*** - Total Wanker In Training.

---