Nah look 'ere. Drinks on my credit card is one thing. But my last statement had an item for 3/4 of a ton of lime jello!!!

So just fer that I'm gonna sing MY SPECIAL STAG PARTY SONG. Join in the chorus.

When I was a Kid, we went for ice cream,
my sister had vanilla and I had a raspberry-ripple-rocky-road-chocolate-fudge-sundae-dream.
I looked at hers and I started crying,
when I saw that her ice cream was bigger than mine;

but Ma said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
It's the flavor you see
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

When I went to school, I tried hard to please
but my sister got A's while I got mostly D's.
I took my report home for mother to see
I remembered the ice cream and what she'd said to me;

so I said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
for I tried hard you see
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
She said "it matters to me". *Thump*

I started courting when I was sixteen,
the girl next door was the girl of my dreams;
But she got real mad and she called me a louse,
when she caught me staring real hard at her blouse;

she said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
If you really love me --
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

When I got a job I worked hard every day,
hoping to see an increase in my pay.
Though every pay check I got was so small
my Boss said "Don't worry, don't worry at all

because....

Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
and I'll make you VP
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

The girl next door was the love of my life
she finally consented that she'd be my wife.
How well I remember the night we were wed,
How she raised her left eyebrow as I climbed into bed.

She said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
It's how you use it you see
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

Copyright Bert Hansell, 1998