BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern

Subject: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:24 AM

ALL RIGHT FOLKIES

.....Let's kick this sucker off!!!

JOE OFFER, THIS IS YOUR PARTY!!!!....Put on your PARTY HAT and let's get started.

Joe's Stag Party is right here in the Tavern and we have cleaned up the joint and decorated with a lot of really cheap decorations. Hope you don't mind the orange and black streamers, but I got a helluva' price on them after Halloween. The Jell-O Pit is filled with fresh lime Jell-O and thongs are hanging on the rack to the right. Sign-up for matches at the bar by Peter T.'s wacky coffee machine. Cleigh O'Possum is here by the door and offers free toots up his bum to all!!!

A lot of the inmates from the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed are in the Possum Room and will be playing all day on Tiple and Noseflute. If you have some songs, just break in on them and sing out! Besides, the only thing they know is the Oscar Mayer Wiener ditty so please break in at any time!!! If you need someone to accompany you, the Waylon Heron is in there to and at the ready.

No Stag Party is complete without some Porn Pix so we've contracted with The Green Guy at the Link-O-Rama to provide something for everyone!!! Scroll down about halfway and check out the Categories and Go For It! Lots of free sites so it don't cost a thing. For some of you more bizarro types, check out the "Hairy Preggo in Latex Blows a Horse" Category.

CHALLENGES: Alison in Oz got us off to a good start so here's a list for Joe and any of you who want to volunteer to help Joe out here (spankings, ice cubes, etc.) go right ahead and feel free to ADD MORE!!! Here's a starter list:
Down a drink in one!
Snog a girl
Collect a bra
Colect some panties
Get a FIVE girls to spank your bare behind FIVE times
Dance through a song with underwear on your head
Dance sexily with a girl and talk dirty in her ear
BEG a girl to throw a drink in your face!
Get on your knees and serenade a girl
Let a girl put some ice cubes down your pants and fish them out.
Have some 'Catters paint your bald spot

All drinks are free compliments of Bert (as usual) so feel free to get completely pissed. Flamingos, Llahmas, Possums, Aardvarks, and Chickens are all out on the back stoop so Kendall, Micca, Doug, and any of the rest of you bestiality types can get a nut! The area is being monitored by The Reg Boys and The Little Pissant so be sure to sign in before selecting your perversion of choice...and take a free "Art Thieme Mudcat Condom" with a pun on each one!

I am counting on all of you to add in some free food to the food table, but I thought I'd start it off with Shrimp (in honor of Joe)......They've been steamed over beer, vinegar, and Old Bay, and the sauce is heavy on horseradish so grab a brew first!

Please keep the restrooms clean and feel free to use as much toilet paper as you like since it's just pages from copies of "Rise Up Singing."

AND....Over there to the left of the Jell-O Pit you see a table with a potter's wheel and a big tub of clay. All are invited to try their hand at making the most phallic looking lighthouse possible. Paw and Buford are manning this station. Paw has had a steady diet of rare beef, milk, and beans, for three days and Buford has his Zippo at the ready so Paw can "fire" your creation after which you can paint it if you like. We'll judge the best one and give it to Joe and Christina as a wedding present. The rest can be taken home by Mudcat Bachelorettes as party favors.

So Bring It All On Folks!!! Eat, Drink, Sing, and Be Merry......and WEIRD as you like.........IT'S THE OFFICIAL MUDCAT JOE OFFER STAG PARTY AND IT'S UNDERWAY NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:37 AM

Gawd, Spaw...I can't even think dirty at 6:30 in the morning. Back later.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:44 AM

Amazing what 'spaw's done with the decorations. The helium filled condom bouquets are...well, they are...uhmmm...unusual to say the least.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:50 AM

well my name is already down for jello wrestling...... Harpy and I remain the undefeated tag team........

its late here in Oz... and really I should be in bed... but that damned potters wheel looks very inviting.... where's the clay?........ oh do we have any aprons to protect our clothes or whould we just strip off?

slainte

alison

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BANKS OF THE ROSES
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:51 AM

Gott in Himmel!!! 'Spaw, where do you find these sites? As Joe did ask for songs I was going to contribute one but my concentration has now been seriously disturbed! Still here goes anyway:

THE BANKS OF THE ROSES– for Joe

When I was a young lad, my mother used to say,
I would be a roving lad, and easy led astray,
Sure, before I would wed I would rather sport and play,
On the bonny, bonny banks of the roses.

With the boys of the parish, sure I led a roving life,
I courted many pretty girls, but never took a wife,
And oft-times a merry tune on my tin flute I would play,
On the bonny, bonny banks of the roses.

Now a roving life is easy, but there's one thing that I lacked,
So I said to my Christina, O will you take me back,
And let us get married, and we'll never rue the day
That we met on the banks of red roses.

On the banks of the roses, my love and I sat down,
I took out my wee tin flute to play to her a tune,
In the middle of the tune, sure the bonny lassie cried,
O Joe, my dearest Joe, O never leave me.

I took out a wee gold ring as bright as any star,
And placed it on her finger that was so long and fair,
And when we are wed, sure still we'll sport and play
On the bonny, bonny banks of the roses.

Matthew Edwards 10 January 2002

Perhaps another little ditty I remember might be maore apprpriate:

She offered her honour,
He honoured her offer.
And all through the night,
He was on her, and off her.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:00 AM

well I've found some games for the girls just in case we run out of ideas......

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:03 AM

HEY NOW!!! We're off to a great start!!! Good songs and thanks to alison, some more fun party games!!! I'd be happy to volunteer to help out on some of those alison!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:05 AM

What's that gynecologist doing to that woman?

"Hairy preggo in latex blows a horse"?

Hmmm... I can see this is going to be a bit of a challenge. I'll be back.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:10 AM

well at first it was too hard... not nearly wet enough to do anything with....... but here it is the first entry in the clay penis competition.... please note that I have made an oil lamp...... hence its similarity to a light house.... (what I had to wade through to find it...... lol)

so where are the showers this clay is all over me.....

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:11 AM

I'm here too. My poor virgin computer has never been to some of the sites link-to. I hope the cache can be cleaned...er cleared. Where can I sit to enjoy my whiskey sour? Is it safe over by the door, no there's Cleigh. The Reg boys are everywhere...is MMario safe?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:19 AM

Another Song!

Old Joe Offer he lived by himself
As long as he happenned to have his health.
Then one day he went to take a wife
To care for him for the rest of his life.

Chorus:
Singing: I do believe,
And I will believe,
Old Joe Offer was a randy old bugger,
And a randy old bugger was he.

Now the new Mrs Offer she had a bad leg,
The doctor ordered her to bed,
Called Joe in and he says to him,
'You'll have to rub your wife's left leg with gin.'

chorus:

Now old Joe Offer thought 'twere a sin,
To rub his wife's left leg with gin.
So he pulled out the stopper
And poured it down his throttle,
Rubbed his wife's left leg with the bottle!

chorus:

Old Joe Offer went walking one day.
Down by the river he happened to stray.
Joe fell in and he started to shout;
There was no bugger there
For to pull the bugger out.

chorus:

Joe he died and he went to heaven.
He got there about half past eleven.
St. Peter met him at the gate,
And said 'Joe Offer
You're too d*mn late!'

chorus:

God made bees and bees made honey.
God made man and man made money.
Money made the Devil and the Devil made sin.
We shall have to dig a pit
For to put the bugger in.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:24 AM

To the tune of Haul Away Joe

Once there was a single guy, Joe Offer was his name,
Way haul away, we'll haul away Joe.
Loved his life, then took a wife, and things were not the same,
Way haul away, we'll haul away Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:24 AM

Mary - I'm flabbergasted you would have to ask the question!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:25 AM

A NICE Bawdy piece there Mario!!! Cracked me up!

Great job alison!!!! Now come on out back and we'll have skinny dip in the pond and I'll get that nasty ol' clay off you...........Let's go around to the side so that Kendall and Doug don't notice or they'll be in here with that Llahma and I can see it'll take a little time to get all that clay off............Hate to be disturbed by two old freaks with a Llahma, ya' know?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:27 AM

right while we're waiting for some more to arrive I fancy a game of "chubbie bunnies"

(Contestants have to see how many marshmallows they can stuff into their mouths and still say "Chubby Bunnies". The winner is the one who can manage the highest number.)

Mary, you remembered the marshmallows didn't you?.... open wide 'Spaw & MMario..............

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:29 AM

on second thoughts......... I'm off skinny dipping with 'spaw......... if Mick happens to arrive... none of you have seen me... OK?????

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:30 AM

Er, alison, I toasted them.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:33 AM

never mind Mary... we can play quoits........lol

right after I get back from 'spaw cleaning me up a bit......

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:43 AM

LOL. You know, Joe will not see all these links if he just prints out this thread. Then maybe that's best.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:43 AM

so where are the Maids of Honour (culinary) and Maid of Honour (cultural)?
the prize for completing the joke in more than 5 seconds doesn't even warrant a groan.
sorry Joe someone had to state the obvious but I tried to be sub title.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:45 AM

(sneaking off for a sleep ... almost 2am here..... back later....... nurses uniform or french maids outfit????)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Devilmaster
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:47 AM

well I brought my bottle of Lamb's 151 dark......
a tot fer the man of the hour.

In fact make it a double tot, fer a job well done.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Devilmaster
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 10:10 AM

wow.....

i join the party and everything dies.

This is going to do wonders for my ego!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 10:47 AM

Don't just stand there staring at the jello pit!

SING! Joe Offer's Kilt


Have ye heared the tale
The bonnie Scots telled
'Bout Ol' Joe Offer
And what's in his kilt?

If ye listen to me
I'll tell ye I will;
All that I've heared
'Bout Old Joe's kilt.

CHORUS
'Twas a big one he had.
Much larger than mine
And the bonnie lasses bragged
'Bout it all o' the time.

Once out on the lochs,
A storm took our sail,
But ol' Joe saved us all
With his kilt in the gale.

So we sailed into port
With his kilt in our rig,
And the crowds did exclaim
"My God, it is big!"

CHORUS

Once out on the high moors
In the snows we were lost.
With no hopes of shelter
To keep out the frost.

If not for ol' Angus
We'd 've died in the wind,
But a pavilion we had
When his kilt was unpinned.

CHORUS

Once o'er in the Holy Lands,
When we needed a flag,
But we could nae find naught
Save a dirty ol' rag.

But ol' Joe once more
Did he come to our aid.
When he unwound his kilt.
For our victory parade.

CHORUS

Once after a battle
We needed a shroud.
To bury not one,
But the whole clan MacLeod.

Ol' Joestepped forward
And said to the priest;
"Ye can have me kilt, sir,
To cover your deceased."

CHORUS

Once making some scotch
When we needed a sieve.
To strain through with whiskey
From Erin I believe.

Ol' Joe once more
Did he top all the rest.
When he took off his kilt,
And made that batch our best.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 11:03 AM

There's certainly nothing safe about MMario! He's as dangerous as they come.

Just sitting in my little corner sipping on a gin and tonic, and watching the show unfold (or maybe undress) before me. Spent the last hour cleaning all of the little sabotage cookies out of my browser cache from those interesting gynecology sites Spaw posted.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 11:22 AM

And me at my office, ostensibly working....sigh.

Hoist one for me, guys!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Peg
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 11:38 AM

Well it's a bit early for me, too...

Even though I may be the only Mudcatter who is a former exotic dancer/stripper, I must respectfully decline the myriad requests to perform at this, Joe Offer's last waltz with footloose fancy freedom. I am in retirement, gents.

But I suppose I could round up a few old bits of costumes to hand out as party favors!

Peg

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 12:31 PM

Did Alison get into the jello before she left? Peg, how about you? I'd try it, but I don't want to scare everybody away...besides, the vat's not big enough...
How did Cletus make it? I thought the sheriff still had him locked up after his Christmas tree scam. Did Spaw threated to slip him a bean burrito and a match?
Sounds like a good party developing here. Pardon me while I go out and get a six pack of chili beer.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 12:39 PM

My my my. The debauchery. I love it. I didn't go to that green guy's site to see if it was a joke - it might not be. Just tell me they don't have a categorey for Bodhrans... that'd be really sick.

Well, all I had was a gag gift of a beaver trap to offer Offer, so I'll have to rethink hard before I return. Don't know if I can "get down" far enough to match some of your antics, but I'll try.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 12:44 PM

Well, we gotta' keep things hummin' here.....Sorry, alison like to wore me out. That woamn was just covered in clay! I had to run into town to get some dental floss....tough to get that clay out of my teeth................

Peg, if we can't get anything else, how about a Joe Offer spank from you....We have to start the lad working on the Challenges.........And what about you Carol? Don't just sit there!!!! Get some ice cubes to fix Joe up!

Kinda' stinks in here already......Paw sure is ripe when he's firing that clay ain't he? Art, get one of those special Gordon Bok Fans and let's get that HEPA filter working! Devilmaster, go back and have a few kind words with the chicken until Kendall shows up and start pouring that 151 man!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 12:59 PM

Nah...Gordon Bok fans are too slow and melencholy. How about one of them Seamus Kennedy mile-a-minute specials? Guaranteed to blow anything out of the room. Speaking of blow anything, did the camel show up?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Joe Offer
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 01:03 PM

Gee.....I'm speechless!!
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 01:05 PM

Welp, I was going to give this inflatable woman to Joe, but it turns out she's (actually, her name is Mona) become quite attached to me. To tell the truth,we go everywhere together. In fact, does anybody have a bucket of ice water?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 01:13 PM

Somebody throw a bucket of ice water on Leej and Mona..........geez............

HEY JOE!!! Are you ready for a spanking from Peg? Oh, wait a minute.......while we wait, lemmee help you with another challenge....I'll paint your bald spot!!!..............Hmmmm, now lemmee get that spray.....yeah, here we go.........**spritz** .....shhhhshhsshhhshhhhshhh....sshhhshshhshhhshshshh........shshshs....shshshshshshshshsshhhsshhhs.....Hey there now!!!! Lookin' good JOE!!!!!!!.........Course I probably shouldn't have used the orange.........It's okay though....You look good!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 01:16 PM

We'll be back for the late shift when the rest of you are passed out under the tables.

~Susan & The Sugar Dog

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 01:23 PM

Oh you guys...LOL

Please tell me that no one has 'called' the cake yet? I've always had a not-so-secret desire to jump out of a cake wearing nuthin' but strategic icing and a smile *bg*

(congratulations Joe)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 01:23 PM

BLOODY HELL!! Now I know why I stay out of Cyber-bars! If I could do those ridiculous BIG HEADERS that Gargoyle does when he's having an 'episode' I'd do one right now...saying: "YOU THERE, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE....PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON"! Leave me SOME mudcat allusions!

Joe's gonna be so discombobulated that he may not be able to perform his matrimonial duties!

Hey, knock it off with that Rum and coke...you KNOW I don't drink anymore! Well OK, but just one, to be one of the 'guys', hmmmmmm, that wasn't bad. Maybe I WON'T get sick like I used to when I played the bars.

Did I ever tell ya about when my hardshell case got used for a 'sex platform' in the winter of 84 during that Royal York Hotel gig?

Urrp.....

Someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 02:11 PM

....and if Joe were to click on that link 'spaw provided, (which I somehow doubt), he could find treasures of erotic inducement like this!!!

"You like to look breasts? If yes this see different kinds! Only here you will find to begin from uglier and having finished on most beautiful breasts which one any time you saw!!"

Methinks this 'international community' concept has its little quirks.....*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 02:15 PM

Sounds like one helluva' tale Rick!!

JE....I've been looking for someone to voluteer as the "Cake Girl" and since you're the first, the job is yours!!!! Just do me a favor and don't torch any Kestrels in the process huh? We'll bring out the cake later so get undressed and put on this costume..................Yeah, I know it's just a chain belt with a whistle hanging from it, but you'll look good...........really...............please?..........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 02:35 PM

Well just got my studio set up for the first student...gonna be a fun session..he wants jazz chords and an arrangement to "As Time Goes By"...

But maybe I'll have another Rum and coke...after all it IS Christmas isn't it (thought it was already past, but since I get all my news from Mudcat, and I see "christmas threads".... maybe I'm having a 'Ray Milland' moment.

Hmmmm, yup, that ain't bad...yeah, I can handle it these days....those awful hangovers I usta git probabbly weren't that bag....

Oops, firsht student seems to have arribed...

Buy, buy.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Devilmaster
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 02:46 PM

Only if ya come with, Spaw........

Birds of a feather........

Steve :)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 02:47 PM

Chains and whistles and frosting, oh my....

You sure know how to throw a party. *g* Okay, you're on, just no death-on-stilts stiletto crap, all right? You saw what happened to the kestrel, and there ain't a chiropractor in the world that can fix that!!!

~JE(You know how to whistle dontcha, ya jus' put your lips together and.....)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Devilmaster
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 02:50 PM

And if we run out of 151, I could always pull out the 180 proof Everclear grain alcohol.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 03:00 PM

What time will the cake arrive? I'll have to come back to see that for sure. Are pictures allowed?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 03:04 PM

...and where did you want me to put those ice cubes, Spaw? You know I'm always happy to oblige.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 03:08 PM

I don't know if I can hang around here very long.

Not only do I HAVE A NEW GUITAR, and I'm subsequently having my own guitar honeymoon, but I FOUND THE DAMNED PENNYWHISTLE!!! Yesiree, the expensive whistle I mentioned in the "Slovenly Mudcatters," or whatever it was, thread. I set it down a year ago and hadn't seen it since, but today, I FOUND IT! I cleaned something and FOUND IT! (OK, I only cleaned that area because the pile tipped over, but I did clean it.)

My baby looks a lot like this. Rick introduced us, and we met at the Twelfth Fret, and...

OK, I can hear you all thinking "Get a room...or at least your own bl**dy thread!"

Anyway, I'm having my own party, with my own bottle of champagne. (The guitar doesn't drink.)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Joe Offer
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 03:36 PM

You know, I think I have made a couple of serious mistakes:

• I should never have taught Spaw how to make blue-clickies.
  
• I should never have spoken of my interest in lighthouses, tempting people to misinterpret it as a phallic obsession.
  
• I should never have visited Spaw in person and actually allowed him to see my bald spot....

I guess, though, that the idea of a stag party is to thoroughly embarrass the groom. You guys are doing a wonderful job of it.

Still, I kind of think I'd like to catch a glimpse of that Irish-Australian lady in the French maid costume.

-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Homeless
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 04:08 PM

Lighthouses, huh? You mean like this one?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 04:10 PM

Jeri.....Congrats on a nice new axe and you're more than welcome to stay!!! Just pop your top and drop your pants and you can pick and sing a few for us....and bring the dragonflies of course.....But get them clams out from between your toes huh?

Joe, that bald spot is hardly noticeable with the flame red bald spot paint on it!!! Now keep working on your challenges! I see that Carol has some Ice Cubes ready for you!!!

Also Joe, I can't say for sure about her nationality, but she sure has on a French Maid outfit!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 04:13 PM

Nice pic Homeless!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:00 PM

A chiropractor she is ? So, there shouldn't be anything holding you(r) back on the hornymoon, eh ?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:04 PM

But just think of the fun he can have TRYING to put his back out!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:10 PM

But remember, as my wife the OT says, she REALLY knows how to hurt you if you don't behave. Best to wait until SHE is interested!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:11 PM

Cheap jokes...very cheap jokes! I am so ashamed. Although I hear she is a joint specialist.............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:33 PM

Talk about CHEAP !!!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:36 PM

Thirsty Newfie rushes in on the way to 3d tavern. Grabs his seagull puts it in his lap and begins to play and recite....

The Offer we can't refuse

She didn't want those dating blues
The singles scene blind dates and booze
She had so many men to choose
Til an Offer she couldn't refuse

He wasn't any ordinary Joe
But a Joe indeed he was
Her date book she just had to throw because
Along came an Offer She couldn't refuse

His character is like an arrow.
Keeps us on the straight and narrow
Solves disputes like Clarence Darrow
The Offer we can't refuse

But Christrina's got his number
A background check done while he slumbered
No misdemeanors can encumber
The Offer we can't refuse

And if his gutters fill with grout
A twisted back a painful shout
She'' be there to straighten out
The Offer she can't refuse

Seagull presents opinion by crapping ing lap. He rushes out , dodging produce!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 05:46 PM

Oi, who's taken my nice purple bra?

And what's this bloody lighthouse doing here?

Gish another one of them bedwarmers Spaw....

Brrrreeeeeeeuuuuuuuppppppppppp!

Ah, that's better.

Now where's the stag?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:13 PM

Where's the stag she asks? Where's the d*mn cake is what I wanna know.... I'm freezing my whistle off here...What's a girl gotta do to get a pint of the vile stuff and a scarf anyways? *g*
~JE

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:19 PM

OK....... I'm back.......

and just who is that hussy who stole my french maid's outfit to get her picture taken??????

just as well I managed to get it back...... all except the lacy black bra which seems to have gone missing.... does this mean Joe has completed another of his challenges?????

bonjourrrrrrrr Monsieur Joe........ca va?..... have you seen what I can do with my feather duster?

thanks for cleaning off the clay 'spaw.... want to do the same for the jello... I think its nearly my turn in the pit.... who's my opponent?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:24 PM

me! me! me! me! me! me!

puuuleese!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:30 PM

right.. you're on... get your gear off.....

(alison rips off french maid outift.. (well to be honest there wasn't that much to it anyway!!!).... and does a perfect swallow dive from the bar into the jello pit....)

get in here you big chicken ... I hope you don't mind losing!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:34 PM

Go for it art!!!! But man I gotta' tell ya' that shhe and harpy were tougher than nails.......No need to worry about Mini-Mick though...I saw Koko hangin' around outside and she is waitin' for him......Let's all have a prayer for the Mick!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:36 PM

ROFLMAO!!! I'm dyin' here folks! I think I better just sit in the corner and be real quiet. I ain't never been to no stag party before.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:38 PM

{holding nose}....{closing eyes}...heck with that {OPENING EYES WIDE!!!}...feeling around..."gotcha!"...oh shit, it's that damned camel!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:41 PM

Hey...... what do you think you're........ OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH.... get you hand off that...... and move your big toe while you're at it!!! lol

right want to play dirty do you???.... well take that.......... SPLAT!!!!........... and this......... SPLOSH!!!!

(alison grabs art by the ears and shoves his head under the green jello............ climbs onto his back wrapping her slimy green legs round his waist.... grabs a few handfuls of jello and thinks.... "as soon as he surfaces I'm going to stuff this jello in his ears!!!)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:44 PM

Sorry Jen, I was in charge of cake obtaining but got distracted ... I have a half-eaten twinkie about my person somewhere....would that do?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:47 PM

Oooooh! That feels sooooo good! MY big toe is it? Where do you get off putting your slimy green foot THERE? Surface? What for? There's too much nice stuff under here, thanks. Oops... Why the hell is the camel wearing a black lace bra?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:47 PM

Lemme have a piece of that cake! I'll just deflate Mona...like so...tie her around my neck, and I 've got a handy plastic bib to avoid those nasty frosting stains on my zoot suit! I tell you, this girl is versatile.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:50 PM

Depends on where you've been keeping it, my dearie....LOL

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:51 PM

Awfergawdsakes Mortie......Can't you do anything right??? Here's JE standin' here cold and naked as a jaybird and you forgot the cake?!?!? Go get one and I mean NOW!!! Don't want JenEllen standing here for another hour, er.......well maybe two is okay..........I mean the girl is naked here and uh............say no more than three huh?..........okay four hours max...............maybe five.............whenever............Somebody mop up this drool.....

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:52 PM

Umm....that was meant for Morty's Twinkie and not for Leej's Mona....I'm not sure I want to know where she's been.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:52 PM

Sweet lady, she offered her honour
But Joe he had only one Offer
So he honored her offer,
And on'er and offer
And honor the Offers again....

There are so many offers being honored around here I can't find Joe to offer my congratulations on the newly won honors!! What a way to start off. with a gang like this!!!

A tall quart o' the dark stuff will start me going here. Then we'll see who knows the dirtiest ditty!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:55 PM

I may have killed Art.... I mean how long CAN you hold your breath?????.......

OOOOOOHHHHH.... No!! stop that it tickles!!!!!! hahahahaha

right no more Miss Nice Guy!!

(alison slides up Art's back until she is sitting on his shoulders, leans forward into a wonderfully elegant forward roll.... legs wrapped around his chest.... so Art is now lying with all his "vulnerable bits" exposed.....)

quick Morty.. get the soda syphon!!!!!........

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Midchuck
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:56 PM

You're all going to Hell!

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 06:57 PM

can we take the jello with us?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:00 PM

I think Joe's hanging around the punch (thread). Can you imagine non-alcoholic punch at a Polish wedding?

He's gonna miss his shot at Alison in the green jello...she's about worn me out...no, wait...he's not allowed to think about that any more...

...damn that camel...

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:01 PM

*big grin*

same here, Sorch!

All the best, Joe and Christina.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:04 PM

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! I remain undefeated champion!!!!

well if nobody minds I'll just lie back here and bask in my victory!!!!........... or at least think of a way to get all of this jello back off again.......

LEJ.... any chance of a drink over here?...... or who is doing barkeep tonight?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:04 PM

I'm already feeling ill from the shock of realizing that the hamster nest thing was not what I had hoped, so I think I will not attend.

However, I am willing to help to this extent: I believe Canadian Tire has an after-Christmas special on studfinders, eh? Anybody need a cheap studfinder?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:06 PM

Obviously, not Alison....

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:07 PM

Noreen!!! Aw now c'mon.....How about a roll in the Jell-O pit with Amos....I think he's weakened some after the P-Numoany stuff....Give him a try!!!

Nice try art, but alison is really tough, plus that camel wasn't helpin'!! Nice try and uh....art? Uh. like you got some Jell-O hangin' off you're, uh.......you know....just give t a flip and......DAMN MAN!!! NOT MY WAY.......geeziz, I'm grossed out.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:09 PM

well Art it was a noble attempt... if not entirely gentlemanly.....lol....... but I won't tell if you won't......

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:12 PM

A gentleman NEVER tells...but he ALWAYS makes the lady think she won.....

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:14 PM

Erm, Alison....when I aimed the soda syphon he sort of...well... should they go that colour?? And what was that about cake......was I supposed to do something about cake? ( wink, wink, Spaw, bet that fooled her, right?)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:15 PM

Be gentle with me, Amos...

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:15 PM

fighting talk art.....lol......

right time I was getting out of here... my skin is bright green....... now who has got my clothes?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:32 PM

Got 'em over at the laundromat al....I caught Cletus wearing your panties and.........Look, just stand here with JE....Yeah, that looks GOOD....How about I buy you both a drink huh? Yeah, you two are mighty fine and uh............HEY CLETUS....Come clean up this drool again!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:36 PM

Can't take any more of the excitement.. carry on without me! (More room in the jello pit.)

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:38 PM

We've kept the good old vices
and labored to invent a few,
With cake and vulgar surplus
we can have it, and eat it too

I dunno about the clothes Alison...they seem to be pretty scarce tonight.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:43 PM

This stuff is supposed to be funny, right?

How come there's nothing about William Shatner in this thread so far?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:47 PM

'Cause Shatner's an "asswhole"....fuck him.........Now Hawk, why don't you get a thong on and hop in the Jello Pit ..... I see Sorch is still nursin' that drink and I'm willing to bet she can kick your ass!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Amergin
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 07:55 PM

I think I will just sit in the corner slugging pints of the vile black stuff....for if I kiss a girl I get a new lump on my head...I take bras or panties I will get a new lump on my head....a girl spanks me they get the lump on their head......to match with mine....

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:06 PM

Aw come on, LH...I did it, after all...

...take your hamster in with you....

...unless you figure he'd outclass you...

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:06 PM

Yeah, right, I can just see myself in a thong... LOL! I'm sure Sorcha could easily "kick my ass", but whether she will get the chance to is entirely another matter.

For some reason I usually just don't find sexual innuendo of this sort to be very funny. It's tedious. It does nothing for me.

If I could I would hijack this thread and turn it to a more useful purpose, but I know a dead pig when I see one! It would be like trying to milk a frog or teach a slug to dance the hula. It would be like talking with Osama about the merits of non-violence. Hopeless.

Anybody got some mulled cider? I'm thirsty.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:14 PM

Ummm...delicious. Hot cider straight out of the microwave.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:22 PM

When Joe Offer was a boy
Or so the Mudcat told me
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!
He thought he'd join the pristhood
And so his lips grew moldy!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!

Way haul away, joe's makin' chiropractic,
Whoopee!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!

Then he met Christina girl
and she was pert and chipper
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!
and soon our good ol' Catholic boy
was thinkin' with his zipper!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!

Way haul away, joe's makin' chiropractic,
Whoopee!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!

Catspaw threw a stag party
and it was loud and lewd!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!
Joe offer blushed ten shades of red
the guest they just got rude!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!

Way haul away, joe's makin' chiropractic,
Whoopee!
Way haul away, haul your ashes, Joe!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Tweed
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:40 PM

Goddammit what the hell's happened to all you sedate and dignified folksing...Jeezus Spaw! I didn't think you could light a fart while sittin' in Jello...Anybody got any dice?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 08:48 PM

STAGgering!
well I am by now.
It were all different when Joe's Ale was new me boys.
bed time + in the UK.
must stagger home........

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 09:58 PM

Well Joe, the girls left, Paw set fire to the Tavern wall and the cleanup is a mess, the animals wandered off, the porn contract is up, the Jello Pit is completely disgusting............ All in all, the party's over, but your's is just beginning.

May your union be blessed by all and may your happiness be exceeded by none.......All My Very Best To You Both!,

Pat

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 10:03 PM

Well, Ah know I'm layt to the pahtee, but Ah just can't let it slip by without some fashion advice for our dearah Brothah JoeBro.

Mayhap I'll be back in a little while...shall I bring my deep purple pasties with the black tassels?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 10:07 PM

Sheesh, a gyrl takes a while to think about, comes to the aprty and YOU'RE closing up shop????!!! Whay kind a party is this? It's still EARLY in JoeLand!!!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 10:32 PM

Excellent, Kat! The "Modern Shape-Changers Guide To Survival" is something no lycanthrope should be without.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 10 Jan 02 - 11:31 PM

Helloooooo Everybody!...Sorry I'm late. I was baking a cake! It's not the greatest looking cake ...you see...someone left the cake out in the rain and it took so long to bake it! None the less...I'm here at last with this huge cake...I'll just put it down over here....OOooops... Twump....Jeezus .... whose big foot was that?..... Jello with your cake anyone?

LL

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 12:32 AM

Nah look 'ere. Drinks on my credit card is one thing. But my last statement had an item for 3/4 of a ton of lime jello!!!

So just fer that I'm gonna sing MY SPECIAL STAG PARTY SONG. Join in the chorus.

When I was a Kid, we went for ice cream,
my sister had vanilla and I had a raspberry-ripple-rocky-road-chocolate-fudge-sundae-dream.
I looked at hers and I started crying,
when I saw that her ice cream was bigger than mine;

but Ma said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
It's the flavor you see
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

When I went to school, I tried hard to please
but my sister got A's while I got mostly D's.
I took my report home for mother to see
I remembered the ice cream and what she'd said to me;

so I said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
for I tried hard you see
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
She said "it matters to me". *Thump*

I started courting when I was sixteen,
the girl next door was the girl of my dreams;
But she got real mad and she called me a louse,
when she caught me staring real hard at her blouse;

she said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
If you really love me --
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

When I got a job I worked hard every day,
hoping to see an increase in my pay.
Though every pay check I got was so small
my Boss said "Don't worry, don't worry at all

because....

Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
and I'll make you VP
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

The girl next door was the love of my life
she finally consented that she'd be my wife.
How well I remember the night we were wed,
How she raised her left eyebrow as I climbed into bed.

She said....

"Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter
It's how you use it you see
Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter, Size doesn't matter".
Well it matters to me.

Copyright Bert Hansell, 1998

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 01:33 AM

Okay, JE, in ya go, we got us a cake. And there's room for two in there!! Hey move over, then... I'll keep ya company...here, just lend me that whistle, wouldja? There...snug but nice, right? Tell ya what, i don't weanna jump out especially, but I'll give you a leg up. Not yet...when the time comes. Here,... put one leg up heremmmmphhhhh!! Hmm. No, it ...isn't time yet!! Not for another hour or so, and if we're lucky... there'll be a four hour break in the party and you won't have to jump out til after!

Merry many returns, Brother Joe. We are rooting for you.

(But we're betting on that smart chiropractor!)

A.

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 01:44 AM

So's ziss party still goin' on then or whut? Dat Spaw close it down jes acase he's had hisseff too much dam' punch? Shee-it! Ah knowed they mos' be under the tables by the time Ah could get mah ass on in heah!

An' I has the bestest song fer Joe! Yas! Been runnin' in mah haid fer DAYS! Now Ah recollects WHY! Iss an ole Doc Watson song! Ah lick all over whoever kin guess what it be! Acourse MAH version fer Joe is a lil diff'rent... Got the "haints" set up runnin' a lil mo bettah fer the sitcheeayshun, iffen yuh knows whut Ah means! Huh huh HUH! Ah reckon Ah git mahseff in TOO dam' much trubble Ah sing DAT one!

Now doan be mixin' me up wid dem low-'count critters is out the back, Ah ain't lookin' for no beeeece-tee-AL-i-tee!

~The Sugar Dog

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Joe Offer
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 03:50 AM

What's this? The party's over?
Heck, I just got here, and now it's time to sweep up and turn out the lights. Isn't there any more Jello left? Heck, there's 38 hours before the wedding....
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 03:59 AM

C'mere, Joe and you can twirl my tassels one last time. Now, don't be shy...look, they can spin in different directions....*smile* I told them it was still early in JoeLand! There's a quart of jello left in the 'fridge, ya wanna bite? How's that punch mix going? Wanna have a taste test?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Joe Offer
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 04:47 AM

Yeah, Kat - let's slip some brandy in the punch while Christina isn't looking!
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 11:13 AM

Well, thank you LL for the lovely cake! I was beginning to wonder if the half-mangled Twinkie that Mortee was trying to pass off was going to work. Really difficult to make a dramatic exit from two inches of yellow sponge cake. I tried thinking that size doesn't matter, but c'mon, who are we kidding? (pries off lid to cake) And yes, Amos, room enough for two...just watch that whistle, willya?

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 11:19 AM

Gives a whole new meaning to "wet yer whistle!"

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 11:28 AM

Oh for SHAME!!! *grotflhao*

Do you know how difficult it is to crawl into a cake when doubled over in mad giggles? But y'know darlin' if there's room for two an' a whistle, there's room for three and tassles....just knock first...LOL

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 11:33 AM

Katnasty!!! LOL!!! Ya ever wonder what people think about while waiting to jump out of a cake? I never did!!

Who's tending bar in this place? Could ya slip a little tube in here -- hook it up to the Guinness... Oh, and the lady will have... Remy Martin 1928, ...just a little, or we'll need four tubes in here!!! Hey, what's this!??!! An epiphany-inducing apparition from the Temple of the Golden Globes!! I'm having a religous experience in here!!...

Let's practice, then... for when you jump out....

There is a ship
She sails the sea
Loaded as deep as deep can be

But not as deep
As this love I am in
And know not how I sink, or swim....

Sounds good....guess we got it. Guess we just wait for someone to blow the whistle, huh? Never heard of a folksinging cakejumper. But there's a first time for evverything. Here....need some help with that icing? I remember when I was a little kid my mom always useta let me lick the bowl....

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Gareth
Date: 11 Jan 02 - 07:13 PM

Having returned fron the "Royal Oak" 5 pints of Bass to the good, (and I should not be posting).

Heres a health to Joe, and his beloved.

May the Bride and the Groom enjoy eternal happiness
May the Union be fruitfull, and a new generation follow in thier tradition !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 Jan 02 - 01:11 AM

Earthlings have strange rites.

ww

P.S. Joe -- don't EAT THE JELLO!!!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: CarolC
Date: 12 Jan 02 - 10:58 AM

Today's the big day, right?

Hey Joe...

Congratulations and best wishes!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 02 - 11:25 AM

Hey, Joe!!

Hey, Joe, don't make it bad

                                                                               Take a folk song and make it better
                                                                               Remember to let her into your heart
                                                                              Then you can start to make it better

                                                                                       Hey, Joe, don't be afraid
                                                                             You were made to go out and get her
                                                                            The minute there's tension your skin
                                                                                She can begin to make it better.

                                                                   And any time you feel the pain, hey, Joe, refrain
                                                                        She'll dig into the muscles in  your shoulders
                                                                 Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
                                                                                By making his world a little colder

                                                                                   Hey, Joe! Don't let her down
                                                                          You have found her, now go and get her
                                                                              Remember, to let her into your heart
                                                                              Then you can start to make it better.

                                                                           So let it out and let it in, hey, Joe, begin
                                                                        You've found someone to perform with
                                                                   And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Joe,
                                                              You'll do, the woman you need is at your shoulder !

                                                                                     Hey, Joe, you got it good
                                                                               Take a folk song and make it better
                                                                               Remember now, you've let her into your heart
                                                                               That's just the start -- keep making  it better!

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Jan 02 - 12:18 PM

Well Amos old friend, you strike again! A great job and maybe one of your best!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 02 - 07:50 PM

Well, thanks, Spaw -- I know the power carries, but it ain't my energy that really drives it -- I swapped it around a little, but it's the original Deity of Four that made it golden! Appreciate it.

When John and Yoko began living together in 1968, divorce proceedings began between John and his wife Cynthia. Paul McCartney, who was very close to John and Cynthia's son, Julian, was concerned over John's marriage breaking up, and in support of Cynthia and Julian, wrote this song. Originally titled "Hey Julian," it later developed to "Hey Jules," then finally "Hey Jude," because it was thought Jude was a stronger sounding name.

The song is merely a message to Julian, then five years old, of encouragement while his parents went thru their separation and divorce. Although Julian at this young age knew what the song was about, he did not learn the facts first hand from Paul until 1987 when the two happened to run into each other at a New York hotel. This had been the first time in years that the two had an opportunity to sit down and talk with each other. Paul and Julian had a wonderful friendship and closeness as Julian grew up, and Julian recalled that there went lots of pictures of he and Paul, more so than there were on him with his father, John.

"Hey Jude" turned out to be the most successful song The Beatles ever released. It was recorded in two days at Trident Studios, London, on July 31 and August 1, 1968, using a 36-piece orchestra, and by the end of that year had sold more than five million copies.

Why was "Hey Jude" so important and popular? One of the reasons was at that time it was the longest song ever released as a single at seven minutes and eleven seconds. The other reason is that its lyrics were easy, and developed into a community type anthem with its sing-along chorus.

(from an unknown website).

A

Subject: RE: BS: JoeOfferSTAG(nant)PARTY*X-RatedTavern
From: alison
Date: 12 Jan 02 - 09:49 PM

Have a great day.... and a wonderful life together

love

alison