Ahh! well yes, now...ahem well yes, you see ahh this is a common problem. One in which we scientists have struggled for years. How did the drunk come to be under the porch. Why do drunks gravitate to porches, that sort of thing. I have a theory and it is this, that your average wee man out for a night in the local, enjoying his embibement and the local flotsam and jetsom while consuming ales and stout will all of a sudden find himself confronted by the hour of nine o clock. The hour in which many of these establishments bare their very bosum to the under belly of which we professionals call society in the modern age. Now we place ourselves in the person of our friend backed as we say into the corner of effrontery, being loudly berated by all and sundry, what do we do?... what three pound for a pint... ahh excuse me, anyway our man finds himself on the street armed with the ubiquitous carry out and nowhere to go but home. So off he goes cursing under his breath with thoughts of the wee low ceiling pub of his youth most prevalent on his brain which is decidedly moving in the direction of addled. But low and behold a light in the distance beckons. He has lost a shoe at this stage and is vacillating between going home and entering the low ceiling establishment that now beckons. Before you can say feck me where's me other shoe our friend is now in the pub with the low roof. "A hah", I hear you say..."now you have her sir", I hear you cry. Yes I believe we now understand the motive. The solution to your problem is this. Simply place a plate of salad sandwiches and a pot of tea at the edge of your porch and our friend will extricate himself and generally engage you in coversation. This is the crucial moment. To avoid a relapse in our man's behaviour you must direct him to the nearest low ceiling establishment for the cure and in so doing there lies the answer to your predicament. This tactic is proven to have worked on a percentage of test subjects. Some of whom never returned to the porch in question. Thank you for your time, and one last thing...permathread status for the Drumcree Threads!!