Having had the misfortune of having to plan a funeral for a family member that died before his time, I see certain similarities: -both died in a vehicle accident -both were young and had children
There was no file in the back of the closet with instructions of how to do what, etc.
In their grieving, many people who didn't really know him that well suggested songs/speeches/poems that really meant more to them than the pieces had to the person who died.
The lesson I learned: Everyone handles death/tragedies in a different way and those differences must be respected and people offer what they have (the time line is very short!) with the best of intentions. Rather than critiquing the choices, I said thank you for sharing.
Offered with love,