The Ballad of Wanderin' Christie

VERSE #1
I went out to buy a git-tar
I'd never played one of those things
The salesclerk, he said
"Are you screwed in the head
Of course they just have five strings"

I went back home and called up a friend
He said, "Five? They only have four
That guy jerked your chain
That fifth string's in vain
A guitarist don't need any more."

CHORUS:
So, needless to say I'm hoo-miliated
And hurt...by theee whole event
This may seem like a dumb question
But thank y'all for letting me vent

VERSE #2
I went to a neighbourhood folk jam
Although I wasn't so great
I tried to play along
But most every song
Had chords that I couldn't equate

Finally, something familiar
Was started, so I played some more
When a man with some pliers
Cut off my string-wires
And threw my guitar on the floor
(chorus)

VERSE #3
I went out to play my first gig
When somebody shouted, "You SUCK!"
I sang of the weather
And got tarred and feathered
By the plumage of some poor old duck

My four-string guitar was taken from me
And glued to the front of my brow
Now I can't get it off
And each time I cough
An E-minor rings out so loud
(chorus)

Yes thank y'all for letting me vent!