The Pirates and the Elves are going to settle this matter with a football match at the South Pole...neutral territory don't you know. Each team gets to draft one professional player for their side. The names will be dropped into a fishbowl and whomever wins the coin toss chooses first.

Then a regulation match shall be held, Officated by none other than The Easter Bunny and The Great Pumpkin...that is if the GP shows. He's notoriously unreliable.

If we Pirates win, we shall declare Christmas a twice a Year Holiday, adding a second Christmas in July. The we will force the Elves to take the Bum-shift in Summer whilst we lay about in Bermuda.

Then, come Winter, we'll deliver a second round of gifts...mostly alcoholic in nature for the adults and lots of sweets for the kiddies. All the Pretty Wenches will get baubles.

And finally, if we win..no more cute elf names for anybody. We shall abolish that site and cause all links to it to take you to National Talk Like a Pirate Day Page where you can get a proper Pirate name.

Keith Richards has volunteered to coach us Pirates. Kyle Minogue and Celine Dion are coaching the Elves. Figures.

The Match takes place on Boxing day. Be there! Silmultanious Webcast may be in the works.