- from the Monday edition of the Sudbury Sapsucker - Local News -

In the wee hours of Monday morning two men were arrested by Ontario Provincial Police in Sudbury, following a breakin at the downtown Beer Store on King Street. Police were alerted by a local resident who had seen the men loading many cases of beer into a school bus. The school bus had been stolen from a nearby secondary school. The thieves had entered the Beer Store after cutting their way through the door of the neighboring building, a tattoo parlour called "Skin Deep", with a skill saw, and thence through the inner wall of the beer store. In this manner they were able to bypass the alarm systems, but were foiled by a passerby who phoned the OPP.

Security cameras inside the Beer Store have provided film of the two men drinking copious amounts of beer prior to hauling out approximately 75 cases of it to the school bus. The thieves favoured Molson Canadian, but also took a variety of other brands.

"Beer is beer, eh?" one of them said to the other (recorded on the store's security video), while debating what brands to take. "Decent." remarked his partner, and they proceeded to load a dolly with as many cases as it could hold.

"It's a wonder we didn't catch them sooner," said officer Melvin of the OPP. "Our evidence suggests that these morons broke into a hardware store in Spanish around midnight, where they stole the skill saw and a box of toilet plungers. They then drove to Sudbury and stole the school bus around 2 AM by jumping the wires on it, having decided that their pickup truck wasn't big enough for "the job". They then attempted to break into 2 other Beer Stores in the Sudbury area, but were foiled by either tripping alarms and running or encountering brick walls. They finally hit a winning combination at the store on King Street, and got in through the side wall."

Approximately $32,000 damage has been done to the Beer Store and the tatoo parlour.

The thieves attempted to flee from police, but were too drunk to either get the school bus in gear or to get away on foot. "It was as easy as tackling a jelly donut," said an arresting officer. Upon being questioned, the men turned out to be brothers. Each of them accused the other of "making me do it". They further stated that there is shortly going to be a catastrophic beer shortage, and begged police to release them as a public service, so that other people could be warned to stock up while beer is still readily available.

Don Sylvester McBride, 31, and his brother Shane Alistair McBride, 27, both of Blind River, Ontario, have been variously charged with 4 counts of breaking and entering, grand theft auto, impaired driving, public drunkeness, resisting arrest, property damage, and creating a public disturbance.

Police wish to emphasize there that is no danger of a beer shortage at this time.

- The Sudbury Sapsucker - "All the News you need to know, and then some"