Deer Santy Claws,

Ime ritin to ya kinda late an all but I reckon as hows ya got so menny lettters erlier that thisun mite stand out a bit.

I wuzza wundren ifn ya cud see yer way kleer ta bring me sumpin fer Chrissmuss this yeer insted uv a bar uv soap an a lump uv coal. That canadjun feller callt Tony Burns sent Catspaw a purty neet ad fer sumpin that Paw an me cud use when weer huntin. I think the Reg boyz wud uze it too ifn we had the thang. Ifn the huntin wernt nun too gud we cud filler up an play "Sink the Cheerios." I genrully doan aks fer much but this dang thing wud be a reel lifesaver.

Ize wundrin too ifn ya cud git Paw a renewal with the C.D.H.A. cuz it come in rite usefull like last year. And cud ya bring sumpin fer Catspaw fer lettin ussens hang round hiz house senz the condom factory blew up. Mebbee ya cud bring him sum reel fine vittles senz hiz dawg, that stoopid wymarainer dun et hiz laz loaf. And after that close call that Reg, Reg, and Reg had when Paw's fart litin blew up the ice rink where we wuz tryin ta ice fish but bored thru a gas main insted, well mebbee ya cud bring them a little dashboard statue that glowed in the dark.

Ile be up brite an erly lookin fer ya cuz Paw allus gits up erly ta scratch an take a leek an heez reel noizy bout it, speshally the scratchin. Marry Chrissmuss!!!

CLETUS