Dear Terri & Lizzie,
There appears to be some history here between you that I am NOT familiar with! Can all these accusations be true? Maybe I should get CLETUS and the the both of you to come and help me! You all appear to have some rather "unsavory" habits, and will probably work well together. I can see it now, the three of you getting wasted and burping and singing and goodness know what else! It would be a treat for the elves, though. They like laughing a "Big Dumb Humans" (like me.) Height is not a real issue for my workers--we have some vertically inclined persons working for me too, but we call them "special." Well, if I have to change plans once more, I going to explooooode! So it's the one with the green stockings (NOT yellow) the one with the purple socks, and the one with the drawers "downgyved." I'll be over soon!
Exasperatedly Yours,

Santa Claus