This just in. Four young women from the Blind River area were arrested last night by the Ontario Provincial Police, after creating a disturbance at the Moon Lake Protectional and Rehabilitation Facility north of Blind River. The four women were first spotted near the outer permimeter of the facility, where they were attempting to attract the attention of the inmates.

"I woke up in the middle of the night, eh?" said Shane McBride, a writer from Blind River, well known for his humorous writings in this very publication. "I heard all this awful screeching. It sounded like Friday night just after last call at the f------in' Iron Horse tavern, eh? So I, like, got up, eh? And I looked out the window. There were these four girls all yellin' and wavin' their T-shirts around, eh? They were flashin' the whole place. I mean, full frontal f------in' nudity, eh? That ain't hardly fair when ya been stuck in a place where there ain't no women fer awhile. It is hard on the system, eh? They coulda showed a little f------in' sensitivity and have climbed the fence, quiet-like, instead of makin' a big row outside which don't do no one no good at all."

After disturbing most of the inmates and making lewd gestures at the guards the four women fled to their car and drove off. Prison staff contacted OPP Lieutenant Jennifer Dana who was on duty nearby in her cruiser at the time, and she began a pursuit of the suspect vehicle going south. This resulted in a 12 minute car chase during which the suspect vehicle was clocked at speeds exceeding 170 kilometres per hour.

"The suspects tossed a large number of beer bottles out of the back window of their car," said Officer Dana, "due to the fact that the car's back window had previously been broken out. Two of those full beer bottles hit and shattered the window of my cruiser, endangering my life. It was at this point that I decided to open fire on the rear tires of the suspect vehicle in an attempt to force it to pull over. I fired six shots, and did manage to puncture the left tire, but they still would not pull over. I had already called for backup, and there were two other officers speeding to the scene."

The chase finally ended at the intersection of Lonesome Mugwash Drive and Green River Lane, where the suspect vehicle collided with a deer, killing it, carombed across the intersection, sideswiped the cruiser of Lieutenant Orville Cooper of the Sudbury OPP, and T-boned the cruiser of OPP Lieutenant James Snowden of the Iron Bridge OPP.

The four women then hastily abandoned their vehicle. One fled into the woods, while the other three got into what Officer Dana describes as "a hell of a fight" with the three police officers.

"I was bitten, kicked in the groin, had my eyes gouged, and got punched in the face," said Officer James. "I never heard such bad language in my life. These weren't women in the normal sense of the word, they were like wild animals."

"Death threats were uttered," said Officer Dana. "One of the suspects, a woman named Darlene, attempted to take my revolver from me and shoot Officer Snowden with it. Fortunately, it was empty at the time. We had a struggle over the gun, during which I sustained some superficial facial injuries, and a cracked rib. I then subdued the suspect with several blows from my fists and my nightstick, long enough to put handcuffs on her. Basic training came in handy this time, let me tell you."

By the time further backup had arrived the three women had been handcuffed and more or less subdued, but 6 officers were required to get them into the back of a paddy wagon.

Arrested were: Darlene Scratch of Blind River, Britney Boudreau of Blind River, and Joyce Ottonabee of Blind River. Alice Kawagishigamog of Serpent River was later picked up in a sweep through the woods east of the intersection.

Three of the women have been charged with creating a public disturbance, resisting arrest, agrravated assault, public drunkeness and possession of marijuana.

Darlene Scratch has additionally been charged with uttering death threats, attempted murder, trespassing, carrying a concealed weapon, lewd behaviour, drunken driving, dangerous driving, driving under suspension, littering, operating a motor vehicle in an unsafe condition, theft, and gross indecency.

"...and that's just the beginning," says Officer Dana. "We have hard cases here."