As a professional working girl who is also an alien agent, and proud of it, I wish to advise potential Johns (customers, for the uninitiated) that any hooker in North America who offers her services for $10 or less is not, I repeat, not an alien agent. We never charge less than $250, and that's rock bottom. We have an interplanetary espionage system to support here, don't forget. It could be dangerous to your health to engage sexual services from complete strangers in such a low price bracket. No joke. It's a jungle out there.

Speaking of which, I was approached by a chimpanzee the other day in Chicago, Illinois! Quite a surprise. He looked almost dapper in his trenchcoat and fedora, but his shoes needed polishing. He turned out to be smarter and more likeable than most of my human customers, although that's not saying a lot.

The information we have gathered thus far suggests that the only real problem this planet has is that it is overrun with vermin called human beings. We intend to do something about that, as soon as we have wrapped up the situation on Retulna. That's another planet. It's not in your system. We're converting it into an interplanetary rest stop.

Anyway, DON'T purchase sex for $10 or less! It's not safe.