From last night's Clare FM News bulletin

Mass Comhaltas Epedemic Hits Miltown Malbay

Miltown Malbay is bracing itself for its worst epedimic of Comhaltas flu in fifty five years, it was announced last night. Authorities were alerted to the outbreak when flocks of wild geese were seen flying over Mount Callan quarking MacColl, MacColl, MacColl, on their way to the low countries.

Gardaí immediately manned a 15km cordon sanitaire around the hills of Clare, while Music Health Inspector Tom Munnelly vainly scoured the nation's record shops for supplies of Weelittledrummer vaccine. "If only we can get enough copies of John Reilly singing The Well Below The Valley, we should be home and dry", said Tom gamely clutching a Gaelic spelling primer. "In the meantime we are asking all parents to examine their children for symptoms of the disease."

Signs include an irrepressible urge to practice the accordeon, engage in marathon music competitions and wear outlandish costumes on Comhaltas sponsored tours. In the severest cases, sufferers have been heard singing such traditional ballads as The Boys of Barr na Sraide and The Night We Rode With Sarsfield.

The outbreak started when noted folk song authority Jim Carroll accidentally opened a record by Comhaltas superstar Anne Mulqueen singing Don't Come The Collector With Me Sonny Jim. The record was sent from an address in Gloucestershire, England.

Last night Mr. Carroll was not available for comment. However, a family member said, "This is terrible. We always have to quarantine a few people at Willie Clancy week, when we find they can't tell a folksong from a musichall song. But this is of a different order entirely."