Hi, thought you might like my Franglais version which I wrote about 20 years ago whilst working in France. I have adapted it over the years, notably with reference to Ginola, the french footballer with a reputation for diving. Delivered with panache, it doesn't seem to matter that the audience have little understanding of French.


I'll tell of The Battle of Hastings
As 'appened in years long gone by:
How Guillaume became Roi d'Angleterre
And 'Arold got shot in the eye.

C'était comme ci:

One day in October, the duke,
Qui était un big man in France,
'Aving no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads un vacance.

They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some "idiot" in t' conqueror's oreille,
Dit, "Allons faire la guerre aux Anglais."
Dit Guillaume, "C'est une idée."

So calling his cohorts around him,
He lifted his big Norman voix,
Dit, "Haut les mains, qui viennent avec moi!"
It's a joke; ils n'ont pas le choix.

They started off around tea time.
La mer est calme and still,
And at huit heures moins quart dans le matin,
They arrived in the town of Bexhill.

King 'Arold came up as they landed.
He said, "If you've come for a fight, it's no bon,
'Cos we've better fighters than you have,
So you might as well Allez-vous en."

At this Guillaume rose, cool but haughty.
Il dit, "Vous êtes stupide, Anglais,
'Cos we can beat you issy pissy.
Même avec les doigts dans le nez."

'Twas a beautiful day for a battle.
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides were duly assembled,
They tossed up for the top of the hill.

King 'Arold a gagné l'avantage.
Sur la colline, he took up his stand
With his knaves and his cohorts around him,
À cheval, le faucon à sa main.

The Normans had rien dans leur faveur.
Leur chance d'une victoire est petite,
For the slope of the field was against them,
Et le vent dans le visage, you see.

The Saxons had best line of forwards
Well armed both with buckler and sword,
But, the Normans had best combination,
And at half time neither had scored.

So the duke called his general, Ginola.
He said, "Psst, take a dive, lad; faire semble la défaite.
Quand nous avons les Saxons sur le plateau,
Nous couperons leur route de retraite.

So they ran and the Saxons ran after,
Exactement comme Guillaume had planned,
Leaving 'Arold, tout seul sur la colline,
À cheval, le faucon à sa main.

When Guillaume saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow il apprit.
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
He were offside, mais c'est un fait accompli.

The Normans turned round with a fury
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till t' battle were all ower bar t' shouting,
And you couldn't see t' Saxons for dust.

And after the battle was over,
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eyeful of arrow,
À cheval, le faucon à sa main.