Spider Tom here,

I LIVE, downunder(Ooh eer! sounds a bit rude)
We have the odd slang word which is, or has been known to have a different meaning, to what you may know in the U.S.
However slight the difference, we somehow try to rise above the sultry sniggers of the morally bankrupt.

I believe I can offer a solution to the problem they seem to have in Fucking.

Their problem will continue, as long as we have slang words to describe the private "naughty parts" of the human(sorry, Hupersons' body).
I'm embarressed already but must offer advice.
Sadly through time , we somehow seem uncomfortable with nameing, both the sexual body parts, and or the acts associated with "Hideing the sausage". So what do we have instead?

Most people don't speak Latin like a scholar, and we have found normal names for; the hand, the foot, the chin, even the mouth and tongue (Though thankly these were named before they were brought into usage as a complimentry part of the act of "you know,... funny business.")

So though we know where we stand in discussing, other parts of the body, we tend to lay down, when trying to talk of THE OTHER BITS--(you know RUDE BITS!)(Is my face red?)

So, I think that a gaggle of scholars,(classically trained, so they may actually know what the words mean in the first place)should be brought together from wherever they hide such people, together with a selection of NORMAL though not too prudish people, some could even be from both categories.
They would then sit and search till they find a nice name for each act, or part. Perhaps they could call, F&%cking=bodysurfing,
C##nt=Lilly of the Valley
Prick=shrinking violet or NaNa!
Of course they would encounter some difficulties as regionar variations MUST be taken into account, e.g.

BOTTOM,(actually in the middle, the foot is at the bottom, thats not the bottom of the bottom but the far end many inches away from the Anus)
And words such as BUM (which in the U.K., Aust & N.Z. means , bottom.. see above)and, fanny (which once again has a VASTLY DIFFERENT meaning in the U.S.)
Though I tend to really like FANNY,which ever one, they they decide, there should be no confusion!(Hint a baby only comes out of one of them).
I could go on (and often do) but all I am saying here is if we named everything properly,

Then Fucking, would have no fucking worries!
I do worry about you lot you may have RUDE MINDS,
Feel free to call on me whatever the problem I am willing to offer my solution.
Spider Tom.