Me an Paw an Buford an the Reg boyz all wanted ta wish ya a Happy Birfday there Kendall. Weuns wuz all a hopin ta have summa that assparagus ready ta harvest frum out ta the Ass Growin Farm, but the furzt batch whut we thot mite be reddy wuz ruint when Mrs. Ledford got herself a bad case uv gas an Paw put one uv the Reg boyz, I reckon it wuz Reg, up ta flarin off one uv her poots. Well it wuzza helluva sploshun an the assparagus wuz blown all over ta hell an begone an one uv them spears dang neer took out Reg's eyeball. Well we dun pickt up all the assparagus we cud find an boxed it up ta send it to ya, but Harold, the feller down ta the post office sed we cuddent send ennything what smellt like that so I gess we'll jez say Happy Birfday on thizzeer thred insted.

CLETUS, Paw, Buford, Reg, Reg, & Reg (Fielding's half brothers)